Dating and Relationship Advice – 12 Practical Steps to Lasso your Prince Charming –

Modern women are constantly complaining that men do not know what we want from them, which makes bonding with us difficult, even dangerous. It is not that hard to know what we expect from a woman. Here are a few tips:

1 – Stay in shape

We want to be aroused by the sight of you being naked. Men are visual animals. That’s why we like to have sex with the lights ON. We like your body and want to see it. People can argue the pitfalls of BMI scale all they want, but for the average Jane, it works just fine. Men don’t want a bag of bones, nor do they want a woman who looks like she’s hoarding beach balls.

2 – Lay off the Body Modification 

Men gravitate to natural hair color, tasteful and coverable tattoos (if any at all). We don’t like piercings that are out of control and all over the place. Also, fake boobs make you look fake. Plus they’re dense unlike real breasts. Lots of men like small breasts—they make you look younger and defiant.

3 – Make our own money

When it comes to money, men really couldn’t care less if you make a whole lot, but you need to be making enough so that you are not a financial drain on him. If you make more than him, more power to you in the couple—just refrain from throwing it in his face like some form of one-upmanship.

4 – Be feminine

Men want to date real WOMEN, not bros with vaginas. It’s a huge turnoff. Please refrain from using foul language and act aggressively in our presence. We like to enjoy a graceful, pleasant company that makes us feel at ease. Whether you like it or not, men like women that like them. Easy as that.

5 – Be tolerant

Being attentive to your partner’s desires and wishes does not mean that you are a door mat without any voice in the relationship. It means that you care about him and are willing to accommodate his world into yours as much as you can. Seriously, heaven forbid you do a little back bending for the sake of pleasing YOUR man because you want to keep him interested in you. Rub his back, watch a game together, kiss him…A GOOD man will reciprocate by rubbing your toes, watch a chick movie and snuggle with you in the sofa.

6 – Sex life.

Men want a woman who has a healthy sex drive and few past sexual partners. That means that you and your past boyfriend had a lot of sex. It does not mean that you were the town trollop. We get it, you want to be able to sleep with the college football team and not be judged for it the same way he ran through the cheerleading squad. Life’s not fair—get used to it. The average Joe will never see that many women anyway. Men also do not want a woman that leverages sex as a way to get what she wants. That is a pretty good indicator that she’s really not all that interested in you in the first place.

7 – Show your wits

Women wrongly assume that men usually dread the varied manifestations of intelligence in the feminine genre—that is such a 19th century thought, dear. No man wants a woman who cannot flex her mental muscles. Smart is way sexier than dumb any day. And we love to admire our girlfriend’s chutzpah.

8 – Tread carefully if you have children

This is the kind of the not-so-secret, secret. Men usually neither want to have instant families nor to raise another man’s child. This goes double if have multiple children and/or if your children are biracial.  It does not matter if your child’s father was abusive, a deadbeat, a good man or tragically hit by a bus. The bottom line is that you have a child, and he/she does not belong to the eligible bachelors out there. You might have to compensate by showing more strength in other areas, especially the affective streak. It may sound so primitive but if you’re a good homemaker—which does not mean you’re a stay-at-home wife—he’ll be more inclined to build a family with that legacy.

9 – Be willing to rattle the pots and pans

I wish I knew where things had taken a turn for the worst in terms of women’s progress, but apparently the domestic ability of being able to feed yourself without ordering takeout or putting some TV dinner in the microwave has fallen by the wayside. Men should learn how to cook and help with the nurturing of the children at the crucial time of the family table; but women should not relinquish their role as the hearth’s custodian. I’m a fabulous cook so I’ll cook for you too, darling—and you’ll love me more.

10 – Put down the phone

We get it. Your bathroom selfie just got you 40 likes on Facebook/Instagram and boosted your ego for the next 15 minutes. Then you just bought the newest chamomile tea from the coffee shop that is SOOO delicious, and  you need to tweet about it and send a Snapchat to your bestie while you are driving home from work (that light ahead is red, btw). Perhaps you should unplug from the matrix long enough to realize that there is a living breathing person in close proximity trying to interact with you. This is why my friends and I stack our phones on the table in front of us—amazing things follow.

11 – Ease up on the makeup

The less the better. It is bad enough that the makeup industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that essentially tells women that they are ugly. What is even worse is that half of you come out of the house looking like a clown. Maybe you should throw away your creams and work with what you have.

12 – Stop hoarding guy friends

Nine out of ten of your guy friends just want to sleep with you anyway. Men know how other men think. The first guy that comes to comfort you after a big fight will also be the first one to say “he’s not good enough for you” in order to sabotage the ongoing relationship. It’s not about trust issues. It’s about knowing how people act. Trust is earned, not immediately granted.

And don’t forget to display a big smile to show the real YOU to the whole wide world!

Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Cherie – Chapter 19 – Back In Black

“I told her I don’t want to bother Trish, but maybe she needs to hear what being truly alive sounds like.”

White girls they’re pretty funny. Sometimes they drive me mad.
Black girls just wanna get fucked all night.
I just don’t have that much jam.

Some Girls – Mick Jagger & Keith Richards – 1978

 

I saw Cherie for a quick early morning breakfast last week. But we haven’t been together intimately for two weeks. Her schedule’s been crazy between her two jobs, studying for finals, and working on her thesis. She was working on it that day and still had a few pages to finish writing. When completed it had to be in by midnight that day. Then she had to wait for her sister to come over and babysit her son.

 

She arrived in Rittenhouse around 8pm. The city was incredibly busy that Saturday night. It was difficult for her to find parking, but she finally did. It was a bitter cold night in December, but I had the bat cave nice and warm with all of the necessary amenities when she got there.

It was so great to see her. She’d been on my mind all week. I was happy that our day had finally arrived. It didn’t take long for us to get down to the business at hand. This had only been the third time we’d been intimate in our new relationship. We have survived two months so far. Being with Cherie was glorious as usual. As I have said before she’s a chill, smart girl with an enormous sexual appetite. It’s as if I’ve finally found the perfect match. Her stamina is matched only by her orgasmic prowess. I’ve never been with a woman who can have over twenty in one night. We do have mad sex for hours, and during those encounters she just keeps on coming again and again. I’ve never seen anything like it. She asked me if I thought my neighbor Trish could hear the bed rocking and squeaking as well as her moaning. I told her I don’t want to bother Trish, but maybe she needs to hear what being truly alive sounds like.

Some of the most wonderful moments of the evening were not so much the intense sex, but the gentle quiet moments when we would simply hold each other, and she would tell me that she loves me. I of course reciprocated with words and deeds.

She fell asleep the first time just after midnight, I heard her talk in her sleep. She did that the last time she was here in my bed. She said, “I love when you do that.” She then sighed. Is it possible when Cherie is not having real sex with me she is dreaming about having sex with me? Why can’t I have dreams like that?

After one of our exhausting sessions that happened around 3am, we had an interesting conversation. She had told me on our first date that she was bisexual, but leaned more towards men than women. She said when she was with her son’s father, they had a bit of an open relationship. She asked me how many sexual partners I’ve had…at the same time. Normally women ask a bunch of questions when you first sleep together. I’ve been on the Earth for over a half a century, and have closed a lot of business in that time, in three different time zones. But no one has ever asked me how many at once. I really had to think way back to my days in Wildwood, NJ and Los Angeles, CA. I told her I knew for sure that I had at least once did a full on threesome with two women. I asked her what her number was, and she said, she had done one as well. But it was with a good-looking guy, a white girl, and a hispanic girl. I did the math and with Cherie there, that’s a foursome. I don’t play much poker but I know four of a kind beats a three of a kind. Hell, four of a kind even beats a full house, and four people getting it on is a full house unto itself!

I asked if the guy had sex with every one of them, and she said that he did. I told her I wanted to shake his hand. Cherie gave me the dynamics of how that little orgy worked and I could tell by the description it was largely due to her participation. I found it interesting that I had been beaten by a girl half my age. She said she likes doing to girls what I like to do as much as I like to do it. I’m a giver and so is she. We give a lot to each other in the bedroom.

Cherie made it clear that she was solely interested in me. I asked her if she would ever have the urge to hook up with a woman again. She simply said, “No. That would be cheating.” But now I was intrigued by this she-cat that’s an animal in the bedroom, but not reckless with her sexuality out in the world. It is all planned and calculated by Cherie.

I asked her if she would ever do a multiple partner scenario again if all parties were willing and rules were in place. She said she would consider it.

This isn’t something I need to do. I’m happy just wearing and tearing with my lady. But I figured I’d ask a few more questions. I could tell Cherie wanted to discuss the subject further.

I told her just for argument sake I would throw out a fantasy scenario. I asked if she knew anybody that would be interested in participating in a three-way with she and I. Strictly fantasy question. (A bold-faced lie) Cherie said she knew a girl that she has been friends with for several years who is a little freaky. I asked her to describe this girl. She said that they have recently discussed how they would be okay fooling around with each other sexually. This girl is a little younger than Cherie, 25 or 26. She’s a mix of black and white. Her skin is caramel color. She has long brown hair and hazel eyes. Cherie says she’s never had sex with a black girl. But this would be close enough. Very pretty, and a little thicker than Cherie. My girl has an athletic body, from years of running track and basketball. Her friend is a bit curvy, with a round bottom and big breasts. I asked her if she was attracted to her, and she said that she would do her.

I like that they’ve already discussed being together. I ask her how, (in this fantasy!) how it would work? Would we just bring her here and let it roll? Cherie says, “Sure. I could bring her here, and we can have our way with her. I would do stuff to her to get her warmed up for you and then I would watch you fuck her.”

Apparently it’s not cheating if it’s your girlfriend’s idea that you should bang another chick right in front of her in the same bed.

I then came up with some of my own creative scenarios, and Cherie loved them all. This sort of talk two months into a relationship is extraordinary. I’ll have to see how this all plays out, but it’ll definitely play out right here on Phicklephilly.

I feel like I must have done something really good to be rewarded with this angel delivered to me by the gods.

 

She had to go feed the meter before 8am the next morning, so we had to get up early and do that. We’re both exhausted. She has to go home and study and keep writing and I have to open the salon at 11am. We pack up and head out into the chilly, grey light of Sunday morning. She pays for another hour and a half so as not to get a ticket from the overzealous PPA. I tell her she deserves at least breakfast for last night’s stellar performances.

Breakfast is at our usual spot, the Midtown Diner on 18th street. We’re both a little burned out from all of the calories we burned last night so we load up on coffee, protein and carbs. The service is fast, and the food is always on point. Obviously, there’s some sexual innuendo in our banter.

We talk about life and times passed. She tells me how many years ago she had an affair with a girl that she really loved. Her family rejected her and the relationship because it was looked upon as an abomination in the bible and she would go to hell. They actually didn’t speak for a while. I fucking kid you not.

Sad thing was, the girl ended up cheating on her and dumped her. So maybe the family thought little Cherie was just confused and got off the righteous path for a bit and welcomed her back into the fold. Such nonsense.

Cherie said she has given much to people in her life over the years and has gotten little back. People have taken advantage of her kindness in the past. But she’s not bitter about any of it. As always, she is calm and resolute. She has a tight group of friends, support from her family, works hard and stays away from social media.

Some time ago she dated someone for a short time, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Cherie said she just wanted someone to love.

Well it looks like she found someone.

And I definitely have the jam.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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