Another Life – Chapter 30

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Medical Minute: Sex Addiction

Jada Pinkett Smith is opening up about her “unhealthy” addiction to pornography before she met her husband Will Smith.

The 47-year-old actress revealed her addiction on the latest episode of her popular web series Red Table Talk.

Jada said she had an “unhealthy relationship to porn” when she was “trying to practice abstinence.”

“It was actually, like, filling, like, an emptiness. At least you think it is, but it’s actually not,” Jada said.

She said the intense effects of her addiction gave her a false sense of expectations as far as sexual interactions.

“Actually reading, like, some of the effects of pornography, like the idea that it gives you false expectations as far as sexual interactions, I can definitely see that with men,” Jada said.

“In pornography you’re never tired. There’s never a ‘no,’ so I can definitely see how that can create an unrealistic expectation.”

 

What is Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction is the repeated, compulsive participation in sexual activity, particularly sexual intercourse or anal penetration, despite negative consequences.

Like most addictions, the negative impact on the addict usually increases as the disorder progresses.

Over time, the addict has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results.

Viewing porn or pleasuring yourself daily does not necessarily mean you are a sex addict.

Like food, sex is necessary for human survival. A healthy abundant sex life is normal. In fact, lack of interest in sex can indicate a medical problem or psychiatric illness, according to Psych Central.

About 71 percent of child molesters are sex addicts. Their urges and desires to increase the intensity of their predilection for children is so severe that life imprisonment is the only way to ensure society’s safety against them.

Not all sex addicts become sex offenders. About 55 percent of all sex offenders are sex addicts.

Access to the Internet is increasing the number of individuals – including children and teenagers – who engage in a variety of unhealthy sexual practices, such as viewing porn websites, online escort services and dating websites.

Signs and Symptoms

Signs and Symptoms of sex addiction include:

  • Self hate or self harm
  • A pervasive preoccupation with sex or porn
  • Practicing unsafe sex without regard for consequences
  • Sexual fantasies that need to be fed more and more
  • Excessive masturbation
  • Inability to maintain healthy sexual relationships
  • Feeling powerless without sex
  • Exploiting others for sex

Sex addiction becomes a problem when it affects your social life, your job, and your medical and mental health.

People who are distressed or conflicted by their increasing addiction to porn or sex should contact their physician or healthcare provider for a referral to a mental health professional who can help you.

This has been your Medical Minute.

More Info On the Web

What is Sexual Addiction? | Psych Central

Is Sex Addiction Real? | WebMD

What is Sex Addiction? | Healthline

 

DISCLAIMER

Any medical information published on this blog is for your general information only and is not intended as a substitute for informed medical advice. You should not take any action before consulting with your personal physician or a health care provider. Phicklephilly and its affiliates cannot be held liable for any damages incurred by following information found on this blog.

 

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Sun Stories: 9 MORE Tanning Salon Horror Stories That Will Make You Say “Gross”

We’ve seen some strange things at out salon, so I decided to ask some other people that have worked in the industry for their crazy stories. Enjoy!

1. The six-pack.

“I worked at a salon for a while. I’ve had people pee and poop in the beds or trash cans. I’ve had people come out of the rooms completely naked. My favorite is the man who would drink a bottle of vodka in his truck, come in and tan, and then leave the bottle or two in the trash. There was another lady who would bring in a six-pack of beer in her purse (always). I also had a lady call the cops saying I was watching her naked because we had cameras up front for break-ins and such, not even near her bed. I had some of the craziest nights working at that salon.

 

2. The zebra stripe.

“It was the day before my junior year of high school years ago, and I decided to get a spray tan because I had bad tan lines from shorts from lifeguarding all summer. I went the day before school started and followed all the instructions for the spray-tan booth. I looked great walking out of the tanning salon. But then my mom called me and we got into a silly argument and I started to cry. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized my sobbing caused my tears to streak the spray tan down my face and neck. Needless to say, no amount of bronzer or self-tanner fixed it and the first day of my junior year in high school I walked in looking like a zebra. On the bright side, my legs turned out awesome. Now I stick to tanning beds.

 

3. The long nap.

“My favorite/weirdest memory was when a lady came in for a tan and it ended with her being escorted out in handcuffs. Our computers up front tell us how much time each bed has left and how long it’s been since the bed shut off. This woman stayed in there for an hour. We tried banging on the doors and calling her name and she wouldn’t respond. We thought she was dead so we called 911. They got the door open and woke her up. Apparently she had taken a large dose of sleeping pills before she got in the bed. Right as the police officer was leaving her room, a bag full of pills fell out of her purse. He arrested her in front of the entire salon.”

 

4. The right day to quit.

“I worked in a tanning salon that the rest of the employees and I swore was haunted. Bulbs would shatter on their own. The radios would turn on and off by themselves and the volume would even change. The employees in the building next door would tell us to stop knocking on the walls but no one was knocking. One day I was opening the salon and was all alone. I was inside the spray-tan booth getting it set up. All of a sudden I heard laughter and very loud footsteps as if someone was sprinting down the hallway. It scared the crap out of me, but when I emerged from the room and couldn’t find a single soul in the salon, I double-checked the front door and it was still locked. No one could have gotten in. I almost quit my job that day. I don’t know why any ghost would want to haunt a tanning salon, but I do know that we were not alone in that building.”

 

5. The reptile.

“I worked at a tanning salon and had to tell a customer she couldn’t put her pet lizard in the bed.

 

6. The dirty towel.

“I worked at a tanning salon one semester in college. The second week that I was there, a man in his mid-thirties pooped in his towel and handed it to me instead of throwing it in the towel bin or throwing it away before he left. However, while I stood there with his poop towel in my hand, he sat down in the waiting room and watched my reaction and what I did with it! I cried and washed my hands for 30 minutes. We bleached the bed he was in and didn’t let anyone go in it for the rest of the day.”

 

7. The storm warning.

“I went tanning late on a particularly stormy night. I got in the bed and after a couple minutes someone banged on my door and screamed, “Tornado — get out!” I got out of the bed and heard the windows vibrating so I ran my mostly naked ass down the hall to an interior room with everyone else in the salon. I was the only naked one.”

8. The double dip.

“A guy came in who I had never seen before. I set him up with a membership and he got into his bed. He was in the room for about 45 minutes, which is odd, but I didn’t think much of it because some people actually get ready after a tan. I didn’t see him leave, but when I went in to clean his bed, it was covered in shit and semen. I don’t know what the hell he was doing in there. I managed to clean it up without vomiting and immediately canceled his membership.

We would have teenagers pee in the spray booths on a regular basis. (This happens more often than you would think — lay a towel on the ground inside of spray booths before you get in). We found poop and pee in the trash several times. One time a girl double-dipped and left her very dirty tampon in the bed and her very dirty underwear hanging from the nozzle in the spray.”

9. And the reason so many people pee at the tanning salon?

“I was getting a spray tan and once I got naked to get into the machine I realized I had to pee but couldn’t put my clothes back on because the mist machine was on a timer and I would miss it. I went in the bed and tried to hold it in but I ended up peeing in the machine. I I finished the tan and came out of the machine so I could clean it up. I had lines running down my legs from the pee.”

 

 

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Husband discovers wife’s multiple affairs after 10 years of marriage

“My self-worth and self-confidence bottomed out. I was a total wreck.”

Here are a few tips to make things smoother when navigating the world of co-parenting.

In 10 years of their marriage, Seth and his wife never lied to each other…about anything.

There were no little white lies about pretending to his birthday present every year or remembering to put the kids’ soccer uniforms in the dryer.

Instead, the couple built their marriage on a solid foundation of trust and honesty.

The moment Seth found it that had all been a lie, was utterly soul-crushing.

For years, the mother of his four children had been carrying out multiple affairs,

“She shared much more than her body … she shared her heart,” he first wrote on Love What Matters. “That’s what hurts the most about affairs.

“More than the breaking of trust, the physical act of breaking the covenant, the stolen money, it was the casualness in which she gave away that emotional bond we had.”

Source: Seth MegowSeth and his wife, who had been married for 10 years, have four beautiful kids together. Source: Seth Megow

“Neither of us had ever dealt with this”

At first, when his wife started going out late, Seth simply brushed it off.

She was busy working while raising their four kids, he remembered reassuring himself.

Anyone would need to cool off after dealing with all that stress.

“It was almost impossible to have an easy sit-down conversation about it,” he said.

“She was in avoidance mode, and I was in detective mode.

“This caused more tension since neither of us had ever dealt with this before.

“She wasn’t used to not being open, and I wasn’t used to having to pry for information about her life.”

Source: Seth MegowSeth desperately didn’t want to believe his wife had been unfaithful. Source: Seth Megow

“A tug of war between my head and my heart”

Then she stopped coming home at night, claiming she was staying out late with friends.

She also started covering her tracks, locking her phone and using cash to pay for everything – so Seth couldn’t check her bank statements.

“It’s easy to say looking back that I should have just let her go then,” Seth said.

“My brain was telling me: ‘Look at the facts. She hides her phone at night, pays for everything in cash, and spends the night out multiple times a week’.

“On the other hand, my heart was telling me: ‘She would never cheat. We are beyond close and each other’s true best friend. I’m sure this is just a big misunderstanding’.

“It was all a giant tug of war between my head and my heart. A back and forth between the facts and the feelings.”

Source: Seth MegowSeth, pictured here with one of his daughters, discovered the affairs on Facebook. Source: Seth Megow

“I was a total wreck”

But eventually, Seth’s head won the battle– after his wife accidentally left her Facebook open one night.

He painfully read countless messages that proved his wife had been having multiple affairs.

There were endless one night stands and also a serious long-term boyfriend.

“So now both my head and my heart knew the truth,” Seth said.

“I felt so betrayed and crushed.

“We had spent years pouring love, life, encouragement, and hope into each other.

“If my closest friend in the world didn’t see the value in me, why would anyone?

“My self-worth and self-confidence bottomed out. I was a total wreck.”

Source: Seth MegowSeth became a single dad to their four young kids. Source: Seth Megow

It just wasn’t working

Even after all that, Seth still found it hard to leave.

He desperately prayed for divine intervention to bring his wife back as she begged for a divorce.

But eventually, it became obvious that it just wasn’t working.

“So we got divorced. I got the kids. She got every other weekend with them and her freedom,” Seth said.

“Now to be fair, she had been an amazing mother for a long time.

“We discussed that hopefully one day in the future, once she found healing, she would feel more comfortable with a greater role in their lives.”

Source: Seth MegowAfter the divorce, Seth focused on being the best dad possible for his kids. Source: Seth Megow

“I just kept on taking one day at a time”

So Seth became a single dad to four young kids while also dealing with the emotional fall-out from the destruction of his marriage.

It’s now been four years since they signed the divorce papers, Seth is still in the process of rebuilding his life.

“Of course, I wasn’t a perfect husband. I wasn’t a perfect dad, friend, son, or employee either,” he said.

“However, I tried and continue to try. I just kept on taking one day at a time.

“Some days were tougher than others, but the important thing was to not give up living.

“I learned that through heartbreak and hardships we receive this amazing gift of compassion if we choose to embrace it.”

For more of Seth’s story check out his blog, “Who Put My iPad in the Dishwasher?

If you or someone you know is battling addiction, help is available. Call the Family Drug Helplineon 1300 368 186, DrugInfo on 1300 858 584 or Youth Substance Abuse Service on 1800 014 446. For a complete list of services by state click hereIf you believe you are in immediate danger, please contact police on 000.

 

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Patrizia – The Tipping Point

“After crying and demanding I hold her, she strips naked and tries to rape me.”

A few years ago I was on a rebound and I found a girl who liked me.

Patrizia.

We had been dating for almost three months. She was hot, but she had issues. Four times she had blacked out while drinking and become a total bitch. She was also on antidepressants which she was bad at taking, she wasn’t super affectionate when sober, and she was too reliant on her parents. Oh, and she may have occasionally puked up her dinner.

This is the story of her 5th blackout. I had already told her if it happened again, we were done, but this one took the cake. It was restaurant week so we went to dinner at a nice Asian restaurant. It was normal for me to spend way too much money on Patrizia, but that was another issue. We have a decent dinner and a few drinks. We decide to meet my friends at a bar that’s close. Her friend has a birthday party the next afternoon at a bar where there is a drinking contest, so we decide to take the night easy.

At the bar where my friends are there’s a special on a 10% beer. The first thing Patrizia does is order one. I remind her that we have a long day tomorrow and that it’s strong. Fifteen minutes later she orders another. At this point I’m 25% breaking up with her.

She’s clearly getting drunk. My friends mention the bar where they are spending the night and she already wants to go. So much for an easy night. Another beer for her. I’m getting perturbed, and after telling her to slow down, I go outside to cool off. It’s about 20 degrees. My friends can tell I’m getting angry.

Patrizia orders another beer. She’s wasted. My friends decide to help me out and decide they are going to the other bar and we should head home. She demands going with them, she stands up, and falls down. I help her with her coat as they leave.

While waiting for a cab outside I tell her that if we don’t go home, we’re done.  She says she doesn’t care.

We get in our cab. I tell the driver her address. She screams that she wants to go to the bar and the driver listens to her. At this point I am at 55% breaking up with her.

When we arrive at the bar she stumbles across the street. I motion to the bouncers to not let her in. She also almost falls down while walking. For the first fifteen minutes I try with the bouncers to tell her to go home. Eventually I just go to the smoking area and talk to random people. I try to call her brother to get him to talk sense into her but he doesn’t answer.

Now 45 minutes into this and still outside and after multiple attempts by her to run past the bouncers they literally pick her up and throw her in a cab. I get in, and tell him her address. Now you may ask why I’ve not left yet. Well, if she got in somehow, it was my friends issue to deal with her and I didn’t want that to happen. Also I was worried for her safety. At this point I am 80% breaking up with her.

About a mile and a half down the road she starts screaming that she wants to go back to the bar. I try to calm her down but the driver won’t deal with it, and we get kicked out. She proceeds to walk in the freezing weather the mile and a half back to the bar. She almost gets hit by a few cars along the way.

When we get to the bar the bouncers are pissed. I ask if they’re calling the cops, to which they shake their heads yes. I ask for 5 minutes and call her mother at 1am. Her mother answers and I explain, she was not shocked which was odd, then her mother talks to her and she listens. We get in a taxi and head to her place. I am 90% breaking up with her.

On the taxi ride back she gets pissed I called her mother. At this point its worth mentioning I was in a brace due to surgery on my arm. She leans over and starts punching me in the face, a total of 6 times. I’m shocked, but finally throw her into the other side of the taxi. She stops. I am 100% breaking up with her. I tell her that we are over for good and there’s no coming back. She cries for the next 10 minutes to get to her house.

The taxi driver says he’ll wait for me, I grab her keys and after 5 minutes (stupid lock was hard) I get her front door open. I push her in and throw her keys at her and walk away. The whole time she’s talking about having sex with me. The driver has a good talk with me on the way home.

When I get home, I unfriend her and all her friends on Facebook. I turn off my phone, and go to bed. She calls me the next morning (after I woke up and turned my phone on) like nothing happened wanting to go to the birthday party. I remind her we’re over. She cries, not remembering as usual. She asks if we can at least break up while she’s sober and I say we can talk in a week.

One day before we are supposed to meet she had plans with friends for happy hour. She calls me after asking if we could meet that day instead. When she shows up at my house she’s drunk, I can smell the booze. After crying and demanding I hold her, she strips naked and tries to rape me. She was small, it wasn’t happening, but if she was a guy, she would be in jail. The worst part is I never really said my piece. I never went off and yelled at her. This would bother me until I finally had a random hookup months later. I never got over her, no matter how horrible she was because I didn’t get closure myself.

Sometimes life sucks but it does get better. I have found that writing about all of these experiences brings understanding, resolution and closure for me.

 

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Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 31

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11 Small Things Guys Notice About You – Even If You Think They Don’t

Yes, they notice things other than your body and your looks.

When it comes to attracting men and knowing how to get a guy to like you, there are a lot of things girls often take for granted regarding which traits men find most attractive in women.

Most of the time, we simply assume that guys only notice a girl’s boobs and butt, and for the most part, that is what guys notice in women first.

However, that’s certainly not all they notice.

Whether you believe it or not, guys notice a lot more than just than such obvious physical features.

Take a look below to see some of the things guys pick up on when they’re talking to you.

Here’s a list of 11 traits men notice when deciding whether or they find women attractive.

1. Your personality

Even the sexiest Megan Fox lookalike will not have much success in dating if her personality is vapid, cruel, or otherwise just bad.

Though it may take guys a while longer to notice a bad personality versus a good one, they do eventually notice it. And that’s often what makes or breaks a man’s desire to date you long-term.

2. Your nails

Most of the time, we associate nail art with fashion choices that are more meant to impress ourselves or other women. But guys do notice if your nail game is on point.

As one of my guy friends said, “Nails are a good indicator of whether or not a girl really cares about herself.”

3. Your financial situation

This may not be the most politically correct thing for me to say, what do guys notice in women? If you’re loaded with money and if they may be more inclined to date you if you have a lot of cash in the bank.

There’s some good reason for this, too. While there are some guys out there who are totally okay with providing girls with money, most guys want to be sure that you aren’t with them for the cash alone.

4. How happy you are.

No one likes a Debbie Downer, especially not a guy who’s looking for love. If you look morose, angry, or suspicious, guys won’t want to be around you.

5. Your self-esteem

You know how you can tell that the guy with the Ferrari that constantly boasts about cash in his bank is actually an insecure mess? Yes, the same goes with guys.

This is doubly true among abusers, who often will purposefully seek out girls that they feel have low self-esteem for their next victim.

6. Your sense of style

People often think that fashion is something that only girls notice, but it’s really not. It’s what guys notice in women.

For some guys, the way you dress can be a major factor in whether or not they want to talk to you. Some even might fetishize certain types of clothing, such as yoga pants or high heels.

7. How active your social life is

Just like girls love to date a guy who has a lot of friends and an active life, guys want to date a girl who’s well-liked as well.

This doesn’t mean that you need to be Miss Congeniality, but it does mean that you need to have a life if you want to get a man.

8. How much common sense you have

If a guy wants to date for the long-term, he will want to look for a girl who has common sense and is capable of handling her own stuff without being babysat.

A girl who can’t actually think without making terrible mistakes in judgment isn’t sexy — at least, not if you’re looking for a serious relationship. Trust me when I say they notice this.

9. Your smile and your laughter

Both are things guys like to see a lot of and their absence is equally noticeable. There’s a reason why the girls who seem to be laughing all the time tend to get the most guys, you know!

10. Your scent

Most guys I know go a little bit crazy over the way a girl smells — perfume or otherwise. If you wear perfume, they’ll probably notice your signature scent. If you have a distinct smell, they’ll also notice that, too.

It’s a good thing, too, since that tends to be the first of a person’s senses to trigger memory.

11. How open you are to love

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that what guys notice in women is if they are hostile towards men.

On the other hand, if you’re very open to getting a new boyfriend, guys will be willing to talk to you.

Go figure, right?

 

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Kita – Chapter 29 – Sweet and Sexy

Another lovely day at the salon. Of course my little friend Kita is there.

“I’m going to see a shrink.”

“Why?”

“To help me deal with my depression over losing JR.”

“Okay. Well I’m sure it’ll help. It’s a tough time, and your friends and family can only do so much. It’s always good to get professional help when you can.”

“Yea. Do you have any snacks?”

“I do sweetheart. Let me get them from their hiding place.”

“Hiding place?”

“Yea. I have to hide any food I have here at the salon from Achilles. Anything he finds around the salon he eats. He can’t help it. He just loves to eat. There’s a secret little drawer in the back cabinet and I hid my snacks in there under some bags.”

“You’re funny!”

I return with an array of cereal bars she can choose from. She picks one and happily munches on it.

I love giving things to Kita. I like helping people in general, but it helps if you’re an adorable little Asian chick. I have a few more surprises for her today. I’m always trying to figure out new ways to improve her tanning experience. I hand her this:

“Ooooh! Sweet & Sexy! For me? Thank you! I love it! You’re so good to me Charles!”

Like our Kita, the lotion is sweet and sexy! I think it’s perfect for her. She’s never used a “hot” bronzer before. We call them tingle bronzers because they make your skin tingle when exposed to ultraviolet light.

There are all kinds of tanning lotions on the market. Perhaps you’ve used a few for yourself while out at the beach, inside at the tanning salon or simply to get a “tan” look. One very popular tanning lotion is the tingle tanning lotion. What’s so great about tingle tanning lotion you ask?

The reason these lotions are called tingle tanning is that they give a tingling sensation on your skin after you apply the lotion; hence the name. It’s certainly more intense than other tanning lotions on the market. What the lotion does is bring blood to the skin surface and, essentially, oxygen to affect the skin’s melanin. The more melanin that’s affected, the darker your skin is going to become. Basically the purpose to tingle tanning lotions is to boost the effects of UV rays you expose yourself to when lying in a tanning bed. Ultimate-inferno-tingle-lotion

Yes, your skin’s going to be red for approximately one hour after you tan. The redness is similar to a sunburn. However, the redness will fade and you’ll be fine.

What does it all mean? Basically, the lotion’s ingredients, Methyl Nicotinate or Benzyl, are designed to bring more oxygen into the skin by increasing the circulation of blood in your body as well as the increase the amount of oxygen on the surface of the skin. So, tingle tanning lotions are designed for people who want deep tans or have difficulty getting a tan.

Some folks give up on using tingle tanning lotions because of the sensation it gives. Some users have complained that the lotion is painful or uncomfortable. Other users haven’t made any complaints against this kind of lotion. It’s all depending on how rough your skin is and how high your pain level tolerance is. Everybody’s different, which means what you get from the experience could be different from your friends.

However, if you do endure whatever pain, if any, you will get the end result that the tingle tanning lotions are designed to do…give you tan skin!

If you can handle the temporary burning sensation you will come out of the bed looking darker.

When Kita comes out after her session she looks in the mirror. “Oh my God! I’m darker!”

She loves being dark as I’ve said before.

Baby’s happy.

“Thank you so much! You’re always taking good care of me!”

She hugs me tightly.  I feel her breasts compress against my chest. Then she places her hand on my cheeks and pulls my lips to hers. They are ripe, moist and yield to mine. It was a firm smooch but brief so as not to be discovered by a random client.

She smiles and I melt in her almond eyes. She grasps my hand and squeezes. “I have to go work on a presentation.”

Her hand slips away and she’s gone.

*Sigh…

 

 

 

8 Dangers of Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Person

Are you dating an emotionally unavailable person?

Life has a funny way of making us work for what we want.

Throughout it we all face obstacles and adversities that mold us into the person we are today. Unfortunately, a lot of people fall victim to the things that have happened to them instead of taking the time to heal and grow. Often, we carry those things into our relationships.

Giving people who have a big heart for helping others tend to be attracted to emotionally unavailable people. You feel some sense of calling to help heal their wounds and lead them to a better life. You almost connect to them on a deeper level because you invest so much energy into repairing their soul.

You do this because you can see their uncovered potential past the road of what broke them in the first place. This puts you in a position where you convince yourself that you can help change that person.

You want the best for them, we totally get it, but they have to change for themselves. Sadly, you are probably going to be the one who ends up hurt.

Here are eight dangers of dating an emotionally unavailable person.

1. They lead you on.

Emotionally unavailable people have very high walls and strong guards, but they still enjoy companionship. They keep you close to their side to fulfil their needs, but when it comes to fulfilling yours they will be nowhere to be found. He will give you the title of girlfriend, but that is as far as it will go.

 

2. Time doesn’t change anything.

The more you invest in an emotionally unavailable person, the more you convince yourself that with more time he will be ready to commit. Commitment issues don’t heal over time; those issues are only going to heal when the emotionally unavailable person decides to work through them. You are not going to fix him.

 

3. They are not afraid to lose you.

In a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person your worth is not going to be valued. You put far more effort into the relationship than you get back in return. Emotionally unavailable people lack the ability to invest strong feelings in others. He enjoys your company and he wants you around, but if you were to leave it wouldn’t devastate him.

 

4. Everything is on their time.

Your schedule has to fit into their schedule. Emotionally unavailable people let you know when is good for them, and you have to adjust. They don’t consider your feelings when making other plans or cancelling on you. You won’t even realize this until you don’t have time for anyone else because you are always adjusting your schedule for your relationship.

 

5. They are selfish.

Emotionally unavailable people use you to fill space. They convince you that whatever you do for them, you are really doing for yourself. They make their needs clear and set the expectation that they are priority. Your needs are not a priority and you will convince yourself that is ok.

6. They cannot fully commit.

Emotionally unavailable people make you feel like your relationship is going somewhere and never actually take the next step. They continue the relationship for as long as it works for them, but they don’t actually see a future with you. One minute he’ll be talking about your future together, and the next he’ll tell you that he’s not ready to get that serious.

7. They are unable to truly love you.

True love happens when two people are the most vulnerable version of themselves, and they still love each other anyway. You are going to be the only vulnerable person in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person. He’s going to do things that make you feel loved on the surface, but he won’t give you what you need for the long haul.

 

8. They are honest with where they stand.

Emotionally unavailable people are always honest with their lack of interest in making a full commitment. Their honesty is not always direct or perfectly clear, but they put themselves in a position that when you question something they can back it up with, “remember when I told you…”

The most important thing to understand about an emotionally unavailable person is that their inability to be the person you wish they would be has nothing to do with you. That also does not mean that you should sacrifice your time, your energy, or your soul for someone who cannot give you what you need.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Tales of Rock – A Word on David Bowie, Lori Mattix, and the Speed of Information – Part 2

 

David Bowie, 1972

Another reason to raise an eyebrow at the claims regarding Bowie is not the lack of corroboration, or of photographic evidence in the notoriously paparazzi-prone Sunset Strip groupie scene, but Mattix’s own accounts. While this may not be every account she’s given, there is enough to be deeply concerning:

  1. For many years, she maintained that she had her first time with Jimmy Page during the Zeppelin 1972 tour. For instance, she stated in an in-depth 1985 interview with music journalist Stephen Davis that Page had her brought to his hotel room in 1972, that he insisted on keeping her locked up in his room when he first began seeing her, and that he would not “let me go anywhere because I was so underage.” She then explained that after about one year together, Page was willing to be seen in public with her: “After that first year, Jimmy took me along to all the shows. Sometimes they would dedicate a show to me! And if I wasn’t with him, he would call me every day from wherever he was. Especially at the time he was in his prime, ’73 to ’75, that was the prime of Zeppelin.” This, indeed, lines up with the fact that there are numerous pictures of them together beginning in 1973.
  2. She later started to claim that she had sex with David Bowie before becoming involved with Page. One significant issue with this claim is that Zeppelin’s ’72 tour took place over the summer of 1972, well before the first Ziggy Stardust tour (“Ziggy I”) came to California in late October 1972.
  3. The story was further muddied when Mattix gave an interview to Peter Gillman in 1986. In that interview, she said that she had been getting dinner at the Rainbow Bar in March 1973 (during the second Ziggy Stardust tour, or “Ziggy II”), and that Bowie — who also happened to be at the restaurant — first spotted her from across the room. According to her, he sent his bodyguard over to ask if she would like to join him in his suite that night. She said she accepted, and that fellow teenage groupie Sable Starr (who was sitting with her) insisted on joining them. Mattix then said that she had sex with Bowie that same night for “five or six hours,” that Starr was waiting jealously the whole time, and that Mattix — feeling guilty about leaving her friend in the sitting room — convinced a reluctant Bowie to have sex with Starr in order to humor her. She then said all three of them fell asleep, and that she and Starr frantically snuck out the next day, before Bowie’s wife Angie was set to arrive at the hotel.
  4. Mattix gave another interview (made available online in 2009) in which she said that she was a virgin when she met Page. This lines up with her first story listed here, but contradicts later accounts.
  5. Mattix also gave an interview to Paul Trynka with a completely different version of her encounter with Bowie. There, she said that she and Sable Starr actually made their way over to the Beverly Hilton in October 1972 (Ziggy I), found out which room Bowie was in, and snuck in. She said that when they managed to get into his room, he was “tired” and hesitant to have sex with them at first, but that they eventually convinced him before sneaking out of his room, unseen.
  6. Mattix later gave the account that’s being circulated in the Thrillist piece. There she claimed that she had actually been propositioned by Bowie back in October 1972, but rejected him; that he called her and took her to dinner when he was back in town in March 1973; that John Lennon and Yoko Ono joined them while they were sitting together prior to heading to Bowie’s suite at the Beverly Hilton; that she had a threesome with Bowie and Starr; and that Angie had actually walked in on them the next morning. In addition to contradicting her prior accounts in just about every particular, it is worth noting that this version contains at least one significant, confirmed factual error: Bowie and Lennon didn’t even meet until September 1974 — they were introduced by, of all people, Elizabeth Taylor at a party she was hosting.
    (Other errors — such as the fact that David Bowie stayed at the Hyatt in March of ’73 rather than the Hilton as Mattix insists, and the fact that he didn’t depilate his eyebrows until after the Ziggy I tour had left California, are less serious.)
  7. It’s also worth noting that, in that same Thrillist interview, Mattix claims to have attended a recording session in 1975 (now age 17) featuring John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, and several other musicians including Mick Jagger, and then had sex with Mick Jagger immediately after. There are two major factual issues here: (i) the only post-Beatles jam session between Lennon and McCartney happened a year earlier, in March 1974 (check out “A Toot and a Snore in ‘74”); and (ii) there’s nothing to suggest that Mick Jagger was anywhere near that recording session.
David Bowie – Ziggy Stardust Tour, California, October 1972

None of this, of course, definitively disproves that something happened between Bowie and Mattix and/or Starr — or Mattix and Jagger, for that matter — but taken together, this all has to raise some doubts. Some inconsistencies are to be expected even in truthful accounts, but it’s the number and the seriousness of the errors and inconsistencies in this particular tale, in combination with the lack of corroboration, that make Mattix’s account at least somewhat questionable. There is a genuine issue of fact here, and it would be irresponsible to ignore it.

ETA: Since publishing this piece, it has come to my attention that Pamela Des Barres’ celebrated memoir, I’m With the Bandalso places Ms. Mattix in a relationship with Jimmy Page well before Mattix claims to have lost her virginity to Bowie.

 

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