These Are Some of the Most Common First Date Dealbreakers

First dates can be nerve-wracking. What if they don’t look like their picture? What if you can’t think of anything to talk about? People took to a Reddit thread this week to share some of the things they’ve experienced on first dates which immediately turned them off that prospective partner.

“Being constantly on their phone” was one person’s deal-breaker, which seems fair enough; you have the rest of your lives to ignore each other and scroll through Twitter, but the first date is for actually getting to know the person sitting across from you.

Phones came up elsewhere on the thread, too, with one person recalling how a date kept asking them questions about their former relationships, using clues they had gleaned from researching them on social media. While we’re on the subject of phone etiquette: Use an up to date picture in your dating profile, people will notice. And then there was this particularly egregious example: “I glanced over to see a guy arranging a hookup on his phone during a date with me. I was totally floored.” As far as deal-breakers go, “planning to sleep with somebody else while your date is still in the room” is up there.

Being rude to the server is also high up on the list; it’s seen as a red flag and a clue as to what kind of person your date really is. Similarly, one-sided conversations and self-involvement are other common turn-offs, with a number of people expressing frustration at dates who talk about themselves without ever actually asking a question.

There are also, it turns out, people out there who treat first dates as a cheap form of therapy. One person cites “suddenly unloading all their baggage on the first date” as a deal-breaker, adding: “I can’t help you. I’m not looking to get into a relationship with someone who is codependent, I want to date a man who can be a life partner.”

Playing “hard to get” is an instant deal-breaker for a lot of guys, especially when it comes from an outdated, gendered point of view. “Whatever guy told girls that we like them playing ‘hard to get’ needs to be taken behind a tool shed and shot,” one person wrote. “I have never, not once in my entire life, met a guy that liked a girl playing hard to get. Every single man (and a few lesbians) I’ve ever known has complained at least once about “hard to get” being a bunch of bullshit.”

They added: “‘Hard to get’ is also a contributor to many harassment issues. The dumbasses that play hard-to-get are the ones teaching people that ‘no doesn’t mean no’. Anyone that’s ever done this needs to be ashamed of themselves and grow up.”

Other gendered expectations have proven to be less conducive to romance than they might have been in the past; a lot of men don’t like it when a woman expects him to pay, while a few women said it’s the guys who get shirty when they want to pay for themselves. On a related note, expecting or demanding sex at the end of the night, regardless of how well or not the date has gone, isn’t a good look on anyone. These aren’t transactions, people!

 

Kita – Chapter 14 – First Date – Part 2

The day arrives.

I was in meetings during the day and pleased that I didn’t get a bail text from baby. I stop at the salon and chat with Summer. We share some stories and she has no idea that I’m about to break rule number 3 two hours from now. (Don’t date the clients)

I leave and head to City Tap House to see my buddy Zack. His brother and his band are there from Wildwood, NJ. We trade rock and roll stories and mine are far worse that these boys. They love the name of the band I had in L.A., Haightwayten.

They ask me why my band had such and odd name. I tell them it’s because I ‘hate waiting’ for people that are always late and I’m always early. I bust their balls that their band is called “Fools Send” and even worse that they are a bunch of surfer Ska playing knuckleheads. They love it.

It’s 4:15 and I have to meet baby at 5. Zack places and elegant Bulliet Manahattan in front of me as always. I need to sip this baby to take the edge off of what I’m about to do.

Have dinner with a beautiful 21 year old student from Drexel, which to me isn’t cheating on my girlfriend Cherie, because I’m technically dining with a really good client from the salon. But if I’ve written a dozen chapters about a girl, I guess that warrants some sort of charge against me.

I’d rather be having dinner here with my queen, but she’s never around and just comes down for greatest hits. I want to take her to the movies and do stuff, but she has no time.

There’s a thrill in my dark self of running down this lithe gazelle for dinner tonight. Based on how excited she was last night I pretty much know she’s not going to bail. Sure, she has mid-terms but a dinner like this she just can’t afford.

I’m not really after her, but the old lion is bored. I just enjoy running down delicious game and getting them to say yes just to know I still can. I don’t know if that’s and ego thing or a continued low self esteem thing.

It’s obvious Kita is vulnerable and ripe for the picking but I’m not that guy. I will mentor and support her. I have three sisters.

At this point as I sit at the bar at City Tap House with Zack and his brother, I’m just happy that a young girl this pretty would willing come out and dine with the Dark Lord.

I love Cherie, but I’m driven by the blog at this point for content. I’m sorry. I know you were all hoping for me to be the lustful old perv that still has the power to pluck the ripe little cherries from the trees. But I’m just not that guy.

I miss Cherie. I want to have dinner with her and give her all of these things. But all I get is sex and breakfast anymore. I love Cherie. I’ve described her as WIFE which is terrifying to me. but Cherie has those qualifications and I would consider. But there’s that part of me that’s still the hunter.

I can’t help it.

I see that baby seal hop off the rocks because she’s hot and leaps into the sea to cool off. I am a grey fin rushing towards her in a sea of foam and the result is inevitable.

I may seem like the wolf of the sea. But I’m not.

If you’ve read this blog, I’ve been a gentleman that just wants to fall in love for the last time.

As we all know, that isn’t as easy as we’d all like to think it is.

I look at my watch. 4:40. I have to be at the restaurant to meet baby in twenty minutes. I’m laughing and trading rock and roll stories with Zack’s brother and his band. But I gotta go. I have to meet Kita for dinner at one of the best restaurants in the city.

The boys are loving my tales of L.A. and want to get my name tattooed on their bodies. I beg them to refrain and show them a pic of who I am to meet. They all rejoice in the power of the senior rock and roll success. I’m grateful but I have to go.

I turn to Zack and tell him I have to close because I have 20 minutes to get to Grand Caffe L’Aquilla across town.

I expect a bill, but Zack waves his hand and says it’s already done.

Hookup.

I drop a ten on the bar and we’re good.

I love him and I’ll bring more people here in the future,

I’m out the door. The brother band waves to the old rocker and pays homage. I like that, but only for a second. None of that matters from my past. I would just love for these little fuckers to make it in the industry before the are eaten alive or fail.

It’s quarter to 5 and I’m pretty sure baby will be late.

UBER dolls.

Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion!