Dating and Relationship Advice – What Is A Relationship Supposed To Be Like?

So I was with this girl for 2 years and obviously I learned a lot, but what has me lost is what I thought relationships were supposed to be? I think I might have been too controlling, and I was wondering if it was wrong of me to basically treat it like we were married when we weren’t?

I always thought when you found someone special, even though there are loads of others in the world, you’d work at the relationship and commit to each other.

If I came across another person that made me feel something for them, out of respect and love for my partner I’d step away and keep distance with the person and go back to my partner. I’d consider my partner in my future decisions like career goals and if I moved, not expecting them to come with me or change their life around, but holding out the option.

I guess I’m just confused here as to what’s the point of being with people anymore? I guess it’s not to have a partner in crime, as opposed to just experiences of pain and holding back feelings and honesty and emotions. It’s fickle and fragile and even if they say they love you, they won’t sacrifice a damn thing for you.

But I shouldn’t expect them to right? So what shall I do? Should I not date anymore? Am I wrong now? I feel so silly for thinking and believing this way. Love is not a special emotion and an act of devotion and commitment? It’s not kindness and sacrifice and compromise?? It’s not honesty?? It’s an experience?

How do I prepare myself for a world of dating?? I hated my past relationships so much because I had to hold back every part of myself with them. I couldn’t trust them or love them. So what do I do now?

What are relationships supposed to be like? Is love more of an experience and not commitment? If you just date someone for the fun they bring you, and then toss them aside when it’s too hard and another opportunity arises, how do I prepare myself for a life like that?


Was this helpful? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject!


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7 thoughts on “Dating and Relationship Advice – What Is A Relationship Supposed To Be Like?”

  1. I guess that the universe has a way of pulling us all into the relationships that we NEED to experience; this is not necessarily a good thing but it makes us stronger in the end.

    Your attitude towards romance is top notch. Being conscientious and introspective will make you a valuable lover.

  2. I think you have to decide what it is you do want and go from there, keeping in mind you may not find it on the first date and it may take many dates for the relationship to reveal itself. Do you want that love and commitment? Then you have be prepared to take a chance and give it. Do you want just fun? Then be clear and do it respectfully. I think there are many more ways to experience a healthy, fulfilling relationship than just marriage or fun, but it can be challenging because there are few guides to non-traditional relationships, and people expect you to do one or the other. It takes work, but all relationships do to some extent, even fun ones. As Jeff said above, the relationship may have a different purpose for you than those two options, so be brave and explore that.

  3. Trust is key and communication. Relationships are all work no matter who it’s with – a parent, a child, a lover, a friend, a stranger, a boss and so on. Have confidence and dream a little – Love will find its way to you soon enough. Treat those how you want to be treated. Be straight about your motives. I’m sure everything will fall into the right place from there.

  4. When I get into a committed relationship, I get completely blinkered, and I am never attracted to anyone else. I’ve always been like that, and that’s just me I guess. But I don’t think most of my partners felt the same way about me, so ‘what is a relationship supposed to be’. I don’t know, I guess I’m still waiting on that one. All mine have been lessons – but lessons of being wary and taking things slower. I’d love to say I had good experiences too, and in pockets I guess they were there but I’ve never had a relationship that I look back on with fondness, one that just ended. I’m trying things differently now to try and change the record. It’s been better so far…..

  5. I was totally committed to my wife, but that was a marriage. However, I haven’t really met anyone, who is available, to whom I am all that attracted, in the years since she passed. If I did, though, I would definitely commit.

What are your thoughts on this subject?