16 Quotes About Unrequited Love That Are SO Accurate, It Hurts

The French expression “la douleur exquise” literally translates to “the exquisite pain,” and refers to the pain of wanting someone you can’t have. TBH, I don’t think there’s a more eloquent, accurate way to describe the experience of a one-sided romance. But there are also numerous quotes about unrequited love that perfectly capture the agony involved.

If you caught feels for someone who doesn’t reciprocate said feels, take comfort in this: Unrequited love is so common that you can read about it in countless classic novels, hear multiple multi-platinum pop stars sing about it in current hit songs, and even watch contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette deal with it IRL. In fact, a 2014 study published in the journal SAGE Open, which analyzed music over the last 40 years, found that a sizable portion of the lyrics in popular songs referred to unrequited love and romantic rejection.

When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, you may find yourself teetering between optimism that your crush will eventually feel the same way, and despair that they don’t. Longing for the unattainable can leave you feeling confused, lost, vulnerable, disheartened, and everything in between. But each and every experience with love — even, and especially, the ones that don’t end with a happily ever after — presents a learning opportunity. So, the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel the complete spectrum of your emotions, and trust that eventually you’ll be able to glean some shred of wisdom from your one-sided romance.

Quotes about unrequited love can be hopeful — or capture the despair and the heartache.

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Knowing that you’re not alone in your heartache obviously won’t take away the pain that comes with unrequited love, but it can help to ease it somewhat. So, whether you’ve found yourself in the dreaded friend zone, or the object of your affection is inconveniently in a relationship with someone else, refer to these quotes for a quick hit of much-needed commiseration, reassurance, and hope.

1. “In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” — Mignon McLaughlin

2. “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.” — Washington Irving

3. “To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” — Federico García Lorca

4. “When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, “What was it that you wanted and why didn’t you fight for it?”― Shannon L. Alder

5. “It’s wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can’t have the one you want.” ― Louisa May Alcott

6. “The worst feeling is falling for someone and knowing that they won’t be there to catch you.” — Rashida Rowe

7. “Living with someone you love can be lonelier than living entirely alone, if the one that you love doesn’t love you.” ― Tennessee Williams

8. “Too many of us are hung up on what we don’t have, can’t have, or won’t ever have.” ― Terry McMillan

Reading quotes about unrequited love may offer some much-needed reassurance and commiseration.

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9. “When you love something, you have to make sure it loves you back, or you’ll bring about no end of trouble chasing it.” — Patrick Rothfuss

10. “An unrequited love is so much better than a real one … As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending.” — Sarah Dessen

11. “A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.” ― Rose Gordon

12. “Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back … then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.” — Sarah Cross

13. “The heart is stubborn. It holds onto love despite what sense and emotion tells it. And it is often, in the battle of those three, the most brilliant of all.” — Alessandra Torre

14. “Sometimes no matter how many eyelashes or dandelion seeds you blow, no matter how much of your heart you tear out and slap on your sleeve, it just ain’t gonna happen.” ― Melissa Jensen

15. “There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.”― Shannon L. Alder

16. “Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” — James Matthew Barrison

 

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If You Recognize Any Of These Signs, You Might Be A Sex Addict

Are you a sex addict?

What is sex addiction?

Sex addiction, officially referred to by the World Health Organization as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder, looks a lot like alcoholism and drug addiction except the”drug of choice” is sexual fantasy and activity, rather than an addictive substance.

Is addiction a disease? What are the signs of addiction of the sexual nature?

Like all other types of addiction, sex addiction is identified based on three primary criteria:

  • Preoccupation to the point of obsession with the substance or behavior of choice.
  • Loss of control over the use of the substance or behavior, typically evidenced by failed attempts to quit or cut back.
  • Directly related negative consequences — relationship trouble, issues at work or in school, declining physical health, depression, anxiety, diminished self-esteem, isolation, financial woes, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, legal trouble, etc.

If you’re like most people, you readily understand the concept of substance addiction. If you are not addicted to anything, yourself (like cigarettes, alcohol, prescription medications, illicit drugs, etc.), you probably know someone who is.

At the very least, you’ve seen relatively accurate portrayals of substance abuse on television and in the movies.

Behavioral addictions — like sex addiction — are usually more difficult to fathom. Nevertheless, people can and do become addicted to behaviors just as often and just as easily as they become addicted to highly pleasurable, self-soothing, and dissociative substances — and with similarly problematic results.

For an active sex addict, sexual fantasies and behavior are priority number one. Sexual activity (either solo or with others) takes place no matter what, regardless of potential or actual consequences.

Often, sex addicts will tell themselves, But before long, they’re right back at it, showing and engaging in the same or very similar behavior.

Sex addicts organize their lives around sexual fantasy and the behaviors that follow. They spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about, planning for, pursuing, and engaging in sexual activity.

Sex becomes an obsession to the point where important relationships, interests, and responsibilities are ignored. Nearly always, sex addicts find themselves living a double life, keeping their sexual acting out hidden and a secret from family, friends, and everyone else who matters to them.

Sex addiction symptoms and patterns of fantasy-driven behavior that are typically exhibited by sex addicts include (but are by no means limited to) the following:

  • Compulsive use of pornography, with or without masturbation
  • Compulsive use of one or more digital sexologies — webcams, sexting, dating/hookup websites and apps, virtual reality sex games, sexual devices, etc.
  • Consistently being “on the hunt” for sexual activity
  • Multiple ongoing affairs or brief “serial” relationships
  • Consistent involvement with strip clubs, adult bookstores, adult movie theaters, sex clubs, and other sex-focused environments
  • Engaging in prostitution and/or sensual massage (hiring or providing)
  • A pattern of anonymous and/or casual sex hookups with people met online or in-person
  • Repeatedly engaging in unprotected sex
  • Repeatedly engaging in sex with potentially dangerous people or in potentially dangerous places
  • Seeking sexual experiences without regard to immediate or long-term potential consequences
  • A pattern of minor sexual offenses such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, frotteurism, etc.

Like other addicts, sex addicts typically use their behavior as a way to “numb out” and escape from stress and emotional (and sometimes physical) discomfort — including the pain of underlying emotional and/or psychological issues like depression, anxiety, early-life trauma, and the like.

In other words, sex addicts don’t use compulsive sexual fantasies and behaviors to feel good and have fun, they use them to feel less (i.e., to distract themselves from what they are feeling). As such, sexual addiction is not about having fun, it’s about controlling what one feels.

 

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California Dreamin’ – 1982 to 1984 – I Can Deal With This

I was in a bar down in Venice Beach, having a beer and this girl starts talking to me. She seems OK, but the bar is dark. Band on stage is loud. Hard to tell.

She asks me if I want to go out to her truck and smoke a joint.

“Yes, please.”

When we wander out of the bar, the bright lights outside illuminate her face in a disturbing way. I ignore what I am seeing. Not that hot.

“So where is your car?”

“I thought we were going to your truck.”

“No, we are going to your car.”

OK. I can deal with this.

We get to my VW minibus, and she says “Where is the joint?”

“I thought you had a joint.”

“No. Take me home.”

OK. I can deal with this.

So, I start driving her home. As I am driving, she starts rambling.

“You can fuck me. You can screw me. You can do anything you want to me.”

OK. Maybe I can deal with this.

As we approach her apartment she says: “I sure hope my boyfriend isn’t home.”

Oh, fuck. Can I deal with this?

She points to a convenience store and says “Pull in there, and go buy me a 12 pack of beer.”

“I’m not buying you a 12 pack.”

So she gets out of the car to buy beer. I definitely cannot deal with this.  I shift my van  into reverse, and race off into the night.

I didn’t go back to that bar for a year.

 

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