Your partner cheated on you. You discovered the affair. You both have been working on the relationship and trying to heal so you can learn how to trust again. However, you have been hurt in one of the most painful ways possible and it is difficult to let your guard down.
“What if they do it again? Then I will REALLY feel like a fool!”
You cannot fully allow yourself the joy of being loved if you are protecting yourself from being hurt. And we know there are no guarantees.
So you know you need to take a risk but want to take a smart risk. So, when is the right time to let go and trust again?
Here are 5 possible signs that let you know it is time to let go, let your guard down and go all the way in:
1. They are willing to understand the “why”.
Your partner is very interested in understanding the deeper reasons why they betrayed you. Usually, that means that there was a willingness to spend time with a qualified therapist whether in individual therapy, or couples therapy, or both.
2. You see a behavior change.
As you both discover the underlying reasons for the infidelity, you are able to observe concrete differences in the formerly cheating partner’s behavior. This behavior is a far better alternative to the problem than the affair.
For example, if your partner realized he or she did not feel close to you, you notice that he or she initiates meaningful dialogues on a daily basis.
3. They don’t contact the other party.
There is absolutely no contact with any people with whom the infidelity occurred. Any other secretive behaviors (such as hiding money) have ceased.
You, the betrayed partner, are feeling closer to your partner. Even though you get insecure and suspicious at times, in your calmer moments, you are feeling more at ease.
5. You both are having fun with each other.
Increasingly, you laugh together and you look forward to being with your partner. Of course, you can tell that your partner wants to spend time with you as well. You can see it in his or her eyes and verbal and nonverbal behavior.
Professionally, when I see all 5 signs at least a good part of the time, I encourage the betrayed partner to “go all in”. Of course, it is not an exact science and often when the formerly betrayed partner goes all in, these 5 signs can be enhanced.
Often it is a step-by-step, gradual increase of trust that needs to be nourished along by both partners as well as the therapist involved.
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Teamrock.com referred to Band-Maid as “a dirty rock ‘n’ roll band” that combines “the attitude of Guns N’ Roses and the pomp of Def Leppard.”
I was working at the salon today and writing my blog. I was looking for a video to add at the bottom of one of my posts so I went on YouTube and googled it. I was looking for something that featured an Asian woman. One of the videos that appeared was called: ‘5 best all female Asian bands.’ So just for the hell of it I checked it out. They would just play short little clips of each band’s song. The other four bands didn’t do a thing for me, but the moment I heard the clip by Band Maid I got that old feeling of excitement I used to get the first time I heard a great song by a good band. That rarely happens to me anymore, but every once in awhile some group lights me up. (See: Greta Van Fleet)
These girls may dress like cute little sexy maids, but they could open for Guns N’ Roses and the fans would love it!
I just had to introduce you all to these talented ladies that Rock out!
Band-Maid, stylized as BAND-MAID and formerly as BAND-MAID®, is a Japanese rock band. Formed in 2013, the all female quintet aims to defy expectations by contrasting their submissive maid appearance and their powerful rock music. Teamrock.com referred to Band-Maid as “a dirty rock ‘n’ roll band” that combines “the attitude of Guns N’ Roses and the pomp of Def Leppard.” Originally signed to Gump Records, an imprint of the Platinum Passport artist management and talent agency, itself a division of Avex Group, they switched to major label Crown Stones in 2016.
Band-Maid formed as a four-piece in July 2013. Vocalist/guitarist Miku recruited guitarist Kanami, who brought drummer Akane (who had played support drums for Kanami during her live shows as singer-songwriter), Akane in turn suggested bassist Misa (having known her previously from attending the same music school). They had their first live perfomance at the PP Audition held at Osaka Deep on July 24. Vocalist Saiki then joined the group in August and they performed as a five-piece for the first time at the P Festival at Shibuya-AX on August 22, 2013.
Since their formation, Band-Maid has regularly performed live at various venues around the Tokyo area. The group released their debut mini-album Maid in Japan in January 2014, written in collaboration with musicians Masahiko Fukui and Kentaro Akutsu (the latter formerly of the musical group Zero).
In August 2014, Band-Maid released the maxi single “Ai to Jōnetsu no Matador”. In November 2015 they released their sophomore record New Beginning. The band undertook a tour of Tokyo venues to promote the album through February 2016, culminating in a sold-out concert on February 14. In March they had their first overseas performance at Sakura-Con in Seattle, Washington.
They dropped the “®” from their name in April and released their major label debut, Brand New Maid, in May on the Nippon Crown sublabel Crown Stones. In October and November 2016, Band-Maid went on their first world tour that took them to Mexico, Hong Kong and six countries in Europe.
In January 2017, they released their first full-length album titled Just Bring It. It was preceded by the single YOLO, released on November 16, 2016. They appeared at the 2017 Golden Melody Awards & Festival in Taiwan on June 23 and 24, 2017.
Band-Maid’s image is modeled on Maid café hostesses. In interviews, they explained the concept came from founding member Miku who had previously worked at the Noodol Cafe in Akihabara. The subservient maid theme is continued by the band referring to their male fans as “masters” and female fans as “princesses”, and their concerts as “servings.”
The group aims to defy expectations with their look and sound. Their “cute” and submissive maid appearance contrasts with their wild and dominant rock music. Second vocalist Saiki was recruited to allow a larger variety of music with two different voice types.
Miku draws inspiration from Japanese enka music, Kanami is a big fan of Carlos Santana, Akane is a fan of Deep Purple and Maximum the Hormone, particularly the latter’s female drummer Nao, while Misa likes The Smashing Pumpkins and Jimi Hendrix. Miku has loved singing since she was a child and attended a vocal school around 2012, but started playing guitar with the formation of Band-Maid the following year. Saiki started singing when she was 14 and Band-Maid is her first band. Kanami has played classical piano since she was a child and began playing guitar when she joined her high school band club. Misa started playing piano at around 3 or 4 years of age, she also played the trumpet, alto horn, guitar and vocals through elementary and middle school. Akane plays the drums, trombone and piano.
Akane and Kanami also perform as guest members of the acoustic group Mochi to Cheeze (もちとちーず) (roughly translated as “Rice Cake and Cheese”), a sub-unit of the Platinum Passport group Predia.
Miku Kobato (小鳩 ミク) – guitar, lead and backing vocals
Kanami Tōno (遠乃 歌波) – guitar, backing vocals
Akane Hirose (廣瀬 茜) – drums, backing vocals
Misa (ミサ, stylized as MISA) – bass
Saiki Atsumi (厚見 彩姫) – lead and backing vocals
These cute babies ROCK! I Love this band!
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