Happy Holiday, Everyone!
A warning to those who leave their children unattended in cafes
Perfect for that friend who owns a cafe and just can’t figure out how to deal with the unbridled children of their caffeine-fiend clientele.
The world’s smallest violin
Sorry, no pony this year, either, kiddo. Play it, momma.
A mock video game to drop the hint that it’s time they pull their weight around the house
For little Lord Fauntleroy. Yeah, maybe coal didn’t quite get the message across, but this ought to do the trick. Note that this box comes empty, so you can also fill it with coal, if you so please.
Your face on a pair of socks
Put the mug of their best friend (or worst enemy) on a pair of socks. Either way, they’ll wear them. Trust us.
For those who ask too many questions
Great coffee table (or commode) material for the coveter of useless information.
Help them slow that little tyke down
An ice cream lock, so they’ll stop blaming you for being the culprit
For the stingy one who’ll never share their ice cream.
Poems by cats about what cats do best
For your friend, family member, or housemate who’s just a little too in love with their feline and could stand a reality check.
A muffler whistle, to terrorize both them and the neighborhood
To the know-it-all mechanic(s) in your life: Fix this!
Your face (or theirs) on a real potato
Your face on a potato. How could they not savor this forever and ever?
One dozen rattlesnake eggs (keep warm for best results)
Best delivered incubator-warm.
A bag of “the world’s strongest coffee”
We only hope they’ll get this is a gag.
An impossible-to-solve puzzle
Something to finally stump that very special whiz kid you know.
A remote-controlled scorpion (be sure to pre-open and gift-wrap this one)
Have the remote handy for when they open this one; it’ll work a lot better.
A personal cleansing wheel (in lieu of the bidet they keep asking for)
So they’ll finally stop pestering you for that exorbitant bidet thing they all love so much over in Europe. (Note: This is just an empty box in which to wrap your real gift.)
Instructions for gracefully approaching (and achieving) senescence
Dear Dad (or Grandpa)…
Snot (and tear) mittens, for those who work outdoors, or just won’t stop wiping their nose on their sleeve
One side for snot, the other for tears. Maybe after receiving this, they’ll stop wiping their nose on their sleeve, or their bare hands. Probably not. Either way, they actually work!
A practice putting green for the bathroom
If their Golf Digest subscription just isn’t cutting it on long trips to the john anymore, they can always stand to work on their short game.
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