Dating and Relationship Advice – Creating Attraction When You’re Not Her Type

Question to Phicklephilly: Lately it seems whenever I strike up a meaningful conversation with a girl at the bar it has been ending with her telling me I’m not her type. Is there anything I can do to change her mind?

Answer: You know the situation, you’ve approached the girl, started up a conversation, everything seems to be going in your favor.  Her eyes are locked to yours and she’s eating every word you have to say, you start making your move but then she drops the bombshell, “You’re just not my type.”

While she could have said these words for any number of reasons, the one thing that still holds true, you’re not going home with this girl tonight. You aren’t even going to get a phone number out of it.  But how could this be?  It could be anything, from your looks to personality, too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, too young or too old. Who knows the reason, but the outcome is the same, we’re angry.  We’re angry because there’s nothing we can do to change the situation.

Or is there?  We know that this girl is perfect for us and aren’t about to give up, but we can’t spend the rest of the night trying to convince her that she should like us.  That’s a violation of Chump Rule #1. So what do we do?

We must create a situation where we are the object of desire. Meaning, she has to be the one trying to win over us, not us trying to win her over. When we become the prize, the odds are in our favor, not the other way around catering to her every whim and need.  Well great, sounds pretty easy except for the fact that every other guy in the club will be catering to her, why would she even bother to continue with us?  She’s going to start chasing after you because we’re not going to let her comment bother us, in fact we’re going to turn it around and use it on her. Before she even gets the chance to use that comment on you, you’re going to challenge her.

By now you should have a good idea of the type of girl you are dealing with, older, younger, wild, or laid back. If she’s laid back tell her that even though you think she’s adorable, you don’t think the two are compatible because she’s not wild enough for you.  The two of you wouldn’t get along because you would be off having all the fun while she’s hugging the wall or standing off in the corner somewhere.  If she’s older than you, then she will most likely already be harboring thoughts that you’re too young for her.  Tell her that the two of you won’t make it because you are looking for a woman who can keep up with your active lifestyle. A girl you can take to the beach, go to the gym, roller blading, stay up all night, take a trip at a moments notice kind of girl. Not someone who is tied down and stuffy, worrying about their bank portfolio.  If she’s too young mention the fact that you’re looking for a girl who can raise your kids and attend the PTA meetings at school, not someone you have to pick up everyday from the bus stop.

When we make these comments we are essentially telling them that they’re not our type.  This sends off a signal in their head that they can’t have us, and it drives them wild. No longer are they the ones being chased. If they want us they’re the ones who will have to do the chasing. This will be unbearable for any woman. Day after day they’re being sought after and then you come up and tell them they’re not your type.  It takes their ego down a peg, they get upset, and they want to get even.

But how do women get even with you? By proving to you that they are desirable, that you do want them. So now the chase is on, only she’s the one doing the chasing.  She’ll be trying to prove to you that she’s the girl you just described, that she can keep up with you if only you gave her the chance to prove herself.  Being the great guy that you are, you just might take her up on that.


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4 thoughts on “Dating and Relationship Advice – Creating Attraction When You’re Not Her Type”

  1. Great post but personally speaking it would not work for me.
    I also think sometimes a person might say “your not my type” when in actual fact they did not feel any chemistry.
    I think it would be great if everyone had to drink truth serum before a date so that nobody had a hidden agenda and every says exactly what they mean and mean exactly what they say 🙂

What are your thoughts on this subject?