Annoying Things Men Do That Women Misinterpret

One from one of my female readers…

One of the beautiful things about having been with and lived with a man for a long time now is that I’ve gotten an insight into the male mind. I haven’t just learned about the way my boyfriend thinks, but I’ve also learned about the way his friends think. Since I’ve been with my guy for so long now, and his friends come over all of the time, his buddies have started to see me as a safe person to open up to. They’ve put their guards down. They know I’m not going to go running to the women they’re dating and reveal their deepest most vulnerable secrets. They know I’m on their side. I’m a confidante. And, through that, I’ve finally come to understand certain male actions and words that, as a single woman, I totally didn’t get. It turns out some of the things some men do aren’t as bad as we think. I said some of the things that some men do—just to be clear. Here are things men do that women often misinterpret.

Cancelling after a bad day

In the early stages of my relationship, after a very bad day, my boyfriend would just cancel our plans to see each other and ask if we could reschedule. It would upset me—I’d think ,“Why won’t he let me be there for him? Is he trying to keep an emotional distance?”

They want to protect you

My boyfriend finally explained that he just tries to protect me from his bad moods. After a crappy day, he’s worried that he won’t be able to contain his angst and may accidentally be short with me or cold towards me. He’d rather just hide away until he can be his best self. He would, of course, love my comfort and company but he also knows it could be selfish, since he may just be a jerk.

Turning down sex

The first time my boyfriend turned down sex, I panicked. Big time. I thought, “This is it. It’s over. This was just a fling. The chemistry is gone and we have nothing else!” (Yes, I was a bit dramatic). But, I thought for sure, “Men always want to have sex so if he says no, he’s just not into me anymore. Period.”

They can feel emotionally distant

So, it turns out that men don’t always want to have sex. If they’re going through something difficult, they feel emotionally removed from their partners. When my partner is under a lot of stress, he doesn’t want to have sex because he feels weird/bad about being physically close to me when he knows he’s so mentally far away. He says it feels like a lie. That is actually rather considerate, when you think about it.

Not texting; then calling

It used to drive me crazy that I’d send my partner several texts throughout the day to which he would not respond, and then he’d just call me, saying nothing about my texts. “Is he trying to send me some message that he doesn’t want my texting him?” I wondered.

They’d rather call when they can be present

Men are just not as good at texting as women are. Men don’t like texting as much as women do. My boyfriend does, however, like receiving my texts—they make him smile, he says. But he’s not great at formulating the type of response my text deserves, in the little time he has to text. He’d rather just wait to talk until he can call me at the end of the day and be fully present.

Keeping certain friends away

There are some friends that my boyfriend kept away from me for the first couple years of us dating. I thought this was some way of him keeping a distance from me—a way of keeping our relationship casual. I also wondered if he just totally misbehaves himself with these friends, like they’re bad influences.

They don’t want us to be insulted

I eventually learned that my boyfriend can behave himself around these friends but they are, truth be told, his more, errr, brute-ish friends. They say and do things that might gross me out. He’s known them forever, and finds them endearing, but he also doesn’t want them accidentally insulting me.

Asking to watch TV instead of talk

At the end of the day, sometimes my boyfriend cuts me off when I’m asking lots of questions and says, “Is it okay if we just watch TV?” It was hard for me to not be insulted at first. Is that his way of saying I talk too much?

They’re just burnt out

Sometimes, men—and women—are just too burnt out at the end of the day to carry on a good conversation. They feel bad just pretending to engage in a conversation with someone they love, and would rather just watch television, and re-fuel for another time when they’re excited to talk.

Skipping our friend’s bday

Skipping a friend’s birthday, skipping a bar crawl, or skipping other social occasions with my friends is something my boyfriend does from time to time. I used to think it meant he just didn’t care about my friends.

They need to save money

I eventually learned that, the issue wasn’t necessarily that my boyfriend didn’t like my friends. My man was just trying to save money, and was too proud to tell me that. Whoops.

Not talking about their day at work

To me, exchanging stories about our day is a part of bonding. But sometimes my boyfriend says he would just rather not talk about his day at work. At first, I thought, “Well, that’s a pretty big part of your day. It’s weird you don’t want to share it with me.”

They don’t want our pity

It turns out that my boyfriend just has some things happen at work that he worries would make me sad. He’s had bosses and colleagues that haven’t spoken to him nicely or just generally gone through some rough situations. He didn’t want my pity, so he thought it was better to just not discuss his work.

Doing a 180 on feelings

Almost every one of my guy’s best friends—and my guy did this too—did a total 180 on their feelings for a woman. What I mean is that they were very reserved, cool, and holding back. You wouldn’t think they even liked the woman. And then suddenly, they were all in.

They were gathering information

Men and women develop feelings at very different paces. I feel like women are more comfortable with allowing their feelings to just naturally occur. Men, however, hoard their emotions until they’ve gathered enough information on a woman to feel safe showing all their emotions.

 

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Kita – Chapter 38 – Second Date – Xmas – Part 2

Somehow the subject of sugar babies comes up. I may have been talking about a couple of girls I have spoken to in the salon and they’ve told me about their exploits. I obviously don’t speak graphically about it. It just sort of came up. She finds the idea of girls doing that revolting and has too much self esteem and virtue. She said she could never do that.

(Isn’t that sort of happening between us???)

We start chatting about how excited she is to go to Florida for the winter break. She loves the warmth of the temperature down there. She misses her dog and can’t wait to drive around in her Jeep. She tells me she’ll probably just rest, workout, try to eat better, walk her dog, and cruise around in her jeep. She misses driving!

Best part is, she won’t have to do any studying, write any papers, or go to any classes. Just fun in the sun. She’ll probably be as brown as a penny when she comes back to Philly in a month.

Funny thing is, I don’t hear about anything else. I know she likes tanning and getting dark. I know she likes to eat and digs snacks. She says her mom loves snacks too. Her mother once went looking for snacks in Kita’s room and discovered some condoms. I love the idea of Kita having condoms. (Just suiting up with a condom before plunging into her.)

But I digress…

She works out everyday. I guess what I’m saying here is, Kita is going to do exactly what she does up here as she’ll do down there. I didn’t hear anything about friends or going out or anything.

I think our lovely little Kita may be a bit of a bore. I think I see how a man could tire of her once he’s had sex with her. What do you do with her? She’s very indecisive, needy, confused, sober, etc. Not very fun.

But here’s the thing. I’m attracted to her. I’ve never had her. I want her. She’s adorable and spends time with me. That’s pretty nice for me.

I’ll just keep writing about her until I figure it all out.

 

Near the end of the meal I ask her a question.

“Kita, I like you and enjoy your company. I appreciate you joining me for lunch today. I’d like to meet up with you and see you outside of the salon again. It can be food or we can go to Dave & Busters like we talked about that. I’d like us to do that on a regular basis. Would you like that?”

“Yes. Yes, we can definitely do that. I’d like that.”

That’s all I needed.

The bill comes, and of course I’m delighted to pay. She loved her Salmon salad, and polished off the last of the mac and cheese I got for us to split. I liked when she picked up the spoon and dug the last dollop out of the bowl and put it in her sweet mouth.

 

She’s summoning her UBER and it’s rapidly approaching. We get ourselves together and head outside into the winter afternoon sunlight. She has to go write a paper for her finals, and I have to get to the salon.

“Oh it’s here! Gimme a kiss!”

I take her lovely visage in my hands and peck her plump lips, and she’s off.

I start walking east on JFK Blvd. and light a cigarette. I reflect on the day and my relationship with Kita.

I buy special snacks and fruit for her. I always have a little something there for her to munch on. I give her free water to fill up her water bottle. I took her out to a posh dinner. I bought her a special bronzing lotion to better tan her. I bought her pepper spray and showed her how to use it to help keep her safe in the city. Now I’ve taken her out to lunch and discussing future dates and activities for us to do together.

 

Oh my God.

 

Kita is my sugarbaby!

 

 

 

 

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