Signs of Abusive Relationships

Are you in an abusive relationship which affects your freedom, curtails your independence and spoils the entire happiness of life? Are you well equipped with the knowledge and information on the ways of recognizing when the partner turns into abusive? Many people go on moving ahead with abusive partners as they misunderstand the abusive behavior of the partners as possessiveness, extra care or over affection.

But it is, in fact, an abnormality in relationships and if not realized in time and mended in the way it should be, abusive behavior can spoil the relationship and affect the entire peaceful atmosphere of life itself. Certain people misconceive abusiveness as physical attack or dominance. But in fact, abuse can be emotional, psychological, financial sexual or physical.

Psychologists reveal that many a time, abusive behavior is the result of imbalanced or unstable mentalities of the partner. When he/ she takes control over the partner or tries to express the affection excessively, it may become abusive. Abusive relationships are unhealthy and destructive for both the partners in relationships. There are certain visible signs of abusive relationships.

Signs of Abusive Relationships

Being Over Possessive

Being over possessive is the most obvious sign of abusive partner. Possessiveness is part of every relationship and it is a must-to-have factor of relationships. But in certain cases, the partner may become excessively possessive, even to the extent of obstructing the freedom and forgetting the dignity of the partner.

An over possessive partner may keep the track of your time and demand you to inform each and every movement of yours to the partner. In the modern world every human person, male or female, may need to interact with many people and move around many places. If the partner insists you to inform or get permission from him/her to do everything in life, then it’s a kind of abuse. They may try to cut off all your social contacts and restrict you to even meet your friends and relatives.

Frequently Accusing

If your partner accuses you for every ill-happening in life, then he/she is exhibiting the sign of abusive relationship. They may always look you through the glasses of suspicion and may not let you take your own decisions. Many a times, the accusing may occur because of abnormal levels of affection and the partner is afraid or doubtful of your ability to perform certain actions. Whenever something goes wrong, he/she may assume that it is because of your inability, the mistake occurred.

Multiple Affairs

Having multiple affairs and being unfaithful to you in life is abusive, of course. Relationships mean mutual respect, understanding and faithfulness. A person in true relationship should consider the partner as one and only person in life, not just one among many. Having multiple affairs may make a person less committed and less affectionate.

Improper Criticism and Public Teasing

It is been observed that abusive partner may criticize improperly with a mind of destructing the partner. When somebody criticizes the partner unwontedly or tease the person before friends or strangers, then he/she is trying to implement the authority over the person in the most undesirable way. This is an obvious sign of abusive relationship.

Physical Abuses

Physical abuses like slapping, hitting, threatening etc., are most visible signs of improper relationship. People get into relationships not to be controlled over or dominated over. Instead of loving, caring and sharing, if any partner gets into physical threatening, then the relationship is to be ended. No one, even the life partner has rights over a person to abuse him/her physically. When a person gets into such activities, it is to be taken seriously and retained from such relationships at the earliest possible opportunity.

Sexual Abuses

Many people suffer from sexual abuses in relationships. Sex is not the aim of relationships, but only a means to attain happiness in relationships. The advised mode of sex is which gives happiness and satisfaction mutually. Many people get into the concept that any sexual activity is accepted in relationships. Many a time women become prey of weird fantasy of male partners. Everything sexual activity is accepted in relationships provided both the partners enjoy it. What is against this is abuse and to be resisted and avoided.

 

 

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Cheyanne – Who’s The Plug?

I met up with my lovely friend, Cheyanne at Davio’s at 17th and Sansom Street recently. The day is hot. Davio’s is on the 2nd floor of the Club Quarters. It’s nice and cool in the restaurant and it’s nice to be up off the street. Feels a little more exclusive.

Cheyanne is a brilliant business woman, life coach and motivator of people. She has a good mind when it comes to people and relationships. Whenever she’s in town for appointments with clients, if she can, she’ll squeeze me in for a drink or two.

We’re sitting at the bar. I’m sipping an ice cold martini and she’s having a glass of wine.

“Let me run a scenario by you, Cheyanne.”

“Sure.”

I place the plug to my phone charger on the bar. “This is the woman. Then I place my phone to the right of the plug. “This is the guy.”

“Okay.”

“There’s a woman I know who’s in a relationship with this guy. She sees him a few times a month, but sometimes less.”

“Why so little time together?”

“She works a lot, works weird hours, and is very busy with that.”

“What about the guy?”

“He lives about an hour away and works at two different jobs.”

“How long have they been together?”

“About a year.”

“Any problems?”

“Apparently none that has ever been mentioned.”

“So what’s the question?”

I pull out a pen from the pocket of my blazer and place it to the left of the plug.

“Who’s that supposed to be?”

“The pen is another man she met recently.”

“Oh…”

“Plug girl still loves phone guy very much and is happy with him.”

“Then why is she dating pen guy?”

“They just met up one day and there was chemistry.”

“Does phone know about pen and vice versa?”

“No. She says she likes them equally but for different reasons.”

“I see.”

“So what do you think is going on there?”

“Well she’s obviously not getting enough attention from phone guy. Regardless if she likes them equally, she’s not being honest with them or herself.”

“How so? She’s not hurting anyone. She’s just enjoying the company of both of these men.”

“Is she having sex with both of them?”

“Phone guy obviously, but it seems inevitable with Pen guy.”

“If she’s seeing both of them then and neither of them know about each other than she’s never giving all of herself to either guy.”

“But why does anyone have to give their all to anyone. Couldn’t she simply enjoy both of them and when the one is around give him her all and when the other one is present do the same?”

“No, because she’s living a double life and not being truthful with either of them. She’s cheating on both of them and they think they’re in an exclusive relationship with her and their not.”

“But why can’t she simply like them both and spend time with them both and sleep with both of them if she cares for them equally?”

“Because the guys think she’s their girlfriend, and she’s not being truthful about what either relationship really is. She’s living a lie.”

“Okay… Well thank you for that. I’ll explain that to her when I see her.”

“I have to get to my next appointment. It’s been great seeing you as always.”

‘Yea, you’re awesome, Cheyanne.”

She starts to walk out the door, when she suddenly turns to me.

“You’re the plug aren’t you?”

“Goddammit.”

(The plug is me. and the girls are Cherie and Ambria)

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am  & 12 pm EST.

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