Why showing vulnerability might be the #1 superpower of the 21st Century

Today, we believe that showing vulnerability = weakness. At least, that’s when we believe mainstream media, or when we watch too many comic book movies.

When you dig a level deeper you’ll discover that showing vulnerability actually does something more profound.

You might have been lucky enough to have had a leader, that was able to show their vulnerability. It might be they said, “I don’t know, what do you think?”. It might be they actually asked for your help, or perhaps they shared their personal story of adversity.

The 7 words, “I don’t know, what do you think?”… are probably one of most powerful words that you as a leader can have in your arsenal.

Consciously you might not have picked up on it, but the vulnerability they shared, wasn’t meant to but them in the spotlight.

It was meant for you. It was meant to open you up. To connect. It was meant for you to join the game of connection.

Why is showing vulnerability so powerful?

  • It shows you are open to put other people first
  • It shows you are willing to admit you don’t have all the answer
  • It shows you trust other people
  • It shows you care more about the group than about yourself

Next time when you are in a situation that you don’t know the answer. Admit it to yourself. Then share it with others.

Showing vulnerability is an invitation to play, to build mighty things, and to create meaningful relationships with one another.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Shayada – Doughnut Girl

I met lovely, petite Shayada on OkCupid.  She’s all of 5’1″ tall. Just lovely little thing. She’s from Thailand and describes the way she writes and speaks, as “Tinglish”. (Thai & English)

We obviously were a mutual match, so we get to chat. She went first, and opened with this:

“How about if I look like my pictures? Do you like donuts? The most delicious donuts are in the terminal market. Would you like to try?”

That’s as adorable as she is. I have to go eat a donut with this cute girl. No one’s ever said that to me before. We exchange numbers and switch over to texting to set it up.

A week and a half later we schedule our “donut date” at the Reading Terminal Market for Saturday at 4pm.

I get there on time, (Of course) and she texts me that she’s already there and in line at the donut place. Reading Terminal is huge. Check it out:

http://www.readingterminalmarket.org/

I search around the place that’s full of people from all over all milling about and eating and drinking. The place is literally an orgy of food.

I find where she is and the place is called Beiler’s Doughnuts. She’s in line, wearing a light blue dress and a cute hat. We greet each other, but instead of going in for the hug I shake her hand. I think it’s because she’s Asian and so tiny. It just felt better to me. She buys a box of donuts. Probably a half-dozen and what I’m assuming, one for me.

She has a groupon and apparently that bangs the price down so that she only has to pay $ 0.50. I’m a cheap date. What can I say? I order us a couple of smoothies to go with our donuts. We chat and I bite into my little donut. It’s moist and delicious. Apparently people love these donuts. I’m not a fan of donuts in general, but this is a good little pastry.

I’m doing my bits and she’s laughing so much. I love making women laugh. I like making anyone laugh. She asks me if too much laughter can cause pain. That’s how much I’m making her giggle.

We chat and I learn more about her.

She’s from Thailand. Was married for several years and has a daughter who’s 20 years old. She and her husband separated around 19 years ago and never got divorced. He’s working with the Thailand government and is all about the cause or resistence in Thailand for the people. Didn’t want to be a husband or father, so they split up.

She moved to the US with her daughter under asylum. She’s gotten her green card and apparently has been here for a long time and is good to go in terms of citizenship.

She runs her own business, some sort of self-help, good for the mind and body type thing. She’s written five books on the subject and frankly, I’m impressed. She’s a little hard to understand because it’s noisy in the market and her English is a little rough.

I ask her how it’s been for her romantically since she got here. She says she had two boyfriends and neither of them worked out.

“But legally, you’re still married.”

“Yes.”

“So, what are you looking for now?”

“I’m looking for friends. I need friends.”

“You went on OkCupid, clearly a dating site to look for friends?”

“Yes. It’s in my profile. If you read it you would know that.”

I grab my phone and look up her profile. I read through it. (I thought I did this already.) Sure enough, there it is, “looking for friends.”

“I already have boyfriend now. Two years.”

“Wait…what?”

“Yes. We together for two years.”

“And he’s cool with you going on a dating site to look for new “friends?”

“Yes. He works in agriculture. He just wants to stay home all of the time. Do things around the house. Never wants to go out and do anything. So I’m looking for friends to go out and have fun with. I’m also looking for my soul mate.”

This doesn’t make much sense. What the fuck even is a “soul mate?”

“So let me get this straight. You’re still legally married to your husband of 20 years. You’ve had 2 boyfriends that didn’t work out, and now you have current guy, that is cool with you meeting men on a dating site and meeting them for donuts?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me… why so many donuts for such a tiny lady?”

“They’re for my daughter and her friend, who I am meeting after this,”

“Okay… okay.”

“I am looking for friends to hang out with and do things around the city instead of sit home doing nothing. Also I am looking for my soul mate.”

“Yea, you said that. Shouldn’t the guy you’ve been with be your soul mate?”

“No. No, he’s not my soul mate.”

So have you met anybody that you’ve made friends with recently?

“Yes, but they always try to push it to romance.”

“Well can you blame them? You’re an attractive woman on a dating site. You’re swiping right and these guys don’t read profiles. They just go: Hot looking chick. Swipe right. Next!”

“Yes. Probably so.”

So I’m thinking about this, and I kind of like this girl. I’ve got two, should I go for three girlfriends? No. I wouldn’t mind having Shay as a friend. She’s smart, she’s a published author, and she’s cute as hell. So I’m going to keep making her laugh, and just be a friend. She tells me she doesn’t really drink so it looks like it’s going to be touring around the city this summer or going to shows and movies. It will most certainly have to be halfsies because we’re “friends.”

I can see what’s going on here. She doesn’t want to cheat on two years in guy, but she’s clearly bored with him, and wants to meet new “friends” who could possibly become her “soul mate.” Well in my book, if somebody is your soulmate, you better be sleeping with them.

She calls for an UBER and I walk outside and wait for it with her. She’s so petite and cute. I really would like to hang out with Shay again. The ride arrives and she hugs me goodbye.

After our little meeting, I thank her with a text. She texts back.

She proceeds to text me everyday since our donut date. She even sent me a pic of she and her daughter. (Who is also a sweet baby) She did tell me last week that she was going on a Mindfulness Silent Retreat for 5 days.  I don’t know what that is, but it has been quiet lately.

Hopefully I’ll hear from her this week. I’m going to play along with whatever role she wants to put me in. I’m going to play in the friend zone and see if she falls for me. That would be awesome. If not, I’ll just drop her in the bucket with Alice, Carly, Prova and the rest of my female friends. But if she falls off I don’t care. I’ve got my hands full with Cherie and Ambria. Hell… I wouldn’t even care if Ambria disappeared at this point. I’m having such a good time. Cherie is the keeper. I don’t want to fuck that up.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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