Dating and Relationship Advice: There Are 4 Good Reasons to Leave a Relationship — And 1 Really Bad One

Breaking up is the worst.

And not just because it makes you sad and regretful once you do it, but because deciding whether to part ways in the first place takes so much mental and emotional energy.

So here’s a framework that can help make the decision a little easier. It’s based on advice from Linda Carroll, a marriage therapist (and Courtney Love’s mom).

Carroll appeared on an episode of the “Art of Charm” podcast to talk all things love and relationships and shared four reasons to leave a relationship immediately:

 

1. Your partner is abusive

It doesn’t matter whether the abuse is physical, verbal, sexual, emotional, or financial, Carroll said. You need to leave.

Carroll added that even couples with major issues could figure out how to make the relationship work — but in the meantime, you should “get away and move away and protect yourself.”

2. Your partner has a character disorder that manifests in lying and jealousy

Carroll specified that this was a red flag only if “it’s constant — it’s not just a bad moment.”

Again, she said that if your partner is really committed to overcoming these issues, it’s possible to make the relationship work. But in the meantime, you should get some space.

3. You’ve done all you can do and it’s just not working

“It doesn’t mean that somebody’s bad,” Carroll said. “Maybe you got together because you were needy or you didn’t choose well.” Or maybe, she added, what worked for you at age 22 doesn’t work for you at age 40.

The point is that relationships take effort — but there’s only so much effort you can put in. At a certain point, it might be time to cut your losses.

4. You just know, ‘deep in your gut’

When you “just know” you need to call it quits, Carroll said, it’s not a “panicky” feeling.

It’s not that intense feeling of “I can’t stand this person!” that you get when they’re chewing too loudly. It’s also not that dramatic feeling of “I’d rather be single!” that arises when they tell the same story for the billionth time.

“You know, for your own reasons, that you really are done,” Carroll said. “It probably less to do with the other person than with you.”

couple fighting annoyed complainHere is one very bad reason to leave a relationship: Your partner is an ordinary person.

If you don’t feel madly in love every day, or if the things that made you fall in love are now annoying you, that’s not a definite sign that you should break up.

In fact, other relationship experts seem to agree that sometimes being miserable, bored, frustrated, and/or angry is part of the deal when you get married. (The same logic probably applies to long-term relationships, too.)

As one marriage educator put it, “There will be times when one or both” people in a relationship “want out and can barely stand the sight of each other.”

Bottom line — and we know this is annoying — no one can make the breakup decision for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly       Facebook: phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

Philadelphia, PA, USA

Author: phicklephilly

Copyright © 2016 by Phicklephilly All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All stories and characters are based on real people and events. The names and images have been changed to protect their privacy. Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we’re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!”

2 thoughts on “Dating and Relationship Advice: There Are 4 Good Reasons to Leave a Relationship — And 1 Really Bad One”

  1. I agree with all of these. One very bad reason for GETTING INTO a relationship is : Mutual friends badgering you-“What’s wrong with …..?” (Aside: The woman in the picture looks like the manager of my gym-A pretty, but very angry woman who has a propensity for alternating heat and cold, in turnstile manner.)

What are your thoughts on this subject?

%d bloggers like this: