Feminists Freak Out After Discovering Men Don’t Want To Date ‘Woke’ Women

It turns out, there is an entire segment of men — even, perhaps, a rather large one — that has sworn off dating “woke women,” and feminists, predictably, are quite angry about it.

One writer at the women’s lifestyle site, Refinery 29, gave voice to the collective feminist angst on Wednesday, when she penned an emotional, several-thousand-word essay, bemoaning the men who “deny racism and sexism,” perpetuate the Patriarchy, decry white privilege, and, ultimately, declaring those who refuse to pair up with the women who could give them comprehensive lectures on the subject over vegan meals, “insidious.”

The problem all started with British drama star, Laurence Fox, who declared, on the BBC, that he does not believe criticism of Duchess Meghan stems from racism, and then followed up his transgression against social justice by insisting in the pages of one of the United Kingdom’s top newspapers that he does not date woke women.

That is all just too much for feminists, it seems, who, despite swearing off men so often it’s practically their pledge of allegiance, want desperately to have the pick of men to partner with — and to deny them such a variety is, apparently, oppressive, sexist, and, for good measure, very “Donald Trump.”

“He thinks that it’s ‘institutionally racist’ to tell the story of the First World War in a racially diverse way, irrespective of the fact that Sikh soldiers absolutely fought for Britain,” the gobsmacked writer wails. “And he also doesn’t believe in white privilege, irrespective of the fact that he works in a painfully undiverse industry, was privately educated and comes from a wealthy acting family which is nothing short of a dynasty.”

The nerve.

But it gets worse. Fox’s lack of woke bona fides is actually causing an entire generation of woke women mental harm.

“Fox is denying racism and sexism,” she writes, “irrespective of whether or not they exist. It’s nothing short of gaslighting… It’s all very Donald Trump.”

Of course it is.

The author says she could go to great lengths to prove just how wrong Fox is — that “white privilege” exists, and that “institutionalized racism” is effectively eliminated by, say, including a single Sikh soldier in a movie about World War I, but she won’t, because Fox is clearly mentally ill (he does, after all, like arguing with feminists on Twitter, so she may not be wrong). And she could joke about Fox’s lack of wokeness, but in perhaps the most feminist line in the entire article, she insists that there’s nothing about his behavior that’s funny.

She simply says he should be deplatformed before his ideas creep into the psyches of other males, who then start refusing to date feminists, too. But unfortunately for her, it’s already happening.

To illustrate her point, she writes, in what can only be “hushed tones,” about the men she and her friends have matched with on dating apps who say “openly sexist and misogynistic things” in their Tindr bios (like “I hate big eyebrows” or “no psychos,” two terms the author unintentionally reveals to be effective at weeding her out of the dating pool), and who hold “right-wing views” even if they consider themselves liberal.

There’s even a rash of men, she writes in horror, who have read Jordan Peterson, who has suggested that “white privilege” is a lie and that pursuing “social justice” is a pointless and toxic endeavor.

These men, she says, then have a tendency to group together which, she posits, is how humanity got “incels” and online white supremacist chat rooms, though without any evidentiary support. Men who don’t like feminists should not be allowed to associate with anyone else, she seems to suggest, lest they share wrong ideas.

And make no mistake, their ideas are wrong. “When you’re used to privilege, equality feels like oppression,” she says.

The good news is, these men who refuse to date woke women are responsible for everything from the murder of a Labour MP several years ago before Brexit, to the rise of Donald Trump, to the continued oppression of the entire female gender (to the extent that gender still exists), to “Megxit” — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to leave the UK to find a new life in Canada — to the rise of right-wing media.

But if this all sounds as though the author is demonizing these men who simply wouldn’t consider her for a date, rest assured, she is. After all, despite devoting thousands of words to the subject of being these men’s sworn enemy, she is not, in fact, an enemy at all, except in their imaginations.

 

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Tinder Moments: 13 Trashy Tinder Moments From People With No Shame

The place where self-respect goes to DIE.

I used to collect these all the time and run them here on the blog. I don’t do these anymore, but I’ve recently dug out a few of these nuggets for your enjoyment!
    • 1
      Clothing - Mir, 23 18 miles away Baby daddy decided he needed tinder so mama decided she should to0

  • 2
    Text - Maggie, 21 UC San Diego 16 miles away The only thing more open than 24/7 convenience stores are my legs If you buy me dinner, 'll make you breakfast I'll give you more happy endings than a children's storybook

  • 3
    Hair - Kristen, 25 10 miles away Who wants to practice their Australian kiss. It's like the French except you go down under

  • 4
    Hair - Abby, 21 Penn State 27 miles away 100% guarantee I will call you Daddy and cry after sex

  • 5
    Text - Catherine, 22 New England Institute of Technology 35 miles away at least my dad is dead so you don't have to worry about getting his approval

  • 6
    Eyewear - Jasmine, 20 27 miles away Fresh university drop out! Hobbies are: singing, drawing, reading, crying myself to sleep after thinking too hard about my future, and long walks up and down the luxurious Mall Looking for: someone kind, smart, funny, that can financially support another person and potentially help that person get out of debt, and is easy to talk to.

  • 7
    Product - Isabell, 22 3 miles away Our relationship should be like Nintendo 64- classic, fun to spend hours with, and every issue easily fixed by blowing on it then shoving it back in.

  • 8
    Hair - Kiya, 19 Victoria's Secret PINK University of Leth bridge 18 kilometers away I will kill spiders for you gag reflex as absent as my dad and the only thing lower than my standards is my self esteem

  • 9
    Text - Zane, 24 Funeral home Earlham College less than a mile away Winter is coming and heated blankets are getting pricey. Save money and cut down on your heating bill by taking home this big guy. He's polite, funny, house broken and a good listener that can binge watch Netflix for hours on end. So stop stressing over thread counts or dry clean only quilts and hunker down with a large pizza and this hunk. Get you a big guy today!!

  • 10
    Product - BEER DOWN Denée, 26 e The University of Arizona 5 miles away Boys call me Dumbledore because I'm the headmaster

  • 11
    Hair - Jordan, 19 89 miles away Tinder needs a filter: -no ugly guys -not too short sexy voice - tan - strong and muscles and abs not too much of a douche And if you're uglier then your tinder profile, I'm gonna stop talking to you

  • 12
    Face - Katelyn, 28 10 miles away Let's see what trash tinder brings to my doorstep... Don't have over 100k in your savings yet? Don't make over 300k/year? Then go away. Made enough to never work again? You're on the top of the list Long term ONLY I am a gold digger AND a men's rights activist Nerds preferred but not mandatory

  • 13
    Product - Hannah, 21 4 miles away Got a bf but looking for some side action

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Rebecca – Chapter 7 – Cypress and the Oak – Part 4

I met Rebecca 3 years ago on a date. Rebecca has recently made an appearance in my life so I thought I’d re-run this series so everyone won’t have to go back and search for her series to catch up. Enjoy!

Fall of 2016

Rebecca was ripping into her slices. Baby was happy. She seemed liberated from tonight’s heartbreaking tale. I love to see a lady eat. I hope I can cook for her one day.

“Okay, so what ultimately happened to the Hiroshima twins?”

“Well my buddy went back to Belfast to study law to become a barrister and I kept in touch a little bit with the sisters.”

“That was the end of it?”

“Well one night big sister calls me and says that there is some great band playing at Madam Wong’s East in Chinatown. So I go, and she and baby sister are there and the three of us are hanging out. I’m burning pretty clean that night because I’m driving. Now my buddy has been gone for months. Baby sister isn’t into me at all. I’m fine with that, she’s still with older guy. What if that dude was married the whole time and she’s just his side piece? That would be crazy, but I wouldn’t rule it out. So baby sister ends up leaving and I hang with older sister. She’s a great girl, and ex-girlfriend from one of my best friends in the world. We’re living it up and dancing, and having a great time at the show. I wish I remember who was playing. (T-Bone Burnett) But if I can’t remember they couldn’t have been that great. I’m happy to be with her and then she tells me something. She says that when we initially met, she was really liking me. She wanted me but settled on my buddy when she saw I was into her younger sister. I ended up making out with her that night. There was some grabbing under the table but not much else. I wasn’t that into her but she was a sweet girl. I liked the fact that she was always into me though. We both had a great time and then she went home. I never saw either of them again.”

“It’s still a good story.”

“I guess. One of many. One of the more tame ones.”

“Oh really?”

“Well I was in a band.”

“Ok, rockstar, but I still liked the idea that the younger sister was in love with the older gentleman. She knew what she liked.”

“I suppose.”

“Do you go on Tinder a lot?”

“Hardly ever now. I can’t really be bothered with it. It seems so superficial.” (Bold-Faced Lie. I’m writing a dating blog!)

“Me either. I’m kinda done with it. You’ve been amazing tonight. Thank you so much for seeing me and listening to all of my woes. I feel so much better. I’m glad I let it out. I hope you’re not freaked out by it. I know you didn’t ‘Super Like’ me on Tinder but I’m glad we met just the same.”

“Well for the record, you didn’t ‘Super Like’ me either.” I laughed to make light of this nonsense.

“I know it’s all so silly.”

“Well if it’s any consolation, Rebecca, I’m not afraid to say that I super like you now and hope I can see you again soon. You’re smart and beautiful and I’ve really enjoyed our time together. The museum was amazing because of you, and tonight has been wonderful. I’m just happy to be with you. There. Complete transparency, okay?”

“I know we didn’t do the Fringe Festival but I was just trying to think of stuff to do with you and then I went through my crap. Can we plan something soon?”

My heart is soaring. “Of course. Let’s text and or call. Whatever you want Rebecca. To be honest with you I dated an actress for a while and she liked all that Fringe stuff and I kind of hate it all. It’s fringe for a reason.”

“I agree. Maybe we could go to the movies. I don’t care what we see. I trust you’ll pick and it’ll be good. I’m thinking buttery popcorn and candy.”

“I’ll find something good. Maybe I can email you a few previews and we can agree on something.”

“No. You pick. We’re both busy. We’ll make it work. Let’s do a Saturday matinée and then grab drinks afterward so we can chat about the film!”

How great is this? Did I rub a lamp and did this girl come out of it?  We crushed most of the pie. She says how she’s going to be fat from eating so much pizza, but I assure her she won’t gain any weight if none of her girlfriends see her do it, so it doesn’t count. Like eating Snickers bars or drinking alone. Oh, wait, that second one is something else.

The bill comes and there is some pie left and we ask for a box. I say to her how it’s funny that the first part of our second date was her story, and then part two was somehow a tale from my past. She says how she would like to hear more of my stories and is fascinated by life and different experiences. She says she’d love to travel, but it’s expensive. I tell her I just got my passport for the first time. She says she likes to go to the seashore and I hold back that there is a shore house in my family a block and a half from the beach in North Wildwood. Too early. I like to play some great songs, but don’t play the hits too early. Let’s see where this is going. If it somehow progresses, I’d love to take her to the shore. Just to take a break from the city, and commune with nature by the sea. Oh, who am I kidding? It’ll look like a hooker hotel room in Jersey City in the heat of the night.

I insist on paying. Rebecca giggles and tells me I have to pay because her credit card may be maxed our from her last transaction. “Totally worth it.” She says.

It’s late. She has to work tomorrow and save lives. I have to write about this. We walk outside and Philadelphia is surprisingly quiet for once. I’ve had a lovely time with this treasure. The night is clear and the buildings are familiar. I’ve been on this odyssey for the last ten years and all I can think of is ‘Here we go again’. But I love the euphoria of this moment. The exhilaration of new love. I know that’s what it is. No one has said it. She may not even know what it is. She’s had a measure of the pain and searing anguish of love with Derrick, but here it is again. She seems interested in me and may not know what kind of animal she has caught in her snare. But I’m willing to be caught and ready to go.

“I’ve had a wonderful night with you.” She says, taking my hands in hers. She looks up at me. Her eyes are dark and full of light. I don’t question what’s happening. “Thank you so much for your time tonight. I can’t thank you enough. I feel like you fixed me. I have been wearing armor my whole life and when I take it off I always get hurt. I feel like I’m safe when I’m with you.” She lifts her hands slowly and gently touches my cheeks and kisses me gently. Her kisses are soft and sincere.

That’s the difference.

There’s no faking that.

Ever.

 

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How To Start Dating Again After a Breakup, Divorce, or Dry Spell

Whether you’ve been off the market for a few weeks, months, years, or decades, getting back out there is no easy feat, especially if you’re not confident about how to start dating again. Common sense might urge you to be vulnerable, open yourself up for possible rejection, and be okay with the notion of kissing a few frogs in the process of finding a compatible partner. Sound intimidating? No problem if so, because it can be intimidating.

The mere thought of going out on a date after a rough breakup, divorce, or extra-long dry spell might induce feelings of anxiety. Because, for one, where do you even start? Sign up for a dating app? Hire a matchmaker? Slide into people’s DMs? Theoretically, any of those strategies could work, but to help you feel extra-confident in your intention to learn how to start dating again, a few experts share their advice below. Keep reading to snag their top tips for getting back out there, once and for all.

Your 10-step guide for how to start dating again

1. CLOSE THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Perhaps it should go without saying, but before you return to the dating pool, you need to be over your previous relationship so you can officially close that chapter in your life. Without taking this prerequisite step to finding new connections, you run the risk of either getting stuck in the past or bringing that emotional baggage with you on your dates.

“Turn the page, move on to the next chapter,” says Tammy Shaklee, relationship expert and LGBTQ+ matchmaker of H4M Matchmaking. “There is more to the story: Your long life is a series of chapters, with some more joyful than others and some more tragic. But keep turning the page and grow based on what you have experienced and learned.”

2. TAP BACK INTO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO

When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s likely that you may have disconnected, at least in some sense, what you personally love doing with what you enjoy doing as a couple. That’s why Shaklee recommends reconnecting with yourself and writing out a list of what brings you, and you first, joy. Maybe it’s riding a bike, going to the farmers’ market, cooking a new recipe for dinner, or something else. Not only will this practice help you come up with fun date ideas, but it can also help you identify common interests you may have with potential partners.

3. FOCUS ON SELF-LOVE

Before considering how to start dating again, focus on finding self-love, because you can’t love another person without first and foremost loving yourself. “Love who you are today,” Shaklee says. “Cherish your tenacity on your journey. Celebrate who you have become through the many chapters you have experienced in life. Remind yourself that you are an eligible single.”

4. GET CLARITY ON YOUR NEEDS

Starting to date before you’ve gotten clear on what you’re looking for in a partner is like driving around without knowing where you’re going. Before you go out on your first date, relationship coach Laurel House recommends getting clear on your non-negotioable needs in a partner and a relationship. To that point, she notes that there’s a big difference between needs and wants: “Needs are what you actually need, or else the relationship will fail,” she says. These may include feeling safe, sexy, and seen, and able to participate in two-way communication. Wants, such as physical characteristics, for example, are like the cherry on top; they’re nice, but they’re not a required part of the foundation of the relationship.

5. TAKE YOUR TIME BEFORE GETTING OUT THERE—BUT NOT TOO MUCH TIME

Rushing into dating again before you’re truly ready is not a recipe for success, House says. You may still be holding on to negative emotions from your past relationship which may come across on your dates with potential mates. So don’t be afraid to take your time with getting back out there. That said, don’t wait too long. Not feeling ready yet can quickly just become an excuse that holds you back from your romantic future and destiny. “Some of us feel lonely in our box, but we get so comfortable that we are afraid to leave it,” she says. So, give yourself a deadline and do your best to stick with it.

6. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO START DATING AGAIN

So you’ve healed from your breakup and stepped up your self-love quotient—now what? House suggests giving yourself permission to start dating again. To do this, get out a real piece of paper, and write yourself a permission slip to go out on dates. This may sound very simple and even silly, but oftentimes, people feel they need to wait for something external or a sign to green-light their choices. In actuality, though, all they really need is to decide for themselves.

7. THROW THE DATING RULES OUT THE WINDOW

If it’s been a heady amount of time since you last dated, don’t feel like you need to catch up on all the current dating rules. “Don’t do what you think you should,” House says. “Instead, do what feels good and right to you.” Let your intuition guide the way.

8. KEEP THE CONVERSATION LIGHT AT THE BEGINNING

Divulging your entire life story on the first date? Perhaps not the best idea of all time. Shaklee suggests keeping the conversation on the first few dates focused on lighthearted topics and to wait until the fourth date to share about more serious things. “You do not want to scare off the other person by sharing too much (or asking too much) too soon,” she says.

9. TRY ALL THE DIFFERENT WAYS OF MEETING PEOPLE

If you’re serious about learning how to start dating again, House recommends not leaving things up to chance and using every possible avenue to meet new people. Try dating apps, in-person meet-up groups, working with a matchmaker, signing up for a class that interests you, or even making yourself available to connect with someone while you’re in line at the grocery store. And use your personal network, too. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and let your outer-circle friends know that you’re single in case they know of anyone.

10. PACE YOURSELF

Dating is a not a sprint to cross some finish line. It’s a process. It takes time to first find the right person, and then get to know them. That’s why Shaklee recommends finding joy in the process rather than trying to rush it. “Even if it ends up not being a romantic or love connection, perhaps you will meet a new buddy,” she says.

 

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15 Smooth Pickup Lines For Dating App Matches That’ll Get Replies

One of the toughest parts of the dating game is keeping the apps feeling fresh. It’s difficult to come up with smooth pickup lines for dating app matches that would actually get replies. Luckily for you and I both, I was on the apps for long enough that I managed to master the art. And now I feel as though it’s my duty to you, dear reader, to share some of my best pieces of wisdom.

The trick to crafting an absolutely perfect opening message on a dating app is to understand first what you’re looking for with this experience. Some pickup lines work extremely well if you’re trying to just hook up with someone. Others are great if you’re trying to just start a conversation and see where it goes. Then, finally, there are the ones that could lead you towards something a little more substantial — they’re relationship-material and shouldn’t be deployed unless you’re open to a potentially deep connection. No matter what you’re looking for, I have got you totally and completely covered, my friend. Charge your phone before you read these because it’s about to start blowing up. Ready?

If you’re looking to get to know them better…

Indoor photo of satisfied teenage girl texts on cellular, reads interesting article online, wears casual outfit, creats new publication on own web page, isolated over brown studio wall with free space

Shutterstock

OK, let’s say you’re attracted to this person but you’re not getting a whole lot of intel on who they are based on the two grainy group pics from college and the empty bio that comprise their entire profile. You’d like to get a better sense of who this person is before you commit to spending (at least!) an hour of your life hanging out with them IRL, so I’d suggest you initiate a conversation with one of the following questions to give you some more intel on their personality:

1. “Ready for a game of ‘F*ck, Marry, Kill?'” Games are a great, light-hearted way to get to know someone a little better.

2. “It’s Friday and you just got off work after a long week. What’s next?” This question can be a huge character tell and, honestly, a great way to weed out people who may not be a great match for you right off the bat. If you’re a super social person, you’re probably not going to do well in a relationship with someone who wants to spend the weekend in their apartment binge-watching shows alone. Might as well get it all out there from the start.

3. “If you could quit your job and do anything with your life, what would your next move be?” This is a great way to tap into someone’s dreams to see if they at all align with yours. Your dreams, of course, don’t have to be the same but it’s a great way to see what the person is truly passionate about.

4. “What would you do if you won the lottery?” This question helps you get to know the person on so many levels. First, you get to see how they handle money (are they savers or spenders?). Second, you get to see what they choose to spend their money on, which can offer you some pretty great insight on what their values are.

5. “Where was that third pic taken? It looks amazing.” Asking about your match’s adventures is a surefire way to get them talking.

If you’re looking for a quick hookup…

Let’s say you want some no-strings-attached fun. You’re not looking for anything serious, you just want to get laid. Or, at the very least, get a solid make-out sesh in. Your best mode of operation here is to be as up front as possible with one of these straight-forward messages:

1. “You’re hot.” This is not the sort of message you send someone when you’re trying to build a lasting, meaningful relationship. It’s saying you’re only interested in one thing about them and it largely has to do with appearances. But it’s also making your intention clear while also flattering them. Win, win.

2. “So, what are you looking for on here?” Rather than blurting out, “Are you DTF?” this opening line puts the ball in your match’s court. It implies that you’re pretty direct and have a goal in mind. If you want your hookups delivered almost as quickly as your Seamless orders, this line could be a winner for you.

3. “You wanna come over and not watch a movie?” This is funny but it also makes it clear that you’re not just trying to, like, go on a date.

4. “I’d love to kiss your lips.” Kinda sweet, no?

5. “Hey sexy.” This strikes up a conversation with your mutual physical attraction right at the top. Warning: It might get steamy.

If you’re looking for something more substantial…

Whether it’s because you’ve just never been a casual dater or because you’ve casually dated so much that you’ve finally hit your limit, the fact of the matter is you’re no longer looking for something light and easy. You’re officially now only interested in finding the real deal and you can find partners who are also interested in finding that by sending the following messages:

1. “What’s your schedule looking like this week? You seem like someone I’d want to hang with IRL.” First of all, hanging out IRL is no easy feat these days — so that’s impressive. Second, this message is cutting to the chase. It’s not dilly-dallying and it’s not getting you in the dreaded text loop where the two of you chat for weeks on end but never ask each other out. If the person is down, you’ll go on a date. If not, you’ll move forward without having wasted your time.

2. “You free [day of the week you have something going on with friends]? I’m going to this [event] and would love a date if you’re down!” If this person is going to be a serious partner, you’re going to have to make sure they’re able to keep up with your friends and family. So why not throw them in the line of fire right off the bat? Invite them to an event you have going on and see how they react. If they’re down to tag along and act as a great date, you may have just found yourself a great potential partner.

3. “I’m looking for something serious, does that at all interest you?” If you’re looking for something serious, it’s important that you’re only talking to people who are also looking for something serious. One of the best ways to do that is by just asking right off the bat. If someone doesn’t respond, avoids the question, or just blatantly responds that they want something casual, then you can move on with minimal time wasted.

4. “It’s this exact day in the year 2045. What are you up to?” A huge part of being in a serious relationship is having similar goals and values. There’s no quicker way to find out what a person’s goals and values are than asking them what their life is going to look like almost 25 years from now. Are they married? Do they have kids? Do they think they’re going to be dead because the world is ending? Get a feel for whether or not they’re worthy of a substantial relationship by asking this question.

5. “Favorite Netflix show? GO.” I mean, let’s face it. If you wind up dating this person, a lot of what the two of you will be doing together is lounging on the couch watching shows. So why not make sure you’re into the same stuff right off the bat?

OK, now go forth and swipe!

 

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Alicia – Chapter 6 – Sigh…

I waited a day and then texted Alicia. (Didn’t want to seem to urgent. I’ve been playing the long game on this girl.)
“Hi Elisha. Hope you’re having a good day!” (Then I sent her my contact information)
Crickets.
I go into action. I email the GM at Square 1682.
Jason,
I spoke with you two weeks ago about a special lunch I wanted to have with a client that is dear to me. I told you how she can only have lunch at 11am because she comes in to work early..
She has a love of French Toast. I’ve sampled the french toast at Square and it is exquisite. I know your breakfast ends at 10:30, but if you could hold it out until 11am on Thursday, March 22 i would be eternally grateful. 
Elisha is an integral part of my financial team and just happens to adore french toast and if we can bring her the Square 1682 experience I’d be eternally grateful , Jason.
He responds.

Charles,

We’re set to have you for breakfast at 11am.

Aside the French toast, is there another item that you’ll be ordering?

Chef team needs to break down the line to reset for lunch but they will keep whatever items you need on the line for your order.  

 

 

Thank you so much, Jason! I’ll just order something from the lunch menu. The french toast is just for her.

Thank you again! You are awesome!
Respectfully,
Charles

 

 

No problem. The General Manager, Chris, will be here that morning.

He’s looped in along with the chef team. We’ll see you then.

Six days later I go to my credit union to deposit a check. It’s around 2 in the afternoon. Alicia isn’t there. I send her a text.
“Hi. I’m at PFCU. Are we still good for lunch on Thursday at 11?”
Crickets.
That night at 11pm I screenshot the response from Jason about how their ready for us on Thursday with delicious french toast for her at 11am. I also include this text.
“The GM at Square 1682 has confirmed that we’re good for Thursday. I haven’t heard back from you. I know we’re having crazy weather tomorrow (March snow!) but please let me know for 11am Thursday. It’ll be fun!”
I get my very first text from Alicia the next morning. (It’s been over a week since I hatched this plan.)
“Hey sorry I haven’t been responding. I’m actually on vacation and won’t be back in Philly until next week so I’ll be in touch when the next time we can do brunch!”
I respond 3 hours later.
“No worries. Being away from Philly right now is a good thing. It’s snowing like crazy!”
I email Jason and tell him that for now, it’s sadly…off.
I don’t want to get disappointed and we are having a huge snowstorm right now, so I’m going to sit tight.
I suppose my next move will to simply return to the credit union next week. I’ll make another deposit and chat with Alicia and try to reset our lunch date.
This story isn’t over. I’m determined to get to know her and get her some delicious french toast.
Onward and upward!

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The 5 Most Important Things To Know About Someone Before You Start Dating Them

Don’t be scared to ask the tough questions …

Most of us go into first dates hoping for the best, which means hoping this person will be “the one” we fall deeply in love with and who will end our lonely single days forever.

With that hope comes an eagerness that’s may be tempered by reluctance to pose some of the most important questions to ask someone when you’re getting to know them.

The reason we don’t ask these questions is because we often don’t want to know the answers, but it’s important to know a few basic facts about someone before you commit to spending more time dating and possibly developing a relationship.

Without knowing the facts, you could miss some serious red flags and waste a huge amount of time in your search to find true love. And we don’t want that.

Here are the five most important questions to ask on (or even before) first dates when getting to know someone new.

1. Are you married or in a relationship?

Seriously, you say, you need to ask that question? My answer is a resounding yes!

You would be amazed at how many married people out there want to date other people. Some of them are in open marriages and some of them just want to cheat and find someone they can fool around with. Either way, you want to know the answer.

If the answer is yes, you need to decide if you want to be involved with a married or otherwise committed person. Being involved with someone who is married or in a long-term relationship brings with it a multitude of issues, most notably making it very difficult for you to find your one and only, no matter what they say to try convincing you otherwise.

And that is the goal, right — finding the one? If so, you may want to move on.

If the answer is no, you can go to the next question.

2. How long have you been single?

Once you know they are single, it’s important to know how long they have been single.

As a general rule of thumb, we experts recommend you not date someone who has been divorced within the last two years. Divorce wreaks havoc that regular break ups do not and the recovery period may be longer. A newly divorced person just won’t be ready for you, in spite of what they might think.

If your potential partner has just gone through a non-marriage breakup that could also be a red flag. Someone who is newly out of a relationship could be, consciously or unconsciously, looking for a rebound relationship. You do not want to be the rebound person.

Ideally, your prospective mate would be someone who has been single for a solid period of time, not just because they’ll have had time to recover from the breakup itself, but because it’s more likely that they’ll no longer feel attached to the person they broke up with.

Nobody wants to date someone who is still holding a torch for someone else.

3. Are you employed?

One of the first questions many people ask when they meet someone new is, “What do you do?”

It’s what Americans do, and it can be a tough question to answer, especially in this day and age when many people do a variety of things at once.

A more important question to ask when getting to know someone is, “Are you currently working?”

You want to know if they are financially and emotionally secure. No one wants to get involved with someone who can’t carry their own weight financially. And people who are unemployed are often in a delicate position emotionally.

They could be actively seeking work and unable to find any. They could be thinking that the work out there is below them and refuse to compromise. They could have had issues at an old job that continue on into new jobs.

All of these situations could lead to insecurity and low self-esteem. Insecurity and low self-esteem are not things that lend themselves well to healthy relationships.

And don’t think that you can fix them because you can’t.

4. Do you get along with your family?

Family forms our fundamental relationships, so how it’s important to know how someone interacts with their family if you’re thinking about dating them.

If your date talks about the close relationship they have with their siblings and says their mother drives them nuts but they talk to her every Sunday, then you know that this person is capable of a healthy emotional connection.

If your date talks about the family that lives across the country who they haven’t seen in years, then it’s possible deep emotional connections might be more difficult for them.

The basic human connections we make as children influence who we are as grown-ups.

Someone who has a rough relationship with their family could be tough to truly connect with. So, ask the question and listen carefully to the answer.

5. Do you have kids?

This one is so important because kids change everything.

Kids can, more than any other single thing, affect a relationship because kids are, more often than not, the priority. They will be made the priority above you every single time. Every single time.

And maybe that’s okay with you. Maybe you have kids, too, and understand this, or maybe you are willing to make their kids your priority as well.

But maybe it’s not okay with you. Maybe you want to always be first, or maybe you aren’t ready to have kids. And that’s okay, too.

But ask the question, because kids always will, and always should, come first, no matter what you might tell yourself going in.

Dating is time-consuming and emotionally fraught under the best circumstances.

You don’t want to waste even one minute on someone who raises red flags. Red flags should be noted and acted on.

Ask these questions and get your answers early so you can decide whether you want to fish or cut bait right away.

There are other fish in the sea, fish who might be better for you — and tastier.

 

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Guy Stops Drinking Alcohol, Shows How Much Sobriety Changed Him In 3 Years

I LOVE this guy!

Giving up your vices and guilty pleasures can lead to a happier and healthier life that’s full of purpose. Even though you might not see the changes day-to-day when you give up drinking alcohol, they’re very apparent to others. One of the things that can keep you motivated is documenting the changes and looking at the photos side by side.

Well, one man has made the phrase ‘one day at a time’ fit both his fight with alcoholism and documenting his journey through sobriety. These last three years, Kenny D. has taken snaps of how he looked when he quit alcohol at key stages in his journey of sobriety. The changes within the first month are already huge and he is almost unrecognizable in the final pictures.

“I took a picture of myself the day I got my first sobriety coin, 24 hours sober. I felt so ill and I looked so bad, I wanted to remember it so I wouldn’t forget. The day I got my 30-day coin, I thought my look had changed drastically so I took another selfie,” Kenny told Bored Panda, talking about the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) sobriety coins given to alcoholics who stay sober for a certain amount of time.

Scroll down for Bored Panda’s full and exclusive in-depth interview with Kenny who got back his life, regained his health, and discovered new depths in his character by giving up drinking. For more powerful Bored Panda posts about sobriety and how much people change when they give up alcohol or drugs, check out these articles here, here, here, and here.

Kenny went sober three years ago. When he took his first photo, he was feeling awful

“I liked showing my family and friends the side-by-side of 24 hours and 30 days to show the change,” Kenny said. “Of course, they were skeptical because I had spent the last several years terrorizing my family and friends while I was drunk. So I kept them to myself mostly for the first year, but I always took a selfie every time I got a coin. On my one-year anniversary, I took my picture and posted a side by side on Reddit and called it the Progression of Sobriety. I thought it would just be something uplifting for people to see, I had no idea I would get the kind of response that I did. The post was flooded with comments from people asking me about alcoholism and how I stopped drinking. Asking how they can stop or how to help their own friends or family stop. And a ton of good positive kudos and congrats for my transformation. So after the first year, I felt like I’d make it a bit of a tradition to post my progress on my Sobriety birthday on November 2. I also keep with the tradition of taking it in my bathroom just for continuity. Year two was last year and this year was year three.”

Barely a month later, he was looking and feeling much better

Kenny revealed how much of a problem drinking became for him, as well as how it brought him to the edge. “I started drinking in college. But it didn’t become a real problem until about 10 years ago. I began drinking often and always to excess. I discovered at one point that I could not control the amount I drank once I had taken the first drink. I could not drink without getting drunk. So I decided to quit. I would last a few days, a few weeks, a few months, one time for a year. Always with relapses in between. By 2016, I had gotten to the point that I would get drunk every day. I drank 12–24 drinks a day and I was blacking out 3–4 times a week. I knew I had a problem but I didn’t know what to do. I used to stand in the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror and wish I wasn’t a drunk. I would wonder how I got this way. Sometimes I was just indifferent to whether I lived or died. I just wanted it to be over and I didn’t care how,” he explained the pit of despair he was in just several years ago.

Kenny kept up being sober with the help of the 12 step program, loved ones, and AA members

“The last time I drank, I had a week of vacation and I had bought myself a case of beer and was going to ration it for the week. 3–4 beers a night,” Kenny went into detail about how he finally got sober. “The first night after I put my son to bed, I opened my first beer. That was at 8 p.m. By 11 p.m., I had drunk 19 beers. Something inside me said, ‘Kenny, your life is no longer manageable.’”

He also fixed his diet and started exercising

“A friend of mine had gotten sober a year before and I did the only thing I could think to do. I reached out for help. I texted her and told her I had a problem and I needed help. The next morning, she picked me up and drove me to my first 12-step meeting and I’ve been sober ever since.”

Kenny took a photo every time he got a new AA sobriety chip

Kenny was also very open about the greatest challenges that he faced after he got sober three years ago. “My greatest challenge was the working of the 12 steps. 12 step recovery is a complete overhaul of your life. It is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. It caused me to face how I felt about other people and to clean up the mess I had made in my life while I was drinking. All I wanted to do was to stop drinking and to get my life back. I had no idea that I would get a whole new life that was full of more joy, happiness, and freedom than I could have possibly imagined.”

The man was completely open about how much drinking alcohol affected him

He continued: “The biggest difference between myself now and three years ago is that today I live my life by a set of spiritual principles. From morning to night, I run all of my decisions through a sort of spiritual filter. I do my best to not be resentful or spiteful or angry, though I am human and I have a tendency to forget sometimes. I’m not a saint. If I have a problem that I can’t tackle with stuff in my normal spiritual toolkit, I get on the phone to my sponsor or another alcoholic-in-recovery.”

Previously, Kenny couldn’t control himself when it came to alcohol

“There is always somebody around to help, I just have to reach out. The most difficult part about living with such success in sobriety for me is avoiding what they call ‘resting on your laurels.’ Getting complacent and going back to my old way of doing things. I get over it by going to lots of meetings as often as I can, working with other alcoholics, and practicing the spiritual principles in all of my affairs.”

Kenny used to drink 12-24 drinks each night…

“In my personal life, I’ve become an avid reader, I love to learn new things and read nonfiction and biographies. I’ve recently begun painting and that has opened up a whole new part of my brain that I didn’t know existed,” Kenny said about his newfound passions.

…and he used to lose consciousness three or four nights each week while drinking

“And as you can see from the pictures, I’ve lost 75 pounds (34 kilograms) since I got sober. I eat much cleaner and I exercise now. My favorite form of exercise is DDP Yoga. Awesome program and it completely changed my whole perspective on exercise and healthy living. Three years into sobriety, every day is an awesome day and I can’t wait to experience the next awesome thing or meet the next awesome person whom I can learn something from.”

Kenny was officially three years sober on November 2

People were very supportive of Kenny’s journey

                                                    You look fantastic, man!
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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Amelia – Chapter 4 – Double Agent

It’s Monday and we’re busy as hell. I’m cranking the counter at the salon and Amelia is running around cleaning beds.

Tis the season at the salon. We are in full swing and Amelia is stepping up to the challenge.

April through July is insane in here and that’s why she’s here. I’m grateful and we’re working well as a team.

New people are signing up and the regulars are rolling in. It is non-stop mayhem. This is the busy season. I’m so happy to have Amelia here now. She’s great as I’ve written before. But she’s on top of the cleaning and the laundry. She’s what I need. I must keep the customer service up.

Waves of clients come in to tan. We get hit with three waves of people. Non-stop tanning. We feel the urgency and it makes us want to tan ourselves.

We agree that when this crazy night ends we’re going tanning, which is fun.

I have been a die-hard slave to this place for two years and haven’t tanned in two months.

I hired Amelia and Eileen. Part of their deal is they get to tan for free as long as they’re employed. Both girls have jumped on the tanning wagon. I realized I couldn’t be the pale old white guy and dove into tanning with great vigor.

I started tanning like a maniac and love the results. I’m getting brown as a penny, and I’m even using a sticker to track my progress.

I hope Cherie appreciates the white heart on my pubic mound. Because that’s where it is.

Yea, I did that. A sweet white heart above my angry cock, but we are talking about my 24 year old co-worker so lets tap the brakes on tanning.

I really like working with Nicole. I actually like her better than Eileen. She’s older, and more mature and just so much greater depth that her teenage counterpart.

Plus, I spend more days with Nicole and I just like her better. I feel I can be honest with her the more I know her.

Amelia wants to start dating again.

She’s new to the city and lives in a studio with her cat. (Not good. As we know at phicklephilly!)

But if you’ve followed her series, she’s great and there’s so much hope and growth here.

She gives me a great reveal during our conversations.

“So you’re back on Bumble. That’s good.”

“I matched with this person but she seems like high maintenance.”

“You like Garret but…”

“What happened to your last relationship?”

“She didn’t trust me.”

“Wait. What?”

“I’m bisexual.”

“So is my sort of girlfriend.”

“Cool. Yea she fucked me over. We were together two years and have been split for nine months.”

“I’m sorry. So you’re even on both buckets. Your next love could be a guy or a girl?

“Yes.”

“Does your family know?”

“No.”

8th child in an Irish Catholic family based in central Pennsylvania.

Here’s a lovely girl that I absolutely adore. I love working with her. I love her work ethic in all that she does. I love her honesty and integrity.

I’m fascinated by the blessing that’s come upon our salon with these two wonderful women.

As much as I love Eileen as my hire and her savvy on the computer and her obvious beauty, I love Amelia more.

We’ve had some intimate conversations. I told her things about me. (No idea why but kind of love it.)

She told me she’s bisexual.

I instantly loved that.

Amelia is such a great employee and a wonderful person. We spoke about this at length and I’m glad she trusted me enough to confide.

I wish I knew more people like Amelia.

An elegant woman who was completely okay with her sexuality and able to love everyone.

I’m fascinated by her but do not look upon her as an oddity. A beautiful woman, born into a family of ten. They all have dark hair and baby daughter Amelia is blonde and blue-eyed.

And she’s kind of gay.

We’re all kind of gay. We just refuse to accept it.

But our Amelia has decided to tell me about her journey and I’m honored that she trusts me enough to tell her story.

I’d never do anything to hurt her or her reputation. (I’ve already told her some crazy gay shit from my childhood and she may even hook me up with a hot, passable TS)

A blog post I will celebrate on every social media site!

That’ll be amazing.

But after all of this… We went to Square 1682.

Church was there. He’s on point with burgers and insane drink recommendations. (See: Church – Brand Ambassador)

Amelia had a Sazerac and sipped a bit of it and I got her calamari.

I plowed three Chardonnays with ice like I always do and my favorite bartender Roman was on point. (See: Roman – Rock n Roll Bartender)

The night was good and its good for Church to talk to real girls. That’s all I bring. Fresh, nice girls that are fun to talk to. Church needs the practice .

Amelia’s cocktail, calamari, and my 3 Chardonnays all equal to $12 bucks. Total hookup.

I send Amelia home and tell her I got it because it’s all free. She loves this and for the first time feels the power that is the CHAZ.

We were in the salon tonight and she’s already talking about making a date for Gran Cafe La Aquila for the gelato.

Amelia wants this.

I know so much more about Amelia now. She’s equal for boys and girls. I look forward to more adventures.

It seems insane but phicklephilly writes itself…

 

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Dating Tips – How to Date a Chinese Woman

Being in a relationship with a Chinese woman is completely different from dating one from another culture. Now, you might be wondering, why is that? Well, in the Chinese culture, expectations are extremely higher and it is taken seriously from the beginning. For example, being honest and respectful are some of the things that are highly appreciated

If you have just started dating a Chinese girl or if you might be in a relationship with one soon, you might feel a little bit overwhelmed – mostly because her culture and values might be completely different from yours. And if you are in this situation, this article has you covered. The text below will feature some tips that you should follow when dating a Chinese woman. Let’s take a closer look:

1. Be Daring, But Learn to Listen When Needed

SOURCE:INDIATODAY.IN

As previously mentioned, the Chinese culture has different expectations from a man. For example, they expect a man to be the one that will call the woman out on a date. And, if you choose to do that, ensure that you show respect towards her and that you are polite. Of course, once she accepts the invitation, she will also expect you to pay for anything that you will be doing.

You should not talk too much during the date, and you should ensure that you ask her enough questions about herself, and naturally, you will want to listen to what she has to say. Like every other woman, she will expect you to be respectful of her thoughts, as well as feelings, and you should know that they do not like men who talk too much or ones that are constantly bragging.

2. They Express Feelings Differently

You might think that it is weird at the beginning, however, Chinese women will not express their feelings often. They will probably show their affections through their actions and not through their words. For example, they might help you choose clothes for an important meeting or they will take care of you when you are ill. This is how they will express their emotions, especially since they might be a bit shy. However, when she gains trust in you, she will let you know how she really feels.

SOURCE:10GREATEST.COM

3. They Are Extremely Family-Oriented

If you have been with her for some time, you will be required to meet her family – especially her mother and father. The family approval is something that is extremely important and you should try to leave a good first impression. First of all, you should buy a gift, however, you will also need to be careful, because gifts are quite symbolic in China. If you get the wrong one, you will probably not be “approved” by the family.

Opt for something that is special and unique. For example, if you know that they enjoy sports activities, then you can opt for some special food that they enjoy. When finally meeting the parents, remember to stay polite, respectful, and hones – after all, every parent only wants the best things for their kid, no matter how old they are.

4. Your Intentions Should Be Clear

Absolutely all Chinese women look for a partner that will provide stability, and they will also take dating you seriously – especially if they enjoy spending a lot of time with you. You should talk with your partner early on about what you hope will come out of the relationship. For example, they never look for a relationship that will last several days. They want someone who is seriously interested in spending their future with them. There are websites such as Best Brides that can help you connect with Chinese women easily.

5. Although They Look For Stability, You Should Not Rush Things Up

As mentioned in the previous tip, stability is something most Chinese women look for, as well as for your intentions to be clear from the start. However, like everything else in life, you should not rush everything. By taking things slowly, you will be able to gain her trust, so, instead of taking her out to a nightclub, opt for something a bit more casual such as going for a walk or going to a coffee shop for a cup of tea or coffee. This will make her a bit more comfortable.

6. Being Humble is a Virtue

Chinese people consider a person to be quite intelligent if they are silent and calm. Hence, instead of always being talkative and outgoing, you should try to stay modest – at least when you are meeting her parents. That is why Chinese women will prefer if you take them out at a place that is not overcrowded and noisy.

7. They Are Quite Loyal

SOURCE:STEEMIT.COM

Dating a Chinese woman means that you will not have to worry about her cheating on you, especially since it goes against their culture – which is a line that they do not want to cross. Reputation is everything in Asian countries, hence, try not to damage her reputation by cheating on her.

8. You Should Be Honest And Direct About Things

As you already know, if you want a relationship to work, you will need to be open to each other, as well as honest. However, Chinese women will take that to a completely different level. If she sees that something is wrong with you, she will immediately ask you what is going on. Also, they will have no problem with telling you that you have something between your teeth or that your t-shirt is stained from ketchup. This can be quite good and you will never have to worry that she is hiding something from you.

Conclusion

The one thing you should remember is that each and every person is different, no matter what country they come from. And, although Chinese women have the same value and virtues, the tips mentioned above do not have to apply to every Chinese woman you meet. Hence, before fully implementing any of the tips above, make sure that you get to know her a bit.

By following the tips from this article, you will be able to make your relationship with a Chinese girl flourish! Not only will you be able to improve the connection between the two of you, but you will also be able to make her happier by knowing what you should and should not do.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

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