Dating and Relationship Advice – How To Land A One Night Stand

If You’re Even Thinking About A One-Night Stand, You Need To Read This.

Getting someone to have sex with you once sounds easy. But like other simple-sounding tasks — red or black, head or tails, Donald Trump or anyone else — a wrong turn can leave you in a lot of trouble. A study by Durham University found that only 54% of women had positive feelings about their last hook-up — with the main downers being that they felt used, unappreciated or found it far from sexually satisfying. It’s the kind of damning feedback that could make you punch a whiteboard at work. This, however is the right way to go about it:

1. Be Prepared To Put Some Work In

Tinder has cajoled us into thinking casual sex is ours for as little investment as saying ‘Hey!’ or iMessaging a shot of our intimates. The realistic outcome? Cock blocked (with the emphasis on the second word). Of 1,500 users of Hinge — a dating app that matches via social media connections — only 2% wanted a hook-up over a relationship. Even if women do, there’s a hurdle: Brunel University found that while men drop their one-night standards, women raise them. In the study, both sexes were given three options — go out, come to apartment, go to bed — then shown partners of varying attractiveness. Men picked ‘bed’ regardless of looks, while women only accepted ‘bed’ from men who were very good looking. So next time you’re swiping, put some legwork into that finger-work.

2. Don’t Race To Seal The Deal

I can’t stress this enough. Recognizing that a woman’s interested is not your cue to try to hurry things up to the finish line. Unless your life expectancy is four hours, bolting from the bar to the bedroom only suggests to a woman that your lasting power in the sack is going to be minimal, too. It’s another thing to send your stock plummeting. Instead, enjoy the pre-sex part: don’t get too drunk (if you do, before sex is the time to call the event off — not mid-sex when you feel a wave of queasiness…), memorize her name, and source protection. By which I mean contraception, not a back-up plan.

3. Make It Worth Her While (As Well As Yours)

For years, people assumed women’s reluctance to engage in no-strings sex was through fear of developing emotional attachment. More recent research suggests something less complimentary: women just don’t get much out of it. New York University looked at 24,000 people’s hook-ups and found only 40% of women had an orgasm in their last one-nighter — compared to 80% of men. While Sociologist Elizabeth Armstrong’s research puts it closer to the 10% mark for ladies. One woman, of her 15,000 interviewees, admitted, “I will do everything in my power to, like whoever I’m with, to get [him] off.” On the likelihood of returning the favor, a man replied, “In a hook-up, I don’t give a shit.”

4. Stay The Right Side Of Filthy

When it comes to the wildness of our abandon, experts agree that both sexes frequently feel emboldened by casual sex’s fleeting nature. “On a one-night stand, a woman might feel more comfortable saying something like, ‘pull my hair’ because she won’t see you again. Whereas if you say to someone long-term, ‘stick your finger up my butt’, you’ve still got to have breakfast with them,” says clinical sexologist Naomi Hutchings. However, don’t show off — two satisfying, rhythmic positions beats seven awkward attempts — and remember you’re still not a porn star. If you’d get a slap attempting it with a girlfriend, a one-night stand — i.e. someone’s future girlfriend — is unlikely to appreciate it, either.

5. Do Stay The Night

“I’ve got work in the morning,” is never, ever a valid get-out. Trying to do the walk (well, sprint) of shame straight after the deed — or, by stealth, when she’s still asleep in the morning — either makes the other person feel second rate, or the experience seem second rate. Which, hopefully, if you followed the points above it wasn’t. In having a one-night stand, you’ve made your bed for the night — now you’ve got to lay in it. For at least seven hours.

6. But Don’t Fake Emotion

If there’s one key rule to one-night stand by, it’s to be crystal clear about your intentions. For all the bravado we spout about casual sex’s lack of emotions, it’s essentially hubris — there are always feelings involved, from anxiety that one person is getting used to morning-after guilt. The best way to minimize negative emotions — on either side — is absolute honesty about what the experience is (i.e. one night only). Do not undo this clarity with mixed messages: asking about a woman’s family goals, suggesting going out for brunch afterwards, spooning, even getting her number all hint at the potential for something more. Women can thrive on the thrill and brevity of a one-night stand — it’s these emotional add-ons that complicate matters. A simple, “I had a great time with you” or “Thanks for the hot night” (plus offering an Uber) is fine.

7. That Said, Be Prepared For It To Turn Into More

There you were, determined to be cool and nonchalant and all about the bachelor lifestyle, when you ended up meeting a woman who’s attractive, smart, funny, and so electric in bed that you want round two (and many more). Life is so unfair sometimes. Don’t blame your personal resolve: A study in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 45% of men actually hoped their one-night stand would become a committed relationship. So much for those clingy ladies, huh.


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Cherie – Chapter 15 – Catwoman in the Batcave

“It’s never too late to start all over again.”

It had been two weeks since I’d seen Cherie. Three weeks since our Club Quarters encounter. We’d been keeping in touch by text. I like that she’s not always bugging me with lots of texts all day. I maybe get one in the morning, and something at night. It’s very minimal and very sweet.

I’ve been planning for two weeks for the arrival of her eminence. The super cleaning spree, the drapes, bedding and chocolate treats all put in place for Cherie. I texted her the night before and asked when she would be coming down to Philly on Saturday. She said 5:30pm.

“Why so late?” I asked. She said she had to work Saturday, then make sure all babysitting orders were in place. Sometimes it’s one of her parents or one of her cousins. They all seem to pull together as a family and take care of each others needs. I like that.

Well that gives me plenty of time to go out to breakfast and prepare. I run a few errands, and do some writing. In the previous chapter I broke down all of the stuff I did to prepare. The apartment was now a fully operational babe lair.

At dusk my phone plays Cherie’s text tone. She says she’s looking for parking. She gets a spot down at 20th and South. I tell her I’m coming out to meet her. I get down there and retrieve her. I was talking to my friend, Church earlier and he said all metered parking is free on weekends until the new year. Which is great because Cherie can park her car at a meter and leave it all night and not spend any of her hard-earned money on parking just to see me.

I’m very happy to see her. The last time was a short breakfast date before she had to get to class. I bring her back to the apartment. I’m thankful that the place looks great, and daughter Lorelei is away until Monday. We’ve got the whole place to ourselves, but we’re probably going to only really need one or two rooms.

She’s wearing a blue shirt, and the new style of ripped jeans. The tears are horizontal so bits of her legs are revealed here and there. She has knee-high brown boots on. She drops her bag on the floor. I’m doing my nervous talking thing and showing her around. Obviously there is some hugs and kisses because this has been building up for a while.

The good thing is, this is my house and it’s not our first intimate encounter. Don’t get me wrong, that was spectacular. But it’s nice to be confident in regard to your abilities and have the benefit of the home field advantage.

There’s some small talk and laughs. At some point I simply say, “Cherie, I’m going to take off all of my clothes and get in this fresh bed. I’d like you to join me.” That’s what she did. She certainly is compliant. It wasn’t like last time. Things moved forward quickly and we were soon in the throes of passion.

I have been in several rock bands in my life, and I have lived a charmed life in regard to women. Maybe because I’ve never been a lothario. Always a gentleman. But some of the most lovely fruit has been offered up to me in my lifetime. I’m very grateful for that.  Cherie is lovely and passionate. This truly may be not only the best sex I’ve ever had but with the best person. I’ve had great sex, but it’s been with a bi-polar chick from my past. They’re just mad in the bedroom. They arent sensual women. They’re just mad crazy and up for anything. Sometimes madness lends itself to intense sex. But it’s different with Cherie. She’s really passionate but submissive when needed. She’s also very giving. The way she does certain things to me don’t say ‘I want to get you off’. They say ‘I love you and I love doing this’. Especially to you. That’s a powerful cocktail. That shit is real. You can clearly see and feel the difference.

I know that feeling because I’m the same way. I love Cherie. She’s great. Just an easy-going, smart girl. She’s young, but she’s mature. I may have met my match. She’s a very sexual woman. I like that. I suppose what man wouldn’t? It’s a new affair, but it’s so good. We’re really well matched personally and sexually. I’ve never really had a relationship like this before. It moved forward rather quickly, but you’ve read the chapters, it’s clearly a match. She’s wonderful and I adore her.

I could write about in detail how amazing the sex was, and it would be graphically delicious, but Phicklephilly isn’t about that. That would turn this work into pornography. I’ve worked too hard on telling these stories to turn it into some tawdry tell-all rag.

My chapters are normally pretty long, but Cherie arrived at my house by 6pm Saturday and we were out of the house by 8:30 Sunday morning. There isn’t much to tell. Just mad good love, sex, and sleep.

But this baby is fire! She is probably the most sensuous woman I have ever met. Who wouldn’t love a laid back chick that’s an animal in the saddle?

Okay, I have to stop talking about this.

She spent the night. It was glorious just to sleep beside my queen. The next morning we showered and I took her to breakfast. I like the old-fashioned idea of that act. You spend the night with me, and have sex with me, and I’ll buy you breakfast. I walked her to her car and kissed her good-bye. She even was good enough to drive me to work! What a gal!

I didn’t think that love would come for me again. Let this give you all hope. After Annabelle I thought I was done. And I was cool with that. But you just never know what’s around corner waiting for you when you least expect it. My lovely Cherie is proof of that. It can be done. Cupid will draw back his arrow and drive it right through your broken heart. Mending it and swelling it with hope and love. In the words of the band Steppenwolf’s John Kay, “It’s never too late to start all over again.”

You only get one life. So get out there and enjoy yourself. Don’t surround yourself with possessions and stuff. Surround yourself with good people, experiences and family. (As long as they aren’t a bunch of nuts!)

My night with Cherie felt like this….


Oh… One final question. Should I add a bit more spice to my stories? Meaning: Should I include more graphic sexual scenes or more erotica?

I’d love to hear your feedback on this subject!


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am  & 12pm EST.

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