Check out 5 reasons why it’s important to put your spouse before your parents

Keeping your spouse at the top of your list, above your parents, is vital to the success of your marriage. That does not mean you don’t love and honor your parents. It just means your spouse comes first.

Devotion to your spouse is vital to the success of any marriage. In the Bible the apostle Paul was teaching the people about marriage and the duties of husbands and wives when he said, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh… . Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:31-33).”

In order for marriage to flourish both husband and wife need to leave their parents and start a new home together. From that moment they need to be number one in each other’s life. That doesn’t mean they don’t love and care about their parents. It simply means that the top priority has now changed from parents to spouse.

Here are a few reasons why this is so important

1. It shows honor and respect for your spouse

When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. The same with a husband. When you talk together as a couple about your problems and seek answers in a united way, it strengthens your marriage. Parents can be consulted, but it’s best done with both of you present, not going behind each other’s back. That doesn’t mean there won’t be times when one-on-one time with a parent is needed. It just means that running to a parent is not your first or usual response.

2. It shows your spouse and your parents that your marriage is solid

If one or the other keeps running home to Mom or Dad, complaining about his or her spouse, it can be damaging to your marriage. A mother of a young married daughter told about how her daughter was continually telling them bad things about her husband – nothing big, just annoying things like he doesn’t pick up his clothes, he watches too much TV, or a myriad of other nit-picky traits. When this happens the parents can’t help but feel like you married a loser, even though there are wonderful things about him that you love. If they have a skewed view of your mate due to your continual barrage of negatives, they may not give you proper counsel, even may encourage you to leave him. Unless there’s abuse, that would be disastrous. When you put your spouse first, your parents and your spouse will recognize how important your marriage is to you.

3. It creates a stronger intimacy with your spouse

When your focus is on your mate then each other’s needs can be met. There is a bond of devotion where deep sharing of thoughts and experiences kindle a love that can be experienced no other way. This kind of intimacy opens the door to a more romantic relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re number one, genuine intimacy is hard to achieve. Allowing your parents to have that number one spot can put a damper on your relationship. A woman told us about how her mother-in-law called her son every night at bedtime. She said, “Just when we finally have some alone time after the kids are in bed the phone rings, and it’s her. The other night we were snuggling on the couch enjoying each other when it rang. We knew who it was. My husband always feels obligated to take the call. It’s taking a toll on the intimate side of our marriage.” This couple solved the problem by the husband telling his mother this was not a good time to call. They then set a time that worked better for all concerned. Most parents want their kids to have a happy marriage and will respond to such requests. Taking this action helped his wife realize how important she was to him. Setting boundaries with parents in a kind and loving way is important. Keeping close to parents matters, and it can be done without jeopardizing your marriage.

4. When things get tough you can count on each other

When you’ve kept each other at the top of the list, there will be no question about loyalty to and from your spouse. A couple told of a time the husband lost his business. He said, “My wife was by my side the whole time, cheering me on, right up to the bitter end when the business collapsed. I knew that even if my parents or others criticized me for taking this risk, she would stick up for me.” No one chooses to fail, but if it happens it is comforting to know your spouse is right there to buoy you up. That goes for other kinds of challenges, as well. When you have kept each other as a priority, you’ll be there for each other through the hard times. Your spouse is your greatest support system. Parental love and support is nice to have, but in the end it is your spouse who is by your side daily.

5. When your parents reach the end of their lives, having your spouse by your side will be very comforting.

Keeping the relationship strong with your mate can make all heartaches a little more bearable, particularly this one. If you have been respectful and loving to your parents, all the while keeping your mate as your priority, your memories will be sweeter and your marriage will be stronger.

A caution

In all of this, don’t push your parents away. Include them in ways that work for you and your spouse. A loving relationship with parents can be very helpful in keeping your family strong. You and your spouse can build that relationship while keeping each other as your main priority.

Thanks. I hope this was helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece.


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7 Playful Daily Habits That Keep Your Partner Drawn To You

At the beginning of a relationship, attraction, fun, and even romance can all feel second-nature. Every time you’re with that person is fun, everything they do is sweet, and it doesn’t feel like you have to do anything in particular to keep them close. Once you’ve been together for a while, however, you might start to find that daily life has a habit of getting in the way and it just takes a bit more effort to keep things feeling as playful and fun as they did in the beginning. Playful daily habits that keep your partner close can help you both feel drawn to one another, while also feeling like there’s some fun injected into your daily life together.

Of course, not every part of life will always be fun and playful, but incorporating playful habits into your daily life can help your relationship remain strong, happy, and healthy, even when life doesn’t always go the way that you’d planned. These habits are relatively simple and most don’t even involve that much effort — and some might be things you already do — but they can make a real difference in how the two of you feel. From complimenting your partner to making them laugh, there are lots of little things that you can do each day to keep them drawn to you.

1. Compliment Them

People like compliments, even if it’s hard for some people to gracefully accept them (myself included). Giving your partner a genuine compliment, not just one that feels forced or that you didn’t really mean, can totally keep your partner drawn to you. Online dating expert, CEO of Cyber Dating Expert, and the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating Julie Spira told Reader’s Digest that “compliments are the quickest way to put a smile on your partner’s face.” They make you feel good about yourself and who doesn’t like that?

2. Celebrate The Little Things

Who says you’re only supposed to (or allowed to) celebrate the big, momentous occasions in each other’s lives like birthdays, big promotions, and anniversaries? “It’s less about extravagant outings and more about the little, everyday things they did together,” Dr. Sheri Meyers, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship, told SheKnows. Celebrating those little, seemingly insignificant events in your lives can be something fun between just the two of you and can make you feel closer as a couple.

3. Make Actual Plans

n an interview with Bustle, Esther Boykin, a marriage and family therapist, said that for couples who’ve been together for a long time, doing something romantic and fun can take some planning and effort. Making plans with your partner, even if that just means that you’re going to make dinner and intentionally spend some time together, can keep the two of you close.

4. Show Them You’re Happy To See Them

More often than not, you’re happy to see your partner when they walk through the door, right? So why not show them that? Tonya Lester, L.C.S.W., a couples therapist, told Women’s Health that many couples get worn out over the course of the day and immediately put all of that on their partner when they see them. Instead, Lester suggested that you make an effort to be obviously happy to see them. She said that you might find that it’ll change some things in your relationship. Plus, it might have the added benefit of actually making you feel better about your day, rather than focusing on what made it feel long and exhausting.

5. Make Them Laugh

Daily life with your partner can sometimes get serious and mundane, with talk of bills, chores, and the like, but making each other laugh — and laughing together — is still important. “When couples get out of the habit of laughing together, their relationship is at risk of losing its joy and spirit,” Dr. Samantha Rodman, a clinical psychologist, told HuffPost. That’s not good. Share funny stories or inside jokes with your partner every day — it’ll keep the two of you close.

6. Have Fun Together

Feel free to give in to the playful moments with your partner that might crop up each day. As Meyers told SheKnows in the previously-mentioned article, adults need play just like kids need play and having fun and being playful with your partner can help you relax and strengthen your relationship. No need to be so serious all of the time.

7. Send Them A Text

Getting in the habit of sending your partner texts each day is another thing that you can do that can keep your partner drawn to you. In an interview with Psych Central, Ashley Davis Bush, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist, said that staying connected throughout the day can keep you close emotionally. Funny texts, flirtatious texts, and more all fit the bill. They let your partner know that you’re thinking about them, even when you’re not together in person.

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