Dating and Relationship Advice – Should I Confront a Cheating Girlfriend?

Question: I’ve been with my current girlfriend for about 2 years now. We live together and to me everything has been going great. We have a family phone plan and I pay the bill so of course I have access to her phone records for obvious reasons. I noticed she has been calling this one number quite a bit this last statement. The other night I came home and she was on the phone, when I asked who she was talking to she said, “Her Aunt.” and then she became jumpy and nervous like she was guilty of something. I think she’s been talking to her ex. She was with him for about 4 years before me, but he was abusive to her and cheated on her all the time. Do you think she’s messing around with her ex? I don’t know when she could because she comes straight home after work and nothing seems out of the ordinary. Should I confront her about this?

Answer: Is she cheating on you? Probably not right now, but if you don’t do something to fix your current situation she may soon start. Women in relationships don’t actively pursue other guys to sleep with, however they will pursue voids they have in their current relationship. Does that make sense? You are not fulfilling 100% of your girlfriend’s needs, and so she is starting to look elsewhere to get those needs met.

This very thing happened with me and my ex, Michelle. (See Michelle – A Brand New Day) She would call her ex when she was angry/drunk with me. She wanted to get married and have kids someday, and I wasn’t going to that having already had a kid and paid out $125,000 in child support over 15 years. Funny thing was, she ended up back with him, married and they have yet to attempt to start a family. But anyway… back to you.

It sounds like the two of you have a communication problem. She’s looking for someone to talk to. She turned to her ex because they have a lot of history together. I doubt she wants him physically but he’s filling an emotional need for her because he understands her. She can talk to him and he will listen. You’re asking me if you should confront her, of course you should. You need to sit her down and explain that you’re the one she needs to come to with problems, you are there to listen to her. If you aren’t then she’ll find it somewhere else and your relationship won’t last. You sound like you have become comfortable in your relationship, however your girlfriend is still having issues. She’s probably dropping hints that something is wrong, you just haven’t been able to pick up on them because she hasn’t come out and directly told you. You need to recreate the spark that kept the two of you together for 2 years and work out the issues you currently have. Some of the things she has to say may hurt, so be prepared for what comes out. The most important part here is to not get upset. She’s telling you the problem. You can either get mad and storm off and the issue remains, or learn from it and work to fix it, making your relationship stronger then ever. Here’s how we’re going to do it.

Call her up or send her a text and tell her you have a special night planned together. This will get her thinking about you all day long. You have a lot of issues to talk about so you will need some place quiet and seclusive. In your case I would make her dinner at home. Pick up some flowers and wine and cook her a special meal. Dim the lights, set the table with flowers and candlelight. Play some light music in the background. Create a special night for her. Now when she asks what this is all about be honest with her. Tell her, “Baby I feel like we have lost our connection, we no longer have the spark we once had. When I look at you I can see that there are issues that are bothering you, I just want you to know I’m here and we can talk about it.” Now sit back and wait for it all to come out. Stay strong, if you care about this girl then you will listen to what she has to say, learn from it and move on. If not then things just weren’t meant to be. Best of luck to you.

 

Was this of any help? Let me know your thoughts.

Thank you!

 

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Wildwood Daze – Summer of 1977 – Terri – First Love – Part 1

I was working at the motel one morning, and I noticed this cute girl sitting outside of her room in one of the chairs out front. I said hello to her. I really couldn’t chat with her because I was too busy working. (See: Wildwood Daze – El Morro Motel)

The next morning she was there again. We were the only people outside of the motel at that hour. We chatted a little bit and got acquainted. She was a really nice, sweet girl from Pittsburgh. I couldn’t believe it took 6 hours for them to get to Wildwood. That sounded like forever in a car to me at the time. She was down with her parents and her two brothers. She was 13 and I was 14. I noticed immediately that people from non metropolitan areas that are hard like Philly and NY, are just generally nicer people.

By the third day she would come out to the pool and chat with me. It was great. Terri wasn’t like any girls I knew back home. (Not that I knew many because I was such a loser) She was so nice. I asked her what her family had done and seen while on vacation. She told me and said they were doing amusements on the boardwalk tomorrow and Cape May the next night.

I was scrubbing the tiles in the baby pool, and I asked what about the day after that?

She said that they were probably just going to hang at the motel or in the neighborhood.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I want to take you out to see Star Wars.”

“Really? I’d love to go. Let me ask my parents.”

My heart was a flutter. My life had been absolute garbage up until this summer. I couldn’t believe a cute girl actually talked to me let alone wants to go out on a date with me. This was a watershed moment in my life where things could actually improve for me. My anxiety was running high but I was feeling like the wheel was beginning to turn.

Let’s see if it happens in tomorrow’s post!

 

 

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