OK, I’ll admit it: I’m a secret slacker. Sure, it looks like I’m motivated. I work hard, and I have ambitions. But when it comes to getting out of bed in the morning? Snooze button. This outfit? Yeah, I’m a freelancer, which translates to a stained t-shirt and cargo pants. As for whether or not I brushed my teeth today — who are you, my mom? Maybe these aren’t signs you’re dating someone who’s not motivated, but signs that you care too much about your physical appearance. What do you think of that?
But in all seriousness — and without getting too defensive — motivation is a matter of perspective. Someone can be so caught up in their career that they let the other aspects of their life fall by the wayside. If you’re looking for confirmation that somebody isn’t as motivated as you, then you are going to find motivation evident in certain areas of their life. Life is hard, and it’s difficult to juggle everything all of the time. Is your partner unmotivated because they are having trouble keeping all of their balls in the air? Or is there an underlying issue that is going to threaten the happiness of your relationship long-term? That is something only you can decide, if you recognize these signs from relationship expert April Masini, of Relationship Advice Forum.
1. Your Date Lives With Their Parents
According to Masini, there are a few situations where it’s normal for an adult to live with their parents — but only a few.
“More likely, your partner who’s still living at home, in their childhood bedroom, but as an adult, is not a motivated person,” Masini tells Elite Daily. “People who are motivated want to get up and out and move on with their lives after a certain age — usually 18 or 21.”
But don’t judge too fast. This summer, I lived at home for three months in my childhood bedroom. I’m 28-years-old and I’m sure that I looked like a complete slacker. But the truth is that I was helping take care of a terminally ill parent — a detail so sensitive, I never revealed it on a first date. There might be way more to somebody’s story than you realize. Life is hard, so exercise some compassion before you judge.
2. Their Car Is Never Clean
According to Masini, a filthy car shows that someone’s not really thinking of their future.
“Whether it’s a date, a business meeting or even family members, when your car is prepped, it means you’re thinking about using it to your advantage for some future event,” says Masini.
Cleanliness can also be a sign that they are motivated to prepare the car for your ride. On the other hand — just to play devil’s advocate — a super clean car might be an indication that you’re on a date with a serial killer who needs to cover up the traces of their crime. But that’s coming from the person with a car full of old coffee cups.
3. Grooming Is A Hobby, Not A Regular Maintenance Item
According to Masini, motivated people are ready for anything, which means they don’t leave the house without brushing their teeth. Or hair. Or showering.
“Hair, nails, and skin are all ways you can tell that someone is motivated because they’re well cared for — or not,” says Masini.
Personally, while I might not be particularly motivated to shower, I make up for it in my motivation to care for the planet. Because showering is a waste of water and I like the way body odor smells sometimes and I don’t care if that makes me a true freak.
4. Your Date Constantly Shows Up Late
Lateness is an indicator of rudeness, says Masini, and a surefire sign that the person you’re dating is not motivated.
“People who are on time are thinking about the meeting or the date they’re showing up for,” says Masini. “And they’re wanting to get off to a good start and succeed, so they show that to you by showing up on time.”
A motivated person will schedule and prepare for their commitments. She says that people who are always tardy just don’t care that much.
“They’re not that interested in success, or not enough to prep and arrive on time,” says Masini.
And what about those of us who are chronically late? Well, I guess we have two options. We can blame our tardiness on trains if we live in a city like New York, or we can be honest, apologize, and admit that although we hate to keep people waiting, sometimes we have trouble getting out of the house because our bed is just so soft and comfortable. Really, both sound like equally fine options to me.
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