5 Signs You’ll Have Good Emotional Chemistry, Based On The First Few Dates

Most dates have the potential to be pretty bad. So why do we keep dating? Why do we keep signing up for an experience that often winds up being a letdown? Well, the answer is actually pretty obvious — when a date is good, it can be really good. There are usually signs you’ll have good emotional chemistry pretty quickly in the first few dates, but learning to interpret them properly takes practice.

That’s why even bad dates are a good thing, because according to relationship expert Susan Winter, “Reading the situation properly depends upon your level of experience with human nature, and dating.” She adds, “The more you date and the more you learn about people, the better your skills of discernment.”

But what exactly makes for good emotional chemistry? According to Sasha Aurund, social psychologist and founder of Psych N Sex, “Chemistry is the emotional connection when we feel ‘drawn to’ someone else. Our subtle behaviors and dispositions that positively connect with another individual keep a positive empathic loop going.” In other words, your date is picking up the energy you’re putting out and sending it right back your way.

While good emotional chemistry is more about a vibe you share than any actual biological function, there are some behaviors and specific feelings you get when it’s happening. Here’s how to know for sure if the chemistry is there right from the beginning.

1. You Feel At Ease With Them Almost Immediately

Meeting new people, even ones you’ve talked to online or on the phone, is always a little nerve-wracking, especially on a date. But the thing about good chemistry is that it can make those jitters melt away. When you’re on this kind of a date, you immediately feel comfortable. “Your new date’s energy and attitude puts you at ease,” Winters says. “There’s a palpable difference with this person, and it feels easy and natural to be in his or her presence.”

2. You Are Comfortable Just Being Yourself Around Each Other

One way to know you’re clicking is that the date doesn’t require too much effort. You can simply be yourself with someone you share good emotional chemistry with. “Your new date has the kind of vibe that allows you to be yourself,” Winters says. “You automatically since that you don’t need to edit yourself, your statements, or your attitude. You can simply ‘be.'”

3. You Have The Same Level Of Openness To New Experiences

One of the ways that you can tell that the good chemistry is something that will extend beyond the first few dates, according to Aurund, is a shared level of intellectual curiosity. In other words, are you both on the same page about being open to new experiences? She explains that “good emotional chemistry isn’t the same as having the same interests, but rather having a similar level of intellectual curiosity and wanting to try new thing – specifically with this person.” Aurund says that this is a big factor in your compatibility, because, if you have similar levels of openness, “you’re more likely to be open to trying new things, that you both will enjoy,” down the road. So it creates instant chemistry and bodes well for your future connection.

4. You Don’t Feel Pressure To “Sell” Yourself To Them

Sometimes dates can feel like a job interview. Your dating app profile was the résumé that got you the interview and now it’s time to show this would-be “love employer” why you should get the job.But here’s the thing — if you have good emotional chemistry, there is none of that nonsense. “You don’t need to ‘sell’ yourself,” says Winter. “In the past, you’d often feel the need to impress your new date. Somehow, in the presence of this person, you can simply relax and feel OK about yourself.” So, if you find yourself feeling the pressure to prove you’re worth on a date, get the check and G.T.F.O. — this person isn’t the one.

5. They “Get” Your Sense Of Humor

The most obvious sign of good chemistry is if they get your sense of humor and vice versa. “Whether you’re prone to sarcasm, wit, or just plain being goofy, a date [with a good emotional chemistry] understands your sense of humor and likes it,” explains Winter. Because what’s the point of spending time together if they don’t make you laugh or don’t get why you are hilarious in your own way?

How To Be Sure What You’re Feeling Is Real

Finding the holy grail of a good date is the best feeling there is. And, for the most part, you will know it when it happens. You can trust your gut. However, there is one thing to watch out for, according to Winter, and that is fooling yourself into seeing what you want to see. “We imbue our new partner with heightened qualities of intellect and interest. We color in the fantasy of our perfect partner as we create the design of what we imagine them to be. This is an aspect of the ‘new love haze’ that can occur, to a greater or lesser degree, for all of us,” she says.

If you feel like there is chemistry, but you want to be sure that it’s not just “love haze,” Aurund says the best policy is to just ask your date if they are feeling it too. “Usually, with chemistry, you know what you’re feeling and think you can safely assume that the other person is feeling it too,” she explains. “But the only sure way to confirm this, and save yourself a heartache, is to ask. You don’t need to ask in a way that sounds too pushy or direct if you don’t feel comfortable doing that. You can use subtle cues and smaller indirect questions.”

Dating can be hard, but when you find someone you really click with, wow is it totally worth all the work — so hang in there!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

 

Facebook: phicklephilly                  Instagram@phicklephilly

Ambria – Chapter 7 – Monday Meeting

Before she got in the car she said, “Who are you?”

I was planning on taking Ambria to the movies on Monday afternoon. We both like matinees so we settles on a film and I scheduled us for the 1pm show. But a few days later she had to take her Mom’s boyfriend for his colonoscopy. It was at 10am and then there is recovery, and then she would have to drive him home because he’d be out of it. So it could go on until 3pm. I figured we could go to the 4pm show. But I told her no pressure. We could always go to the movies next week.

I was also wondering this: Her mother passed away back in January. Can you still technically have a boyfriend when you’re dead? Ambria referred to this gentleman as her mom’s boyfriend. I cleared this up with her later that evening. They were together for years but her mother always claimed that he was just a “friend” not a lover. But I think it’s nice that she’s still friends with her late mother’s beau and does things to help him out. Ambria is a giver, hence the career as a nurse.

The day goes by and she’s in touch. It’s 3:30pm and she says she can meet me in 40 minutes. I tell her to go to 16th and Chestnut.

“Where?”

“Just go into Two Liberty by that coffee shop. I’ll be there when you get there.”

I come into Two Liberty at 17th street and cut through Bloomingdales just to cool off. It’s another hot day. I cut through the shops and food court and head down the steps to the 16th street entrance. I can see Ambria sitting by the window at a little table. She looks lovely. She’s wearing a light sundress with flowers on it and I see that she has straightened her hair. I like the baby curls, but straight looks very chic as well.

We greet and give each other a little peck on the lips. She wonders what adventure we’re off to today, and I tell her what I’m looking for.

“Well I was looking for a place with a few things.

1. It’s a hot day, so it needed to be a cool place.

2. You’re special, so it needed to be a cool space.

3. It needed to have an early happy hour because we’re meeting at 4:30 instead of 5pm.

4. It needed to have an elevator because my ear has been stuffed up lately and I thought a nice long elevator ride could pop it open.”

“Wow. You’ve really though this through.”

“I have. Come with me.”

We step outside onto busy 16th street. We walk a quarter of the way up the street and go back into Two Liberty. But it’s a different entrance. It’s the entrance to the residences as well as the only way to get to R2L.

R2L stands for Restaurant at Two Liberty. It’s a Daniel Stern spot and probably his most successful just due to its location. The 52nd floor. The walls are all windows to see the city. I’ve always found the food mediocre, but the view is spectacular and the place looks posh. It’s a great place to take someone on a date to impress. I wouldn’t hang there, but it’s a good jumping off point.

Great thing is, we’re early. 4:20 to be exact. Ambria’s never been there and she loves the place. The view isn’t really what it should be because of the heat. The humidity clouds the view. If it were a cool clear day, you could see for miles from the bar at 52 stories up.

I order a vodka martini straight up with a twist, Ketel One. She goes with theLoree’s Jones, named after one of the regulars that always ordered this drink so they named it after her. It’s got citron vodka, ginger liquor, peach, and soda in it. It’s pretty good. It’s a light crisp cocktail.

My drink on the other hand arrives and it appears to be a weak pour. I taste it and I can taste the vermouth. It’s not a good martini and certainly not worth the $12 to $14 price tag that I’m sure it has on it. She likes her drink, and I tell her mine is weak. The bartender is young maybe he doesn’t have a vodka martini quite down yet.

“Shall we ask him if he’s in training?”

“Oh my God, Ambria. You are so bad!”

We giggle and I tell her that although it’s only going to taste worse as it gets warmer, it’ll still do what it’s supposed to do. In a bit she orders and other one and I get a beer. I just wanted an ice cold Corona to wash the foul taste of the poorly made martini that I just drained.

I tell her I know another place a block away that is nice, cool, and up off the street. When we finish our drinks she compliments me on my 4:30 choice but agrees we should try the other place. She insists on paying the bill. (Am I falling in love?)

We head to the elevator and she’s rubbing my back. We get in and we’re the only ones in there and we kiss. It’s a sweet stolen moment that belongs only to us.

We walk over to 17th and Sansom. Davios Italian Restaurant is on the 2nd floor connected to the Club Quarters. It’s a slow Monday night. Big Chuck and Cort are on the stick so we should be in good shape. She gets a vodka cranberry and I go with another martini. This time it’s the right pour, and it’s clean and cold with tiny flecks of ice in it. Just the way I like it.

It’s summer now, so it’s quiet at Davio’s on Mondays. I know the staff doesn’t like it, But I do. We chat with Big Chuck and he’s always charming and funny. He brings out the  brochette, fries and olives for us to munch on for free. They used to give out free pizza, but they don’t anymore. We decide to just hang for the one drink, and then head down to Square next door for the hook up.

I introduce her to Roman, and tell her who he is and who he is to me.

Ambria had a few vodka cranberries and I was sipping oceans of chardonnays. She wanted to go to the ladies room and I knew she wouldn’t be able to find it so I told her I’d take her upstairs and show her where it was.

As soon as we got up there we started making out like a couple of teenagers. It was glorious. I really like Ambria.

We hung there for a few hours. Sipping our drinks, laughing and chatting. There was some hand holding and some gentle caressing. But we were at my bar so we tried to be discreet. There was another trip upstairs for more private necking.

The bill comes and it’s the usual super low amount. I love Roman. He’s my favorite bartender in the city. She hands me some money towards the check. Ambria’s great.

When we were tired I called her an UBER.

Before she got in the car she said, “Who are you?”

I’m assuming she said that because she can’t believe how well we’ve connected. The car disappears into the night. She blows me a final kiss to send me home.

I text her some movie possibilities she may be interested in.

“Check it out, dear.” I text.

“Okay my love….” was her reply.

Yea. She said that.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

Instagram: @phicklephilly                                Facebook: phicklephilly