A Unique Gift – Chapter 21

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If Your Relationship Is In Crisis Mode, You’ll Notice These 7 Signs

Every relationship goes through its fair share of ups and downs. No matter how connected you are, or how well things have gone in the past, you’re never going to have smooth sailing together 100% of the time. Usually, rough patches are nothing to worry about, but occasionally, they may signal a deeper disconnect between you and your partner. If your relationship is in crisis mode, you probably need to do some soul-searching about whether it’s meant to be.

1. YOU’VE LOST TOUCH WITH EACH OTHER PHYSICALLY.

 

It’s one thing to have a brief period where you’re not having sex as often as you normally do (maybe one or both partners are busy or stressed), but if this has become a regular pattern over the course of weeks or months, it’s a problem. “When your romantic time or sex starts to wane, it’s a sign that your partner isn’t feeling connected with you,” Spira said. One way to fix this? Schedule sexy time into the calendar! Even if you’re not in the mood, it’s important to stay physically connected to your partner. This doesn’t mean you should have sex when you don’t want to — enthusiastic consent is always key — but it does mean you should talk about why things have changed. Making intimacy a priority can help keep the spark alive in your relationship.

 

 

In a stable relationship, both partners care deeply about spending time together as a couple. This doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking moment hanging out with bae, but you should be excited about the time you do get to spend with him or her. “When your regular date nights are canceled and not being rescheduled, it’s a sign that your relationship isn’t a priority,” Spira explained. If you find yourself constantly trying to do anything else other than hang out with your SO, it probably means you’re super disconnected.

3. YOUR CONVERSATIONS ARE SURFACE LEVEL.

 

If you find yourself unable to talk about vulnerabilities and insecurities the way you used to, it means one of both of you are pulling away emotionally. Perhaps you’ve noticed yourself or your partner shutting down whenever serious subjects are brought up (about the future, about relationship conflicts, or about your bond as a couple). “When conversations that used to flow end up with abrupt ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers,” Spira explains, it’s a sign that things aren’t going well. You’ve stopped being each other’s confidante — a crucial indicator that your bond might be fading.

 

 

Fights are to be expected in any relationship that’s past the honeymoon phase, but there’s a difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict. “When a couple fights, the more they display contempt, stonewalling, criticism, and defensiveness, the less likely they are to sustain a close and loving relationship,” explained sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr. If you want to stay together, you might need to address the root causes of these fights in order to move past them.

 

 

Maybe something specific happened to ruin the trust in your relationship, or maybe it started to fade away when you stopped communicating. Either way, if you find yourself stressed out when your partner is spending time away from you, or if you get jealous when they’re out with their friends, it could signal a lack of trust. “Consult with a therapist or relationship coach who can help you facilitate these conversations and explore places of alignment and misalignment, as well as learn to repair and heal hurt feelings to be able to sustain the relationship,” Fehr suggested. With expert help, you can work to repair the wounds and start to heal.

 

 

Do you feel like you’re not really a factor in the decisions your partner is making, or are you making major life choices without even telling them first? It’s never fun for either partner to feel like they’re not a priority. “If they’re not consulting you with decisions, [or] they go and take a weekend away, and they don’t even tell you, you’re an afterthought,” explained dating expert and matchmaker Stefanie Safran. Even when you have your own lives and agendas (as you should!), it’s important to clue each other in when you’re making a big change.

7. YOU’RE CONSTANTLY VENTING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.

If you’re so fed up with bae that you count down the days until you can vent to your besties, that’s not good. Obviously, your friends are there for you when you want to talk things out, but if you’re always complaining to them about how you’re unhappy, it means you’re not in a healthy place. “If you’re constantly venting to your friends about your [boyfriend/girlfriend], chances are you know something isn’t right and you’re seeking validation,” explained behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva. Deep down, you probably know there’s a problem, but you might not be ready to admit it to yourself yet.

If more than one of these signs applies to you, take a step back and think about what you want out of this relationship. Are you in it for the long haul, and committed to making things work? If so, individual or couples’ therapy can help you sort through your relationship struggles in a useful and productive way. And if you decide you need to break things off, that’s OK, too — sometimes ending a relationship is the best thing you can do for your happiness. Whatever you decide, know that you deserve to have a love that makes you feel encouraged and strong.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – Work it Grandma!

One of our guitar players lives just a couple of blocks from a micro-sized bar and I must emphasize micro. This was fall of 1982. Our band was only a few months old and this was our first time there.

They literally move a pool table for the band and that’s about how much room you have to set up. But it’s a fun little place with a loyal local crowd that loves to party and packs it in.

About half-way through our gig a crowd of older women come in obviously already enjoying themselves. I’d guess early 50’s to some blue hairs. Turned out they were celebrating one of the ladies 80th birthday.

Despite our hard rock repertoire they were loving us and dancing to every song.
At the end of a song the birthday girl politely asked me if she could say something over the mic. I was like “sure it’s your birthday have fun.” Now mind you this lady is 80 years old tonight and looks like a typical great-grandma. Well she grabs the mic and screams at the top of her lungs: “I AM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED UP!” Our jaws hit the floor. That was the last thing we were expecting from her mouth. But everyone was cheering and laughing and after we got over the shock we were laughing too. Man I wish we had that on camera.

 

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Tales of Rock: Elton John Admits It’s ‘Difficult To Watch’ His Drug Addiction In ‘Rocketman’ Scenes

“Rocketman” earned rave reviews and a five-minute standing ovation at its recent premiere at the Cannes Film Festival, but the film’s subject admits some scenes in the rock biopic have been uncomfortable to watch.

In an interview with the Daily Telegraph (via the Daily Mail), Elton John says he was adamant that the film depict all aspects of his life, including his struggles with bulimia, drugs, mental health and even his own sexuality.

“This is how my life was, and I didn’t want to cover it and gloss it over,” Sir Elton told the Telegraph.

RELATED: Elton John Slams Critics Who Say A Gay Actor Should Have Portrayed The Legend In ‘Rocketman’

“And it’s difficult to watch because I thought, ‘God, I don’t want to go back there, thank God I came out of it.’”

As Sir Elton recalls, his meteoric rise to superstardom became a case of too much, too fast.

“Success was fantastic and then I couldn’t cope with it,” he added. “And you can’t leave out the bad.”

“Rocketman” hits theatres on Friday, May 31.

 

 

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If Your Relationship Isn’t Meant To Be, You’ll Notice These 4 Signs

If you’ve ever gone through a breakup, chances are a friend has tried to comfort you by saying, “It just wasn’t meant to be.” And while, sure, that may actually be the case, accepting that your relationship isn’t meant to be can be really hard. What does “meant to be” even mean? Simply put, not all relationships are meant to last forever. The cliche that some people come into your life for “a reason, a season, or a lifetime,” rings true. And if your relationship isn’t meant to be, you’ll know it.

1. YOUR DREAMS CLASH.

Victor Torres/Stocksy

It’s totally normal for you and bae to have different dreams – after all, you’re not dating yourself. But if your dreams are incompatible, that might be a sign your relationship isn’t meant to work out. If neither party is willing to compromise, it might be time for a more serious conversation.

“If your dreams clash, that means one of you will have to give something really important up in order to make the relationship work,” licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson tells Elite Daily. “If you really love your partner, you should want all of their dreams to come true and not encourage them to leave those things behind.”

Don’t forget: They should want those things for you, too.

Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy

Working through conflicts together and trying to come to a compromise or solution can be really important when it comes to relationships. But caring and respecting each other as you work through an issue is just as important as resolving it, says Richardson.

“In happy, successful relationships that pass the test of time, roughly two-thirds of their conflicts don’t get resolved,” she points out. “The key to conflict is not resolving it, it’s communicating and caring about each other through it. If the relationship isn’t worth fighting for, how could it be meant to be?”

Briana Morrison/Stocksy

Sure, maybe you’re in charge of making dinner reservations and your partner tackles vacation planning. It’s OK to take the lead on things if your partner is taking the lead on others. But that’s the trick: You’re both contributing. If “one person has to be in charge or [in] control, that’s not typically healthy,” Richardson states. If your relationship has no space for both sides of an argument, a plan, or a conversation, then you just might not be compatible. “In a partnership, it is important that both partners have their perspective[s] heard and needs listened to.” It’s called a partnership for a reason, folks.

Sean Locke/Stocksy

If your partner has continued to break your trust repeatedly, that might be a sign they don’t totally respect you as much as a good partner should. If “you’ve confided very intimate things to your partner and they betray your trust, and tell anyone who will listen your deepest and most vulnerable secrets,” Dr. Brown says, it’s probably healthiest to part ways. Trusting your partner is the bare minimum. If you can’t trust them, there’s not much else you can do.

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t panic. Making an honest effort to resolve these issues and work on your relationship isn’t off the table. “You can try to work on them,” Richardson says. “Do your part to see if you can help switch up the dynamic.” But your partner should make an equal effort, too. It takes two to tango, and sometimes, accepting that you’re incompatible may be the healthiest option.

Try to remember that if a relationship isn’t meant to be, it’s probably because there’s something, or someone, better suited for you. It’s all a matter of knowing when to walk away, and looking toward the future.

 

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Celebrity Sightings: Vanessa Hudgens – Part 5

I absolutely adore Vanessa Hudgens. She is a great actress who has stupendous legs.

Leaked photos

On September 6, 2007, photos of Hudgens appeared online, one showing her posing in lingerie and another showing her nude. A statement from her publicist claims that the photo was taken privately and it was unfortunate that they were released on the Internet. Hudgens later apologised, saying that she was “embarrassed over the situation” and regretted having “taken [those] photos”.[98] Hudgens subsequently released a statement indicating that she declined to comment further on the subject.[99] OK! magazine speculated that Hudgens would be dropped from High School Musical 3 as a result of the images,[100] but The Walt Disney Company denied this, saying, “Vanessa has apologized for what was obviously a lapse in judgment. We hope she’s learned a valuable lesson.”[101][102][103]

In August 2009, another set of pictures showing Hudgens topless emerged on the Internet. Hudgens’ representatives did not comment, though her lawyers requested the removal of the pictures from the Internet.[104][105] In late 2009, Hudgens sued “www.moejackson.com” for posting nude “self-portrait photographs” of her taken on a mobile phone in a private home.[106] Hudgens later commented on the photos’ impact on her career in the October issue of Allure with, “Whenever anybody asks me, would I do nudity in a film, if I say that it’s something I’m not comfortable with, they’re like, ‘Bullshit, you’ve already done it.’ If anything, it makes it more embarrassing, because that was a private thing. It’s screwed up that someone screwed me over like that. At least some people are learning from my mistake.”[107]According to Us Weekly, further pictures were released on the Internet on March 15, 2011.[108]

Public image

Hudgens in January 2012 at Bondi Beach, Sydney

Hudgens was represented by William Morris Agency[109] but signed on to Creative Artists Agency in 2011.[110] In 2006, Hudgens’ earnings were estimated to be $2 million.[111]Hudgens was included in Forbes richest list in early 2007, and the Forbes article noted that she was included in Young Hollywood’s Top Earning-Stars.[112] On December 12, 2008, Hudgens was ranked No. 20 in the list of Forbes “High Earners Under 30”, having reported to have an estimated earnings of $3 million in 2008.[113][114] She was number 62 at FHMs Sexiest Women in the World of 2008 and number 42 in the 2009 list.[115][116] Hudgens is also featured in Maxims lists.[117] She was included in People‘s annual “100 Most Beautiful People” 2008 and 2009 lists.[118][119]

Hudgens promotes Neutrogena[120] and was the 2008 featured celebrity for Sears‘ back-to school campaign.[121] In 2007, she became a spokesperson for Marc Eckō products but ended the contract after two years.[122][123] Hudgens regularly volunteers for charitable activities, including those for Best Buddies International,[124][125] Lollipop Theater Network,[126] St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital[127] and the VH1 Save The Music Foundation.[128] Hudgens is also featured in A Very Special Christmas Vol.7 disc which benefits the Special Olympics.[129] Hudgens is also part of the “Stand Up to Cancer (SU2C): Change The Odds” along with other Hollywood stars including Zac Efron, Dakota FanningKristen Bell, and others.[130]

Brian Schall sued Hudgens in 2007 for an alleged “breach of contract”; according to the suit, Schall claims he advanced costs and expenses on Hudgens’ behalf for her songwriting and recording career.[131] Schall claims Hudgens owed him $150,000 after helping her earn more than $5 million for her music career. Hudgens argued that she was a 16-year-old minor when she signed the contract in October 2005, and therefore too young to do so. She subsequently disaffirmed it on October 9, 2008. Papers filed in court by her lawyer say California’s Family Code “provides that the contract of a minor is voidable and may be disaffirmed before (age 18) or within a reasonable time afterward.”[132]In 2008, Hudgens was sued by Johnny Vieira, who claims he was owed a share of Hudgens’ advances, royalties and merchandising revenue in exchange for his management services. Vieira accuses Hudgens of abandoning her talent team as soon as she became a commercial name.[133] In early May 2009, the case was settled.[134]

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Another Life – Chapter 21

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If Your Relationship Is Suffocating, You’ll Notice These 7 Signs

Romantic relationships can be difficult at times. Occasionally, your relationships might require some mediation, a little bit of trial and error, and a lot of communication to work things out. This especially can be the case after the honeymoon phase, or as you and your partner face life changes. However, romantic relationships shouldn’t feel like a burden or heavy obligation. And you definitely shouldn’t feel as if your relationship is suffocating you.

Here are seven red flags you’ll notice if your relationship is suffocating you — and seven signs it’s time to talk things through with your partner (or, honestly, break up!).

1. YOUR SO TEXTS YOU… NON-STOP

Nikita Sursin / Stocksy

A 2019 study by Typing.com surveyed 1,000 people — women, men, married and unmarried, those in long-distance relationships and not, — about their digital communication habits with their SOs. Among other tidbits, researchers found that about six text messages in a row is the point where most people feel their partner is too “clingy” or “needy.” Whatever that number might be for you, a partner who texts you incessantly might make you feel stifled by the relationship.

As relationship expert Susan Winter put it, “Having someone to check in with throughout the day can feel great, but constantly having your phone bombarded with texts and notifications from your (new) bae can start to feel like a bit much.” Moreover, Winter said, if your partner gets upset any time you want to take space, then that’s reflective of some seriously controlling tendencies.

Your partner might explain away their behavior by saying they’re that they’re worried about you. On the surface, that might seem sweet. But if they’re blowing up your phone — especially in rapid succession and throwing a fit if you don’t respond — this can actually be manipulation. “This is to substantiate their position, making emotional manipulation look like affection. Don’t fall for it,” Winter said. “It’s a ploy for control.”

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

To “gaslight” someone is to “make them doubt that their thoughts, feelings, and actions” to the point where they believe they can’t trust their judgment or that they’re losing their mind,” Dr. Leslie Beth Wish explained to Elite Daily. It’s another tactic a suffocating (or even abusive) partner might use to gain control. This might include your partner flat-out denying saying things you definitely heard them say or denying doing things you definitely saw them do.

A partnership where one person gaslights the other can feel suffocating because now, there’s an extra layer to your relationship dynamic (especially when it comes to arguments). If your partner constantly makes you feel irrational, you might start feeling like you’re always the bad guy — and might start believing that about yourself, even if it isn’t true.

 

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

It can feel equally smothering to have a partner who frequently nitpicks and puts you down. Just like with gaslighting, undermining behaviors can do major damage over time. “[Their] feedback, in the beginning, might have just enough ‘truth’ in it that you doubt yourself. Over time, your partner will lie, and tell you that so and so said negative things about your appearance or conversation. Now you have ‘proof’ from another person that you are too stupid, too silly, too shallow, too wrong or too much or too little of something in your behavior or appearance,” Wish said.

Weeks or months of this kind of behavior can chip away at your self-confidence and inner strength, according to Wish. This is, all in all, a toxic situation. Constructive criticism is one thing. Disintegrating your self-worth is another thing entirely.

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

One classic abusive behavior (that has a suffocating effect) is when your partner starts to isolate you. Your partner might start with putting down your family and friends. By casting your crew as untrustworthy, your partner narrows the scope of your reality and exerts control over you. Isolation tactics can be that subtle or more overt. Ultimately, it can come in the form of guilting you into not attending family functions, or berating you for enjoying wine night with the girls.

As love coach Monica Parikh told Elite Daily, “The goal is to isolate you from your support network, making you an easy target for emotional manipulation and abuse.” It’s overwhelming to be forced to deal with the trials and tribulations life throws at you, without your core support network by your side.

4. YOUR PARTNER NEEDS TO KNOW WHERE YOU, ARE ALL THE TIME

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

You might be feeling overwhelmed by a clingy partner if, as Winter put it, “you begin to feel like leaving your apartment requires a sign-out sheet.” And, Winter continued, “Your partner’s incessant need to know where you are at all times is a sign of deep insecurity.” It’s just not realistic or healthy to have your partner monitor your whereabouts at all times. It’s important you maintain your autonomy, even if you’re someone’s partner.

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

It’s also unhealthy if your SO is determined for the two of you to spend all of your free time together. This prevents the two of you from having space for yourself or to be with your own friends.

Again, having freedom is so key to not feeling like you’re drowning in a relationship. Kali Rogers, who founded Blush Online Coaching, told Elite Daily, “Having your own autonomy is so critical to not only your overall happiness, but for your relationship’s, as well.”

6. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS CO-DEPENDENT

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

There comes a point, too, where your relationship can feel suffocating because the two of you are co-dependent. In co-dependent relationship, there’s one partner who relies heavily on the other and one who’s sense of self is wrapped up in providing for their partner. Psychologist Erika Martinez broke it down like this:

The dependent relies on the codependent to take care of, support, fix, and generally enable [them]. In some cases, the dependent really can’t take care of themselves, and in others, it’s a state of learned helplessness.

The codependent does the enabling and grows accustomed to being the one that people (including the dependent) turn to for help. Thus, codependent’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem are often tied to their ability to fix things, be proactive, help others, people-please, etc.

Being tied to this unhealthy relationship roles can suck the joy out of your partnership.

Michela Ravasio / Stocksy

Similar to the desire to know where you are at all times, another suffocating relationship behavior is your partner demanding access to all your communication. Yes, transparency about what you’re up to and who you’re talking to is good. But it’s best when that happens in couples willingly and organically.

If your partner is pressed to see what you’re looking at online or who you’re messaging, either one of two things is happening: Trust has been broken or your partner is trying to control you. (Depending on your relationship, the situation could be a bit of both.) Parikh confirmed the latter, saying, “A controlling partner may feel entitled to have access to your email, phone, or internet history.”

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

It’s crucial that you and your partner talk things out. If your SO is texting you too much (or throwing a fit when you don’t text back), have a conversation about what kinds of texting or calling is appropriate for your relationship. Talk frankly about self-care and taking time for yourself. Re-establish boundaries. And if you have these hard conversations with your SO to no avail, then these red flags are grounds for breaking up.

Rough patches do happen. But at the same time, your relationship shouldn’t feel like a heavy obligation, or a black hole sucking up all of your happiness and self-esteem. You deserve a partner who’s going to gas you up, be your equal, and nurture your well-being.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

 

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Celebrity Sightings – Jacqueline London

I’ve known Jackie for a few years now. She’s  lovely woman and just as nice as she is beautiful.

Emmy-winning journalist Jacqueline London joined NBC10 in March of 2013. She can currently be seen co-anchoring NBC10 News at 5 PM and 11 PM weekdays.

Prior to joining NBC10, London was with WKMG in Orlando, Florida, where she spent 10 years as an anchor and reporter. While there she was named ‘Best News Anchor’ by The Orlando Business Journal. She also earned two Suncoast Emmys while at WKMG, one for the program “Primetime London” which she wrote, produced and hosted.

With over 15 years of experience in broadcasting, London is known for her exclusive one-on-one interviews, from local newsmakers and celebrities to President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama. In late 2013, she interviewed Jimmy Fallon as he prepared for his new role as host of The Tonight Show, NBC’s iconic late-night program.

London got her start at ABC affiliate WQAD in Moline, Ill. During her two years there, she anchored the station’s weekend morning news and reported for the afternoon and evening newscasts.

Active in the community, London is involved in women’s issues and other causes close to her heart. She actively works to raise awareness for heart disease and diabetes. Since moving to Philadelphia she has emceed the American Diabetes Association’s Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes, Philadelphia’s 2013 Heart Walk, and the 2014 Annual Heart Ball.

London earned a B.A. in journalism & mass communication from The University of Iowa. A native of Chicago, she currently resides in Philadelphia and enjoys exploring her new hometown.

 

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If Your Partner Is Falling Out Of Love, Therapists Say This Is The 1 Thing You’ll Notice

All relationships have natural ebbs and flows. No matter how long you’ve been seeing someone, having little arguments here and there or taking a break from the sexy stuff can sometimes be super healthy. But if you’ve been feeling a little disconnected from you boo for a while or if the fights seem more frequent, you may be wondering if your partner is falling out of love with you. “Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if you are having a tough time in a relationship, if you are experiencing significant problems, if you really are questioning how well it is working versus actually falling out of love,” Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. “Love can be lost and found. It can fade and come back, it can be ‘fixed’ but because love is a feeling, it is not a guarantee that love lost will return.”

It’s not always easy to unpack whether or not you are falling out of love or just going through a rough patch. If you’ve been fighting a lot or are just generally feeling distant from your boo, falling out of love could be the result of a loss of connection. “When we fall out of love, we lose a deeper feeling of connection with our partner,” Dr. Klapow says. “Falling out of love is losing that almost indescribable feeling of wanting to be with your partner for the long run no matter how much of a disaster or how perfect things are in the moment.”

If you’re concerned that your partner is falling out of love with you, Dr. Klapow shares some behaviors to look out for. “When it moves from ‘I don’t like what you are doing’ to ‘I don’t like you.’ They go from being emotionally connected to emotionally ‘neutral.’ They ask you to change the way you eat, talk, interact, spend time, look. They seem to schedule their life differently,” Dr. Klapow says. “Growing distant is a major relationship red flag.” Of course, every relationship is different, and your partner exhibiting some or all of these behaviors doesn’t necessary mean they’re falling out of love. Long-term romantic relationships are hard. And with school work, family, and general life to deal with — it’s completely natural for schedules to shift around, personal preferences to evolve, or even for feelings to change overtime.

If you’re starting to sense some disconnect in your relationship, or you’re starting to worry that your partner is falling out of love with you, it’s important to directly communicate how you are feeling and where you are coming from before guessing what they are feeling. “Don’t assume that the distance can only be that they are falling out of love,” Dr. Klapow says. “But don’t assume that everything is fine. Remember that your partner’s personal issues, your own issues and the relationship itself all drive the emotional setting.” If your partner seems to be pulling away, or if they’ve been more emotionally neutral — checking in with where their head is at can help you communicate openly, before assuming how they are feeling.

If you’re worried that your partner may be falling out of love with you, and you want to make the relationship work, it can be helpful to express to them how much you love them. “Ask what is going on, and express your desire to make things better,” Dr. Klapow says. “Don’t be defensive. Don’t argue. Just listen.” Giving your parter the chance to express themselves in a low-key and supportive way may enable them to open up about where their head is at. “You may find that what you are hearing is a combination of you, them and their relationship itself,” Dr. Klapow says. “Ultimately, it is your choice to pull the plug or not — but don’t decide until you have tried to work it out or have tried with professional support.” Getting everything out in the open can help you and your partner better understand what you need from each other and where your relationship is going, moving forward.

If you’re worried your partner is falling out of love with you, you may be noticing them pulling away or not being as emotionally engaged with your relationship. Before assuming their thoughts or feelings, openly discuss where you both are coming from and what support you both need. Love changes and flows, but opening up a conversation can keep everyone feeling supported and heard.

 

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