Lexi – Last Laugh

I have this friend. She’s pretty attractive, and she’s got a really magnetic personality. But she’s the type to rarely, if ever, get into a relationship with someone. She just goes out on a bunch of random dates with people and generally keeps it casual.

I was one of the people she occasionally “kept it casual” with. On multiple instances, we went out on some dates. On multiple other instances, we hooked up. Truth be told, all of those instances were awesome: the dates were fun, and the hook-ups were really fun. It was especially cool because the whole time, we both knew that once the night was over, we’d just be friends, and maybe sometime down the road we’d hook up or go on another fun date again.

About a week before her birthday, Lexi starts complaining that nobody is doing anything for her birthday. Her family is out-of-town. Nobody’s throwing a party. She’s basically going to be sitting at home with her cat. I’m like… That’s a shame. She’s cool, and I’m free. Incidentally, I remember she likes Max Brenner, this fondue restaurant that is a sort of pricey go-to date night spot in our city. That weekend, they have a special prix fixe menu that’s focused on “aphrodisiacs”. Kind of cheesy stuff: strawberries and chocolate, etc. But, I knew she’d dig it. I ask her out, and she’s super stoked. So much so, she’s going on about it all week on Facebook: “I love Charles so much! I’m going to have an amazing birthday!”

Now, I’m going to pause for a moment and come clean. I genuinely do want to show her a good time for her birthday. But, I’d be lying if there wasn’t a hope that the good time also resulted in us hooking up again. I mean, I didn’t think it was unreasonable, given our history.

So Lexi’s birthday rolls around. I pick her up, we go to Max Brenner. We ham it up and act like a couple during the dinner service. The host even remarks about how cute we are together. Since the theme of the dinner is aphrodisiacs, we’re both being kind of flirty with each other. There’s some footsie. There are some instances of us both getting a bit handsy and then joking, “oh, my! How inappropriate! Lol.”

I’m kind of digging where this is going.

Dinner ends, I take her back to her place. She invites me in. We sit down on her couch, and she snuggles up to me. She turns on the 10:00 news.

OK… I guess she’s into the news? Doesn’t seem particularly sexy. But then she says:

“Do you mind if I get comfortable?”

“Uh… Not at all!”

She takes her blouse and bra off. Well… That’s awfully comfortable. So I’ve got this sexy half-naked woman cuddling on me. Cool. I slide my arm out from under her and start to unbutton my shirt. I get about 2 buttons into it, and she’s like… “What are you doing?”

I say that I’m getting a bit more comfortable. She looks confused and says, “Uh. Okay.”

So… Now I’m confused. Rather than keep going, I just unbutton the top 3 buttons of my shirt. I say, “Ah, yep, there we go”, and put my arm back around her. At least now I’m not the dweeb who totally misread things and took his shirt off.

The evening news rolls into the Tonight Show. She says, “oh cool! I like (xyz guest that is on)“. Then she gets up and says,

“This skirt has GOT to come off. I’ll be right back.”

Well… Alrighty then! She goes into her bedroom. She returns with a fleece blanket, and she’s covered neck to feet in sweats. She sits on the opposite end of the couch from me and wraps herself up in the blanket.

We sit through the monologue. We both chuckle at some jokes. Then she says,

“Hey you can stay and watch the show, but I think I’m pretty tired. Can you lock the door when you leave?”

Uh… Okay. I know my cue to leave. I tell her I’m just going to head out now. I give her a hug and then I hit the road. I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I mean… People don’t usually just randomly take their clothes off like that. But I try to see the bright side of it: the date itself was fun. The food was nice. She seemed to enjoy her birthday dinner. I can’t be butthurt because I didn’t get laid.

This is where the story should end. In fact, if this is where it had ended, I wouldn’t have been upset. Had a date, didn’t get laid. It happens. But that Sunday, the mutual friend group Lexi and I were a part of had our usual get-together at a local pub. We just hang out, chat, and have drinks. But usually about 10 people show up because it’s a long-standing thing we do. We basically took over the patio every Sunday.

I’m sitting near Lexi and a few other women. Basically everybody in our group knew that I took Lexi to Max Brenner for her birthday. Several of the women were talking about how awesome it was that I’d do that. One of them remarked about how sexy it was that the dinner was aphrodisiac themed. Trying to be funny, another chimes in with,

“Yeah if a guy took me out to a dinner like that, I’d totally put out!”

Lexi does a spit take of her drink, and she laughs. Then she smiles really big and says:


Like… Is she really serious right now? She blurted it out so loud, the scene was like a sitcom where a record scratched and everything went silent. Everybody around us from our group had heard the exchange, and they all just sat there like 😐. Things went from jovial to downright awkward in an instant.

I was flabbergasted and completely embarrassed. I did something nice for her that I didn’t have to do. I went in not expecting to get laid, but I wasn’t against it. When it was clear that wasn’t happening, I didn’t act like a douche or anything– I said good night and left. But, here we are at the bar, and Lexi just called me out, like I was some jackass who spent a bunch of money on dinner and drinks but got played in the end.

I felt like shit. I finished my drink and left. Afterwards, I got some calls from a few friends, and they said that what she did was pretty messed up. I have a reputation for doing nice things for people without expecting anything back. She lost a lot of respect that night.

I wound up staying in touch with her, but I’ll be damned if I’m ever taking her to dinner again. We went from “friends” to “acquaintances” that night.


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Author: phicklephilly

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2 thoughts on “Lexi – Last Laugh”

  1. Wait, Charles! Why do you feel like “a jackass”? You were a gentleman and ought to be commended for that. Despite having hooked up with her a few times before you still respected her boundaries. I think that’s cool. Rather than feel played or like a jackass you should feel great about respecting her, not misleading her actions of undressing and leaving when it was obvious she wanted you to go.

What are your thoughts on this subject?