Paying For Dates In A Long-Term Relationship is Tricky & Here’s How To Do It

Paying at the end of dates (especially in the beginning of the “courtship”) is always a touchy subject, with varied opinions on how to handle it. Some people believe the person who invites the other out should pay; some think splitting is the way to go; and sometimes, people dictate who pays based on how the date is going. But what happens when you’ve been dating for years? Paying for dates in a long-term relationship is definitely something you should figure out with your partner, and see what works best for you both. And as your finances may fluctuate, your regular go-to paying practice may change, too.

To get down to the best methods for paying for dates in a relationship, I spoke with matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking Susan Trombetti and founder of Crated with Love Tyler Turk. Here’s what you need to know to navigate paying, avoid awkwardness, and get directly to the romance.

Have a conversation about what you’re comfortable with.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who makes significantly more or less money than you, you may want to discuss how to work out paying for dates in a way that makes financial sense for both of you.

“If one person is in need of some financial support… the best thing to do is to have an open and honest conversation about [it],” Turk tells Elite Daily. “It may seem awkward at first, but it will help your relationship in the long run. When it doubt, talk it out.”

In a long-term partnership, if one person makes less money and therefore pays less for dates, or less often than the other, as long as that person “does what they can do financially, it is all fine,” Trombetti tells Elite Daily.

Trombetti says that in a relationship, both people should contribute, even if on the earlier dates it didn’t start that way. She also doesn’t think splitting the bill – or “going Dutch” – is the best route to take. “It’s practical but doesn’t lend to the romance,” Trombetti says.

Depending on how serious you are, “my” money may become “our” money.

Some people do prefer “going Dutch” though – at least in their bank accounts. After some time in a long-term relationship, your finances may no longer be separate, which can factor into how you view paying for checks.

“If you’re at the point in your relationship where it’s ‘our’ money, then splitting the bill is probably irrelevant and cumbersome,” Turk says.

At that point, if you have a shared checking account and your finances are all pooled in the same place, you’re technically splitting the bill anyway.

Do what feels natural for the two of you.

For some couples, just doing what feels right could work best. Turk attests that this works for him and his wife – they developed an “unwritten code” in which they’d remember who paid for what, and take turns paying.

“Whenever she picked something up, she’d pay, whenever I picked something up, I paid,” Turk says. “If we were out to dinner, we typically kept an internal recollection, and just switched off. It was an easy transition once we got serious.”

At the end of the day, what works best for you as a couple is up to you two. Be sure you talk out your financial concerns with your partner, so you don’t harbor any ill-will regarding money between you in the long-run.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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Phicklephilly – Double Life

“The seed is gold. The price of gold goes up in a crisis.”

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I’ve been in a relationship for quite some time.  This is a subject I can only discuss with my emotionally and morally bankrupt friend johnny R or my friend Robert who will understand. I can’t go to Church with this because he can’t even manage his own shit and has no clue as to how to navigate his own life, let alone the world of romance and women. I hope by the time you read this, he’s sorted out his life and moved forward. (See:Church – Brand Ambassador)

So I’m going to address the 600 pound gorilla sitting in the room we call phicklephilly.

When you have lived the life I have, my story isn’t for everybody. I hope you know what I mean. You have to compartmentalize your life. There are those in your life that can embrace your darkness and those that admire it but never get to be on the show.

Phickle is in a pickle. The most glorious pickle that men would pay money to be in. I’m in love with two women. For the first time in my life this has happened.

I usually meet a girl. Start dating her. If things get serious and we’re compatible, that leads to love and off we go. She’s the only woman in my life. I’m getting older, and I figured the women I would date would get older and more scarce. It’s been just the opposite. I’ve done better in my late forties and fifties than I did in my mid twenties to mid forties. (I was married for 8 years from 28 to 36)

I’m a one woman man. Through and through. What has happened with the last three women in my life is this: They have all been younger than me. So we’re always in different places in our lives. (My mistake, but I don’t chase them, it just happens) We go out for a while, then we’re in a relationship, and they bring up that they may want to get married and have kids. That’s when it ends. They love me, but they know I’ve already been married, divorced back in 2001, have my daughter Lorelei, and paid out over $125,000 in child support.

I’m not risking that again. If I were to marry again, (Which I highly doubt) It would have to be clear that we’re not having kids. If that happened and I fucked it up, my Social Security payments would be going to my ex-wife. So no go.

But back to my current dilemma.

I’m really falling for this lady. I’m happy in my current relationship, but I met Ambria and we’re a good match. I haven’t slept with her yet, but I know it’s inevitable. I don’t even know why I did it. I’m not unfaithful. I’m happy with my current girl. But then it comes to me.

I did it because I could.

(Just like in the film Jurassic Park. Ian Malcom says: “You had the technology that you could re-create dinosaurs, but you never gave any thought to SHOULD you create dinosaurs?”)

My current girlfriend Cherie lives far away out in Pottstown and Ambria lives out in East Falls, just outside the city. But neither of them really come into the city. Current girlfriend is a student at Temple. That’s in North Philly. She has no reason to come into center city. She works at CHOP but not at the one here in the city, she works at a branch of Children’s Hospital out by where she lives.

Ambria works as a Nurse Practitioner up in Kensington. That might as well be in another city. (And a shitty one at that.)

Am I really a two timing, cheating, bastard? Technically, yes. But if I look at this in an open-minded adult way I think I can justify my actions.

My current girlfriend Cherie works a lot of hours and has a 6-year-old son to raise. She’s also in school. After she graduates, it’s off to medical school. I see her once or twice a month for a few hours or a single overnight. When we have time, we go out and do something, then eat and then back to the batcave for sex and sleep. The next morning I take her to breakfast, and then put her on a train back to Pottstown. Sometimes it’s just back to the batcave for sex, sleep and breakfast. Her life is that busy and her time is that limited.

At my age, I’m fine with it. I’m just happy to be getting laid at all. But that’s pretty much my life with my girlfriend. She’s great. She’s smart, she’s funny, and she’s a nymphomaniac. I love being with her and I can really feel how much she loves me even though our time together is short.

I also like my time alone, with my friends and my work and business. I love women. I just don’t want to spend a bunch of time with them. I like a little quality time and some distance. I need her to have her own life, friends, work and priorities. I need to be a part of her life but certainly not the focus. I should never have to “put my time in” like I did with insecure Annabelle (See: Annabelle – 2013 to 2014 – Nice to Meet You) so she doesn’t feel neglected.

I’m just getting started with Ambria and I certainly didn’t think this would happen. I think about them both. I’m happy with them both. Like I said, I’ve never been in this situation before, where there just happens to be two great women in my life and I like them both for different reasons, but can’t just choose one and jettison the other. Why would I do that? I don’t want anyone to get hurt. And no one has to. For right now I want them both. I’ll see Cherie when it’s convenient for her on the weekends that she can get some free time, and see Ambria once or twice a week.

This is pure phicklephilly.

If you look at the actual time spent with these girls, mathematically it’s like only having one girlfriend that you see only part of the time. There’s no demands. No perfunctory chores or doing shit you don’t want to do. These two relationships read like my blog posts about my ex-girlfriend, Michelle. (See: Michelle – 2007 to Present – Nice to Meet You) What I mean by that is this: My relationship with Michelle was as complex as any relationship where you live someone you love. But these two relationships, because of the distance and limited amount of time spent with them both, it’s like the Michelle blog. Simply our Greatest Hits. When I’m with each girl, it’s just the best of Phicklephilly.

I get to be in a relationship with two great girls that I don’t see all the time, and it’s all the fun stuff. It’s all the things that keep a relationship fun. Now granted, I know it can’t always be this way. Relationships always progress and are usually pushed forward by the woman. But in this case I may have dodged that bullet, because Cherie doesn’t want any more kids, and Ambria told me she is unable physically to have children. So, win, win!

Of course there’s the moral dilemma. But I’m not feeling any guilt at this point. I’m treating them both well and giving them my full attention when they’re with me, and nothing’s changed. I’ve simply added another person into my life with whom I enjoy their company.

I think this may have risen from Cheri’s extreme limited availability. When she’s here it’s like I run a sexual marathon for 12 hours and then the whole amusement park shuts down for three weeks to a month and goes dark. Then the process starts all over again weeks later. We text and all, so there’s always a connection, and I’m fine with that. But there are long periods when baby is just MIA.

It’s rare for a man to find not one, but two women with which he’s compatible. Let alone at the same time. I like this arrangement that I’ve created and for now it’s working. I’m going to enjoy this wonderful opportunity as long as possible and do everything to be discreet and keep the girls happy and satisfied.

You know what would be insane? Cherie is bi-sexual, and open to a threesome with another girl. Ambria told me that about 10 years ago she went through a faze where she was into girls.

You don’t think I could…?

 

Thank you for not unfollowing me for being a two timing slob, but I assure you the story gets better and so much more sordid.

And that’s what you all want right?

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8m & 12pm am EST.

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