Caroline – Tinder Mismatch – This Is Why You’re Alone

She should have just swiped left!

I have struggled with this one for months. I thought, change the pic, Tell the story a different way. Even my friend and neighbor Trish told me not to publish the photo, and told me to take it easy on my words. (See: Trish – 2012 to Present – She Wolf) But the more I though about it, it really came down to “You should have simply Swiped Left” so, fuck you.

If you’ve been following this blog, you know I’m a gentleman.

That’s her in the middle.She

Here is what it says on MY Tinder profile:

My Name – 54

If you’d like a quality man with a real career and a gentleman, seeking a long-term relationship, then you’ve come to the right place. Advertising Exec, former artist, writer and musician. I hope you like a charming good listener, going out to dinner and laughing a lot because that’s what you’re going to get. Oh, and I’m a great cook as well. If we meet and you don’t look like your profile pics, then you’re going to buy me drinks until you do.

It’s to the point, truthful and fun. At the end I poke fun at online dating. Everybody gets the joke and every woman who has read it and matched with me has found it funny. Many times people don’t look like their profile pics. They are older or fatter or whatever, but it’s a joke and we all get it.

Except this person.

Here is what her Tinder profile says:

Caroline – 56

High energy, good energy loving and sweet. I’m into cooking, reading, hiking, biking, and yoga. Currently into cross fit training.  Love to check out modern art in nyc. Rad liberal politics… Republicans need not apply. Friends like me because Im funny… That and i bail them out of jail. Open to dating and possible relationship if thats where the vibe takes us.

Ok, I’m not going to mention all of the spelling and grammar errors. I’m going to share the dialogue shared with this moron.

So she read my profile and decided instead of swiping left because she simply didn’t like my profile, she swiped right.

Then she messaged me on the site.

Caroline: What if you don’t look like your profile pics?

Me: Then I guess you’re drinking for free, Caroline!

Two days later… (Again, please forgive all of her spelling and grammatical errors)

Caroline: Hi charles, Ive seen the line on other profiles. Its not exactly original. But thats not the problem with it. The problem is that Your first contact with someone assumes something negative about them. I know this line is meant to be funny but to me it comes off as arrogant and demanding. People already feel vulnerable enough on dating sites without someone admonishing them (before they’ve even met!) about how the look. Maybe you’re not so hot either. As for me, I’m in my 50’s. My pictures are current but i am aging. I don’t want to meet anyone who is going to pounce on that and scrutinize my appearance. I want to meet someone who is looking for my inner beauty. Im not sure whether to wish you true pics or free drinks but have fun out there.


No wonder why this woman is alone. I’m sure her former husband thanks the sweet Lord everyday that he no longer has to look at and listen to this idiot. What an asshole. It’s a joke. Everybody gets it. If you’re too much of a moron to get it, then swipe left you stupid woman. Can you imagine what this woman is really like in real life? She took the time to read my profile, took offense to what I wrote, swiped right just so she could write the above diatribe to a man she doesn’t even know.

(In the first draft of this post I didn’t use words like idiot, moron and stupid in the above paragraph. I used way worse words to describe her.)

I was going to rip her a new one when I responded to her idiotic statement, but I decided against it. Like my mother always said, “Consider the source.”

So I was very nice.

Me: Wow. I never meant any harm in what I said. It was meant as an ironic joke about online dating and the whole scene. I have met people that don’t look like their profiles and it’s no big deal. It’s inside a person that really counts. Most people get the gag and laugh at it. Of course I don’t mean it seriously. I’m 54! I’m no box of chocolates myself anymore. I’d like to meet someone who is nice that I can get to know. Please forgive my insensitivity. Incidentally… I think you are a very attractive, intelligent woman.

(All a bold faced lie!)

Did I spread the bullshit on to thick?

Caroline: I know you didn’t mean any harm. And you responded to my criticism very sweetly. So, I’m sorry for being too sensitive but I think some sensitivity is called for here. Friends?

Me: Absolutely. Thank you!

Mission accomplished. She feels like she put me in my place and helped make me a better person. Good for her. No hard feelings.

I mean…look at those daughters.

Maybe I’d like to meet Caroline and get to know her and her family.

That one on the right is especially nice.


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Author: phicklephilly

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25 thoughts on “Caroline – Tinder Mismatch – This Is Why You’re Alone”

  1. Haha, you’re incorrigible, aren’t you? :p
    Also I want to know more about this Trish the She-Wolf…does she come with a whip?

    1. Hey Joss! I spoke with Trish today and told her about your comment. Trish: “Where there’s a Whip, there’s a way.” She says she has a few floggers at her apartment! I’ll write more about her as she reveals her adventures to me.

      1. Whaaaa? How do you get all the cool weird neighbors? My “weird” neighbors pick up cigarette butts in the parking lot. Not fair. Can’t wait to hear more.

  2. Every time I see “PhicklePhilly” I see “Pickle Philly” which makes me laugh….EVERY time. It’s kind of phallic and I think 🤔, “Is he insulting himself and comparing himself to a small pickle OR does he mean one of those large pickles from a gigantic pickle jar. Just wanted to share because it’s funny. No I’m not hitting on you unless you *really* do look like a young Robert Redford. Either way I live no where near Pickleville. Haha.

    Back to the mismatch…this lady appears to be pimping out her daughters! That’s a terrible picture of her. Her eyes are closed! I always think it’s odd when people comment to anything just to be a negative nelly. I mean, what’s the point? Unless there’s a bitchometer and she hadn’t met her quota yet that day. Who knows. You responded respectfully. I’m still terrified of online dating. I assume everyone knows the picture is the best one you have and chances are you won’t look like your best picture every day.

    Funny post! Thanks for the read 🙂.

    ***Don’t rip apart my comment and note all my grammatical errors 🙄. I figure most intelligent people can read through my mistakes 🙋🏼. Ha!

  3. Wow. I cannot imagine reacting like her. I have had a few men message me just to put down something in my profiles. Why bother? To me it just shows why they are alone. Why look for the negative? I am taking a break from the online thing for now but for the most part it has been good. Once in a while, there is someone like Caroline. She should have just moved on. I imagine that she is a pretty controlling critical person. how sad.

    1. Right. Thank you for your supportive words. For the most part, all of my interactions with people on any of the dating sites have been positive. I did match up with this young woman, and before I could even say hello, she said “(My Name) You sound like and asshole.” I was so surprised, first that she actually swiped right on me after reading my profile just to be mean. I thought about it for a moment and then simply responded, “And you sound like an outspoken, confident woman!” Then proceeded to block her.

  4. Om my gosh, Thank you! That true tale was wildly popular. I thought I’d get destroyed on that one, because I used her real pic and her real name! (unlike my other work and series, all names are changed and pics are stock photos to protect the subjects. But people loved that one, and most of them were women! Thank you for reading my blog and I appreciate your support!

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