Tales of Rock – Liam and Noel Gallagher

Given that their creative partnership is based on barely contained homicidal rage, getting both Gallagher brothers on the stage at the same time has proven to be a bit like refereeing a slap fight between two chimpanzees–only with less crap throwing (probably) and more shrieking of the UK’s favorite C-word (definitely).

Liam and Noel Gallagher are the immensely talented brothers responsible for Oasis, the most successful band that everyone wants to punch in the face. Brash and outspoken, they’re known for spouting off about Blur, AIDS and how they hope everyone in Blur gets AIDS–comments which have predictably not gone over well with Blur, AIDS sufferers or anybody else.

Rock stars saying stupid things isn’t that remarkable. What really makes the Gallagher boys so difficult to deal with is the ridiculous amount of fistfights they manage to get into between themselves. A typical example: Following a canceled show in Barcelona, during a friendly conversation Liam raised his doubts about the fidelity of Noel’s wife and legitimacy of his daughter. (We will assume that Liam did so as delicately as he knew how.) This ended unsurprisingly when Noel headbutted his brother and then punched him in the face.

Our favorite story, though, is the one where Liam decided to bring a bunch of people he’d met at the pub back to the recording studio where Noel was working, which understandably irritated Noel somewhat. Noel’s role as the reasonable person in this story ends when he reacts to this interruption by attacking Liam with a cricket bat, breaking his foot.

Given that their creative partnership is based on barely contained homicidal rage, getting both Gallagher brothers on the stage at the same time has proven to be a bit like refereeing a slap fight between two chimpanzees–only with less crap throwing (probably) and more shrieking of the UK’s favorite C-word (definitely).

A Typical Day If You Were Oasis’ Personal Assistant:

You: Liam, don’t. Don’t throw that poop. Don’t throw that poop, Liam. Listen to me, Liam. Do not throw that poop at Noel. He’s your brother and you love him.

Noel: You fookin love me, man. Don’t you throw that poop at me.

Liam: Fook! -he throws the poop at you instead-

You: AGHR! Ahh! What the hell have you been eating? Is this… is this a battery?

Anyway…. This is Wonderwall.

 

 

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