When it comes to ending relationships, the “right” reasons to break up with someone may not always seem so clear-cut. You may be caught up in the positive aspects of the relationship, which is totally understandable. Do you two argue about how often to have sex? You may be OK with it, since that person is kind, caring, and basically your rock. You’re always the one initiating texts and phone calls? You may let it slide if your partner doesn’t have easy access to their phone during work or school. It’s easy to ignore seemingly “smaller” problems in a relationship when it seems like for the most part, things are good. You don’t want to end something so great for a reason so trivial. However, those problems or issues could well in fact be valid reasons for breaking up.
There are more obvious red flags that many people are aware of, like if your partner is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, or you know that they have cheated on you. In those cases, things might seem more black and white for you to end the relationship. But there are other circumstances that you could easily overlook that may actually be really valid reasons for ending things. Read on for several valid reasons to break up with someone.
The chemistry isn’t there.
You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel excited to be near them, and you just feel an attraction when they’re present.
“It felt more like a friendship than a relationship and the awkwardness in public made me feel uncomfortable,” Reddit user JakeCryo said. “After awhile I knew it wasn’t going anywhere so that’s when I made the hard decision of breaking up with her.”
The relationship feels like a job.
If you start to feel like your partner’s therapist or mother more than their partner, it could be time to call it quits.
“I broke up with him because it felt like I had to take care of him a lot of the time and I didn’t like that,” said Redditer Careless_Crow. “It was too much pressure. He’s a great guy and we often had fun, but he expected a lot out of me that I felt was unreasonable. I guess at heart, I wasn’t really ready for commitment, and he only wanted a commitment.”
You’re stressed about the relationship.
A relationship, the majority of times, should make you feel relieved, calmed down, and at peace. If you’re stressing about the relationship, that’s not good.
“I couldn’t accommodate to him enough without without being stressed about it and losing myself,” said Reddit user Areann. “So I broke it off after seven years and a couple of weeks. He’s still my best friend though, and I still see him every week.”
You’re giving more to the relationship than the other person is.
Maybe reaching a fully equal relationship is difficult, but it should be at least close in terms of effort.
“We had to do long distance for the first time, and after a while I realized that I would start most conversations, and talk most, and be the most open and honest,” Redditer IambABanana said. “It just felt like she didn’t care as much as I did, and it made me feel almost resentful because of that. I’m still not sure if she was at fault, or maybe I was just too clingy and expected too much from her.”
Something is missing that you can’t put your finger on.
“I just broke up with my boyfriend of [five] years and in that last year we were engaged,” said Redditer Ilmcats. “I loved him and there was nothing wrong with our relationship. We got along well, had like interests and goals, but something in my heart just didn’t feel right.”
You don’t want to be intimate with them.
Of course, if you are on the asexual spectrum, this may not be indicative of whether or not you want to stay in a relationship. However, if there was once a stronger desire to be intimate with your partner, but now that’s gone, that could mean something.
“When you start to avoid any situation that could lead to an opportunity for intimacy,” said Reddit user Kolyahavn. “Also, you suddenly find you’re too busy and making time for your significant other isn’t a priority anymore.”
You’re actively thinking of breaking up with them.
If you’re continuously thinking about breaking up with your partner, this could be your mind giving you a sign for what you want to do.
“Honestly, for me, when I start wondering if I should break up with them,” said Redditer Insidia. “Once I start having this thought, it usually means that things have deteriorated enough that I should probably just get out.”
All in all, what you choose to accept in a relationship and not tolerate at all is up to you. If the above situations are your breaking point and you choose to break up with your partner? It’s totally, 100 percent valid.
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