Completely sexless and touch less! No kiss, no hug, no holding hands! Feelings of rejection, low esteem, anger, frustration, and resentment and desperation are overwhelming! Very depressed! Want out! Thinking of extramarital sex, separation, divorce!
Starting out as a happy couple, passionately in love and having sex every other day anytime, anywhere, you have now become just miserable roommates or even worse, housemates – sleeping in separate bedrooms. After a couple of years, the feeling of euphoria which at the start seemed endless starts to diminish and the relationship takes a downward turn. From passionate steamy sex, then to occasional “duty sex” (with the “just do it and get it over with” attitude) and until sex completely vanishes from your marriage. Even hugs, kisses and holding hands disappear! You are now living in a sexless marriage!
Statistics indicate that there are millions of husbands and wives who are living in sexless marriages and surprisingly, rather than going to a marriage counselor, more and more are joining online forums confessing their troubled relationships and miserable sex lives and seeking for help, advice, and support. Sexless marriage is increasingly becoming a very hot topic in these online forums. Check out one of these forums and you will discover that you are definitely not alone!
Definition of Sexless Marriage
The experts define sexless marriage as having sex less than 10 times a year. I personally do not subscribe to this definition. A couple can have sex 9 times in a year or less and still have a happy marriage. It is a very subjective matter. It depends on the individual couple, what level of intimacy they feel contented with. There is no fix dosage to have a happy sex life. I would rather take the word literally – meaning no sex at all – and alarmingly, there a millions of couples who are living in marriages completely devoid of sex, and even touch!
What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?
Root Cause of Your Sexless Marriage
Why did your marriage turn from “sex filled” to “sexless” after a couple of years? What is the root cause? To fix your sexless marriage, it is important to find out and understand the root cause. Your or your partner’s lack of sexual desire is just a symptom of much deeper problem built up over time. Your sexless marriage did not happen overnight. Stop blaming each other and jumping into any conclusion. It is not the lack of love or infidelity. Your spouse is not cheating on you. In fact he or she is suffering in silence to save your marriage.
The root cause of your sexless marriage is – the breakdown of your intimate relationship. Yes, your sexless marriage is the result of the loss of intimacy between you and your spouse! Intimacy leads to mutually pleasurable sex and good sex strengthens the emotional connection, bonding and partnership so vital in a happy marriage. Sex does not precede intimacy. Without intimacy there can be no meaningful sex. That is the simple truth!
The loss of intimacy between you and your spouse can be caused by any or all of the following:
– Hectic lifestyle. You and your spouse work yourselves to death and you come home both dead tired leaving no
time at all to enjoy each other’s company. More often than not, you get into each other’s nerve and end up arguing over very trivial matters before hitting the sack.
– Money. Financial problems can be very stressful and cause either you or your partner to lose sight of more
important aspects of your married life.
– Children. Your wife is so focused on being a mother and is most often fatigued and sleep deprived. Sleep becomes
her main concern every night!
– Unresolved misunderstandings. Past faults not forgotten and forgiven.
– Lack of communication. The ability to express and convey your feeling, emotions and thoughts as well as to
absorb your spouse’s feelings, emotions and thoughts. Communication is a two way street. Not only must you be a good talker but more important, you must be a good listener!
Knowing the root cause of your sexless marriage, you must act fast to address it before it leads to more serious scenarios like infidelity, separation or divorce and even domestic violence. It is extremely tough to survive a sexless marriage, of being rejected and ignored sexually.
What if your spouse don’t love you anymore? Here’s how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
Practical Steps to Fix Your Sexless Marriage
Here are some practical steps you can take to restore the intimacy you once had with your spouse and revive your super steamy sex life:
1. Take the first step and re-establish a good line of communication with your spouse. The repair work must be a joint effort. Talk and listen! Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and look at the problem from his or her point of view. Convey this to your spouse with humility and surely he or she will most likely reciprocate.
2. Take time out of your busy schedules and daily routine. Ideally, you should both take a few days off from work and have that much needed vacation. But even just one day would be sufficient. Or even just dining out or going to the movies together would greatly help to restore your lost intimacy. The important thing is frequency, at least once week. Just the two of you, no kids, no friends, no family.
3. Every now and then surprise your spouse with a tender hug, a quick kiss or any kind of tender loving touch.
4. You may even need to start from square one and again woo your spouse just like the first time you felt attracted to him or her. As they say, love is lovelier the second time around (indeed, it is!). So, try to fall in love all over again.
5. Before going to bed, take a warm bath and take extra measure to look and smell good.
If your take these practical steps, intimacy, romance and passion will slowly come back to your marriage and then, guess what – great sex! Your sexless marriage if fixed! Your marriage saved! Congratulations!
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