Met a girl through a friend, she asked me out. We go on a date where we quickly figure out we have NOTHING in common, and for most of the date she seems annoyed at pretty much everything I say. I write it off. Two days later, she calls me up and says, “Hey, let’s meet up, I know a good bar near your place.”
Confused, because I really thought we had zero chemistry, I decide to go.
Same thing, no chemistry at all. She clearly doesn’t like me and seems to be doing a very bad job of hiding it. She does order me lots of drinks though. She wants to come back to my place, but even through my drunken haze, I think better of it and say no.
Spider-sense was definitely tingling that night.
So a couple of days after that, she calls me again, and says “Let’s go for a walk and get lunch.” She’s hot, and I’m still kicking myself for saying no to apparently getting hate fucked the other night, so I decide to see what’s up. We’re walking through this park, and I just come out with it, “Jessica, you clearly don’t like me, why do you keep calling me to hang out?”
Turns out, she wanted a baby, she wanted a guy who would be willing to give up his paternity rights and let her be a single mother, and she thought I came from good genetic stock. For real, here are some snippets of the conversation that I can remember:
Her: For example, you have a good sense of humor.
Me: You hate my sense of humor.
Her: Yes, but I like that you have one. You seem smart too.
Me: A smart person would never agree to this.
Her: Don’t be mean, I want a baby, what’s wrong with that?
Me: What makes you think I want to be a dad again?
Her: That’s what I’m hoping, that you don’t.
Me: Are you serious?
Her: Yes, I’ll let you do whatever you want, as long as you come inside me without a condom.
Her: I’m not kidding. We’ll meet up when I’m ovulating, we fuck a few times, and then if we don’t get lucky, I’ll see you in a month.
Me: [Jaw agape]
Her: What? Most guys would love that idea.
I have never noped the fuck out of a situation with more nope and less fuck before. Stayed far away. I heard through the same friend that introduced me that she was pregnant around a year later, and I saw her around once a few years after that with a little girl. She seemed happy, but not as happy as me for avoiding that drama train wreck.
I didn’t just dodge a bullet.
I think it qualifies for cruise missile status.
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