Sarah Jacobs: How to Stop Having a Favorite Child

Check out her company here: Giftninjas.co 

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Thank you, Sarah!

Family dynamics play a huge impact on how children are formed into adults. Research shows that our birth order also has a hand in how we turn out. The oldest child may take on a leadership role in the family, while the youngest may be the most carefree. Extended family members and our interaction with them also adds up into the mix. One other factor also is how we perceive favoritism among siblings. We often see the one who gets away with most as the most favored one, while the one where a much higher form of expectation, be it in academics, good behavior, even in household chores, is often perceived as the more unfavored child.

Though parents may try to deny it, there is always a favorite child in the family. When you read mommy confessions in parenting forums, it is very common to hear mothers admit to having a preferred child. When we think back on our childhood, we often remember a time or two where we feel that our parents may not have been totally fair to us. While favoritism is common, it often shifts from one child to another, depending on who is “better” on that day or time. However, favoritism can be damaging when it is centered solely on one child, leaving the other siblings
with feelings of rejection.

As a parent, you might not be conscious on playing favorites, but the sad thing is, children often perceive it even if parents don’t admit it. Signs of favoritism may include letting a child get away more often than the other children, how you talk and interact also shows which child makes you more relaxed and calm. Your expectations and how you talk about your children to others also shows if there are any favorites. It may not be honestly admitted, but our how we play favorites
will always have a way of showing.

Jeffrey Kluger, author of “The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters
Reveal About Us,” cites that the favored child can have problems when they grow up. They might suffer severely when they fail to meet expectations. This is simply because they grew up overconfident, with feelings of entitlement and the thinking that they can get away with anything. While those children who felt rejected for being the less favorite could have unresolved feelings of anger and often feel inadequate.

For parents to avoid hurting their children unintentionally with favoritism, the best way would be to admit to it, and to be honest about it. Parents are just humans and will also have their own set of biases and preferences, and if there is a child that seem to match up with their parent’s personalities, it would be hard not to show more attention to them. Handling favoritism is not denying its existence. It is vital to accept it as a reality and doing ways on how to make it work for you and your children, and not break apart your family.

There should also be a clear avenue for expressing feelings and emotions. Often, when children feel that parents are being unjust, they would clam up and bottle up their hurts inside. This often would flare up into unintentional bouts of anger and bad behavior. Parents should make it a point that children grow up without fear of expressing themselves. Though children might not understand things clearly, having them express themselves will also allow parents to be able to explain the situation better and be able to clear up any misunderstandings.

Lastly, parents can learn more about their behavior towards their children from others. Most parents get defensive when well-meaning people tell them something about how they handle their children. While there might be those that are just being judgmental, there are those people that really do care and are really trying to help. Parents who are open minded and are willing to listen to others will more likely be able to check and adapt behaviors that can prevent obvious favoritism.

Building a family and raising children is a tough job. While having favorites may not be avoided, parents can show their love to their children in different ways, and their love for them is the same, and never less.

 

Author Bio:

Sarah Jacobs is an experienced writer who loves creating articles that can benefit others. Shehas worked as a freelance writer in the past making informative articles and fascinating stories. She has extensive knowledge in a variety of fields such as technology, business, finance, marketing, personal development, and more.

Check out her company here: Giftninjas.co 

 

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Kita – Chapter 15 – First Date – Part 3

I’m resolute. I’ve been writing about Kita for awhile but I’m in a relationship with Cherie. If you read the last post about Cherie you’ll know that we’re all guns blazing. But the distance between Cherie and all of her problems have been causing my girlfriend a lot of pain. I can’t fix any of that. I know that’s impossible. If Cherie wants to keep me in her life she needs to keep doing what she does. I like it this way. I see her and then she goes away. So I can send out my best representative for years on end. Instead of this drunken womanizer down here in Philly.

I know life is a nightmare for her right now. She’s a survivor and I’m confident that she can get through school and do what she was born to do. Help little kids get better through her help. I love her for that and I love that she’s a good mother, but most of all I love that she’s a sexual animal. (That, and she’s a really sweet woman)

I would marry her. I swear to God I would. That’s how good she is. I can already sense that she’d be the best wife imaginable if I could just set her up in the best scenario imaginable.

I would do that because I believe she’s that good. She and her family just need a break.

Anyway… back to my fickle infidelity.

I get to Gran Caffe L’ Aquila. I tell the hostess my name and ask for Luciano, my favorite bartender. He’s at the back bar. I greet him and the owner with the word, Ciao!

I get a glass of Chardonnay and sit at the bar. I text Kita and tell her I’m at the restaurant at the back bar and the hostess is expecting her.

“Okay! I’m almost there. See you soon!”

Gran Caffe L’Aquila was a landmark cafe located on Piazza Duomo in the capital city of the Abruzzo region. In 2007 Gran Caffe L’Aquila won cafe of the year for all of Italy, but was then tragically damaged in the devastating earthquake of 2009 which destroyed the city. In 2012 the original owners Stefano Biasini (Gelato Champion of Italy) and Michele Morelli (Award winning Italian Coffee Roaster) met Local restaurateur Riccardo Longo (Award winning regional Italian food and wine director) which led to the rebirth of one of Italy’s most beloved cafes in Philadelphia.

The entire restaurant was designed and built in Italy and shipped over for installation. After 3 years of design and build out the most authentic Italian cafe in America was opened on December 24th 2014. The 1st floor is an authentic Italian bar and the second floor features the restaurant, wine bar, cultural and language school, as well as the coffee and gelato labs.

I’m sipping my wine and in rolls baby. She comes up to me and I leap off the bar stool and give her a hug. She looks just as beautiful as ever. She’s wearing a black top and little white shorts that showcase her caramel legs. I haven’t seen her since she did her last double dip. (Spray tan and a UV session) She’s looking especially dark. I’m sure she’s loving that because that’s her thing. I cash out with Luciano and head upstairs with Kita. I’m behind her as we follow the hostess. She takes us through the bar and out to a private balcony with only one table for two on it. I’m in heaven and feel so grateful already. One: That this is the first time I’ve ever asked a client out on a date, and she accepted and showed up on time. Two: My date is a pretty twenty-one year old coed. And finally, Three: I’ve got the best table in the house!

We sit down and they bring us a couple of waters and menus. On the first page of the menu each week they take the cuisine from a different town or region in Italy and prepare and serve it. The waiter goes over that whole section with us. It’s sort of the specials on any other menu but fancier and more creative.

I order another glass of chardonnay and of course ask her is she wants anything. She declines and says the following:

“I have Asian Glow.”

“Asian Glow?”

“Yea, my body doesn’t produce the enzyme to break down alcohol, so I get really drunk on just a little bit and I can get sick.”

“No worries. I just thought you had a glow because you’re so cute.”

I’ll have to research what Asian Glow is because I’ve never heard of it.

Anyway, the waiter leaves us to peruse our menus. It’s a huge menu with an array of choices. I can see Kita wasn’t kidding when she says she doesn’t get out much. This poor little college kid is overwhelmed with all of the choices. I cruise the whole menu and most of it is wine in the back few pages. They have a huge collection of wines.

The server comes back and Kita has a few questions and then sends him off again. I know what I want. I’m going to have the Pollo Al Mattone, which is a half chicken roasted under a terracotta brick, with asparagus and rosemary potatoes. I don’t mind how long it takes Kita to make up her mind. I just get the pleasure of sitting here admiring her beauty.

She finally settles on the Salmone In Placc, which is fire grilled Scottish salmon, herb crust served on a cedar plank. She also gets a side of broccoli rabe.

Now we’re all set.

We obviously chat about tanning, and I tell her what’s been going on with the salon and the fitness center. She’s talking about school and how her mid-terms are at the end of the week.

“Are you ready?”

“Yea, but I’m going to be studying all of tomorrow.”

“Well, I want to thank you for having dinner with me tonight. I know I used to refer to you as Top 5, and then later #1. Because you really are a great girl, Kita. Incidentally, you’re the first client I’ve ever asked out to dinner.”

Her eyes twinkle. “Well I’m flattered you asked me, Charles.” She smiles. “This place is so nice. I would never go to a place like this. Thank you so much for taking me here.”

“It’s truly my pleasure, Kita.”