Long-term relationships always require compromise in order to thrive. Regardless of how peaceful the waters are, or how much you have in common when it comes to world outlook, there will always be small sacrifices required to make a relationship work.
One of the hardest parts of compromising in a relationship is figuring out the lines between giving up parts of yourself, and making changes for your partner. For example, demanding someone gives up a hobby is a different request than asking they cut down some of their hobby time so you can hang out.
In a recent Reddit post on the subreddit Am I The Asshole, commenter yhrowawayvideoganems asked the internet if she mishandled a situation with her now ex-girlfriend.
“AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over my video games.
So I have a decent video collection, I will not post pictures as I do not want this post linked to my actual account.”
The OP (original poster) has collected and played video games for years, and it’s a solid part of her relaxation time. After two years together, her (ex) girlfriend and her decided to take the leap to move in together. However, OP’s ex-girlfriend had one fairly large request before moving in: that OP get rid of her entire video game collection.
“My girlfriend of 2 years 25f and me 24f decided we wanted to move in together, she kinda mentioned getting rid of my collection but I thought she was joking so I brushed it off. Turns out she wanted me to get rid of my whole video game collection, some of my games are worth some money and I’ve been keeping them so they can become more expensive. My collection is also 3 years of me thrift shopping and I do not want to throw that away, I tried to explain it but she refused and told me that I did not love her enough to make this sacrifice.”
When OP explained that she really values the games, and at this point getting rid of them would be a huge and unwanted sacrifice, her ex gave an ultimatum: the relationship or the games.
“About 2/3 days ago she called me and said it’s me or the fucking video games. I chose the games and she hung up on me. Everyone that I’ve spoken to (excluding a few people) have been telling me I fucked up, and that I should of picked her over some games. AITA?”
In the end, OP chose the games over her ex, and now people in her life are claiming she made a mistake. So, as many of us in the modern age do, OP turned to the internet to get a consensus on whether picking the games made her an asshole or not.
AnimalLover38 doesn’t think it’s a jerk move, since relationships shouldn’t be made or broken based on ultimatums.
“NTA, ultimatums almost never work anyways and are sometimes used as an easy way out of a relationship.”
“Unless OP was jobless and spent every waking moment playing games rather then being an adult with a job then there’s no reason for her gf to make such a big deal out of it. Maybe OP’s girlfriend wanted out of the relationship but didn’t know how to do it so she just chose the one thing she knew OP would never part with and made a big deal out of it.”
dandelionii echoed the fact that ultimatums are manipulative, and it was perfectly fine for OP to pick her hobby.
“NTA, ultimatums are stupid and unfair and if she’s willing to make this big of a deal over a videogame collection (which you presumably purchased with your own money) it doesn’t bode well for the future.”
merinis pointed out the fact that a healthy relationship would involve someone who shares an interest in video games, or at least understands and doesn’t mock it.
“Exactly. OP would be better off finding someone that isn’t trying to be so controlling, and maybe even someone that shares
Hunterstewartmurdock defended ultimatums as a right in any relationship, and pointed out that people are allowed to have dealbreakers and lay them out for their partner. That being said, they don’t think OP is a jerk for wanting to keep their collection.
“I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with an ultimatum, some things are dealbreakers for people and that’s alright. If I dated someone with bad hygiene and they refused to shower every day, I would demand better hygiene from them. If not I would leave. It doesn’t make me an asshole and it doesn’t make them an asshole, it just means maybe our priorities don’t line up and we aren’t right for each other. They can do find someone else who is ok with their flaws and I can find someone who is ok with my flaws.”
“That being said, demanding that she get rid of her collection is petty and demeaning. NTA in this case for sure, but very close to NAH in my opinion.”
Rich000123 defended the ex-girlfriend by pointing out how vague the original post is, and that it sounds like there are important details left out. It’s never made clear how large the collection is, or whether OP has a videogame addiction, or whether this has been an ongoing conversation, all of which would paint the larger picture.
“The vague response from the OP makes me certain that there is more to it. OP is also not even offering any potential reasons for why the gf is making the ultimatum. I can’t accept that they have been together for 2 years and she has no idea where the ultimatum is coming from. The intentionally vagueness, along with the friends saying she is TA makes me lean towards believing that the OP is intentionally leaving INFO is therefore the TA.”
“As a side note – I see a lot of projecting in the comments for why people are claiming the ultimatum happened. I can agree in some ways that a ultimatum alone is a reason to end the relationship but there is a lot of excess explanation that people have determined (e.g. the gf doesn’t like gaming, the gf wants all the attention on her) which the OP has never claimed. Let’s everyone try and stick with the fact that we know.”
not_really_an_elf brought up the fact that OP’s IRL friends think they’re an asshole, which indicates there is more to the story than is being told. The fact that they refused to post a picture of the collection doesn’t make them look good.
“Mate, I bet the reason people you know irl are telling you you’re an arsehole is because they’ve seen your collection. Post pictures or describe exactly how much space they take up.”
PolitenessPolice echoed the call for more info, because the omissions seem purposeful.
I refuse to believe that’s all there is to this, people don’t just act like this unless there’s something wrong. Like, how they’re stacked, is it a hoarding problem, how much money do you spend on games, how much time do you spend playing them, etc.”
“Like, nobody acts that irrationally for no reason and especially not over bloody games. There’s got to be more. Did she give a reason? Has she ever shown any disdain for your collection previously over the years?”
DirtyPotatoPeople suspects this may be a hoarder situation, in which case the OP is the asshole in denial.
“I think it’s perfectly reasonable – depending on how big this “collection” is – to not want a big portion of your space devoted to games no one is playing. I wouldn’t have thrown out an ultimatum like that but the gf is perfectly justified in pushing for them to be put in storage or something.”
“OP is also being suspiciously vague about the whole situation, including the extent of her collection, which makes me think she’s either being dishonest or simply in denial about her hoarding habits.”
“Just sounds like a validation post to me and all the immediate jumping on board with OP because of reddit’s hate of anti-video-game anything makes me sad because I honestly don’t think what she’s collecting is the issue here.”
The real question left at hand is what do YOU dear reader, think of this situation?!
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