Murder Mystery Weekend – Chapter 36

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Romantic Labor Day Ideas | The Romantic Vineyard

Make a basket of his favorite things: drinks, candy, snacks, magazines, gift cards, etc.  While he’s enjoy the items tell him your favorite things about him. Acrostic Gift: On Labor Day, why not plan to bless your husband for how hard he works to provide for you and your family.  Starting on Monday give him…
— Read on theromanticvineyard.com/for-wives-only/romantic-labor-day-ideas/

51 Things to Do in Philly Over Labor Day Weekend 2019

Celebrates Labor Day weekend in Philadelphia with a huge waterfront bash, a fireworks show, the annual Made in America festival and more.
— Read on www.uwishunu.com/2019/08/things-to-do-in-philadelphia-this-weekend-august-30-september-2-2019/

This Is How Long It Takes to Get Over a Broken Heart, Says Study

You will recover and get your self-esteem back.

It happens to all of us. A relationship ends in heartbreak and the world stops and kicks us off. Or so it feels. And the low self-esteem after a breakup only serves to prolong the agony.

How long does the bottom-dwelling last? Can you still figure out how to survive a breakup when you’re feeling this lousy about yourself? Isn’t it bad enough that the one you loved doesn’t love you anymore — do you have to not love you, too?

Certain feelings go with the territory of a broken heart — confusion, anger, and sadness. But, if your low self-confidence is causing you to constantly blame and disparage yourself, getting over a breakup gets even more difficult and your healing will be slow.

If your self-worth perked up when you started dating your ex but plummeted after your split, it’s probably dependent on being in a relationship. When you’re heartbroken, you feel worthless, which leads you to hang onto what is no longer available and/or no longer healthy.

Ironically, gauging how long your low self-esteem after a break-up will last depends, to a certain degree, on your self-esteem.

If all you do is self-criticize, you won’t be able to process what happened in the relationship. And if you can’t process this one, you can’t prepare for the next one. That’s the vicious cycle of low self-esteem that keeps you stuck.

The loss of self-esteem is the most disruptive aspect of a breakup because it prevents you from moving forward. You need an inherent sense of worth to invest the energy in your healing and future.

If you had healthy self-esteem at the beginning of your relationship, wouldn’t it stand to reason that it should still be there after a breakup?

A ding to your self-esteem is understandable. But if your low self-esteem after a breakup leads you to stalk your ex or pray for a reconciliation, that ding is a big dent.

There are a lot of theories about how long it should take to heal from a breakup. Some say half the length of the relationship (woe to those together for decades!). Some say as little as a month.

The truth is, the uniqueness of the individuals and their relationship can’t be overlooked or generalized.

However, a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that 71 percent of 155 young adults took around 11 weeks to see positive change. By the end of those three months, the subjects could see positive aspects from their breakups.

They also felt they had grown and become goal-oriented — all positive changes to their low self-esteem after a breakup.

Other influences on the healing of your low self-esteem after a breakup include factors like race, gender, and sexual preference. According to another study, women, African Americans, and heterosexuals have more positive outcomes.

But the biggest predictor of positive outcomes was the person who initiated the breakup.

Finally, when it comes to giving the best advantage to your low self-esteem after a breakup, social media plays a role. Those with a higher frequency of internet surveillance also have a higher level of post-breakup distress.

Accidentally “bumping into” your ex on Facebook will only serve to set back the clock on your healing time.

It’s reasonable to expect that the recovery of your low self-esteem after a breakup can take at least a few weeks. But the factors affecting that timeline depend on you and the relationship that just ended.

And, once you figure it out, building confidence is not as impossible anymore.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Kita – Chapter 34 – Thoughts While She’s Away

“I stand outside my pain and frustration now.”

I love Kita. She has no idea how I feel about her. It’s okay. She’s so young and inexperienced, she can’t see it.

I met her and in classic phicklephilly fashion and fell in love with her. I love my real girlfriend Cherie with all my heart, but this is just a symptom of the universe. That’s why this blog exists.

I’m fickle as hell and fall in love everyday. That sucks for Cherie, but I’m not directly hurting her. I just don’t see her much and don’t know how much longer I’ll be around.

I met Kita. I had a thing for her immediately. I wrote about her without even knowing her because the iron was hot. Then by some miracle I got to know her. I’ve loved that. Because that’s the way my brain operates. But I have control over that now. But I still want what I want. It makes me feel alive.

I think about this silly confused little girl. Beautiful. Doesn’t realize it. Obsessed with tanning and diet and exercise. Little connection with dad. Little connection with men and relationships.

My daughter is her same age and totally has it together.

Kita was with some loser guy that dumped her after 6 months at 16. She lost her shit and her mother put her on medicine. Not good, but here we go. Then she met JR and that was a 3 year odyssey of childish nonsense and discovery. They had sex, and were a couple. He got tired of her nonsense and cut her loose.

She suffered and rebounded into Steve. Another loser. If you’ve been reading the series you’ll see that he’s an absolute fail. I don’t even know him, and I feel pity that he’s so confused with who he is.

Then there’s me.

The washed up banker, ad man that now works at a fucking tanning salon. A man that has decided to leave corporate life. A man that’s a good dad to his daughter and a decent brother to his sisters.

This lovely bird has no clue how to navigate the perils of dating life. Rich family and boarding school for girls doesn’t groom girls for life.

Kita’s come to me. She loves to tan and I’m kind and sweet. I have experience and I can help her. But I’m torn.

I’m not losing my shit over it. I’ve been at this a long time. I’m in a relationship with Cherie and I love her very much, but in classic phicklephilly fashion, I’m helpless to play this out.

I buy an extra banana when I go to Wawa knowing Kita’s coming in the salon. I do this all the time.

I know Kita loves snacks so I have a friend that sells trail mix products and I have secured a six pack of snacks I can give to her. (She goes crazy for them and hits the bag like a starving pup.)

I bought her pepper spray and showed her how to use it to protect herself. (I haven’t done this for my girlfriend of a year)

I had dinner with her at one of the finest Italian restaurants in the city. We had the best table in the house. (Haven’t done that with Cherie either.)

I tell this story and they can’t believe it. But I have that power.

There’s something about Kita that just drops my dopamine.

That’s all I need apparently. Kita’s a sober, boring, confused 21 year old cute Asian girl. I don’t even know why I like her. She brings absolutely nothing to the table other than beauty and a slamming fit body.

But I’m not that guy.

Maybe I want to rescue her, and spend time with her because I’m obviously attracted to her but…. maybe I want to spend time with her because she doesn’t really fit in with her peers.

I’m happy just to hang with her.

I like that.

As sharp as I am in this world, sometimes my mind is dull when it comes to obvious cues.

All the kissing.

It’s always at the salon and I have to protect the business, but I may be missing the point. As confused as Kita is she seems to slip me in during her weakness. I love it, and I want more, but I want to be careful with this one.

I bought her a little treat for Christmas. It’s chocolate pretzels with candy cane sprinkles on them. She saw them on a snack site the other day and loved them so I knew it would be a small safe gift I could give my love.

Torture.

But not really.

I stand outside my pain and frustration now. It feels good.

I have a solid relationship with Cherie and that’s rock n roll.

But I get to play with young girls like Kita and enjoy the rush of courtship and confusion, but I never lose. I get to get off on the game and then go back to Cherie. I know some of you may have a problem with this but it’s my journey.

I’m going to ask her out to lunch when she gets back to Philly.

 

I’ve been thinking about this for the last two days. I just have to ask my love. She can’t see the lion. She’ll do it. For all of the wrong reasons. She really likes me. She loves that I’m always there for her. Mentor. Dad. her response will always be yes. She has little experience with men.

My inner voice scolds me: “Charles… You love her in a phicklephilly way. You have Cherie. Hold it together. Don’t do anything stupid at lunch.”

I think the most obvious and sad part of this tale is this. Here we have phicklephilly guy completely smitten by a young girl. She’s absolutely clueless in the ways of love. The thing she needs is a good boy to step up and take her out on dates. Buy her a romantic dinner, give her bananas when she stops in, give her breakfast bars and snack mix as gifts, (she loves that) give her romantic advice and take her to lunch.

That’s what I’ve been doing.

Kita is completely blind to my love for her.

She’s a self absorbed, selfish girl, that doesn’t understand what’s being provided to her. But I’m foolish to ever think I would ever get to savor the fruit of this elegant flower.

Why have I wasted my time on this sweet little project?

 

Maybe not. You never know what could happen.