3 Red Flags You Don’t Love Your Partner As Deeply As They Love You

Not every romantic endeavor has to be about connecting on a deep, soulful level. If you recognize these red flags you don’t love your partner, don’t think that means the relationship has gone to waste. We have to encounter all different kinds of people as we go through life, and each one of them teaches us important lessons about who we are and what we want. If this relationship wasn’t for you long term, that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t meaningful.

But if you know, deep down, that you are dating someone you won’t ever love deeply, it’s important to check in with yourself about your motivations for staying in the relationship. Are you afraid of what it would mean to be single or “alone”? Are you undervaluing yourself and what you have to bring to a relationship, thereby cutting yourself off from a relationship you might actually want?

If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then ask yourself what this person is giving you that you aren’t willing to provide yourself. You might find that you had everything within you all along.

Here are the signs that you are dating someone you won’t ever love deeply, and it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

1. You Aren’t Speaking The Same Language

Communication is the cornerstone of any serious relationship. If the two of you aren’t on the same page about what you want moving forward — or if you haven’t even broached it at all — than both of you might have some avoidance about addressing where you are actually going.

Or, both of you might be doing a lot of talking that doesn’t actually get to what you both want. You might struggle to feel heard in the relationship, or you might be unable to hear your partner out when they want to talk about “where this is headed.” Serious conversations shouldn’t daunt you in a deeply loving relationship.

“The most important part of a relationship is communication,” said Three Day Rule’s date coach and matchmaker, Nora Dekeyser, to Elite Daily. “If you do not have this, you are not respecting each other and clearly don’t feel for the other as you do for yourself.”

2. You Fantasize About Breaking Up With Them

Every relationship has some ups and downs now and again, but if every down makes you fantasize about ending things once and for all, then that’s a major sign that you aren’t fully invested in the relationship. You’re imagining a way out for yourself because, subconsciously, you know that things would be better off for both of you if you called it quits.

According to relationship expert and bestselling author Susan Winter, frequently imagining leaving your partner is an indication that there is a “palpable emptiness in the relationship.”

There’s no reason to hang on to a relationship that isn’t feeding and nurturing you in the way that you need, either for you or for your partner. Both of you deserve to find people who can support you in the ways you want to be supported. Don’t put off finding what you really want in favor of complacency or comfort. Bitterness will soon follow.

3. You Feel Alone In The Relationship

I’m often baffled by stories of couples who are treating each other worse than their friends would treat them — and tolerating it. What is a relationship if not a deep, loving friendship between two souls?

“Love eventually turns into a true partnership between best friends that are also attracted to each other,” Dekeyser explained to Elite Daily. If your love has not transformed into such a stable relationship, then it might not have had a stable source from the start.

You don’t owe it to anyone to stay in a relationship where you aren’t happy — least of all to yourself. If these red flags ring true for your relationship, really take some time to ask yourself what you’re getting out of this partnership and whether it’s worth staying in it any longer or if there’s truly hope that things will work out.

 

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Ambria – Chapter 6 – Top Secret

Went on my third date with Ambria today. Normally your typical date lasts a couple of hours and off you go. Well not with this one.

She’s off on Mondays and Tuesdays so I planned a lunch date with her for Monday. I thought the usual Monday move of Cavanaugh’s Rittenhouse, because it’s half off cheesesteak day. But I changed my mind, and thought I should take her somewhere else a little more interesting. I know she goes on the restaurant’s website and checks out the menu and Cavanaugh’s is just simple bar food and sandwiches. I need to take her somewhere with a little more flair. I change the venue to Devil’s Alley. I let her know that morning and she replies in text that the food looks good. So I’ve made a good choice.

Devil’s Alley has sumptuous southern cuisine. The dining room on the main floor is spacious, and they can open the front  in nice weather. There is a bar upstairs and more tables near the front. They can also open that in nice weather. The rest of the floor is a long row of two tops along the wall all the way to the back where they have one big long banquet table. I hear the owner is a tyrant, but the food is always consistently delicious and the serving staff and bartenders are always really nice.

I had been running around right before that, and arrive at 12:45 and snag a quiet table upstairs. She’s in touch and tells me she’s getting off the train and is on her way over to the restaurant.

Instead of being 45 minutes late like last Wednesday night (I know, nurse stuff. All is forgiven) She comes up the steps and back to my table. I stand and give her a hug and a peck on the cheek. We sit and I look at my phone. 12:59. Well done Ambria. You made it.

The server, CJ comes over and is great. Sweet guy with good energy. Twenties. Probably working his way through college. I know what we must order first. The spicy dry rub wings. It’s six delicious morsels of amazingness. Ambria has to try these bad boys. They’re like nothing else in the city.

She orders the Satan’s Cooler. This is a crisp vodka driven cocktail with hints of fruit. I order a Diet Coke. It’s her day off, so it’s like her Saturday. It’s my real Monday and it’s a bit early for me to start hitting the sauce. She doesn’t know it yet, but I plan on spending some time with this lady today. Let’s see what happens. I said I wanted to get to know her better, and putting in solid time with her we can learn quite a bit.

She loves the spicy wings as I knew she would. Everybody I bring here loves them. When my friend Duncan comes to visit, he always gets two orders of them… and he lives in the South! They’re consistently that good.

She follows that up with the B.L.T and I hit the pulled pork sandwich, which is always good. Normally I go with a little hot sauce on the side, but I’m on a date, and I don’t want to be running to the bathroom and then coming back with tears in my eyes later.

Our lovely lunch lasts until 2:30, which is good. Hour and a half. Service was great and so was the food and especially the company. I have such good rapport with this girl.

We split the bill down the middle and head outside. It’s spitting a little still, but it’s not bad. She asks what we’re doing now, and I tell her I have some ideas. She asks if we can just walk a bit. She starts to realize we’re going to hang out some more. That was my plan all along. I tell her I know a spot where we can chill out until the rain subsides.

I take her over to Sofitel. She’s never been there. The Liberte Lounge is such a chill spot. I like hanging out there whether it’s at the bar or the lounge. We both realize how chilly it is in there. I think other people notice it as well. We move up to a pair of seats by the front windows so we can people watch.

This very nice French gentleman comes over and asks if we’d like something to drink. It’s 3pm so technically I should be good to go. We ask to see drink menus but I know I want a glass of chardonnay with a side of ice. She goes with the rose. We sit and chat and sip those two glasses for over two hours. That is highly irregular for me. I can drink oceans of chardonnay in no time flat. But it’s a lovely segue to happy hour. We’re in a different state of mind than last Wednesday. She was late, and stressed from work and wanted a pitcher of margaritas.  I was down for that, but today is just gently unrolling before us.

After about an hour of sipping our single glasses of wine, (Which she insists on paying for) we head across the street to Square 1682. My boy Roman is working the bar so the hook up will be happening. Ambria can’t believe I’m getting the hook up, but I tell her I’ve been coming here for a long time and it’s a good deal for everybody.

But after one drink we decide to go over to Dan Dan to see my buddy Chet and get some chicken pot stickers and whatever else she wants. I would have stayed at Square, but for some reason my Spider Sense was tingling and I just wanted to get out of there for some reason. Like I was going to run into someone I didn’t want to run into.

So I pay the bill and we walk a block over to 16th street to Dan Dan. It’s a great little spot and my buddy Chet is always good for keeping happy hour going for me anytime I go there. We get the pot stickers and some drinks.

This has been a lovely day with this lady. She’s sweet and funny, and I love the sound of her voice. It’s soft and warm. Just like her. I can’t believe my good fortune. Lightning has struck and it’s beautiful.

We stay for a bit and then it’s time for her to go home. I’m tired too after our nine hour date. It’s been glorious.

We kiss a bit while waiting for her UBER. It’s like our lips were made for each other. The car comes and off she goes until next time. I’m glad we’re taking it slow and dating each other. I can feel the pressure building in her. The desire rising to the surface.

Soon.

 

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