Lisa – Cuts Like A Knife

“I miss all of our time together. We should hang out soon.”

This was a few years back, but it just popped back into my mind.

One night I was at a bar with a group of friends. We were hanging out like usual, when this woman walks in. My friend jumps up and says, “Oh! Hey! Lisa! Holy shit, I haven’t seen you in years!”

She comes over, and she and my friend catch up, then she joins us at our table. Throughout the night, I couldn’t keep my mind off of how she had these incredible blue eyes. It turns out, I noticed them so much because she kept them on me all night. This girl is cool as hell. I’m really enjoying just talking to her, and there’s some light flirting. As our group thins out, we switch to a smaller table. She sits next to me. As the other two people leave, it’s just us.

Then it’s the end of the night. This never works for me, but I thought, what the hell? I invite her back to my place. She says that’d be great. Long story short, we get to my place, and we waste no time hooking up. I tell her she can crash at my place if she wants. She says she’ll take a cab back to get her car, but she leaves me her number and says, “This needs to happen again. Soon.”

Okay, this works for me! I’m a single dude, and I don’t have any irons in the fire. This situation winds up repeating itself 2-3 times a month for about 4 months. One of us hits the other up, we wind up at my place, we hook up, she heads out and wishes me a good night.

Finally, one night, we’re laying there after it’s all said and done, and she says, “This is nice. I really like this.” Then, she snuggles into me.

So I think to myself: She’s super cool. I could totally see us being something more than just hooking up a few times a month. So I ask what she means by “this”. She waves her hand in a circle. She says, “This, all of this, you.” Then, she curls into me even more. I say, “Well, this could become more if you want it to.” She says that sounds nice, and falls asleep on me.

Morning comes. She’s up and showering. She says she’s got to be somewhere early. She gives me a kiss, and she heads out.


I quit hearing from her.


She doesn’t respond to my texts. Her Facebook profile goes dark. I don’t know if she’s ghosting on me, or what. Did I scare her off? Did she change her mind? I mean, I didn’t bring up things getting more serious until she seemed like she wanted that.

After about a month or two of not hearing from her, I write her off, and I get on with my life. I wasn’t too torn up by her not being around after my friend tells me that she’s done this before in the past with other guys.

Fast forward 2 years. I get a text from a number I don’t recognize.

It’s Lisa. She’s asking how I’m doing. She’s asking if I’m seeing anybody. As it happened, I wasn’t. Then she says:

“I miss all of our time together. We should hang out soon.”

I respond with a resounding yes. After all, she was really cool. But, I decide to myself that I’m going to come into the whole thing expecting her to ghost again, so I’m just going to take things at face value, nothing more. She offers to swing by in a couple of days.

A couple of days later, she shows up. Instead of hanging out on the couch, we hang out in my dining room and kitchen while having a few drinks. After about an hour of that, she says she needs to go get some stuff from her car. I’m a bit confused, but I’m like… okay, whatever you’ve gotta do.

I see her pull a duffel bag out of her trunk. I think… Wow, did she pack an overnight bag or something? Guess it’s on tonight!

She takes the bag and sets it on the dining room table. It makes a clinking noise like she’s just set down a bag of silverware. She says, “There’s something I want to show you.”

She unzips the bag, and the first thing I see is a cardboard box with the word CUTCO on it.

…You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

A friend of mine nearly sold CUTCO knives years ago, before she realized it was such a scummy company to work for. I politely sit there while she goes through the whole pitch: watch the knife cut a beer can, a piece of thick rope. Watch the scissors cut a penny. Then she asks if I’d be interested in buying any.

I tell her, truthfully, that I just bought a new knife set. She has the nerve to ask if I could return that set and use the money to buy a CUTCO set. I tell her I’m happy with my knife set. Then I make up some story about forgetting that I was supposed to go to a buddy’s rock show that night, and I needed to get ready.

She packed up her stuff, gave me a hug, and said she’d text me later. I never got another text from her.

Fast forward to about 4-5 months ago, I see she’s married and has a kid. Good for her, I guess. But, I still think it was pretty sketchy of her to bring up our past history of hooking up to use that as a way to slide in and sell me some cutlery.

Man, did she have some crazy blue eyes, though.


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