Some background: I had known Kara since she was in college and had a crush on her when she came into the bank I worked in. Came close to going out with her once, but it never really materialized. I lost touch with her for over a decade before getting back in touch on Facebook. We chatted in a Facebook friend’s way, but she was also a very outspoken feminist who was easy to anger, which leads to some “interesting” interactions.
Kara and I start talking more via Facebook closer to Valentine’s Day a couple of years ago and she began getting flirty and very interested in me out of the blue. As I said, I had an interest in her in the past so I figured, “Sweet! Better late than never.” Plans were made and we agreed to go out to a local bar the day before Valentine’s. I had made some references to a previous date I went on where I paid for the meal and the girl I was with ghosted me afterward. It was a mean thing for her to do and I felt she used me for a free meal. Of course, after mentioning this, Kara gets super offended and sarcastic (first red flag). So instead of “inconveniencing” me by having me take her out to eat, the bar was suggested.
We’re at the bar that night and things are pretty chill, although it is worth noting that I like to drink and I do enjoy hanging at a nice bar. But I don’t like public drunkenness or drunk, rowdy, loud people.
It was karaoke night and she’s a singer, so she especially wanted to go that night. During a relatively short period of time, she downs 4 beers and (at least) three shots (red flag number two) and she’s a slender woman. By this point as you can imagine, she’s pretty toasty. Meanwhile, I nurse a beer down and have one shot of Jameson. Toward the end of the evening, she suggests getting together on Valentine’s Day for another date. We brainstorm on where to go and going out to eat is mentioned again as a possibility. Once again she tosses out the sarcastic jab about not wanting me to “feel used” by paying for dinner, complete with an eye roll and all. So we settled on her cooking for me at her apartment. Ok cool. It’s a date.
I had taken off Valentine’s Day to get my car inspected anyway. I thought no problem, I’ll roll in during the day, get the sticker, and then swing by in the evening to her place. Well, it didn’t end up working that way. It started with the fact that the 2.5 hour ETA on the inspection turned into a 5.5-hour wait. During this time, the clock was ticking for me to get to her house. I texted her and explained what was happening saying I probably was not going to have time to stop and pick up anything for V Day due to this fiasco. She understood and just wanted me to get there. I finally get out of the shop with my sticker and get to her place (30 minutes later than we agreed). She had already started the dinner and was almost done with it, so we used that time to chill and talk. Everything was going fine. During this time she downs a third of a bottle of wine by herself (uh oh… I know a functioning alcoholic when I see one). We finish the main course and decide we want dessert, so we head to the local grocery store. There’s a winter storm warning with potential snow for the next day, so I stocked up on some food for myself while there. We get back to her place, finish up and I take my leave, agreeing to get together sometime soon. Again, all seems fine.
Two days pass and she sends me a text mentioning something about a Facebook post she made. So I go onto her wall and my jaw drops. She posted a rant about me (fortunately not naming names) essentially accusing me of being a barbarian for a multitude of reasons. Her friends chimed in and called me a Viking and other demeaning things. Upon pressing her for more info in private she expounded on my sins, and they were:
1.) I didn’t bring her anything on V Day and just “brought my appetite.” Even though I texted her and told her why I couldn’t stop due to the inspection delay, I also reminded her that she said was okay and understood.
2.) I didn’t offer to pay for the food we bought at the grocery store. In fact, I had all the items in my hand ready to pay and I asked her point-blank if I could pay for everything. She said ‘no it’s fine I will pay for my stuff.’ I asked, “are you sure?” She again said it was fine.
3.) I did not help clean up after the meal she cooked. Actually, I had the plates in my hand placing them into the sink. I turned and I asked her, “Can I help you clean up?” She said, no it’s fine, I got it. I asked her, “Are you sure?” She again said it was okay.
4.) I accused her of being an alcoholic. Okay, I fess up to this one — I did kind of say something about her drinking, but I was being mostly playful. She apparently took it as a great offense.
5.) I was ultimately just looking for an opportunity for sex. What? No. That was not my intention at all, and I told her as such.
Sadly, it all fell on deaf ears and she wasn’t interested in hearing my excuses, and I should be thinking of ways to make it all up to her. Oh, but apparently it was all okay, because “She wasn’t mad anymore.” Even if I gave her the complete benefit of the doubt on all her accusations, that’s still no excuse to make it public. It doesn’t matter if she named names or not; it was a douche move.
I decided I could not see myself with someone as insane as her with the threat of every spat we had posted on public social media. So I unfriended her. Two more days passed with no word and I thought, well she’s seen the error of her ways and understands why I dropped her, leaving it at that.
I get this text from her out of the blue absolutely ripping into me calling me all sorts of names and how she couldn’t believe I blocked her from FB (which I didn’t, I just unfriended). I calmly explained that her post was childish and that I was not a “Viking” or a “Barbarian” as it suggested. I ended with wishing her the best. She of course continues her verbal assault and tells me she is blocking my number. My last words to her: ” K bye 🙂 ”
Haven’t spoken to or seen her psycho self since, although it said she did view my profile on a dating site we were both on a little while later. I DID block her from that.
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