Belinda – Circus Act

Last Wednesday I wrote about a clown and now here’s a circus of sorts. (See: Andrea – Clowning Around)

This story involves a circus girl I met over Tinder (of course). She had a very interesting profile about her being an aerial acrobatic for a circus that toured all over America, so I swiped right on her. Plus she was super cute. She messaged me on April 1st saying she had a show that night and wanted me to come see it. I had reservations about trusting a stranger I just met online on April Fool’s Day, but I went away, but it turns out she was telling the truth.

I arrive at the venue and I immediately notice it is much smaller than I anticipated. There was no way she was going to be performing aerial acrobatics on a stage with a ceiling only 20 feet tall. I go to buy my ticket and I find that my date is the one selling them! This is a perfect time to introduce myself, so I do, but she doesn’t give any hint of recognition that I’m the guy she has been messaging over Tinder. The line to the window was long, so I didn’t press the issue. The plan was to meet up for drinks after the show, so I just shook it off, took a seat and just planned on approaching her after the performance.

The “circus” was a disaster. The host started off the night by making the most inappropriate, racist jokes I’ve never even heard from my close friend’s mouths. There is a time and place for jokes like that, and I consider myself very open to a wide variety of humor, but when a large group of strangers are furtively looking around to see if anybody is laughing (or offended), then things get awkward fast. His crew was talking loudly and making noise in the back room and he had to talk over them most of the night. Overall, he did not ooze professionalism. He was a contortionists and a sword swallower, and was honestly the only saving grace, and “circus-y” part of the show.

My date’s bit was up second. She didn’t do her usual aerial act, but instead did a…performance…involving a chair and a cream pie. It was nothing special whatsoever, and even the audience could barely applaud in the appropriate pauses meant for applauding. Her following performer, however, is the one that made me leave during intermission.

He was a “performance artist” who walked up to the mic and started reciting a poem. Cool, I thought. It was actually a pretty neat poem, right until he took his pants and underwear off in the middle of reciting it. Fortunately for the audience, he had his dick tucked in between his legs so it wasn’t full frontal nudity per se…but still slightly disturbing nonetheless. He continued the deep, serious poem without any mention of his debriefing and finished his poem by exclaiming “Hail, Satan” and turned around and taking a bow, simultaneously presenting to the audience the good ol’ dick and balls he had been shyly hiding, along with the consolation prize of his asshole.

I had never thought ‘I’m outta here’ so hard in my life. I didn’t even talk to her before I left, and unmatched her the next day.

She sent me a message the following morning thanking me for coming, so she obviously recognized me but was just using Tinder as a way of advertising and getting guys to pay for her shitty circus show.

Reminded me of all of the horrible shit I had to sit through when I was dating Annabelle. (See: Annabelle – 2013 to 2014 – Nice to Meet You)

 

 

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Author: phicklephilly

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