Marissa – Coffee Touche’

It sounded like a metal bank vault door was repeatedly slamming shut.

Tou·ché
exclamation
 
  1. (in fencing) used as an acknowledgment of a hit by one’s opponent.
    • also used as an acknowledgment during a discussion of a good or clever point made at one’s expense by another person.

“I decided to meet up for coffee with a girl that I had been talking to online. We talked for 45 minutes or so — normal first date topics like family, travel, etc. She then asks, ‘Where did you do your undergrad?’

“Now, I have a pretty good job, but that question sets the bar pretty high for a guy who didn’t go to college. She is not only assuming that I went to college but is also assuming that I am taking part in some type of post-graduate school.

“When I said that I was in a band for awhile and then went straight into the workforce she looked at me as if she’d never heard of such a thing. Apparently, I didn’t pass all of her minimum requirements to be considered human. After a brief pause, she broke off her shocked stare, placed her hand on her forehead in a fashion that covered her eyes, inhaled briefly and followed it by a valley-girl, ‘Eew!’ She took her phone out of her purse and whispered to herself as she typed, ‘He … didn’t … even … go … to … college …’ I then saw the left thumb hold the shift key as she deliberately pressed the exclamation point key once … ! Twice … !! Three times … !!! In reality, each one of those keystrokes was a simple tapping of a small piece of plastic, but, in my head, it sounded like a metal bank vault door was repeatedly slamming shut.

“She pressed a few more buttons on the phone, presumably sending this text message to her total BFF. She put the phone away, looked at me, and after taking a deep breath said, ‘Well that is okay. Not everybody is capable of going to college.’ She put on a fake smile followed by an awkward laugh and just stared at me awkwardly. I couldn’t believe that she’d react so rudely to something and then try to act as if it didn’t happen. Perhaps she still believed that, like a child playing hide and seek, if you covered your eyes you would disappear.

“After staring at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, I finally broke the silence by saying, ‘Wow, okay. So, yeah… I, um guess it is about time to get out of here?’ I stood up and took my trash to the trash can and she followed me out the door. I turned and began walking down the street and she followed closely and said, ‘How far away is your car?’ This girl was expecting a ride!

“So, I stopped and turned around and said, ‘Oh, I am about a block this way. Where did you park? She replied, ‘Oh, I took the bus here. I don’t have a drivers license.’

“Now, I am normally not a rude person. Even in that situation, I was going to just walk away and let that be that, but I just couldn’t pass this opportunity up. I looked at her right in the eyes and said, ‘Eew!’ Pulled out my cellphone and typed, ‘she … doesn’t … even … have … a … license … ! … !! … !!!’ I then put my phone away, looked up at her, smiled and said, ‘That’s okay! Not everybody is capable of driving a car! Lucky for you, the bus stop is right over there. I hope you don’t have to wait too long!’

“I wish I took a picture of the look on her face as I walked away. It was priceless.”

 

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11 thoughts on “Marissa – Coffee Touche’”

      1. The strange person who believes adding 40k+ in debt to their life makes them a better human being– I’m sure I human better than her

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