Here’s How Texting Changes When You Define The Relationship, According To Experts

Are you getting to the point where you’re ready to define the relationship? In modern relationships, DTR typically comes after seeing each other casually for a while and before putting each other in your Instagram stories. There’s no set timeline for DTR-ing: it can be within a few weeks or after months, depending on the cadence of the relationship. No matter when it happens, definition can change things. So, you might be wondering how texting changes when you define the relationship. To get the scoop for you, I spoke to the experts.

After DTR-ing, experts say your texting volume could increase. “DTR-ing can mean so many different things, but it almost always involves increasing the quality and quantity of communication,” Sex and Relationship expert Caroline Giuliani tells Elite Daily. “Texting is a huge part of how you communicate, so it’s only natural that you will text more often and more practically once you’ve made things official.” If you’ve just DTR-ed and you notice an increased volume in texts, and that’s totally normal. And if the volume has stayed the same, that’s OK too — it’s really a matter of finding a communication style that works for both of you.

Ivan Gener/Stocksy

Your texting might settle into a rhythm that means each individual text is less surprising. You may notice that a text from your partner is more likely to be about logistics, and you don’t have quite the same rush of excitement when you see their name appear on your phone. “When you’re living your best single life, texting is a flirty, dopamine-fueled rollercoaster with the suspense of when/if/please-god-let-them text back at every turn,” Giuliani says. “It’s thrilling, distracting, addictive — all the things that make us feel oh-so-alive. In a relationship, texting gradually becomes a tool to coordinate and intertwine your lives, exchange advice, and do routine check-ins with comforting shorthands.”

As you settle into the routine of a relationship, you may notice that your heart isn’t fluttering every time you see a text from them. This doesn’t mean the relationship is any less exciting — it just means you’re confident in the partnership, so you no longer wait to see if they text you. And if your heart still does flutter when they text you, that’s wonderful as well!

Texting after DTR-ing can be even more supportive. You are there to comfort each other through difficult situations, big and small. “You’ll probably be texting to get and give support to one another during life’s challenges,” Giuliani says. “There’s nothing like a little bubble that says ‘you’re fucking awesome — you got this’ to help power through a tough situation at work. This reliable support is one of the major benefits to a partnership.” Of course, you might be giving and receiving this type of support before DTR-ing, but after the DTR, it’s normal for texting to be a form of communication for supporting and comforting each other. Part of being in a relationship is being there for your partner in whatever capacity works for the two of you, so if they (or you) prefer texting to communicate on hard days, then the way the two of you text after DTR-ing could change.

Andrey Pavlov/Stocksy

After DTR-ing, there are many ways to make sure your text habits keep things fun and exciting. For example, the two of you could sext throughout the day to spice things up (if sexting is something you both enjoy). “Use your comfort with one another as a platform to dive deeper (pun always intended) and engage in virtual fantasy and foreplay,” Giuliani says. “Surprise each other with dirty messages about what you want to do them later or what you would do right now if you could teleport under their desk. If you have trouble figuring out what to say, visualize being with your partner and focus on particular details that turn you on.” You know each other well, and this knowledge can allow you to sext with more detail and specificity, which can be a turn-on. Your text convos don’t have to be strictly logistics-based after DTR-ing — throw some sexts into the mix to remind your partner what they have to look forward to the next time they see you.

DTR-ing is exciting — you and your partner have decided you’re ready to be in an official relationship, and that’s beautiful. So many things can change when you DTR, so it makes sense that your texting styles might shift as well. You’re sharing your life with them via many means, text included. So, if you find yourself texting about plans and logistics, that’s totally normal. Throw in a sexy text whenever you like to keep things fun, and happy post-DTR dating!


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The Worst Rejection Text You Can Receive, According To 8 Women

One of the hardest parts of dating today can be how much of your most intimate interactions happen over text. Sometimes, people can be intimidated by the vulnerable task of turning someone down, so it makes sense that they might turn to texting. However, there are certainly ways to do it empathetically and respectfully. But when it comes to the worst rejection text you can receive, many women have memories of that one specific text that was meaner than all of the rest.

Rejection can be hard to stomach, even when you’re kept in the loop with how the other person is feeling. When you’re rejected in a way that’s cold, disrespectful, or confusing, it can feel so painful. But remember that the feelings you’re experiencing are valid and won’t last forever. This rejection has nothing to do with your intrinsic value as a person. Take this as a one-way ticket to not having to deal with this person’s pettiness any longer. It can take time to get over what you wanted the relationship to be, but at the very least, you can celebrate the fact that this person has revealed their true colors, then shown themselves out of your life.

When They Are Just Down Right Confusing…

stocksy/ Lucas Ottone

I got ghosted by a guy, but I left my watch at his house. He eventually responded with some BS, like, ‘Things have just been so busy.’ But then he mailed my watch to my work. It took like a month, but then after that he was like, ‘Wanna hang out some time?’ I lied and said I was seeing someone.

— Rochelle, 27

When They Say You Were Just Friends But…

One time I was seeing a guy, and this was back in high school, so bare with me, but we went from texting everyday all the time to nothing. Then, I saw that he and his ex-GF had posted the same photo together of their hands and the caption was, ‘forever.’ And then I texted him and he said he thought we were just friends. I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t tell my friends that I want to make out with them all the time!

— Hayley, 25

When They Clearly Can’t Be Bothered To Be Nice…

One time, someone from Tinder came over my house at like 1:00 a.m., we didn’t even hook up, only made out, and they left after forcing me to watch a French animated film with them. The next day, we were texting casually and I mentioned that they forgot their lighter at my house. Their reply was ‘Well it’s a good thing they’re not hard to come by’ and then ghosted me. But still follows me on IG two years later.

— Qualeasha, 25

When They Pull The Ex Card And It Sucks…

My worst rejection text was from a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks, but already really liked. He was the first person since my ex that I could really imagine having a future with. One day, seemingly out of the blue, he sent me this long text telling me what an amazing person I am, and that he’s been really struggling about making this decision, but he felt as if he needed to give things a shot with his ex. I was so crushed by it because he was so kind about it. It would’ve been easier to move on if he behaved like a jerk — but because he rejected me so nicely, it was somehow harder to get closure. It seriously took me a year or more to fully move on from that.

— Hannah, 26

When Things Get Kind Of Awkward…

A guy reached out to me saying I was hot and that he would pay me for foot pics, but then ghosted once I sent pics.

— Meghan, 24

When Someone Else Does The Rejecting For Them…

This guy that I was dating in college was cheating on me for a while, but I didn’t know until his other GF sent me a picture of the two of them together. She went on a whole rant about how I should stay away from her man, but I failed to see how it my fault. That was technically not a rejection from him but it sure helped me understand what was going on.

— Annie, 23

When They’re Just Straight Up Mean…

One time, a guy I went on a date with texted me that I was cat-fishing him because I am fatter IRL It was humiliating and painful, but TBH, I have grown so much since then. There are so many people out there that think fat people are hot and won’t treat us like dirt. I am glad that my partner now thinks the world of me and that guy is probably very unhappy, wherever he is.

— Jessie, 27

When They Beat Around The Bush…

One time, I got a semi-rejection from this girl I went on a date with and had a really good time with. She was like, ‘I thought that you were so great and beautiful! I hope that you have success.’ And, OK, at first that doesn’t seem like a bad rejection text, but the conversation kept being her praising me a bunch and not answering my questions about hanging out again. She didn’t want to go on another date and instead of just saying so she was just showering me with platitudes that I’m great. Like, I know I am great, I just need you to be up front with me!

— Alysia, 26

It’s clear that there are a lot of folks out there that don’t necessarily know how to turn someone down in a way that is both kind and respectful. Don’t worry: There are plenty of people out there that will treat you like the star you are. And even though a rejection can sting in the moment, you will go on to find an even stronger connection.


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly

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