How to Attract the Opposite Sex

For most people, there comes a moment where we wish we had been able to convert that fleeting moment with the mysterious stranger into dinner, a kiss or maybe just a conversation. Wherever it is, and whoever it is that you wish to attract, there’s a lot that you can do to increase your chances out there. Here are a few basic pointers to help out.


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    Meet other people by going out in public. This begins before you even leave the house. Are you going to get some coffee at your favorite café? Walk past a full length mirror before you take off. You may like to lounge around in pajamas while at home, but that’s not a way to grab someone’s attention when you’re out and about.

    • Buy clothes that you feel comfortable in– you don’t want to look stiff. The whole point is that you show you care about how you look, but not too much.
    • Dress appropriately; if tonight’s plans are to go to the hip industrial dance club, then by all means, wear your Doc Martens and leather wrist bands. Just don’t go from the club to the uptown bar unless you truly think you can pull it off. Being comfortable starts by not addressing stares. More importantly though, looking good often means feeling good and that definitely pays off.
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    Become a more self-actualized person. Aside from what you are wearing, always remember that the mind is the largest erogenous zone. Be culturally aware and interesting. Knowing a little bit of most topics. Truly knowing about the things that really interest you will genuinely make you a more interesting person.
    • Music seems to link many people together. Knowing about bands you don’t even listen to is a great social lubricant because “not knowing” shuts down avenues of conversation dead in their tracks. However, saying you’ve heard Joy Division and really like “She’s Lost Control,” but think it’s a little monotonous shows the other person that you’ve already given something they like a try to don’t like it; likewise, this gives you a little time to catch up and formulate a change in topic, thus steering the conversation into more familiar territory.
    • Know yourself well enough that you feel comfortable disagreeing. Nothing is more boring and pointless than someone who always agrees. The other person could be so attractive your eyes glaze over, but listen to them really process what they are saying. Allow the words, “I totally disagree…” to roll off your tongue. This doesn’t make you a jerk. It makes you a better person because you’re putting yourself out there. Plus, it cuts down on your vulnerability to the other person and transfers it to them.
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    Laugh at their jokes. It’ll make them feel more comfortable, confident, and relaxed around you. Just don’t overdo it.
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    Develop a style. Any style will do, as long as it’s your own. Uniqueness is crucial because it is what differentiates you in the sea of “other fish” this person has no doubt been told are out there. If you really like that goofy hat at the vintage clothing store and you think it looks good on you, wear it out. Don’t be discouraged if people think you’re goofy, chances are you wouldn’t even want to meet those people anyway.
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    Mirror the other person’s actions. This not only shows them that you’re flattered with them, it also shows that you are noticing their actions.
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    Flirt physically. Casual touches are a great way to gauge the direction of things. If the other person seems comfortable with you touching their hand or brushing their arm, then you have a good litmus for their attraction to you.

    • You may want to start by simple flirting.
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    Make eye contact. Look into the other person’s eyes whenever talking. The eyes have been called the window to the soul. Admire them. Genuinely appreciate the other person. Just don’t stare for too long. Studies have shown that a person generally will gaze into another person’s eyes for about 4.5 seconds if they are attracted to them.
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    Eat. If you are self conscious about your weight, hashing out that insecurity by forgoing a meal in front of the person you like is not the right thing to do. It makes people uneasy when the person they are with is basically watching them eat.
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    Keep yourself clean and trimmed. Clearly, you wouldn’t want a smelly trash monster in your bed, so don’t be a stink factory. Also, if you find yourself a little less than fresh in the wrong place at the right time, freshen up in the bathroom first. Easily explain this to the other person by telling them to “wait” gently.

    • If someone should joke about their hygiene, cut them some slack and joke with them about it to ease the tension.
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    Exchange phone numbers, email addresses, etc. Often the hardest thing isn’t the “waiting three days” part, it’s the time when you need to pop the question.
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    Ask the person out again, if it’s clear you should take the initiative. You should gauge who needs to do this by your first meeting. Feel out what you have been talking about. Maybe the other person needs to get off the train at the next stop and you’ve been talking for the past 15 minutes on your way to work. In that case, ask them if you can call sometime. However, maybe you just bumped into someone at the bar and chatted for a few minutes; in that case give them your number and tell them you’d like to go out sometime. The difference is always in the comfort level you and that person have established. Obviously asking someone you barely know for their number is awkward for both of you, but if you’ve had enough time to build a decent connection then it’s easier for the other person to give up those precious digits.
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    Never say “nothing” if a guy asks what your interests are. Don’t say “eh nothing”. Talk about it. He obviously wants to know. Even if it’s something extraordinary, don’t make a fuss about it.
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    Make plans. This might sound totally crazy, but in the initial few weeks of dating it’s nice to know there is a regular schedule that the two of you can count on. If you feel brave, call the person and ask them what they are doing a few days ahead of the “date day” and then tell them something came up and reschedule. Only do this if you need to build tension. Exercise common sense; but at the same time, this gets the other person stewing if they really wanted to see you in the first place.


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9 thoughts on “How to Attract the Opposite Sex”

  1. Putting oneself out there is the biggest step anyone can take-and all too often, the hardest. Your checklist is a huge help to those who belong out here and have yet to do anything about it. Well put, Charles!

    1. Thank you! It’s difficult for some to even get started when it comes to this. I’ve done so much research on the subject of romance and attraction. I’m glad this sort of work has helped some people maybe find love. Happy Holidays! More to come!

  2. Cultural brainwashing is so powerful that I wonder if I have ever had an original thought out of all the thoughts I call my own, or if everything I think has already been implanted by my thought forefathers. Is the life inside my head pre-ordained or can I strike out on a new thought thread. What makes me concerned? I saw the post advertising tips for attracting the opposite sex over the picture of a cartoon woman who is applying mascara with a half smile on her face. The artist has succeeded in giving the impression she is hopeful yet tentative. Or so it seems to me, because every time I have seen a woman pictured with less than 100% self confidence next to an offer of getting a man, I have been trained that as a woman it is appropriate to beautify myself for a man. I will not be totally comfortable in how I look until I do land that man, a task best not left to uninformed me. Hence I fell into a cultural role at the start of the article without even realizing I was doing it. I was identifying with the woman who needed to beautify and then have her beauty affirmed by getting a man. Fortunately I had a moment of self-awareness that allowed me to see I was crafting a response to an article based upon the presumptions I have been taught. How about an article about attracting the opposite sex that shows a woman not applying any make up, but gazing at her reflection with approval–I’ve got it! How about she gazes at her reflection with approval after the date is over and she did not go home with him or secure a future appointment-she is alone and she is cool with either outcome. Attract a man just as you are with or without make-up. Or don’t attract a man, with or without make up. Both outcomes are of equal value–six in one hand, half a dozen in the other. A woman could be featured as someone who is not looking for the answers but who has the answers. I could go on, but you catch my drift that I have been thought trained, just as surely as I have been potty trained. I conduct the intimacies in my life according to my sherpas and I don’t deviate from my way of thinking or of folding the toilet paper (come to think of it). I’ll never change beyond the boundaries of what has been set before me and it cannot be denied that even the alternatives I present are the products of newer training that has less of a stronghold in my mind compared to the female supplicant model.
    How heterosexually oriented am I?
    I am positive that five years ago it would never have crossed my mind to examine my assumption that the article was about heterosexuals to the exclusion of all else. Ok, sure, it says opposite sex so we have a big clue! But as I re-read the article to see if the words could be applied to a homosexual orientation, I found that it was possible to assume a same sex vantage point. No way did I come up withe that bit of multiculturalism left up to my own mental devices. I hope the ideological hegemony, the thought police, whoever they are, will do a good job with me and everyone else. I only have the thoughts they give me to choose from. I hope they make the thoughts good ones!

    1. Hello! Thank your for your comment. When I write these advice pieces on a daily basis, I think I write from my own perspective. (Male) But i try to speak to everyone. When it comes to dating and relationships the rules apply across the board. Love, respect, truth and kindness. When I write I try to speak to everyone. If you read my other work you’ll see that makeup doesn’t really matter to most men. Those images are simply for interest. Most people love and are attracted to others because of who they are and not so much how they look. Sure, there are natural human attractants. Even animals display acts of beauty to attract a mate, but deep down, we all want a human connection. No matter what form it comes in. i really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and comment. If you’d like to discuss this further, email me or we can talk here on this forum.

      1. For me, it was my awareness of my own assumptions based upon the scripts I have memorized. I have to wonder if I have had an original thought. I guess not really bc every thing I think is based upon input. True genius is creating something out of nothing and I would love to be

      1. The origin of x-hooker is purely descriptive. I wanted to juxtapose the words that seem to contradict each other but represent where I have been in the past, Harvard, and x-hooker. Also, I had to do the juxtapostion while making sure my subtitles fit in most online previews. Harvard Xhooker fits and is interesting (I hope) and accurate. I can’t think of anything else that fits the bill. If you have suggestions…? Or, if you want to read more of my posts and you think there is something that I have written that you would recommend to your readers, I would be ever so grateful. I believe we need a community and I think we bloggers can promote each other and uplift and encourage each other even more for even greater success than we have had up til now!

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