Tonya – Deal Breaker

A few years ago, a friend of mine invited me out to drink with her girlfriends at a local bar. There were three of them – my friend, a friend of hers that I had hooked up with a few times, and a friend I didn’t know. I thought Tonya I didn’t know was kind of cute, so I had my friend hooked us up a few days later.

We go out, have a few drinks, and generally have a good time. We go back to my place, have a few more drinks and stay up a while talking. We’re both tired, so we go to bed. No sex.

Next day she doesn’t have to work or anything, so I tell her she can chill at my place. I come home and she’s cooking/cleaning, which was nice of her, but unnecessary as I’m generally pretty clean. We hang out, chat, watch a movie, etc until it’s time for bed. Again, no sex.

Third day she goes home when I go to work. Cool. I don’t think I saw her that night.

Next night she calls me up and there’s some crazy drama going on with her mom and wants to come over. I tell her it’s OK, and she shows up 20-30 minutes later with a bag. Whatever, no big deal. We go to bed. No sex.

Next day, when I get home from work, she drops a bomb on me. She apparently has a man already. The man she’s dating? Remember that chick that I said I hooked up with? It’s her ex-husband. What the fuck? Anyway, she wants to break up with her man to start dating me.

Before she went and ended her relationship, I decided to tell her that while I’m 95% straight, I do have some bisexual tendencies. (A bold faced lie)

She looks at me and says, “Well, I’m bi too, but that’s a deal breaker for me.”, Gets up, gathers up all her stuff, and leaves without saying a word.

Here’s where the crazy comes in. After she leaves, she starts texting/calling me nonstop. Just a ton of hateful, bigoted shit. I’m drinking, and sending all her calls to voicemail and deleting her texts. At 11:45 I get a knock on the door.

It’s her.

And she’s drunk.

I let her in for some strange reason. Then I ask her what she wants. She immediately starts berating me again and just being a rude bitch in general. I inform her that she’s no longer welcome in my house and ask her to leave.

She refuses.

Well, in my state, I’m allowed to use any and all means to remove a trespasser from my property, so I gently but firmly grab her by the shoulders and walk her to the door, open it, and walk her out the door, shutting and locking it behind me. I hear her hit/kick the door, then she leaves.

I wake up the next morning, put on a pot of coffee, then get a text from the friend that introduced us asking me “What the fuck happened last night?!”

I’m confused, so I just call her and ask what the hell she’s talking about. Apparently that chick showed up at her house at 3am, severely intoxicated and with multiple cuts/bruises/scraps and saying that I beat her up.

She also went to the cops and tried to file a police report so they’d come and arrest me. Luckily the cops told her to go sober up and come back later.

That was almost two years ago now. About 4 months, maybe 5 months ago, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize. It was her asking if I wanted to get together.

That chick was nuts.


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Author: phicklephilly

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