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Another Life – Chapter 25

It’s not easy, trying to find someone to share an apartment with three other people, at short notice – especially over the Christmas holidays. But word of mouth travelled fast, and within a month of Ronnie leaving us in the lurch, we got a nibble.

Rina was a slim brunette with a very pretty face. She wore headbands and fitness gear, or workout clothes. I didn’t know if she was an exercise nut, or if she was just trying to imitate Olivia Newton John.

She was also Barbara’s best friend.

Rina had been over a couple of times, but only when we’d been having a party, or a large group. She took a tour of the apartment, and then asked most of the same shrewd questions that Laurie had asked the landlord before we signed the lease. Rina was especially pleased when she heard what her share of the rent would be.

– “I can move in February 1st.” she said.

– “Super!” said Laurie.

I have to admit that I was a little worried about Rina. It’s true that I barely knew Rose before we became roomies – but Rose was a sweetheart. And I hadn’t been dating her best friend.

It was a relief, then, when Rina set me straight right away.

– “We’re gonna be good friends, Joe. Barbara said you were a really nice guy. She still considers you a friend, too.”

That was nice to hear. We all quickly discovered that Rina was remarkably frank and open. She might not be in Eli’s class, when it came to telling the truth, but she was very, very close. We found that out even before she officially moved in.

Rina brought over a few boxes, and a few of her clothes.

– “I’ll need some help moving in, though.” she said.

– “I can help.” I told her that I could borrow Uncle Ray’s truck, and find a friend to help me carry her furniture.

– “That’s fantastic!” she said. “Oh, Joe, if you could do that, I’d really make it worth your while.” She batted her eyes at me.

I’m sure my mouth fell open. Rose spit a mouthful of soup across the table, spraying Laurie’s arm.

– “Geez!” snapped Laurie.

Rina though that Laurie was reacting to what she just said. Who knows? Maybe she was.

– “I didn’t mean that I’d fuck him.” said Rina. She smiled at me. “I just meant that I’d buy him a case of beer. That would be alright, wouldn’t it?”

– “You don’t have to buy me beer.” I said.

– “Then I’ll buy it for all of my roommates, and we can share.”

I got Eli to help me. I figured that a beer or two and an introduction to Rina would be well worth the price of admission.

We carried her bed and dresser up the stairs, and then load after load of clothes. I swear, this girl had 29 pairs of shoes – at the age of 21. Even Imelda Marcos took a few years to amass her collection.

– “You’re beautiful.” Eli told her. “I’d love to go out with you.”

– “Probably not going to happen.” said Rina. “Nice of you to say, though.”

We had ourselves a new roommate. Once again, we would be splitting the rent four ways, instead of three. Of course, Rina was not an unmitigated blessing.

The night after she moved in, she had her boyfriend over.

She must have bought her bed at the same store where Ronnie and Laurie got theirs. It was the serenade of the springs all over again.

The next morning, Rose couldn’t meet my eye. It was probably worse for Laurie, though; she was in the room next to Rina, trying to sleep through it.

– “Rose, you wouldn’t have any earplugs, would you?” she asked.

***

Tanya was a bit cold with me, over the phone, for a week or so. Then we just had trouble connecting. I did ask her out, but when Tanya found out that coming back to my apartment afterwards wasn’t on the agenda, she lost interest.

It was almost two weeks later when she called me, and invited me over.

– “My parents are going away for the weekend – and they’re taking my sisters.” she said.

– “You’re not going?”

– “Unfortunately, I’m going to be terribly sick.” she said. “Too sick to go with them. I’ll need my boyfriend to come over and make me chicken soup. And maybe rub my tummy …”

I did end up rubbing her tummy. She also fucked me on their couch, in her bed, and blew me against the wall in the hallway.

She also wanted me to fuck her in her sister’s room. I could just picture her gleefully telling Sam all about it afterwards. I drew the line there.

– “Why not?” she said. “I never say ‘no’ to you!”

– “Tanya, I’m not about to be some kind of weapon for you to one-up your sister. Don’t drag me into your … battles.” I had been about to say ‘squabbles’. I don’t think she would have appreciated that much.

She was angry enough as it was. I ended up leaving hours before I had to.

 

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=433

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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6 Ways To End A Sex Drought

When it rains, it pours.

You hear it all the time, and the implication, of course, is that there’s also a flipside: When it’s dry, it’s dry for ages. This is especially true when it comes to sex. Often it feels like the only thing you need to get a guy’s attention is another guy’s attention. Conversely, when it’s been awhile since you’ve done, ahem, the deed, it can feel like it’ll never happen again. Which, of course, it will. It’s only a matter of time. After the jump, for your reading pleasure, a list of helpful tips to get the ol’ ball rolling again. By which I mean: LET’S GET YOU LAID. It’s been too long.

1. Maintain realistic expectations. First things first: Stop looking for your future husband. We’re not out to find you Mr. Perfect, we’re looking to get you laid. Find someone to whom you’re attracted, someone you think is a decent guy. That’s all. You don’t need identical value systems, you don’t have to be on the same page about kids, you don’t need to worry if he’s unemployed. Here’s your one and only guiding line: “I’m looking for someone attractive and kind. I’m going forth. And conquering.”

2. Embrace casual sex. It’s 2019, my darlings. Let go — if you haven’t all ready — of the double standards put upon women who have casual sex. If you want it, have it. (And safely, of course.) Put all your energy into enjoying yourself (and kicking idiotic terms like “slut” to the curb).

3. Travel. Now, when I say travel, I’m talking as big or small as you want to go. Travel to the new bar that’s 20 minutes from your home instead of 10. Travel to that resort you keep meaning to check out that’s two hours away. Travel across the country. Go to Europe, for god’s sake! Put yourself in a situation that lets you be the new girl. It’s not just that you’re meeting new people — it’s that on levels both conscious and not, you’re expanding your mind and broadening your horizons, and all those sorts of things will create a new level of openness that will only have a positive effect. Are we talking Break-a-Budget-That-You-Can’t-Afford? No. We’re talking figure out what you can afford, and spend it on new sights and experiences.

4. Use Facebook or Twitter to your advantage. We need to make sure people know you’re single and looking. So start using those status updates to just that sort of positive effect! Wait for an instance wherein you’re in a zone of loving your single-dom, e.g. you’re glammed-up and out with your gal pals, and post a tweet or status update wherein you bravely address it. I’m talking something in the spirit of, “The single gals at the restaurant are always the ones laughing the hardest!” In short, don’t be afraid to speak of your single-dom in an online setting. It serves you well to embrace, announce, and relish the status just as often as you can.

5. Tell the elderly. Listen: I’ve gotten more dates from keeping the elderly abreast of my single-gal status than pretty much anywhere else. I swear! I’m talking my grandmother, my grandmother’s friends, and various elderly neighbors. These women have been around a long time, they’ve got a wide network, and they spend a decent portion of their day chitting and chatting with friends. Here’s a group that loves — and I mean loves – to match-make.  They’re just the types you want looking out for you and your cause. The other thing is, and I know this is a broad generalization, but I have personally seen it proven time and again: These women tend to know The Nice Guys, — i.e., your Grandma’s BFF Agnes isn’t going to set you up with Mr. Rude Bartender. No. She’ll set you up with so-and-so’s son who went to overnight camp with her daughter’s daughter 20 years back, a guy who works presently with, oh I don’t know, web content. So the next time these women of a certain age approach you, slow down, settle in, and share your story!

6. Get out of the house! Arguably the most obvious of the points, but just as a healthy and helpful reminder: Your home is for having sex. Not finding sex. Take a moment and consider how many of your mundane, daily activities could be moved to various areas that get just a wee bit more foot traffic than your couch. For example, if you read your paper in the morning at your kitchen table, perhaps get in the habit of reading it over coffee at your local coffee shop. If, in the evening, you love whiling away the hours on the internet, maybe do so on your iPad at your local bar. What I’m saying is, it helps to be available for someone other than a Peeping Tom.

 

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Phicklephilly – Tinder Moments

Here’s another collection of profiles I’ve come across in the world of online dating! Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
Instagram: @phicklephilly    Facebook: phicklephilly   twitter: @phicklephilly

Are You Dating To Find A Partner? Remember These 4 Things

People date for many reasons — because they’re bored, they’re trying to figure out what they’re looking for, they’re hoping it’ll help them get over an ex, and because it’s just plain fun, to name a few. But if you’re dating to find a partnerspecifically, then it’s a whole different ball game. There are certain things you’ll need to remember in order to get one step closer to meeting “The One” (or at the very least, the one for RN). Not only that, but there are other things to be mindful of in order to maintain your sanity throughout the dating process.

One of my best friends from college recently declared that she was on this very mission. “I’m so done f*cking around,” she told me after another almost-relationship ended a few months in. “I’m looking for my person.” IMHO, this simple declaration is the first important step toward finding a partner. Acknowledging what you’re looking for out loud can be a powerful act that eventually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Once you’ve admitted that you’re dating with this particular goal in mind, you can start the super exciting process of seeking out your next prospective boo. And don’t forget to keep these crucial things in mind while you’re at it.

TALK ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS EARLY.

Milles Studio/Stocksy

It can be difficult to tell what someone is looking for, especially in the early stages of dating. And in an age where casual dating is as common as a kale salad, it’s super important to make sure that you explicitly communicate your intentions from the get-go. In fact, you might even put a little blurb in your dating profile that indicates you’re not looking for a hookup so people who are strictly dating casually can keep swiping. And you should also make it a point to ask what your date is looking for the first or second time you hang out. Once you’ve had some time to talk and you feel a bit more comfortable, you can ask something like, “Hey, what made you sign up for Tinder? Are you searching for something in particular?” or “Would you say you’re more into casual dating right now, or are you more looking for a relationship?” Then it’s time to make yourintentions known.

If your date gets awkward, or mysteriously ghosts you after this date, no sweat. The whole point of doing this early on is to weed out the ones who aren’t on the same page. After all, why would you want to waste time going on dates with someone who has no interest in committing? Taking this step may feel intimidating at first, but remember: It’s the best way to boost your chances of finding your future bae — someone who genuinely wants the same thing you do, and isn’t afraid to acknowledge it.

IDENTIFY YOUR MUST-HAVES.

I’m a big list-maker. It helps me to keep my thoughts organized and my anxiety under control. But not only that — making a list naturally helps to keep you accountable. When you write something down, you’re more likely to actually do it. So, consider making a list of all the qualities that you consider essential in a partner. Remember — needs are different from wants, which are negotiable. Needs tend to include a person’s values, goals, and personality traits. They are the traits that you might not pick up on by simply catching a glimpse of them across a bar or scoping out their dating app profile picture. In other words, height, eye color, hair color, or body type probably don’t belong on this list. Rather, this list is about honing on the qualities that give a person long-term partner potential for you.

Once you’ve drawn up your list, don’t just forget about it. Revisit it after a stellar date or a total dud. That way, you can remind yourself of what you’re looking for. Not only that, but you’ll likely need to revise the list over time, as you realize through the dating process what’s most important to you.

Speaking of lists, it’s also a good idea to identify what you’re not looking for. If you’re not interested in dating someone who’s a different religion or significantly younger than you, then knowing these dealbreakers will help you weed through prospective matches much more easily.

PURSUE YOUR PASSIONS TO FIND SOMEONE LIKE-MINDED.

Sean Locke/Stocksy

If you’re eager to meet someone the old-fashioned way — IRL — then there’s hardly a better way to do that then by joining a group, taking a class, or attending an event that involves your interests. That way, you know you automatically have something in common with all the cuties you meet.

So, if you love animals, look for volunteering opportunities that involve some furry friends. If you’re a craft beer nerd, take a homebrewing class. Or, if fitness is a big part of your life, join a new running group or softball league.

Be careful, however, about getting involved in something solely with the expectation of meeting a partner. While taking advantage of these opportunities may help with your search for an SO, they’re also opportunities for self-development. So just do you — and focus on participating in things that make you feel happy, fulfilled, and engaged. Without a doubt, that kind of passion and joy will only make you more enticing to the next person you meet.

KEEP A LOOKOUT FOR RED FLAGS.

Emmanuel Hidalgo/Stocksy

If you’re dating with the intention of pursuing a relationship, there are certain signs you should look out for on the first few dates that may indicate your date isn’t partner material.

For example, if your date is sending you mixed signals — as in, they’re really into you one day, but then go MIA the next — that’s a red flag for sure.

Or, if your date keeps bringing up their ex, that could be a sign that they’re not over their last relationship (which, in turn, means they’re likely not ready to commit to a new one).

If your date gets a tad aggressive about coming inside your apartment at the end of the night or gets squeamish when you even so much as hint at the idea of commitment, those are other red flags that their intentions aren’t likely in line with yours.

Arguably, the most important thing to remember when you’re dating with the hope of finding a significant other is to stay curious and open-minded. This is a learning process, after all, and you’re bound to be met with a few surprises along the way. Maybe that Tinder match who didn’t look like your type actually wows you on the first date. Or maybe, you realize through your experiences that finding someone who’s just as punctual or planning-minded as you is actually super important to you. As they say, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Every single experience you have will have some kind of value, and when you look at it that way, no date will be a waste of time — only a chance to get one step closer to the right person for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Sun Stories – The Most Orange, Crispy Tanning Horror Stories You’ll Ever Read

Dear Dr. Derm, forgive me for what I’m about to say.

So, yeah, “tan me” is way hotter than “pasty-and-pale me.” (And by way hotter, I’m not intimating that I’m incredibly good-looking—or even a little good-looking—it’s about that little bit of bronze that balances out my sometimes ruddy skin, makes my hair look blonder without the $250 highlighting bill and let’s me walk out of the house with some Aquaphor on as lip gloss and nothing else). But, since tanning is universally known to cause bad stuff (hi, cancer), I refrain and instead hit the bottle.

Either way you go, the bottle tan or the UV-ray real thing, getting bronzed often produces the most brutal (and totally hilarious) stories. To wit…

I went tanning before a date once, because I was feeling a little pasty in the dead of winter. I tanned in the buff, and went for the full 15 minutes. Not a good idea when you haven’t seen a ray of sunshine since August. I burnt my butt and my chest. Not cute—and of course it made me pray that the date wouldn’t go that well. The clothes had to stay on!—Nat, 31

My senior year of high school, my friends and I went down to Cancun for spring break. As we basked in the sun, a friend rolled over and asked me if I wanted any of her sunscreen. I told her no, I wanted to wait a little before applying so as to get a little color and said something stupid about my “natively Floridian skin” being able to take the heat. Flash forward to later that night, when my skin had turned bright red and blisters had started to show up across my belly and shoulders. I spent the rest of the vacation wrapped up like a mummy while my friends called “not it” on sharing a bed with me; by the end of the trip, my skin was peeling off in long, clammy sheets and the big joke in the morning was to wake up, find a strip of my skin in bed and guess which body part it had come from as in “Oops! There’s her forearm!” or “Hmmm, I think this is her right flank.” Eleven years later, I’ve had no less than three suspicious moles removed, all in the vicinity of my Cancun burn. Clearly, my “Floridian skin” couldn’t handle the heat.—Janey, 29

I should have listened when the front desk girl winced and recommended five minutes less than what I asked for at Hollywood Tans. I was fried—and had to go to a wedding that night, where I was seeing my ex for the first time since the breakup. Needless to say, it wasn’t the I’m-hot-and-you-so-regret-breaking-up-with-me moment I’d envisioned.—Kat, 30

When I was 12 years old, I wore my first adult bikini ever. It was a J.Crew pink bandeau top with white polka dot bottoms—I have never felt so chic. Granted, this was at a time when my nickname was “tomato on toothpicks” for a reason – I still had a surplus of baby fat in my middle region. Anyhow, my friend and I decided to play some cards which turned into an all-day tournament. By evening, we were burnt to a crisp. That night, when I took off my bikini, I not only had a bright white stripe where my bandeau top had been, but bright white stripes where my stomach rolls had blocked the sun from reaching. For about two weeks, I had a lovely bumble bee, perfectly horizontal-striped pattern from chin to thigh. Talk about shame.—Emily, 29

In college, after going out and having a few drinks I would come back to my room and decide that it was a great time to apply self tanner. Being that this was 10 years ago, the formulas weren’t what they are today—there wasn’t any gradual build up of pretty, golden color a la that Jergens stuff. So, I’d get home, slap it on and go to bed. Not only would I wake up to a hangover the next day—but an orange streaked face and entire body parts without color. Don’t mix booze with bronzer.—Kim, 26

A few years ago, a friend talked me into going tanning. It was the dead middle of winter and I think I was see-through I was so ghostly white. So, we walk up to the reception desk and she’s singing the praises of going tanning—”It feels really nice and warm! You’ll have a tiny bit of color when no one else does. It’s make any zits go away,” blah blah blah. Well, between her and the front desk lady, they had me signed up for the ten-tan package. I’m into this! Yeah, no more zits! The second I get undressed and step into the booth I have a panic attack. Something about the neon-coffin closing on top of me totally wigs me out—I go running, yes really running, from the booth. Couldn’t take it. And that ten-pack never got used.—Sara, 24

And just to prove that guys have their own tanning fiascos, too:

I was maybe 11 when a friend shared his bottle of Beach Boys-brand tanning lotion with me. We were really concerned with being cool and looking tan when the swimming pool opened for the summer and this seemed like the quickest and smartest way to go about it. I faithfully applied the lotion, which looked and felt like sunblock, each day before I spritzed my hair with lemon juice and peroxide. About three days into the experiment, my mother was staring at me from across the dinner table and told me to go wash my face, that I had dirt all over. This seemed weird because I hadn’t been playing in dirt, but being a kid it was very possible that I got dirty somehow—so I followed instructions. This scenario repeated itself the next night and I began to think that just maybe it was my bitchin’ tan she was noticing. The tanning lotion, at this point, had turned my face a rusty red—but not all over, the color was clustered in certain areas of my face, giving me the overall appearance of having competed in a mud pie-eating contest. Coupled with the copper color that my hair was turning, I was cultivating quite the look! Thankfully, mother threw away the tanner, but it took another week or so before all of my face was the same shade again.—Tommy, 31

 

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 26

– “Until the relationship ends?” asked Eliza. I had succeeded in catching her interest.

– “No. Longer.” I said. “Made that mistake ages ago. A buddy of mine broke up with his girlfriend. The way he described it, the relationship was over. He hated her guts. I waited a week or so, but I’d always been curious about her. So I asked her out. He was furious. It cost me a friendship. And he was right to be pissed off at me.”

– “Somehow I have the feeling that this lengthy explanation will eventually come around to me.” said Ee. “Are you trying to spare my feelings?”

– “I’m telling you the truth, Ee. When we started hanging out together, I would have had to be blind not to notice you. To be 100% honest, I noticed both of you. But …”

– “But?”

– “But Claire is Leo’s sister. I didn’t know how he would take it. Besides, as time went on, I began to realize that Claire wasn’t for me, anyway. She and I both know that. We wouldn’t last as a couple. You, on the other hand …”

– “What about me?” said Eliza.

– “Lovely. Kind and generous. Smart. All that I could ask for in a woman. Except that my best friend confided in me one night, over a couple of beers, that he was madly in love with you. I couldn’t go after you, Ee. Not after Leo told me how he felt.”

Eliza was a smart girl. On top of that, she had a heart as big as all outdoors. She understood all too well what I was telling her.

– “That’s so unfair.” she said. But her tone of voice suggested that she didn’t mean it.

– “Eliza, tell me this: if you were really interested in Craig, but Claire said something first, would you say something to him? Would you try to beat her to him?”

– “What if she tried with him, and it didn’t work out?” she asked.

I didn’t even answer. I just looked at her sympathetically.

– “Aww, fuck.” she said.

– “I would never say ‘no’ to you, Ee. But I couldn’t do that to Leo.”

– “Sometimes I wish that the two of us weren’t so noble.” she admitted.

– “I’m not particularly noble, Ee – as I’m sure Claire told you. But if it was to be you and me, I would want it to start out right.”

– “Alright. I got it.” She sighed. “Now, would you get me a drink?”

I did as she asked, and helped myself to another.

– “You’re not the Falcon, are you?” I asked her.

Eliza swatted me on the arm. “You dirty bugger! Trying to catch me in a moment of weakness, are you?”

– “You’re playing a deep game.” I said. “I can’t tell whose side you’re on. But there are at least two sides. And the time may soon come when you’ll need to choose one. I’m holding the door open. But I’m not sure how long I can do that.”

– “Who’s on your side?” she asked me.

– “I’m more certain about who’s on the other side.” I gave Eliza a brief, edited version of my run-in with Ben and Barbara earlier on.

– “Why is this Bible important?” she asked.

I did my best impression of a sphinx.

– “Fine.” she said. “But that means that Claire told them. I know she gave it to you. She tells me everything.”

– “She’s on their side – even if she doesn’t know it yet. I think Craig is, too. But I’m not sure if sharing the treasure is part of Ben and Barb’s plan. My team still has room for some charter members.”

– “You don’t have a team.” she observed.

– “Which is why full shares of the treasure are still available.” I told her. “Get in early, before all of the best seats are taken.”

That was when we heard four bells from upstairs.

Eliza reached up, slowly, and touched my cheek. “Thank you, Colin, for being honest with me. I’m still not happy – but this makes it easier to accept.”

We parted as friends. My next duty station made me nervous, in more ways than one. I knew who it was.

 

https://lapetitemort17.wordpress.com/?p=312

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day at 8am & 12pm EST.

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If You Start Dating Your Best Friend, Remember These 6 Important Things

So, it happened. You caught feelings for your BFF. When a relationship starts out platonic and blossoms into something more, it can be tricky to know how to navigate the shift. But let’s say you’ve done it — you’ve expressed your feelings, you both have a crush, and you decide to take the leap into romantic territory. Yay! When you start dating your best friend, it’s exciting and scary at the same time. You know this person well, and they’re already your go-to pal, but now you also get to make out with them on the reg. What a time to be alive.

As thrilling as it is, though, dating your bestie doesn’t always come as naturally as you might expect. After all, it’s a big change from your former status as “just friends.” When you become romantically involved, your relationship is going to be different than it was before. And it requires some intentional thought as to how you’re going to make things work. “Everything will change,” explains Jennifer B. Rhodes, PsyD. “Expecting it will help you cultivate the flexibility you will need to move through the transition.” It’s important to stay open to change so you can work through it together as a couple.

If you’ve just started dating your best friend, keep the following things in mind to help your relationship thrive.

1. YOU BOTH NEED TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

This is important in any new relationship, but especially with BFFs, you risk hurt feelings if one of you wants something more serious than the other does. “Questions such as, ‘Are you monogamous?’ or, ‘Are you entering the murky water of FWB?’ will need to be answered,” says dating coach Julie Spira. “If one wants to have a casual relationship or FWB, and the other is falling in love, it will backfire. Make sure you’re on the same page, and it will help with the bumps on the road.”

2. DEVELOPING A ROUTINE WILL HELP YOU ADJUST.

When you transition from friends into romantic partners, your schedules will need to adapt to meet this shift. Don’t expect that you’ll be spending the same amount of time together as you did when you were friends — it might be more or less, depending on what feels right for both of you. “Do you have a standing date night such as Saturday night, or are you spending the entire weekend together?” Spira wonders. “Once you get in a groove, your relationship will grow like any other.” The sooner you can figure out how often you want to see each other, the easier time you will have settling into the relationship.

3. YOU MIGHT BE TEMPTED TO MOVE TOO QUICKLY.

Unlike dating someone you just met, you already know this person extremely well. It’s a huge plus because you know how to have fun together, but it can also make it feel like your romantic relationship is farther along than it really is. Don’t risk getting too serious too quickly. “Just like every relationship, you need to go through the phases,” Spira explains. “To go from being BFFs to moving in overnight isn’t a good idea.” Remember that even though you have history together, this dating partnership is new for both of you. The more careful you can be about taking your time, the less likely you are to get too deep into something you can’t sustain.

4. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL BE CURIOUS.

The people in your life know you two as friends, so they’ll need time to adjust to you being a couple. You might not need to introduce your SO to your friends and family (if they already know him or her), but you will need to introduce them as your partner. Be intentional about this. “Let’s not forget about your extended group of friends who will now be seeing you as a couple instead of two close friends,” Spira notes. She says that telling your squad might be scary, but it’s important to do it whenever you feel comfortable.

You can tell them together or separately, whatever feels more natural — but try to emphasize how excited you are for this next step. It doesn’t mean you’ll lose your friendships with them, just that things will be a little different from now on. Your friends should be excited to see you happy, and it’ll help you feel like a more established couple if you get your love out into the open when you’re ready.

5. YOUR COMMUNICATION TACTICS MAY NEED TO SHIFT.

Don’t expect that you’ll be able to communicate the same way you have in the past. Even if you’re accustomed to talking about vulnerable things, the subjects you discuss will change a bit. “The more you can communicate about your needs and desires, the easier it is for your partner to be their best and vice-versa,” Spira says. With BFFs, you don’t need to have conversations about defining the relationship, physical boundaries, or sexual preferences. As partners, these will all become important topics to discuss. Don’t shy away from the tough stuff because you’re nervous about how the conversation will go — instead, consider open communication essential to deepening your bond.

6. STAYING OPEN TO CHANGE IS YOUR KEY TO SUCCESS.

As much as you loved your friendship, you’re starting a new chapter now. And this is going to bring about change — there’s no doubt about it. But if you go in knowing this, you’ll be open to rolling with the transitions as they come. “Don’t take each other for granted,” Spira emphasizes. You’ve been in each other’s lives for a long time, but don’t let that make you complacent! “Allow the relationship to grow in a natural way, and decide together if you’re working towards a future together,” Spira suggests. Just like any other relationship, you’ll grow together in stages, so embrace the process and keep an open mind.

When it’s pursued with intention, dating your best friend can be pure magic. “Having a romantic partner who is your best friend is like winning the love lottery,” Spira says. “Enjoy and savor every moment.” It’s so exciting to take your relationship to the next level, even if it’s not always easy. Remember why you got along so well in the first place, and use that as a foundation to help your romantic life blossom into something even greater.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Cherie – Chapter 52 – Happy Birthday

Life has it’s ups and downs. I know Cherie has been struggling with paying for school. But for the most part, I think everything will work out. I know she felt bad about asking me for money but I think that’s behind us now.

I mean, how bad is my life? I like to work. I like being busy and get bored when I’m idle. I enjoy my alone time. But I have an active social life.

All of my past relationships follow a similar path. A traditional path and they all failed in the same way. There was a pattern I was following and it always led to the same failure. So this time I’m doing something different and it’s working perfectly for my mind and lifestyle.

Cherie meets all of the criteria to be in a successful relationship with me. I think I’ve finally found the Rosetta Stone to a happy life with a woman for me.

  1. She’s on the right side of 30. We all know by now I love youth and beauty. I don’t care what anybody thinks about that. If you had the chance to drive an old Subaru or a new Maserati, which would be the obvious choice?
  2. She lives 40 miles away. There’ll be no swinging by, or stopping in. I live in the city and have no reason to own an automobile anymore. So I can’t really get out there to see her. I mean, I could, but where do I stay? She lives with her parents and she has a 6 year old son. Her sister lives there too, and I know there’s a couple of other little ones living there. She can’t bring me into that mix. At least not yet, and I’m fine with that.
  3. I only see her once or twice a month. That’s plenty for me. She’s so busy with work and school and son, there’s very little time to get down here to see me. I don’t need tons of girlfriend time. It’s too emotionally draining for me. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I really appreciate our limited time together. I’m not one of these men that needs a woman in his life all of the time. It’s just annoying.
  4. She’s a certified nymphomaniac. What guy doesn’t want this? A hot, young, fit babe that is deadly in the sack. She’s so orgasmic that you always feel like a virile beast when you’re making love to her. I’m not getting any younger and am a former hypersexual myself, so at my age I’m truly blessed to have a young lady who is always horny for me.
  5. She doesn’t want any more children. Okay, this is huge. This has been the deal breaker in my last THREE relationships. Cherie has been a parent for six years. You grow up fast when you have a baby or a small child counting on you for everything and not much assistance. I don’t want any more children, and this could end up being the ideal arrangement for me at last. All of these chicks I’ve been with have been in the same age range and they are still trying to figure out who they are. It’s sad that there’s this ridiculous extended adolescence in this country. But it’s almost always the same model. They go out and party, go out to dinner, go on trips and buy a bunch of designer shit in their twenties all while burning through a string of dudes. Then they finally attach themselves to some sap and marry him. His income helps neutralize and pay down her revolving debt. They get a house, a dog and then kids start happening. In 10 years they’ve either become roommates or divorced and he pays thousands of dollars in child support to her. Hopefully he doesn’t repeat the mistake again. Or… they live happily ever after!

Cherie is the perfect blend of the ingredients that make the perfect romantic cocktail to compliment my lifestyle. I just hope we can maintain this level. After college she’ll have to go to medical school, so for now… there’s no end in sight!

Anyway, I was sitting in Cavanaugh’s last Monday and thankfully realized that Cherie’s birthday was on Friday.

It has been a year since we had her birthday lunch at Misconduct Tavern. Back then I gave her a $20 gift card to Starbucks and some Godiva chocolates. I had only been dating her a month and didn’t want to set the bar too high. I remember her saying all she wanted for her birthday was to have sex with me. A week later we were holed up at the Club Quarters for 24 hours just banging away for the very first time. Man, that was an incredible day. We fucked like rabbits!

So I went to ProFlowers and ordered a dozen long stem roses in a pretty vase and a little box of chocolates for my love. They were delivered to her home and I’m positive she wasn’t expecting them.  So she squealed with delight.

Now I’m the one who owes her some birthday sex!

She’s 28 years old now! Let’s keep this relationship going, Cherie!

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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When Dating Someone Who You Know Is Wrong For You, Remember These 5 Things

Considering that there are around 7.5 billion people in the world, it’s safe to say that you have plenty of viable dating options. But there are lots of reasons why you still might date someone who, deep down, you know isn’t a good match. Maybe you’re blinded by physical attraction. Maybe you’re hoping they will change. Maybe you’re so terrified of being alone, that you’d rather be with the wrong person than be single. Dating someone who you know is wrong for youcan obviously come with quite a few complications, some of which can actually cause some wear and tear on your emotional well-being. That said, who you date, why, and for how long is all up to you and you alone. So, if you’ve decided to keep pursuing a relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, then you may simply want to keep certain things in mind in order to maintain your sanity and sense of self.

The reality is, you don’t really get to choose who you fall for — that’s simply not how it works. So, if you’ve caught feelings for someone who you suspect isn’t right for you, it makes sense why you’d still be eager to date them, anyway. You can’t shut those feelings off. Fortunately, remembering the following things will help you to stay as realistic as possible about your situation, and moreover, continue looking out for your own well-being first and foremost.

YOU MAY NOT GET THE SEAL OF APPROVAL.

Studio Firma/Stocksy

Particularly if you’ve expressed your concerns about your boo being wrong for you, there’s a chance that you won’t get your family’s blessing or your bestie’s seal of approval to be with them. Maybe that’s not a dealbreaker for you. But for some people, it can definitely cause a strain on the relationship. When you know that your loved ones embrace the person you’re dating, you’ll have an easier time inviting them to holiday gatherings or casual hangouts. On the other hand, if they aren’t a fan of your relationship, things can get a tad awkward — or potentially even stressful.

If the people in your inner circle don’t approve of bae, it’s likely either because they think you deserve to be with someone who’s right for you and don’t want to see you get hurt, or they are picking up on something potentially more worrisome about your partner or relationship that you’re too blinded by love to see. So, you may want to listen to the concerns that your friends and family have about your relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to break up with your boo, but as these people usually have your best interests at heart, it’s certainly worth paying attention to their perspectives.

YOU COULD MISS SOMEONE WHO’S RIGHT FOR YOU.

Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy

Here’s the thing. When you’re focusing all of your time and energy on a relationship with someone who’s wrong for you, you might miss out on a relationship with someone who’s a better fit.

You may still decide that for whatever reason, it’s worth it to you to see this through right now. And that’s totally OK. Just be aware that you have to make room for someone who is right for you, which you can’t do while you’re still in a relationship with someone who isn’t.

BOUNDARIES ARE KEY.

Jovo Jovanovic/Stocksy

Dating someone you know is wrong for you can be risky. You may start overlooking certain behaviors or letting hurtful actions slide even though they don’t sit well with you. So, if you’re going to keep dating someone even though you know they’re wrong for you, make sure to define exactly what you’re willing to accept, and what you aren’t.

This is where boundaries come in. If you know you’re simply not compatible with bae in terms of your communication habits, that’s definitely important information to be aware of. But that doesn’t make it OK for them to treat you poorly, so if it’s bothering you that they’re neglecting to text you back, or going several days without calling, then you owe it to yourself to be honest with them about it. Better yet, start setting healthy boundaries to protect yourself as much as possible. It can be helpful to keep regularly checking with yourself. Ask yourself: How does this relationship make me feel? Are my wants and needs being met?

THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INCOMPATIBLE AND TOXIC.

Guille Faingold/Stocksy

A partner who isn’t an ideal match may not be super compatible with you. But a partner who’s emotionally abusive? That’s a whole different ball game.

“Someone who isn’t good for you may also engage in a manipulative form of emotional abuse called gaslighting, in which they deny and invalidate your emotional experiences,” dating coach and author Samantha Burns previouslytold Elite Daily. “They don’t take accountability for their wrongdoing, blame you, and somehow even when you know you’re in the right you wind up apologizing just to smooth things over because you’re uncomfortable with the tension. You then start to tiptoe around conflict and worry more about their feelings than your own.”

Make sure to be on the lookout for red flags that your partner is emotionally abusive, because that’s typically a sign that it’s time to make an exit. The effects of that kind of abuse can last beyond your relationship, and your well-being always takes top priority.

Not only that, but Burns pointed out that dating the wrong person can cause your self-doubt and anxiety to surge, thus making dating more difficult for you down the line. Once again, this is why it’s a good idea to keep checking in with your feelings and be alert to any negative impact that the relationship could be having on your emotional or mental health.

YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANYONE.

Jesse Morrow/Stocksy

Are you continuing to date the wrong person for you because you’re hoping they’ll eventually be right for you? The reality is, there’s no guarantee that your boo will change. Certainly, when someone is motivated to focus on self-improvement, they can achieve that. But if they’ve never expressed an interest in changing, and you’re hoping they’ll magically transform into the right person for you, then you may need a reality check.

Be honest with yourself about whether you can be happy with this person as they are, whether that includes commitment fears, trust issues, or conflicting values. Otherwise, you may be falling in love with their potential, not the person they truly are.

Dating someone who’s all wrong for you (yet oh so right) is, in a word, complicated. You may feel internally conflicted about pursuing a romance that isn’t necessarily a perfect fit, for whatever reason. And that’s totally normal, not to mention understandable. Ultimately, only you can decide if this is a relationship that’s still worth pursuing. I’m a firm believer that all dating experiences are valuable in some way or another, so as long as your safety or well-being are not at risk, then there’s no reason why you can’t learn from or grow with someone who isn’t quite a good match. Most importantly, don’t forget that you are fully worthy of fulfilling love — regardless of whether someone is right or wrong for you.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Tales of Rock: Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards’ life in photos in new ‘Keith, Unfiltered’ show

The Rolling Stones recently announced rescheduled dates for their “No Filter” tour after lead singer Mick Jagger underwent successful heart surgery. But for those who don’t want to wait for the Stones to hit the stage, guitarist Keith Richards, legendary for both his iconic rock riffs and his imperviousness to drugs and alcohol, has his own “Keith, Unfiltered” show up right now.

The Morrison Hotel Gallery is featuring five decades of iconic photographs of Richards at all three of its locations: New York City, Los Angeles and Maui.

“Keith, Unfiltered” shows Richards in classic portraits at work and at play, which in his case often involves cigarettes and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Following are a selection of shots from the show, along with the photographers’ vivid memories of hanging out with perhaps the greatest rock ‘n’ roll guitarist of all time.

Keith Richards. “Patience Please” during The Stones tour of America – STP Tour, 1972

(Ethan Russell/Morrison Hotel Gallery)

Ethan Russell: “… I was traveling with the Rolling Stones, watching from the sidelines, when I noticed the sign. I called Keith over and took two quick snaps. The customs officer threatened to confiscate the film, so I retired quickly. I knew what I had.”

Keith Richards, The Third Eye. Industria Studios, New York City

(Stephanie Pfriender Stylander/Morrison Hotel Gallery)

Stephanie Pfriender Stylander: “Black set, hot lights, smoke, drink, music, film, rock and roll, Nikons, ashes, Dolce & Gabbana, ‘how are you doin’ love’, as Keith gets out of the dark limo walking into the studio, we start in this atmosphere, intimate, moving, cinematic and real.”

Keith Richards, England, 1966

(Gered Mankowitz/Morrison Hotel Gallery)

Gered Mankowitz: “In 1966, I photographed each individual member of the Rolling Stones at home so as to create a stock library of these more personal and individual images for press use. By this time there was an increasing demand for such images and the band hated the idea of having unknown photographers coming to their homes. Keith is photographed here at his glorious home Redlands in West Sussex with his beloved Bentley motor car, which he called Blue Lena after the great singer Lena Horne. By this time, Keith and I had become pretty close, and the entire day was a joy of picture taking and giggling with Keith showing his own particular take of this rather cheesy ‘at home’ format!”

Keith Richards, New York City, 1988

(Timothy White/Morrison Hotel Gallery)

Timothy White: “It was a major coming-of-age moment for me. No publicists or bodyguards, just a rising photographer and this legend I’d grown up listening to. Between rounds of pool and drinks at an otherwise vacant dive bar in Tribeca this is among the few shots we managed to get before heading over to the Hudson to catch the sunset. Crossing Greenwich Avenue, we were stopped by an NYPD office asking Keith to sign his violation book. Moments later, a few more showed up. I tried to rush things along as the sun began to sink, but when a female officer opened her bulletproof vest to reveal the Rolling Stones shirt she wore under her uniform, Keith couldn’t refuse signing just one more autograph. I may not have gotten that moment on film but we did manage to get the shots we were looking for and then some. Turning away from New York’s finest, he told me, ‘I could run for mayor of this town.’ After that day, I’m convinced he could, and win, too.”

Keith Richards, Midwest Airport, 1979

(Henry Diltz/Morrison Hotel Gallery)

Henry Diltz: “I spent three weeks on the road in 1979 with the New Barbarians; Ronnie Wood’s solo album touring band, which was like the Rolling Stones without Mick Jagger. We traveled on a huge jet plane from city to city. Each time we landed, eight limos would appear on the runway around the plane, and the band members would descend the steps and look for their own private limo and driver. Here, Keith is getting off of the place in St, Louis, looking for his limo and driver and carrying the thing that mattered most… his bottle of Jack Daniels.”

All images are for sale online as well as at each Morrison Hotel gallery.

 

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