Valerie – Love Me Tinder – Update

I’m in love!  We’re getting married!

Shit… No we’re not.

I just re-edited this chapter the night before this posted to the blog. I wrote some things before that sort of put middle aged women down. That was insensitive of me. There’s nothing wrong with middle aged women. I like all women. I think I was just a little sore from paying for everything and never really feeling much for Valerie. That’s not her fault. It would have been nice if she at least offered once. But that’s not why I’m probably not going to see her again. I just didn’t feel anything special when I was with her. No chemistry.

The last time I went out with Valerie was back on October 1st. We went to breakfast, and then walked the Midtown Fall Festival for a bit. She had to go to one of her son’s football games.

I was fine with all of that, because I had already set it up the night before to meet up with June (Midtown Fall Festival Too!) at 3pm. This way I could go to the street festival and drink my face off and have fun. Which I did. June was fun to hang with.

Valerie and I had initially chatted on Tinder. She “Super Liked” me. She seemed nice, and not crazy. She was also age appropriate. That is something I had been trying to do for a while. Try for the first time in my life to date women my age. My last girlfriend was 27. The one before that was 27. The one before that was 32. The one before that was 22. The one before that was 28.

You can see there is a pattern here. I don’t try to date younger women. It just happens that way. I don’t think I’ve ever dated a woman in her 40’s let alone her 50’s. So I figured dating younger women hasn’t worked for several reasons. They don’t know what they want, who they are, or where they’re going. They may want to get married and have kids. I’m not doing that. Been there. Done that. No thank you. If we have a big age difference, we are in two completely different places, mentally, socially, and life experience. We probably don’t have anything in common. We probably don’t share the same interests or friends. She won’t know any culture references I make. Do see the pattern here? The only thing we may have in common is our mutual attraction. Maybe she has daddy issues, as many of them do. Not my fault, but I’ll do what I can. We’re just in two totally different places in our lives. But… even better than pulling up in an exotic sports car, nothing looks cooler for an older gentleman than showing up at an event with a lovely young woman on his arm.

But that hasn’t worked for me in the past either. They don’t stick around.

I’m just not feeling the rush of love for Val. We’ve been on four dates. First one was drinks. Second one was a movie. Third was light dinner and drinks at El Rey, and four was breakfast and street festival. You know what? This lady is a bore. She talks too much about a bunch of shit I don’t care about. I don’t want to hear about her alcoholic ex-husband who is probably going to die soon. I don’t want to hear the whole detailed story about how she got her current job. I tried to date this woman. I didn’t feel anything. I kept using words like, nice, smart, stable, CFO, and good parent to describe her. Fuck that shit. I want a woman who lights me up when I’m around her. And damn it, I’m going to find one.  It’s not like I’m on a quest. But I’m just going to continue being me, and living my life, and seeing what’s out there. But I’m not going to settle for grinding mediocrity, just because a woman is the same age as me.

The last time I heard from Valerie was the afternoon of October 1st after our breakfast/festival date. Even after it we said we would try to do better with the communication thing! I’m not interested enough in her after four dates to even give a shit. And the great thing is, apparently neither is she. I haven’t heard from her, since her last text, which said she had a lovely afternoon with me. Who knows? Maybe she met someone who is her age and is into her. Because clearly I’ve tried, and I am just not. So we’re even. She got some free meals and drinks and a movie out of it.

So I tried. But I’m done with Valerie.

But some time has passed and I ran an idea by my neighbor Trish. Valerie loves films. So do I. What if I have the occasional free Saturday and just go see some great film with her and then talk about it after over a drink?  That would be cool right? We could just be film buddies. Trish said she probably doesn’t want that and it’s not a match and I should just forget about it and move on. Trish is crazy but in this instance, she’s probably right. So rather than circle back, I will move forward on my quest for true love.

But I will close with this. If I found the right lady that understood me and I felt real passion for, I wouldn’t care what her age was. I just would like a solid connection, even if she’s older than I am. Maybe I would be her sugar baby. It could happen, right?

Be careful what you wish for…

Stay tuned!


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every Monday at 9am EST.

I publish new Dating content every Monday at 9am EST. I publish Updates and bios and stories about Non-Dating related characters, such as male and female friends, on Wednesdays at 9am EST.

Author: phicklephilly

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13 thoughts on “Valerie – Love Me Tinder – Update”

  1. I just want you to know that I’m sitting in a library, reading this post and holding back tears and laughter with every word. Sheesh! I usually hear about how horrible guys are, so this is a refreshing first lol Nice to meet you and looking forward to reading more of your blog.

    1. Thank you so much, Ms. Garland. I appreciate you reading my work and for your kind words. The Michelle series will span 15 chapters and is probably the most heart felt so far. But there is so much more to come! Wishing you a healthy and Happy New Year!

  2. Luckily, I have never done any Internet dating, though I have been married three times!
    I have also never been to America.
    Thanks for following my small English countryside blog.
    It is much appreciated.
    Best wishes, Pete.

  3. This is one of the reasons why I miss living in Philly: sense of humor. Honestly, I’ve lived here in Florida for over 20 years and just cannot find anyone who understands/appreciates my funny side! Keep writing because I’m still homesick for my city of birth.

    1. Thank you so much! I will push forward on my quest for love in the city of Brotherly Love. I’ll keep writing and appreciate you following and reading my blog! Philly certainly has it’s own sense of humor. President Trump will be in town tomorrow, so there’s material right there. Thanks again!

  4. “You can see there is a pattern here. I don’t try to date younger women. It just happens that way.”

    so i live about one state north of you, and ive found this too (but i think its my proximity to 40, rather than the geography.) i even wrote a post called “im too old for cougars.” (ive always thought “cougar starts at 50” in which case i only had one, but my last 2 girlfriends were in their mid 40s (late 30s here.)

    one was like soulmate material– together for nearly 3 years, but seriously the best years ever. i would call it my second marriage. (the first one didnt last long at all. i still wish her well. i miss the love– as i started to when we got married.) i was talking about girlfriends, though…

    older women used to be interested in me. it was great, they started picking me up– be 5 to 10 years older, and you can be my world… i dunno, i honestly just relate to them more. however, that ship has sailed. only women in their 20s and early 30s talk to me now. its absurd. im rethinking my entire opinion of “trophy wives” to supply-and-demand. let me know (take your time, take a year or two) if you ever concur!

    im sure that sometimes its an ego thing (whether talking about younger or older.) that goes for any relationship, depending on what your ego is like. but whatever age the person youre with is, its only reasonable to be romantically involved with people you can relate to somehow. thats common sense. my favorite woman in the world is in her 20s… but she has a soul that feels very, very old. she wont date me (per se,) but she tells me she loves me– id happily stand in the way between her and death. and i still prefer older women!

      1. the funny thing is, i think most people are looking for more or less the same thing. i dont just mean “love” or “happiness,” but more specfically than that. people dress that up in the things that would make love or happiness work for them– they create entire (not “false,” perhaps exaggerated) identities based on what they think works for them, and project that onto who they think theyre looking for…

        theres a great quote, “life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.” its well known from a song, but the song got it from allen saunders. love is like that too– we spend a lot of time in this culture, planning our relationships out before they begin. at least women do this a lot, and ive known quite a few chatty (straight) men that betray a similar interest. life and love are full of surprises that make you rethink things. i believe in souls, one way or another. (literally or metaphorically, its the noun, the word itself im trying to point to here.) souls are more complicated than people, so we can understand love as a thing just fine, love in a vacuum, love as a spherical cow. but once you put love in the wild, in real life, its very unpredictable– its got soul in it, and thats still a little beyond us.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

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