My lovely sprite strolled into the salon on Tuesday.
“I ended it with Steve today.”
At that moment I couldn’t be happier. This guy sucks. He’s a child that doesn’t know the sweet girl he has in his grasp. Of course he’s going to squander it. Just like the girls in my life that have dumped me in the past. They have this beautiful elegant diamond and they drop it into the dirt. (See: Annabelle – Nice to Meet You) It’s textbook. Cool people like me and Kita meet these people looking for love and peace and we make bad choices. We think these people will be like us and the backgrounds don’t match. We work hard and we shouldn’t have to. Love should be easy. Like between me and my girlfriend, Cherie.
It should just flow. I know I sound like a hypocrite now, but bear with me. This is phicklephilly. I have an amazing girlfriend but she’s absent. I love that but I enjoy the company of all of these other women. How can I say no to a 21 year old smoking hot Asian baby?
I’m not doing anything wrong. Cherie and I have no contract. If she found out about this she would be broken hearted and dump me for sure, but that’s not happening. I have compartmentalized my life. Some of my readers will disagree with this move but hear me out.
No one is being hurt. I love Cherie. When I walk down the street with her I think WIFE. I shouldn’t have to sell this to any of you. I’m loyal to her. But my heart is enormous and I get my energy from people.
I love to be alone and am one of the few that understands that. Most people can’t do that. I’ve always been able to disappear into my comic books, music, and art alone and be completely happy.
My father used to say that a man that could sit in a room by himself was a man that was truly at peace.
I’d like to think that he could do that. He used to go to the basement and listen to his music and read his books and vanish into that. I know he was a tortured soul that could never get his head around what was wrong with him, but he tried to find solace in his alone time.
I know it.
I get my energy from people but my alone time is where I recharge Charles to be that guy you love hanging out with. Performance comes at a price. Do you really think I could do that at the level I could do them as a million dollar producer everywhere I go?
No. That shit comes from low self esteem and a need to combat your depression and anxiety so that you can go forward in your life. You feel worthless for many years in your life. More than most. Your siblings don’t understand. There’s no way they can see the world of pain you live in. It doesn’t exist in their world. But in your life you are paralyzed and in pain all of the time. Your life is a dark sphere of sadness and fear.
All you want is for someone pretty girl to talk to you. You draw pictures they might like. You pick up the guitar hoping to express your pain in music instead of violence. Your temper is bad when you’re young. Because you’re pissed off at your situation at being a victim your whole childhood. But you don’t offend like the bullies in your life. That’s the boys in the neighborhood. That comes at the end of your father’s words and hand. You feel the searing pain of a prison you can’t escape from. You can never escape. But someday you will. You will walk out of that shithole.
You learned a lot in the shadow of your sadness. But with no drugs and no therapy, you fixed yourself. You cobbled together the best Frankenstein you could with what you had left.
You’re a sunny person. You meet other sunny people in your life. You embrace them.
The sunniest person you’ve recently met is little Kita.
She’s beautiful. Fragile. Good. Kind. You embrace her and just want to be near her.
You’re old motherfucker. You’re 55. She’s 21, you pig.
She keeps coming to you. Spending hours at the salon. She drinks your advice. You’ve taken her out to dinner.
Yet you resist.
She’s a confused young girl. Just off a three year dress rehearsal with a foolish boy who needs to grow up, and then rebounding into another blue collar loser.
Kita tells me about her time with Steve.
Who is raising these new minor asshole boys?
She sits in the salon telling me about their courtship. She would hang at his house and watch Netflix. His friends are always around and he loves working on cars and she sits around bored while he works on a car. He smells like a garage.
He never took her out. I can smell the failure here. Never took her on an actual date. No lunch. No dinner. No movies. Nothing.
What a loser.
She’s just sitting there as he works on his car.
He was just a rebound bad decision.
I’m saving her family from this loser asshole.
It’s the new now. These fools can send a message to lovely girls and get their attention after their relationships have failed with other dudes. All on some hollow, social media dating profile.
Vulnerable girl is so wounded she takes the bait. Here she comes. Then she tries to heal herself with you. You send out your best representative and off you go. Romance ensues. Then she gets to know you and you fuck it up because you’re a mess you poor boy.
You have the lovely perfect girlfriend that we all want and you take a shit on that because you’re a moron.
I’m appalled by this behavior and absolutely amazed that you would actually do that to a lovely gentle girl.
She’s so beautiful… how could you lose her?
But off you go with your destruction… thank you for making room for the big sharks to come in and spend time with this pretty baby. I stand back on my mountain and can’t believe my good fortune.
Steve… even at your young age I feel bad for you. Big old great white shark is about to snatch your baby seal from you.
You can’t even even see it coming you little boy… But Kita is going to Dave an Busters with me and I’m going to kiss her and eventually more. Sorry dude. That’s the universe unfolding as it should.
To the victors go the spoils.
It’s Wednesday and I miss Cherie, but I miss Kita too. I love Cherie. I do. But I think about my time with Kita. Hate me if you want, but I love Cherie. She rocks and she’s the girl I want to end with. But come on…Kita is hot as hell. I can’t resist her. Little Asian baby that could destroy my life. Who wouldn’t want that? I’m so torn.
I love Cherie. I would marry her. She’s absolutely amazing.
Then there’s Kita.
I want Kita
I’m so fickle.
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