6 Things Even Smart Women Do When They’re in Love — That Mess Everything up

Are your decisions bringing you closer to love … or taking you further away?

Decisions can move us closer to love, or they can take us further away. While that makes sense and sounds logical, the decision-making most of us have doesn’t give us the love we desire.

Since attention spans are shorter and impatience is the norm, we jump to conclusions and make rash decisions when a guy doesn’t immediately respond the way we’d like. We don’t give ourselves the time and space to make good choices and thoughtful decisions.

Instead, we make short-term decisions that take us further away from love. Then we become frustrated, disappointed, and discouraged when things don’t work out our way.

Our instant gratification society causes us to want things now, making it hard to be with what is and looking for a quick fix. We want things to happen our way and want love when we want it. But love happens when we’re ready for it, not necessarily when we want it. Are your decisions pushing love further away?

Whether you’re up to date on the latest love and dating advice or not, read through these six common approaches to decision-making so you can recognize how you tend to make decisions about love. You’ll also learn how you may be pushing love further away, and what you can start doing to reverse that.

1. You make rash decisions because you’re simply reacting.

When someone says or does something that makes you upset, sad, or defensive, you may assume the worst and take it personally. Because you’re human, your natural inclination may be to overreact and make a hasty decision from a place of negative energy.

You may have heard of the saying, “Haste makes waste” which also applies to matters of the heart. When you rush a decision or act too quickly, it actually derails or slows things down because you’re seeing things for what you imagine them to be instead of for what they are.

The next time you’re negatively triggered and find yourself about to make a rash decision, slow down, breath, and feel through those emotions. Then make your decision when you feel centered.

2. You let decisions make you, because you’re afraid of making the wrong decisions.

If you tend to agonize over making the wrong decision, you’re likely to end up doing nothing. By not doing anything at all, the decision will make itself. If you can adopt the perspective that there are no right or wrong decisions, there are just decisions you make and outcomes you get, it will make it easier to decide.

It’s actually very simple. If you make a decision and you like the outcome, continue down that path. If you want a different outcome, make a different decision or choice.

3. You make regretful decisions, based on strong emotions, that take you out of your integrity.

When blinded by lust or infatuation, you’ll miss, overlook, or rationalize red flags. You make decisions that sacrifice your integrity, like bending over backward to please a guy at the expense of your own happiness, giving too much and accepting crumbs in return, and having sex to keep him around.

Those kinds of decisions will wear down your self-esteem and self-worth, leaving you feeling ashamed of who you’ve become.

If you’ve realized these are the kinds of decisions you’ve been making, be kind and compassionate to yourself. You’re doing the best you can in any given moment based on what you know. These are the lessons you’re meant to learn and growth you’re meant to experience.

4. You over-think decisions, instead of listening to your inner wisdom.

The more you try to think your way to a decision, the more confusing it is. That’s because over-thinking doesn’t let you see things clearly. Over-analyzing things will keep us caught in our monkey mind, rationalizing decisions that don’t feel right.

When it comes to matters of the heart, making decisions from your mind rarely results in your desired outcome. Instead, those decisions perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy love. The truest answer to love are felt in your body — that’s where you connect to your inner wisdom.

5. You put too much weight on your friends’ advice.

A friend’s opinion is mostly biased and rarely impartial because they’re based on her experiences, perspective, and outlook on love. When you use her advice to make decisions, it will lean towards what she would do which isn’t necessarily right for you.

The next time you find yourself explaining your dilemma to a friend, think about these 14 reasons to stop listening to others, so you can truly listen to yourself.

6. You make short-term decisions, hoping for long-term results.

If you’re not seeing anyone, it may make sense to go out with a guy you’re attracted to, even if you know he isn’t the right one. For instance, when you’ve just gotten out of a 23-year marriage and follow dating advice to put yourself out there.

But in most cases, going out with that guy is short-sighted. You’ll be getting short-term wants met at the expense of your long-term desires. You’ll end up sending mixed signals to the Universe, higher power, or God, and continue getting mixed results.

So when presented with a decision to make, ask, “Is what I’m about to decide taking me further away from what I truly desire? Or is it moving me closer?” Then choose in favor of that which moves you closer.

You’re always one decision away from the love you desire. You’re only human, so don’t agonize over every single decision you make about love. If you happen to make a decision you regret, or one that gives you what you don’t want, it’s okay. There’s always another opportunity for a do-over.

Just make conscious decisions, and be consistent in decision-making that will move you closer to love.


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Kita – Chapter 49 – Double Dip – Part 2

Normally, Kita pops in and chats with me and we talk about tanning and how she never feels like she’s dark enough like she was when she was in Florida. I guess she started college down there and now has transferred up here to Drexel to major in hospitality management. She’s always trying different beds … Continue reading “Kita – Chapter 49 – Double Dip – Part 2”

Normally, Kita pops in and chats with me and we talk about tanning and how she never feels like she’s dark enough like she was when she was in Florida. I guess she started college down there and now has transferred up here to Drexel to major in hospitality management. She’s always trying different beds and trying different ways to get darker. It’s as if she doesn’t think she’s pretty without a dark tan. She’s usually wearing athletic gear because she works out every day. It shows because she is one of the most fit girls that comes in here. Her legs are amazing and I can’t help but talk to her about how dark they are just so we can talk about her legs and I can look at them.

It’s all on the up and up and I’m always professional at the salon but these conversations are real because of what we do.

So the other night I’m locking up and she’s running up the steps. Of course I’m going to let this little honey step over the line and let her tan. I like her and she’s cute. That’s the criteria in this case. But then I notice something else.

She’s visibly drunk or on drugs. I do smell a little alcohol but it isn’t overpowering. She also seems upset.

“Sorry, are you closed, Charles? she slurs.

“Um, no you’re fine Kita. I still have a bunch of towels to fold.”

“Oh good!” She hugs me.

“You okay?”

“I guess so. (slurring)

She’s wearing a black sleeveless shirt and a grey skirt and flats. I’ve never seen her dressed like this before so she must have been out somewhere. She may be a little banged up, but she looks adorable.

“What are we doing today, Kita?”

As I say this I lock the doors to the salon. We’re officially closed.

“I want that thing where I do a spray tan and then I do UV! How’s that work?”

“Okay, normally the client goes into the spray booth, does a session and then hops into a stand up UV unit to bake it on for however long they want.”

I don’t like stand up because it doesn’t have the face tanners and I need that.”

“Well you can’t do a lay down bed after a spray because you have to stay dry for 6 hours after a spray to let it develop and set. If you sweat in the lay down unit it’ll run and streak, and you’ll look horrible.

She’s blinking and looking drunk. “You said a lot of words.”

“You okay, sweetie?”

“This guy I’ve been dating has been cheating on me with one of my friends. Other people knew and nobody told me. They’re all laughing behind my back.”

She starts to cry and falls into my arms. I feel so bad for her. That’s so humiliating. I feel her small breasts heaving against my diaphragm because she’s so petite. I literally have to lean over to hug the poor thing. Her hair smells like lilac.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Kita. Sometimes people are just shitty. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

She looks up me and half smiles drunkenly. She has already told me she has the Asian glow and can’t drink. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“You’re one of the prettiest girls that comes in here.” Wiping the tear from her cheek with my thumb. (For once I actually mean that. Not a bold-faced lie!)

“What if I do the lay down in room one first, and then go do a spray?” (slurring)

“You can do that as long as your skin is dry when you go to spray.”

“I wanna do that.” She reaches in her bag and pulls out a half pint of Jägermeister. She looks at me and cocks her eye. “Do you mind? I’m sad.”

“By all means.”

She takes a swig and then holds the bottle out to me. I haven’t drank Jager in over ten years. I tell people if they ever see me drinking Jager, put me in a taxi and send me home immediately. Because if I’ve gotten to the point in the night where I think it’s a good idea to drink Jägermeister, then the rest of the night is not going to get any better.

But I’m sober and I don’t really want to drink Jager, but I’m going to, just to place my lips to the bottle that just touched Kita’s hot little mouth.

I hit it.

I thank her and hand it back to her. She smiles.

“You have to show me how to do a spray tan cause I never did one.”

“Okay. Here’s what we’ll do. You’ll tan for the full ten minutes in bed number two, and then you can go back to room eight for a spray tan. Let’s do level two clear coat because it’s your first time.”

Takes another pull on the bottle. “Sounds good.” (more slurring)

“Do you want me to get you a robe? This way when you’re finished tanning you don’t have to get dressed, you just put the robe on and head back to room eight for the spray.”

“Will you show me what to do when I spray?”

“Yea. I’ll show you where the lotion goes and all the poses to do when you get in the spray booth.”

“Okay. Great! Can I go in room two now?”

I run and grab her the tiny robe from the spray booth room.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks! See ya soon!”

She closes the doors and I can hear her disrobing. I go back to folding the towels. I don’t think she’ll fall asleep in there due to the fact that the sunbed she’s in has an aqua misting feature that happens every three minutes. So that should keep her awake.

The ten minute session rolls along. It feels like a lifetime when the salon is technically closed but you still have one line stepper in the bed tanning.

The session ends and the doors open. Kita steps out wearing the little blue robe with white polka dots. So cute.

“Looks like it was made for you!”

“It’s a little short.” she says, instinctively tugging on the hem.

“You’ve got great legs.”

“You’re always talking about my legs.” (Takes another swig of the Jager)

“They’re perfect, honey. They’re perfectly balanced in every way. Thighs, knees and calves and overall shape are in perfect balance. I’m a leg man Kita. You truly are a lovely girl. I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes. You’re a really fit girl.”

“How come and I can’t keep a boyfriend?”

“People just suck sometimes and I’m sorry this happened to you, dear. You’ll be okay. Just surround yourself with good people and you’ll get through it. We’ve all been there. I’ve been shredded by worse. Please believe me… it gets better.”

“You’re such a good man. I know from our conversations you’re a good dad. We traveled a lot and I was never close to my dad but I wish we had been. He was a great provider but not around a lot.”

Kita takes another swig and I can see she’s going through a lot of feelings. She shouldn’t be drinking this much Jager.

“Okay, what do we do now for my spray tan? I wanna be dark.”

“Let’s do a level two clear coat. You have to stay dry for six hours after, but you’ll start to see it develop in two. But go the full six and it’ll look great. You’ve tanned and the spray will make you look amazing by tomorrow. I guarantee it.

“Okay show me how to do it.”


Tune in tomorrow for the bone jarring conclusion!


Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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