Dating and Relationship Advice – 15 Things Most Men Do When They’re Manipulating You – Part 1

I’m a man and I’ve been writing this blog for over a year and a half and I’ve decided to add this advice column element to my work. A lot of men may not like it, but I need to be honest here and call all of the shitty men out on their bullshit that hurt the women they are with so here goes. 

In the end it will make us all better people.

Manipulation of any kind is a sure-fire way to make a relationship toxic. It’s something that nobody should ever have to put up with – no truly loving partner would treat their other half in such a despicable way. It’s basically emotional abuse, and it’s totally intolerable. Often, the manipulator in question has learned exactly how to hide or disguise their actions in order to keep their victim under control. They try to make their partner think that their manipulative behavior is normal, acceptable, or simply not happening at all. This makes it super hard to leave a manipulative boyfriend or husband: they make you feel like you’re the problem, not them. They often blind you to their true motives and consequently get away with their sinister emotional and mental control.

Have you ever worried that you or someone you love is being manipulated by the guy who’s supposed to care for them? Do you even know what the signs of such behavior are? Here are just some of the things that most men do when they’re manipulating you. If you recognize any from your own relationship, it might be time to question whether just how healthy and loving it actually is.

I’m a man and I’ve been writing this blog for over a year and a half and I’ve decided to add this advice column element to my work. A lot of men may not like it, but I need to be honest here and call all of the shitty men out on their bullshit that hurt the women they are with so here goes. 

In the end it will make us all better people.

 

15. They Start Off Super Charming

At the beginning of their relationship with you, a manipulative person won’t want you to realize that this is a factor in their personality. After all, how are they going to gain control over you if they can’t attract you in the first place? If it was evident from the start that they’re only going to manipulate and hurt you, you’re hardly going to give the relationship a chance. To avoid this, the manipulator will bombard you with flattery, love, and charm. They’ll make you think that they’re the sweetest, kindest, and the most caring person in the world. They would never try to upset you or harm you in any way. They’re not going to control you. Only good things will come from the relationship. Unfortunately, by the time many women realize that this is all a lie, it’s too late. They’re stuck in an abusive relationship and see no way out.

14. They Constantly Lie

A manipulator uses lies as a weapon. They make you constantly unsure of what’s true and what’s false, often overwhelming you with the confusion of it all. They try to force you to believe their version of events, even if it has absolutely no basis in fact. It’s just another way to control you – by forcing you to believe lies, they directly impact your view of the world. It may get to the point where you start blindly accepting everything they say: they’ve become such a good liar that you genuinely can’t tell they’re doing it anymore. Even if you catch the manipulator out in one of their less-than-truthful statements, they’ll only deny it and try to convince you that you’re incorrect. There’s no way to ‘win’: you’ll always be the one in the wrong.

13. They Try To Downplay Any Issues You Raise

If you ever dare to raise any kind of issue or concern to a manipulative person, they will immediately shoot you down. It doesn’t matter if it immediately impacts them or not: whatever issue you’re having is totally stupid and not worth talking about. If you share that you’ve had a bad day at work, for example, they’ll just tell you that other people have it worse. They’ll refuse to comfort you or even listen to your perspective. If you dare to directly criticize them or their actions, all hell will break loose. They’ll try to shift the blame onto you, claiming that you’re just being too sensitive or have misinterpreted what actually happened. Of course, all of their problems will take center stage. They’d never let their worries be dismissed – they’re far too important for that to happen.
One of the manipulator’s most-used weapons is doubt. They twist your thinking and your self-perception so much that you start to wonder if you really are the problem. You start to listen to their claims that you have nothing to complain about. Maybe you are just being too sensitive? What if you did just take their hurtful comment the wrong way? You worry that other people will side with your abuser because you’re actually the one in the wrong, and feel very isolated as a result. Often, this leads to the manipulated person becoming totally resigned to their fate. They might even start to blame themselves for their troubles – they start to doubt that the manipulator has actually done anything wrong. It’s so difficult to escape from that mindset, but it needs to be done if the victim is going to escape their toxic relationship.

12. They Say Something, Then Totally Deny They Did Later On

Manipulators will often quite literally try to rewrite the past to suit their own purposes. They try to control the narrative like they’re controlling you, even if that means flat out denying that they did or said things. It doesn’t matter if they 100% did treat you in that hurtful manner, or say that painful insult – they’ll adamantly claim that it never happened to absolve themselves from guilt. Unless you literally record everything they say and do, there’s no way to prove that you’re in the right and they’re in the wrong. Even if you did that, the lack of trust such an action shows would only aggravate the manipulator more. If someone completely refuses to accept that they did or said something, there’s not a lot you can do to persuade them to admit the truth.

10. They Constantly Twist Your Words For Their Own Gain

Manipulators don’t just try to retrospectively change their own words and actions. They’ll also do the same to yours. They’ll claim you said and did certain things to fit their own twisted narrative. Sometimes, they’ll be so insistent that you did say something that you’ll begin to wonder if they’re right. It’s an extension of the intense doubt they provoke. Did you actually say that offensive thing and just forget about it? Did you actually agree to do something that you thought you’d turned down? The manipulation is so pervasive that nothing you do or say is safe. There’s a high chance that it’ll be used against you in future, whether the manipulator’s claims are based upon truth or not. Everything that takes place is a changeable story that they can mold to fit their needs.

9. They Make You Feel Like You’re Going Crazy

All of this manipulation, control, and lying is bound to take a toll on anyone’s mental state. Being the victim of this kind of behavior can often make you worry that you’re going crazy. When you lose track of what’s true and what’s a lie, your grip on reality can start to slip. You worry that the manipulation is all in your head feel guilty for thinking your partner could act in such a way. You basically let them control your reality: they have power over what you think, what you do, and how you feel. Your sense of self takes serious damage – your idea of ‘you’ is now entirely what your manipulator wants it to be. The feeling that you’ve lost control can be overwhelming, and your sanity begins to weaken. It’s no wonder that so many victims of manipulation suffer from anxiety and depression.

8. They Guilt Trip You Over The Smallest Things

A prominent emotion felt by victims of manipulation is guilt. Your partner is never, ever the one in the wrong: the blame is always shifted onto you. You end up constantly apologizing for things, often undeservedly: “I’m sorry” basically becomes your catchphrase. Even the smallest of offenses is made into a huge deal, and you might even need to grovel to get back in the manipulator’s good books. In extreme cases, the manipulator might hold you totally responsible for their success and happiness. If anything at all goes wrong in their life, it’s somehow made into your fault. Your self-esteem can be seriously impacted by this kind of treatment: you might start to feel like you can’t do anything right, and that you only ever make your loved one miserable. In reality, that’s not the case – they’re only pretending it is to control you.

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I’ll have the rest of the list up in 3 hours!

 

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4 thoughts on “Dating and Relationship Advice – 15 Things Most Men Do When They’re Manipulating You – Part 1”

  1. It is so sad how we don’t see it when we are in it. My ex-manipulator left me after 23 years when I started healing. I became suicidal and got help. I got stronger and quit being manipulated so he left. I had a lot of healing to do but I will never be manipulated again

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