I love Kita. She has no idea how I feel about her. It’s okay. She’s so young and inexperienced, she can’t see it.
I met her and in classic phicklephilly fashion and fell in love with her. I love my real girlfriend Cherie with all my heart, but this is just a symptom of the universe. That’s why this blog exists.
I’m fickle as hell and fall in love everyday. That sucks for Cherie, but I’m not directly hurting her. I just don’t see her much and don’t know how much longer I’ll be around.
I met Kita. I had a thing for her immediately. I wrote about her without even knowing her because the iron was hot. Then by some miracle I got to know her. I’ve loved that. Because that’s the way my brain operates. But I have control over that now. But I still want what I want. It makes me feel alive.
I think about this silly confused little girl. Beautiful. Doesn’t realize it. Obsessed with tanning and diet and exercise. Little connection with dad. Little connection with men and relationships.
My daughter is her same age and totally has it together.
Kita was with some loser guy that dumped her after 6 months at 16. She lost her shit and her mother put her on medicine. Not good, but here we go. Then she met JR and that was a 3 year odyssey of childish nonsense and discovery. They had sex, and were a couple. He got tired of her nonsense and cut her loose.
She suffered and rebounded into Steve. Another loser. If you’ve been reading the series you’ll see that he’s an absolute fail. I don’t even know him, and I feel pity that he’s so confused with who he is.
Then there’s me.
The washed up banker, ad man that now works at a fucking tanning salon. A man that has decided to leave corporate life. A man that’s a good dad to his daughter and a decent brother to his sisters.
This lovely bird has no clue how to navigate the perils of dating life. Rich family and boarding school for girls doesn’t groom girls for life.
Kita’s come to me. She loves to tan and I’m kind and sweet. I have experience and I can help her. But I’m torn.
I’m not losing my shit over it. I’ve been at this a long time. I’m in a relationship with Cherie and I love her very much, but in classic phicklephilly fashion, I’m helpless to play this out.
I buy an extra banana when I go to Wawa knowing Kita’s coming in the salon. I do this all the time.
I know Kita loves snacks so I have a friend that sells trail mix products and I have secured a six pack of snacks I can give to her. (She goes crazy for them and hits the bag like a starving pup.)
I bought her pepper spray and showed her how to use it to protect herself. (I haven’t done this for my girlfriend of a year)
I had dinner with her at one of the finest Italian restaurants in the city. We had the best table in the house. (Haven’t done that with Cherie either.)
I tell this story and they can’t believe it. But I have that power.
There’s something about Kita that just drops my dopamine.
That’s all I need apparently. Kita’s a sober, boring, confused 21 year old cute Asian girl. I don’t even know why I like her. She brings absolutely nothing to the table other than beauty and a slamming fit body.
But I’m not that guy.
Maybe I want to rescue her, and spend time with her because I’m obviously attracted to her but…. maybe I want to spend time with her because she doesn’t really fit in with her peers.
I’m happy just to hang with her.
I like that.
As sharp as I am in this world, sometimes my mind is dull when it comes to obvious cues.
All the kissing.
It’s always at the salon and I have to protect the business, but I may be missing the point. As confused as Kita is she seems to slip me in during her weakness. I love it, and I want more, but I want to be careful with this one.
I bought her a little treat for Christmas. It’s chocolate pretzels with candy cane sprinkles on them. She saw them on a snack site the other day and loved them so I knew it would be a small safe gift I could give my love.
But not really.
I stand outside my pain and frustration now. It feels good.
I have a solid relationship with Cherie and that’s rock n roll.
But I get to play with young girls like Kita and enjoy the rush of courtship and confusion, but I never lose. I get to get off on the game and then go back to Cherie. I know some of you may have a problem with this but it’s my journey.
I’m going to ask her out to lunch when she gets back to Philly.
I’ve been thinking about this for the last two days. I just have to ask my love. She can’t see the lion. She’ll do it. For all of the wrong reasons. She really likes me. She loves that I’m always there for her. Mentor. Dad. her response will always be yes. She has little experience with men.
My inner voice scolds me: “Charles… You love her in a phicklephilly way. You have Cherie. Hold it together. Don’t do anything stupid at lunch.”
I think the most obvious and sad part of this tale is this. Here we have phicklephilly guy completely smitten by a young girl. She’s absolutely clueless in the ways of love. The thing she needs is a good boy to step up and take her out on dates. Buy her a romantic dinner, give her bananas when she stops in, give her breakfast bars and snack mix as gifts, (she loves that) give her romantic advice and take her to lunch.
That’s what I’ve been doing.
Kita is completely blind to my love for her.
She’s a self absorbed, selfish girl, that doesn’t understand what’s being provided to her. But I’m foolish to ever think I would ever get to savor the fruit of this elegant flower.
Why have I wasted my time on this sweet little project?
Maybe not. You never know what could happen.
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