I have struggled with this one for months. I thought, change the pic, Tell the story a different way. Even my friend and neighbor Trish told me not to publish the photo, and told me to take it easy on my words. (See: Trish – 2012 to Present – She Wolf) But the more I though about it, it really came down to “You should have simply Swiped Left” so, fuck you.
If you’ve been following this blog, you know I’m a gentleman.
That’s her in the middle.She
Here is what it says on MY Tinder profile:
My Name – 54
If you’d like a quality man with a real career and a gentleman, seeking a long-term relationship, then you’ve come to the right place. Advertising Exec, former artist, writer and musician. I hope you like a charming good listener, going out to dinner and laughing a lot because that’s what you’re going to get. Oh, and I’m a great cook as well. If we meet and you don’t look like your profile pics, then you’re going to buy me drinks until you do.
It’s to the point, truthful and fun. At the end I poke fun at online dating. Everybody gets the joke and every woman who has read it and matched with me has found it funny. Many times people don’t look like their profile pics. They are older or fatter or whatever, but it’s a joke and we all get it.
Except this person.
Here is what her Tinder profile says:
Caroline – 56
High energy, good energy loving and sweet. I’m into cooking, reading, hiking, biking, and yoga. Currently into cross fit training. Love to check out modern art in nyc. Rad liberal politics… Republicans need not apply. Friends like me because Im funny… That and i bail them out of jail. Open to dating and possible relationship if thats where the vibe takes us.
Ok, I’m not going to mention all of the spelling and grammar errors. I’m going to share the dialogue shared with this moron.
So she read my profile and decided instead of swiping left because she simply didn’t like my profile, she swiped right.
Then she messaged me on the site.
Caroline: What if you don’t look like your profile pics?
Me: Then I guess you’re drinking for free, Caroline!
Two days later… (Again, please forgive all of her spelling and grammatical errors)
Caroline: Hi charles, Ive seen the line on other profiles. Its not exactly original. But thats not the problem with it. The problem is that Your first contact with someone assumes something negative about them. I know this line is meant to be funny but to me it comes off as arrogant and demanding. People already feel vulnerable enough on dating sites without someone admonishing them (before they’ve even met!) about how the look. Maybe you’re not so hot either. As for me, I’m in my 50’s. My pictures are current but i am aging. I don’t want to meet anyone who is going to pounce on that and scrutinize my appearance. I want to meet someone who is looking for my inner beauty. Im not sure whether to wish you true pics or free drinks but have fun out there.
No wonder why this woman is alone. I’m sure her former husband thanks the sweet Lord everyday that he no longer has to look at and listen to this idiot. What an asshole. It’s a joke. Everybody gets it. If you’re too much of a moron to get it, then swipe left you stupid woman. Can you imagine what this woman is really like in real life? She took the time to read my profile, took offense to what I wrote, swiped right just so she could write the above diatribe to a man she doesn’t even know.
(In the first draft of this post I didn’t use words like idiot, moron and stupid in the above paragraph. I used way worse words to describe her.)
I was going to rip her a new one when I responded to her idiotic statement, but I decided against it. Like my mother always said, “Consider the source.”
So I was very nice.
Me: Wow. I never meant any harm in what I said. It was meant as an ironic joke about online dating and the whole scene. I have met people that don’t look like their profiles and it’s no big deal. It’s inside a person that really counts. Most people get the gag and laugh at it. Of course I don’t mean it seriously. I’m 54! I’m no box of chocolates myself anymore. I’d like to meet someone who is nice that I can get to know. Please forgive my insensitivity. Incidentally… I think you are a very attractive, intelligent woman.
(All a bold faced lie!)
Did I spread the bullshit on to thick?
Caroline: I know you didn’t mean any harm. And you responded to my criticism very sweetly. So, I’m sorry for being too sensitive but I think some sensitivity is called for here. Friends?
Me: Absolutely. Thank you!
Mission accomplished. She feels like she put me in my place and helped make me a better person. Good for her. No hard feelings.
I mean…look at those daughters.
Maybe I’d like to meet Caroline and get to know her and her family.
That one on the right is especially nice.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Instagram: @phicklephilly Facebook: phicklephilly twitter: @phicklephilly