The 12 Things You Should Tell Your Spouse Every Day for a Happier Marriage

Are you in less of the honeymoon phase and more of the “don’t forget paper towels on your way home” part of your marriage? Saying these little phrases daily to your husband or wife could help you stay close.

“Good morning” (and “good night”)

Make it a habit to start your day saying “good morning” and ending your evening with a “good night.” A simple “Good morning, sweetie” can start both of your days on a slightly brighter note. Climbing into the bed after a long day and saying “good night” lets your partner know that the relationship and the connection you two have are a priority. Even if your schedules don’t allow the both of you to wake up and go to sleep at the same time, you can still make a quick call or text letting your other half know you’re thinking about them.

“How was your day?”

Many times couples will get so settled in their marriage that they tend to forget how they used to be, back when they talked to each other almost constantly. Don’t let this habit die. Sharing some of the highlights (and lowlights) of your day (and asking your spouse about theirs) is a great way to ensure that both of you are still a part of each others’ lives. An additional benefit of simply asking “how was your day” is sensing their mood, and knowing when it’s your cue to show support.

“I’m proud of you”

Letting your spouse know that you are their biggest cheerleader is one of the keys to a happy marriage. You don’t have to wait for them to do something grand to let them know how proud you are. Whether they help your kid to grasp that tricky math problem or fix the paint job in the downstairs bathroom, show them that you support all of their goals and achievements. It lets them know that their hard work, big or small, isn’t going unnoticed.

“You make me happy”

Of course you’re happy with your spouse, but how often do you actually verbalize that? Letting them know how they make you feel has lasting benefits. Even if it’s just “I love how you make me laugh,” you’re showing them that you value the relationship and the fact that he or she is part of your life.

“What do you think?”

A marriage is the ultimate partnership—so asking your spouse’s input on a daily basis is key. You want your partner to feel and know that you’re in this together and that you value their opinions and feedback on decisions big and small—from where to go to dinner Saturday night to where your kids should attend college.

“You are hot/gorgeous/handsome”

If you don’t compliment your spouse, how can you expect them to feel appreciated or wanted? Even if you tend to see the no-makeup or sweats-wearing version of your partner way more often than the all-dolled-up one, it’s very important to let your spouse know that you’re just as attracted to them today as you were in the beginning. This will make them feel confident and amazing as they go about their day. We all like to feel sexy and desirable, so if your spouse still gives you those warm and tingly feelings inside, let them know! Even just flirting with them or having some playful banter will do wonders for your relationship.

“What are we doing tonight?”

Couples can easily get stuck in a rut with their daily routines and forget to leave room for quality time together. Having date night is statistically proven to save your relationship, and it’s a great way to get out the house and have some alone time, but remember you don’t have to dine at a fancy restaurant or take in a Broadway show to enjoy each other’s company. Just making time for one another to hang out and relax with no phones, laptops, or tablets is a great way to connect at the end of the workday.

“I’m sorry”

Hopefully you won’t have to say this every day, but you should be humble enough to say “I’m sorry” and take responsibility when you’ve done something to upset or hurt your spouse. Nobody’s perfect, and you’re going to make mistakes, but what’s more harmful to your relationship is when you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes and become defensive, or make excuses, or worse, get angry. Avoid these phrases that can make any fight worse.

“Please” and “thank you”

You say please and thank-you to everyone you come across on a daily basis, so your spouse should hear those words from you as well. Wouldn’t you rather have your spouse say, “Honey, can you please take the dog out? I’m on a call. Thanks—I appreciate it” than “Why haven’t you taken the dog out?” The love of your life will know that you truly value them and their efforts.

“I miss you”

This goes inline with saying, “I’m thinking about you.” To be missed and thought about is a compliment, even if you see your spouse every morning and night. Chances are, you’re both at separate jobs apart from each other during the day, which makes the time you do see them so important. A simple, “I miss you” doesn’t come off as clingy; it just means that you miss being in their presence.

“You’re my best friend”

11-things-tell-spouse-for-happier-marriage-Your spouse shouldn’t just be your spouse, they should also be your best friend. This isn’t a degrading or “friendzoning” term, either. You’re in this life together, so hopefully you will be happy doing almost anything together – even if it’s doing nothing. You should also be able to tell them anything without a fear of being judged; trust is a key foundation in building a successful, happy relationship.

“I love you”

You can pretty much never say this enough. Say these three words as often as possible no matter how long you’ve been with your partner. “I love you” will never lose its meaning. Don’t think that just because your partner know you love them that they tire of hearing it. Some people don’t like to overstate it, but this is the easiest—and most important—thing you can tell your spouse. However you like to say or show it, you should make sure your spouse knows how much you love them every day.

 

 

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Wildwood Daze – The Union Jacks – Dirty John – Part 2

Living at the shore always brings you to the beach. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is. If you live in a city you go meet up in a park or a bar. If you live at the shore when the shit hits the fan, you head to the beach.

I go home covered in puke and my mom is cool with the rock and roll lifestyle.

“Is Wolfie okay?” My mom was totally fine with my best friend/lead guitarist blowing chunks all over me.

I’m in a working rock and roll band, and we’ve had an incident with our youngest underage member.

“I think he’ll be fine.”

“Let’s get your clothes into the washer.”

I loved that my mom was always on board to dispose of the evidence.

But I just loved that mom was ready to make it all go away.

 

I hadn’t heard from Wolfie and prayed he was still alive

It was a real growing step in this new band and I was fearful about what could happen to us going forward.

A day passed and I spend the day worried about my friend.

There were was no email or text social media back then. You either get a call or somebody shows up at your door.

I get a call on my land line from Wolfie.

It was 7 pm.

24 hours after my best friend had lost his shit.

“What happened last night?”

“Lets meet up and I’ll tell you the full story.”

We meet up and Wolfie seems fine. He’s just young and confused. Nothing like this has ever happened to him, and that has to be jarring.

Your first blackout can be frightening. I’ve been there many times and it never gets any easier. I never let it happen anymore. I totally manage my life now.

So, I meet up with Jim and we go to the beach.

Living at the shore always brings you to the beach. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is. If you live in a city you go meet up in a park or a bar. If you live at the shore when the shit hits the fan, you head to the beach. There’s just something about the power of the sea and it’s timeless intimidating beauty.

It was night and off-season, and Jim and I were no strangers to wandering through this resort/retirement island community in the off-season.

There was a beauty to Wildwood that no one knew that belonged to us. The natives.

As screwed as we were as teenagers in a resort community who didn’t own hotels and boardwalk stuff. We found our way.

Instead of falling into the usual drugs and teen pregnancy rich kid boredom, we had our band. We were going to break out of what everybody else was in this town. Usually rich kids from prosperous seasonal business owners. We were just regular dudes. Wolfie and I were tight.

I’ll be grateful my entire life for meeting Wolfie. He’s a wonderful man, father, and husband. I just really dig him and wish I could see him more. Because we actually share something unseen that’s really special and belongs only to us.

I miss him.

Wildwood in the off-season is quiet and dark.

If you live in a place that’s away from city lights, you’ll understand what the sky looks like when you look upon it in a rural or remote area.

City light drown out the sky, and I live in Philly and I’ve seen all the skies I need to see, but let me describe what a night sky looks like when you’re away from city lights.

I was on the beach in Wildwood with my father one night. We were fishing.

He said, “Look at the sky, son.”

I, of course, did as he said.

“What do you see?”

“I see more stars than I’ve ever seen.”

“You can’t see that in Philly.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Then my dad said this…

“It’s like a thousand diamonds scattered on a velvet pillow.”

I loved him so much at that moment.

The beautiful, charming, elegant being he had become through all of his pain and suffering to raise me an my sisters into who we are today.

 

These thoughts fill my mind as I meet my best friend I’m glad isn’t dead like Bon Scott on the beach that evening.

There were umbrella stands on each block of the beach. They were these wooden boxes on legs that were used to store umbrella rentals during the summer but were empty during the off-season.

Jim and I meet up and head to the beach.

I’m so happy to see him and glad he survived. I was so scared after the Dirty John incident and I know Wolfie hates when I tell the story, I was genuinely grateful he was okay. I love Wolfie and it was the first time I thought we’d have a rock and roll tragedy on my watch. I couldn’t lose him and I was scared the whole time.

We walked together along the shoreline.

People come to the shore and do their thing every summer and enjoy the beach. But what people forget is the mystery of how all life rose from the sea.

As my only friend and I walk along the shoreline, every step we take lights up around our feet.

There are iridescent animals that react to contact and illuminate when struck.

So imagine this person… Every step you take on a night beach, there are lights around your feet with every step you take.

Yea, the beach is so much more magical than you know.

We saw and experienced all of that.

I loved that we were in a band together. Rocking out and living our little dreams, but still be moved by the magic of life itself.

That’s why I always loved Wolfie. He was and will always be one of the greatest men I’ve ever met. A bright and beautiful artist who I had the honor to jam with and most of all have in my life as a friend. I miss him and think of him often.

We find an abandoned umbrella stand/hut and climb inside it.

The beach is completely desolate and there is no one around. There are no umbrellas so the boxes are open. Jim and I climb inside of the box and chill.

“What the hell happened last night?”

I describe in great detail to my new lead guitarist what happened and he’s appalled.

I tell him how I turned his head to the side so he wouldn’t end up like Hendrix or Bon Scott.

I think we’ve both learned from this experience. I love Wolfieso much that he can vomit on me anytime and we can still go forward and rock out!

He is and will always be one of my best friends in this world.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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My Father – 1929 to 2016 – When The Ocean Met The Sky – Part 4

“Your body may be gone, I’m gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll both live again.
Well I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Don’t think so.
Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what you get.
You get away from me.”

I’m a father.

 

I have Lorelei.

 

She is the absolute light of my life. She lives with me. I never lie to her. She’s been with me since she turned 18 because she could no longer survive in the hostile environment of living with her mother. I only lasted 7 years with that woman. But my daughter was a prisoner with her for nearly two decades until she finally escaped at the age of majority.

Dad….

Why would you create more drama around your death? Was your going not enough?

Was your LIFE not enough???

Were we not enough?

 

You and your fucking ring. You give me your fake college ring, your mistress’s high school ring and your dog tags.

I was looking through some of the effects that you left me. I didn’t understand the 1964 Northeast High School ring that was among the stuff you left me.

But upon closer inspection I realized last week while editing this mess, that you never attended Northeast High school.

1964?

I’m looking at that ring in my hand right now. It doesn’t fit on my finger. That’s a girl’s ring.

And then I saw the inscription.

EBR

Why did you leave this to me?

That’s Eileen Barbara Ried’s High School ring.

Who became Eileen Lentz.

The love of your life.

Yea, I know man. I know how all of that works. I get all of it.

That woman that makes you feel better than anyone you know in the world.

I’ve been there.

We never get to keep them, Dad.

They belong to other people.

We only get to stop in and love them for a brief period of time. Because guys like us are unable to do that.

Yea we’re alike in some ways.

 

I’ve accepted that about myself.

 

I met Eileen. Lovely lady. I get it. You and mom were a decision based on tradition. Eileen was your secretary that became the love of your life. Again, I get it. I’ve lived the very same thing dad.

You made me.

I remember you drilling me in the basement over my studies and multiplication tables and telling me I would never amount to anything. How I should never be a victim, but in that moment that’s exactly what you were manufacturing.

I was your victim.

I’m a child.

There’s nothing I can do.

You have absolute power. I can’t even fight back or contact the authorities.

I remember you said you would actually take my woman from me, because I would be such a loser, she would rather be with him than me.

I was 12.

Readers. I have been writing Phicklephilly for two and a half years. Writing has opened my mind and past to so many roads that have been long forgotten.

Think about what my father said to me.

I’m so awesome, I’ll steal your girlfriend because you’re a piece of shit if you don’t become what I want.

I can’t make this up. I know it’s the holidays and I wrote this after his death and I couldn’t bring myself to publish before, but I am going to say everything here.

It will be true and I need to do this.

 

Be a man of your word. Your word is your bond.

 

Dad… Listen to yourself. I’m an artist, a musician, and a writer. I have anxiety and depression. I made it into art and music and a successful sales career.

You broke me as a kid. I’ve been spending my life crawling up from that and being the low self esteemed over archiever, million dollar producer in everything I do.

Fuck you.

You never had an original thought in your head in your life.

I know for a fact you are just a collection of shit you read or things you heard from other people.

You’re data is good, but dude. For fuck’s sake, you could never relinquish your OCD power.

Let’s face it.

The Temple ring?

Really?

I get it.

You dropped out of high school and felt ashamed. You joined the Army. Awesome. But everybody in your whole life thought you graduated from Temple with a four-year degree. You went there to get your GED (That’s getting your high school degree) and you hooked up with my Mom.

Tim gets the 3 diamonds because he worshiped you. That’s what you wanted from your father but never got.

And you never got it from me, because you couldn’t possibly fail as a father to your son, but you did.

You gave me a lot of good, but the negative ran so close to the parallel of the positive it has always been hard to tell.

Think of how shallow you are. You’re so disappointed in your son that you pass your diamonds on to your grandson. Dude, for fuck’s sake. it’s so obvious. Your son is a loser. but you love your grandson who basically worships you and plays greatest hits with you so you’ll leave your dumb jewelry legacy with because you failed as a father to the son you never understood. The sin you were ashamed of. The son you beat like how you broke your wife with your words and deeds.

“After I gave you a licking I would go downstairs and watch TV and eat Breyers ice cream. It tasted like mud.”

Really dad? I’m in physical pain, terrified and crying in my bed reading comic books and you are struggling with your dessert?

 

FUCK YOU.

 

You left me your dog tags and your dog’s, dog tags. I don’t give a shit about any of that.

Why the fuck would I want any of that?

Oh, and that button with the picture of Barbara Sweetman. Why Dad? Yea, I know she was your last affair on mom in the 80’s.

Why do you have to leave this dead bird on my step?

I don’t give a shit.

You’ve proudly told me all about your affairs and frankly, I don’t even know why you ever married.

Probably for the reasons I did.

 

You simply thought its was the right thing to do at the time.

 

Republican thinking…. as you once said to me.

 

 

Don’t worry dad, I’m sure future blogs will be so much sweeter, but this one just came forth it being the holidays and all. (I wrote this piece in 2017 when I was still reflecting on your loss. I don’t feel this way now. I forgive everybody)

I continue to grow, and wonder why you never did anything after age 62 when you retired. You would have been awesome in a deli or a toy train store or a wine store.

Why did you just stop?

 

I want to keep the train rolling until I die.

 

I don’t want to end up parked in a station. (And I certainly won’t leave a dramtic note to my daughter)

 

I’m going to run this train until it goes of the fucking tracks.

 

I’m sure Mom enjoys the quiet away from you.

 

I know this may sound a little angry, but as you all know, nobody lives rent free in my head anymore.

I’m not angry at you. This post is a year old. I’ve forgiven everyone a long time ago. My mind and heart are clear. This piece just burst forth out of nowhere a year ago.

 

I just didn’t have the guts to release it.

 

This is also not a dig on my nephew.

 

He’s a fine boy and I love that kid.

 

And dad… at the end of this, I’ll say this. For where you came from, you are an amazing man.

I get it at my age. You did the best you could with what you knew and the tools you had.

I get it.

All is forgiven. The joy you brought to this family is greater than all of your sins.

 

Life is fleeting and fragile. Enjoy yourself.