When you’re in a relationship, you probably ask each other a lot of questions. Some are about day-to-day life, some are asked in an effort to get to know each other better, and some might be about your future plans, together or separately. In order to build a life together, there are things that you both need to know. Unfortunately, there are some important questions that never get asked in a relationship, according to divorce and relationship experts, that probably should be asked more often.
Asking questions and getting to a point where you know where the other person stands is important for successful and lasting relationships. If you don’t explicitly ask some questions, however, you might not actually understand the relationship that you have and what your partner needs and wants, as well as you might think that you do. Going into a marriage or any other serious commitment without knowing for sure how your partner feels about certain things can potentially make things harder for the two of you later on, should that particular thing ever come up. Knowing where you both stand on important issues, how you handle conflict, and how you can support one another can make your relationship — and any commitment that goes along with it — stronger and more stable.
1. How Much Debt Do You Have & How Will It Be Paid?
2. How Do You Deal With Conflicts & Disagreements?
3. What Can I Do To Make Your Day Better?
4. If We Get Divorced, Who Will Claim The Kids On Tax Returns?
5. What Are Your Sexual Needs, Desires, & Boundaries?
It’s also of the utmost importance to talk about boundaries. “Even such simple questions as ‘does this feel good?’ or ‘is this ok?’ while engaging in sexual activity can go a long way towards providing safety within the relationship and giving one another the opportunity to be open about your concerns and desires,” Shira Galston, A.M.F.T., a marriage and family therapist, and cofounder counselor, tells me in an email exchange. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about sex with your partner.
6. What Are We OK Keeping Private From One Another, And What Do We Want To Be Open About?
7. Are You Married Or Living With Anyone?
8. Do We Want Children And Do We Share The Same Ideas For Raising Children?
9. Do You Believe In Seeking Outside Help?
Asking your partner whether or not they believe in asking for outside help and if they’re willing to do so if necessary can help you be prepared to broach the topic of conversation if you, yourself, want to seek help at some point.
10. What Constitutes Infidelity?
11. Are We Getting Married For The Right Reasons?
12. Is There Anything Either Of Us Is Feeling Resentful About Or Hurt By, That Has Never Been Said Out Loud? Is Either Of Us Still Waiting For An Apology?
Asking questions can be scary, but not asking them, assuming that you know the answers, can be stressful and complicated as well. The conversation might be nerve-wracking, but ultimately you’ll be better off for having had it.
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