There are reasons why a person finds it difficult at first to give up their habit. One of the reasons may be because everything around them reminds them of their bad habit which they want to give up. It could be:
1. Tea or coffee breaks during work when he or she used to light a cigarette.
2. The store he or she used to buy cigarettes
3. Friends who they hang around with who are also smokers.
Identify the anchors preventing you from moving on from your ex.
I made the comparison with quitting a bad habit because it generates the same feeling as what someone suffering from a broken heart is going through. People suffer because they keep on thinking about the person that dumped them. Right now, there are many things that cause you to think of your ex and it’s this constant remembering of your ex that is one of the reasons why it’s hard for you to move on ….and fall out of love with them.
People, in their mind, naturally develop associations or anchors between two events if those two events happened at the same time. This is also known as classical conditioning. When one association occurs, a person’s memory of the other thing will be immediately triggered.
Just like with our example of someone giving up smoking. They would, at first, find it tough at work during their break because he or she used to have a cigarette during that time. They would have already associated their work breaks with lighting a cigarette. This association would cause him to miss smoking more than what he normally would.
It’s the same scenario as relationships and trying to move on from a broken heart.When you go to a place you and your ex used to visit together (like the movie theatre or a park etc), this is what happens:
– You remember him or her.
– And all the memories the two of you had together at that place.
Your subconscious has already “associated” the place with your ex and this causes you to think of them, causing you pain.
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