The Way It Is Right Now

“Just because your sorry, doesn’t make it alright.”

I like Ambria and I’m ready to suit up and be the Dark Lord. I’ve been writing this blog for two years now, and I can’t believe my good fortune. Am I living a lie? Am I cheating on Cherie? To the world, yes. I’m simply compartmentalizing my life for the first time and doing what I want.

I once asked my father if there was one piece of advice he could give me for life, what would it be? He simply said: “Go through this life and hurt as little people as possible.”

That is a great piece of advice for a father to give his child, but he never lived that way. I know he only said it so I wouldn’t be like him. He was a good man but he hurt plenty of people, including my mother, me, and others, but I believe it’s all a numbers game. Ultimately my father was a good man. But I understand why he was the way he was now.

“Hurt as little people as possible.”

I don’t want to hurt either of these terrific women, but life is what it is and this shouldn’t even being happening to a man my age. I’m swimming in a bounty of female pulchritude that would rival Hank Moody on the show Californication on Showtime.

This behavior may disgust some of my female readers but I am living my life and I have never been in this situation before.

I don’t feel like I’m cheating on anyone or even being unfaithful. I thought the guilt would set in at some point and I’d have some moral dilemma with all of this, but it hasn’t happened. I am very kind and a gentleman, but this opportunity has magically presented itself to me and I like it.

I am giving both of these amazing women equal time and love and all that goes with it. Most men don’t get these opportunities and most men couldn’t handle it anyway, but I’m not like most men.

Not in the slightest.

When you get to my age, with a grown daughter and you’ve been through the busted dream of career, marriage, and all that goes with that, it affects you. All of the failed relationships because of what you’ve done and the choices your younger self has made for you, you change. Some men go sour and turn bitter or cling to their youth. I am relieved my youth and nonsense are behind me.

I’ve lost good women in the last 15 years because I didn’t want to marry again and have more children. I could have done that with these great girls but I would have been miserable. I would have been living their idea of the American Dream and I would have died inside again. I can never go through what I went through ever again like I did in my marriage.

My father once said to me that I should have never gotten married. That wasn’t a swipe on my character, (I knew when he was doing that) what he meant was, I’m just not the marrying kind. I’m better at being the romantic boyfriend that is wonderful to you when we’re together, but as much as I love you, you need to go away, honey. I want an intense time with you and I will be better than anybody you’ve ever met, but you need to go away. I need to be alone now.

Cherie. Super busy with her life in school. The 27-year-old nympho that is absolutely the most sexual being I’ve ever met, who is getting her degree and raising her son and working at CHOP. Lives an hour away. I adore her. Perfect.

Ambria. Lives in East Falls. Gorgeous, 35. Nurse practitioner. Makes a great living. Owns her own house, a rental property, and a condo at the beach. Kisses me like my girlfriend and I get to see her at least once a week. I love her too. Perfect.

So for now I’m keeping them both. They both appear to love me more than I love them. That’s not a bad thing. Someone in the relationship always loves the other person more. If you can find true equality in a love affair than you have rubbed a lamp somewhere. Because that shit is rare.

I’m getting older. My value is going down. Every day I am wiser and more calm, and more together as a man than I have ever been. Maybe that’s why this delicious gold has been poured into my lap. (literally!)

I’m going to go forward with this. I could end up alone, but like I always quote: “Better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

 

I’m living the life I want to live…

 

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6 thoughts on “The Way It Is Right Now”

  1. I agree with you and wish you the best. I am your female equivalent, although my 2 guys are tiered, main and back up. I’m 53 and lived my life always doing for others, including being married for 20 years to someone who never truly saw me. Now is my time. I’ve been given the gift of libido, and who knows how long it will last? Main guy is great, and miraculously like me doesn’t want to be married or cohabitate. He also needs a lot of time on his own, which I’m happy to give him. This year he needed to go off and sort himself out more than usual. I’m ok with that, but my libido can barely take a few weeks without, nevermind months. So I got back up guy, and it’s great. Main guy is back, and I don’t feel any guilt either. We’re all doing what we need to do. I like to think of it as being connected to each one, without attachment in the sense of having expectations about what we all should and should not be doing. I work to be respectful to each and when I am with one, I give him my full attention. That’s what people really want, right? To be in than moment, experiencing each other fully. Not all of us are meant to be married or cohabitants. But everyone should be allowed to explore what’s makes sense to them. I’ve enjoyed following your journey and appreciate your honesty about it. Thank you.

    1. I love your comments and wish I could post them as a separate blog, they are so good. I think in this day and age, and where we are as a community, we must seek out our joy, and please those around us because we love them equally for different reasons. I have grown to understand compartmentalization as I’ve grown older and am so proud of it. In 2019 I want to take it to the next level, and I will. More to come. Some will stay. Some will fall, but we are going to have a helluva good time along the way before we die!

  2. Great post. I think what I like the best here is the honesty and transparency. I think far too often we have been brainwashed with the Disney-mentality of “happily ever after”. I think people come and go in our lives. We should cherish and hold them while they are there and release them when they go. There are times and seasons for a reason. Why do we want spring all the time?? There are seasons to the soul and indeed our lives as well. Embrace that.

    1. Thank you Tara. I thought I would lose followers and women would hate me, but quite the contrary. I’m not getting any younger and everybody’s happy. I want to enjoy my life as much as I can. It will go whatever which way the wind blows. I’m fine with all of that.

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