If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, then you know what a struggle it can be figuring out how to start dating after divorce.
Getting over your marriage ending and being able to move on without baggage is difficult, so making sure you’re ready to start dating and knowing how to get a date are equally important.
Whether you’ve already started dating after divorce, or you’re about to take the plunge, chances are good you’re going to be tempted to give in to three behaviors that will sabotage either your ability to move on from your marriage, or seriously reduce the chance you’ll find a wonderful new man.
Here are 3 mistakes you need to avoid in order to start dating after divorce so you can find a healthy new relationship and be happy again:
1. Thinking all guys are like your ex.
Trusting a new man once you’ve been hurt by your ex-husband is difficult. But if you don’t get rid of this distrust toward men, it will destroy your chance of finding someone new.
This distrust often shows up in online dating profiles when you say things like “no head games,” or “no dishonest men.”
When you write those things in your profile, you’re broadcasting on a billboard that you’ve been hurt and that you’re distrustful.
You’ll scare away the men who have it together because they’ll recognize your distrust immediately. And most of the men who really do play head games or are dishonest haven’t admitted to themselves that they possess these massive flaws … this makes it likely that they aren’t going to stay away from you just because you ask them to in your profile.
And when you do get into a relationship after divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you and is madly in love with you, you may not believe anything he says.
If you assume all men are like your ex-husband, you’ll have this ongoing chorus playing the back of your mind: “All men are no good. All men cheat. All men fall out of love and break up with me.”
It plays like a country song accompanied by an out-of-tune guitar. Replace that chorus with something more melodious, something like, “I’m having a lot of fun getting to know my new man (or my date) and finding out what good qualities he has.”
With each man you meet, you want to start with a clean slate.
Look at him as an individual. Notice all the ways your new man or date is different from your ex-husband.
2. Getting involved in a rebound relationship.
If you’re lonely after your divorce, it’s easy to get involved with someone new before you’re truly ready to move on. But how do you know whether that new relationship is the real thing or whether you’re simply on the rebound?
First, ask yourself if the person you’re with has the qualities you’d want in a long-term partner. Do you have lots in common with this person? Or is the physical attraction blinding you to how wrong you really are for each other?
Another question to ask: Am I happy alone even without a man in my life? If the answer is yes, then you’re ready to get involved in a new relationship.
If the only reason you’re getting involved in a new relationship is that you can’t stand to be alone, then your new relationship may indeed be a rebound relationship.
As you heal from your divorce and think about the lessons you learned from it, your new relationship can be transformed from a rebound relationship to a real relationship, as long as it’s based on more than just physical attraction.
3. Unintentionally holding onto baggage.
No one is a blank sheet of paper. We’ve all been hurt in the past. The key is to find ways to release the baggage so it doesn’t get stuck inside of you. In fact, much of the time, you’re probably not even aware of your baggage.
It’s time to start having an internal dialogue with yourself. Did you spend enough time alone after your divorce to really think about what caused the collapse of your marriage? While your ex-husband likely played a part, did you have any destructive habits? Blame is one of the most common destructive habits I’ve seen in couples.
You want to blame your significant others for the way you feel. But your emotions have your name tags on them. You own them. Rather than telling your partners “You’re making me angry,” it’s much better to say, “When you did X, Y, or Z, I didn’t feel so good. I felt really uncomfortable.”
Whether it’s avoiding blame or any other relationship-sabotaging factors, is there anything you could do differently in a new relationship to stop it from going the way of your marriage? It’s only when you answer this question that you can say goodbye to your baggage and hello to a wonderful new relationship.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
You have butterflies for someone, but of course, you want to know if the feelings are mutual. Learning how to know if someone likes you back IS possible.
How to know if someone likes you back is something we can figure it out together. Listen, I’ve been head over heels countless times on dates or just talking to a guy. I stuttered like crazy, fidgeted, and blushed like I broke out in a rash.
When I really liked someone, I could never play it cool. I mean, I knew I was into them, I was already planning our wedding and what we would name our kids. Okay, maybe not… actually, yes, yes, I did do that.
But while that was happening, I had no idea how they felt back. And let’s be honest, if a relationship is going to happen, you both need to like each other. It can’t be one-sided.
How to know if someone likes you back
If you’ve been on a first date already, or you’re meeting them for the first time, you want to get a general idea of what they think about you. Of course, you may not fall in love right away, but if they like you and you like them, well, that’s a nice recipe for possibility.
And I know you want to tell them how you feel but getting the courage to bring up that topic is always easier when you know they’re into you. So, let’s get this show on the road!
#1 They mirror you. Okay, not like a French mime, but when we like someone, the signs they display are usually very subtle. If you cross your legs, they cross their legs. If you’re standing with your arms on your waist, they’re doing the same. Mirroring helps create a subconscious bond with the other person.
#2 You feel it. I’m all about intuition. Most of us ignore our gut instinct, but you should never ignore what your body is trying to tell you. If there’s something inside of you saying, “this person likes me,” you’re probably right. At the same time, if your body is saying, “this person is creepy,” then you’re also right. Don’t deny your feelings.
#3 They always try to touch you. Not in a creepy way. If someone is having their hands all over you, sure they may like you, but that’s also harassment. This form of touching isn’t what I’m talking about. When you’re making a joke or playing a game together, they’ll find a reason to touch you affectionately. Maybe they’ll touch your arm or back.
#4 They’re always around you. They just always seem to be near you. Whether it’s at work or school, wherever you look there they are. I used to do this all of the time.
I wanted my crush to see me; I wanted to be near him. They want to be close to you, and, well, that’s why they’re always standing next to you.
#5 They get rid of the barriers. If you are sitting together for lunch, they’re going to try to remove any obstacles between you. Whether it’s the salt and pepper shakers or a cup, they’re going to make an open space. Now, if they don’t do this, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It just means you haven’t built a bond yet.
#6 They remember the important things. If you’re wondering how to know if someone likes you back, ask yourself if they pay attention to details around you. If you have a big exam coming up or it’s your birthday, they remember these dates. Usually, unless it’s your family or close friends, people don’t remember these specific details. But if they like you, they’re investing energy in getting to know you.
#7 They always laugh at your jokes. And trust me, some of your jokes aren’t funny. But when someone likes you, they’ll always laugh at jokes. If they’re not laughing at your jokes, it shows you they didn’t like the joke. And if they’re into you, they don’t want you to think that.
#8 They lean into you. If someone isn’t interested in you, they’re not going to try to get into your personal space or show they like you. Instead, they make more space between you and them. But, if they dig you, they’ll lean in forward and face you, removing the distance. This is a great sign they’re into you.
#9 They’re nervous when making eye contact. The eyes will tell you everything when it comes to figuring out how to know if someone likes you back. Some people are more confident and have no problem engaging in eye contact. And, if that was the case with this person, you would already know where you stand with them. But some people are shy. And in this case, they’re going to be nervous making eye contact with you.
#10 They love asking you questions. When we like someone, we want to get to know them. So, that’s why we ask a lot of questions. If this person is asking you more personal questions, it’s a good sign they’re interested in you. If they didn’t like you, they wouldn’t care about your family, hobbies, or favorite movies.
#11 Watch their feet. This isn’t about having a foot fetish. This may sound a little weird, but if someone likes you, their feet will point in your direction. It’s a subtle sign, but body language is a huge indicator of how someone feels about you. Whether they’re sitting down or standing, their feet will be pointed in your direction.
#12 Drunk dial, anyone? Have you received a drunk dial from them? Come on, you know what that means. If they’re calling or texting you after a couple of drinks, I think it’s safe to say you’re on their mind. And you know the saying, “drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
#13 They’ll try to hang out with you as much as they can. If they like you, they’ll find all the reasons in the world to hang out with you. Whether it’s a new movie coming out or it’s sunny outside, they just want to spend time with you. And we all know people don’t waste their time on someone they’re not interested in.
#14 They’re all over your social media. Whatever picture you post or story you make, they’re all over it. Social media isn’t just for communication. You can also use it as a way to see who’s watching you *in a non-creepy way*. If they’re commenting on your posts and sending you private messages, they like you.
#15 Their friends like you. Obviously, their friends know about you. And this is something you should be paying attention to. If they’re cracking jokes about the two of you or letting you into their circle, it’s a good sign they have given the thumbs up of approval.
Now that you’ve figured how to know if someone likes you back, what do you think? Does this person like you back? If you’re not sure, well, why don’t you ask them?
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.
When Rob Halford, one of the world’s most notable voices in heavy metal says, “You and I may be seeing Wickedtogether,” you might be just a little bit confused and a little bit star struck. I had the privilege of speaking to the Judas Priest front man the day before my birthday, and he asked me what I was planning to do to celebrate. Upon answering truthfully that I was going to see a play, we began our in depth discussion talking about our adoration of the theater and Broadway shows—specifically, Wicked. I just so happen to have seen The Wizard of Oz reimagined show on Broadway, as well as having read the books it’s based off of—just as Rob has; he was desperately trying to fit seeing the touring version of show into his schedule—prior to embarking on a tour himself.
If you couldn’t already tell, Rob Halford and I had a conversation that was bursting with energy, honesty, and creativity from start to finish—similar to that of his still-going-strong musical career with Judas Priest—50 years since they formed and changed hard rock music and the metal scene as the world knew it.
You have one of the most distinct voices in rock. When did you know you sing? Or, I should ask, when did you know that you had such a range and vocal ability?
Well, I didn’t really discover all the range and all of the possibilities that the voice has given me until I started kind of playing around in the beginning with the very early bands that I worked with. You’ve probably heard names like Hiroshima and Lord Lucifer and Athens Wood, and I think a lot of musicians, before they have the chance and the good luck and good fortune to become professional—no matter what you are, singer, drummer, guitar player—you all kind of find out what your abilities are in those early experiences. That is how it was for me, really, Debra. I’m probably talking about my late teens, before I went into the twenties. Those bands that I worked with weren’t metal bands, they were more like progressive/blues/rock bands, and so we did a lot of covers, but we also tried to write our own songs, as well. That is pretty much when I discovered the voice and what potential it had. Having said that, all of the wonderful producers that I’ve worked with since becoming a professional musician, including recently with Andy [Sneap] and Tom [Allom] and Mike [Exeter]… great producers will find things about you that are in you that you don’t even know exist. That’s why even the acts that have been around for the longest time need a unique producer, because a producer will get things from you that you won’t be able to find for yourself. That’s basically it. It’s a never ending journey, to be honest.
Oh, absolutely. Now, speaking of the bands that you were in before Judas Priest, did you take anything from those bluesy, progressive groups and those experiences and implement them into your career as a metal and heavy rock musician?
Absolutely! When I was a kid we had the old black and white TV in the house we would sit around as a family—there really wasn’t much going on the TV at the same, we only had one national television broadcasting company, which was the BBC and is still there, and there was one entertainment, commercial network called iTV on the British television, of whom are still there even though they morphed—but, generally, the weekends were known for kind of just sitting around the TV like families used to, and you would watch the TV. More often than not there would be an American movie on, and it could have been anything. Talking about Wicked, it could have been The Wizard of Oz or it could have been Meet Me in St. Louis. What I’m saying is that as a kid, you really soak things up when it comes to creativity and exploring… musicals and films and whatever it might be… all that visual stuff. My mum and dad were very much particular with their tastes, so I’m kind of quite grateful for them for my viewings, because I took it with me. I know I took it with me, because when you and I were just talking briefly about Broadway and show business in general, I was able to show that, yes, I love all of the great singers of the world of all genres; whether it’s Michael Bublé or Barbara Streisand or Michael Feinstein or John Cafferty or The Grass Roots or Barry Manilow, Elvis, Frank Sinatra. It’s all of it, you know? Whenever I talk with my friends about other singers, I always emphasize that it’s great to have a favorite rock or metal singer, but the human voice is a remarkable instrumental and you can do many, many things with it if you take off the blinkers and get out of the box and just listen to everything else that surrounds you.
Right, and being a singer doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to stick to the genre that you’re used to, or you like. You can mix rock with pop, folk, blues, and more to create your own sound.
Exactly, exactly, and this is the blessing of being in a band like Judas Priest, because, say, on this recent record, the guys took me on a journey with my voice; whether it was the intense performance of the “Firepower” track or the very emotionally demanding ballad at the very end of the record called “See it Red.” I loved to be in that world of different experiences, of different voices coming through, rather than one, full on, yelling and screaming performance…. Just to hear myself doing one kind of voice? I love to mix things up and to make it interesting for the band [and] for our fans.
On the topic of your latest record, Firepower, what was it like to go back in the studio and work with Tom Allom 20 years later?
Oh, it’s beautiful! You know, Tom knows everything about Judas Priest. He’s an expert. We see Tom pretty much every time we go out into the world and the idea about Tom coming back as a producer was born out of the idea that we had to kind of focus on all of these certain elements of Priest that Tom was involved with, so putting Tom with Andy, who is from a different kind of generation of producer, it was just remarkable to watch them do what they do sitting side by side. Tom knows everything. He knows everything about my voice, he knows everything about Glenn [Tipton]’s guitar tone, [everything about] Ian [Hill]… just in general. Working with Tom is a gold mine, it’s like a treasure. You mix those opportunities up and you get something special like we saw with the production of Firepower.
That’s fantastic. I think the creative juices really flowed fiercely between the producers and the band, which I personally think paid off.
Thank you, thank you! You know, we feed off of each other in this band. If I watch Scott [Travis] going crazy on the drums and doing these amazing drum patterns and seeing his efforts and determination, then I’m going to bounce off that. I mean, that is what is important about having the love and respect of your fellow players. We all have a job to do, but the best of that job comes out of the teamwork effort and being there for each other and encouraging each other. Much like every Priest album, the end experience is born out of a lot of important team dynamics more than anything else.
That’s a stellar outlook on being in a band and making music, especially over so many years. On the topic of older music of yours, do you ever go back and listen to some of your deep cuts? With a discography as unique and immersive as yours, I can imagine that there are songs that even you rediscover once in a while.
We’ve been doing that a lot recently, Debra, because we are trying to dust off the mantle of songs that we haven’t played in a while. There are so many tracks, but we’re mentioning certain tracks like “All Guns Blazing” and “Out in the Cold.” There are all of these incredible Judas Priest songs that you tend to forget, you know? You’re always out there showing of your latest creation, as we are with Firepower, and then you have to include the songs that your fans are ravenous to hear and are absolutely entitled to hear. So, once you start putting all that together, a bulk of the show has already made itself on the set list, but by the same style, there are always 45 minutes that you can utilize for some new adventures. That is what we’ve been doing recently, so, yeah I listened to Rocka Rolla, our first album, recently and I would love to do the title track live. I’m not sure why I feel that way, but there is just something very special about the Rocka Rolla title track that still resonates with me, and I would love to hear Priest play that track now, how many decades later. There are so many things to listen to and try out that I’m sure we’ll be able to bring to life by the time we come to your parts of the world.
I hope so! If you, yourself, find some of these songs so special even now, then I can only imagine how special it would be for fans to hear.
Yeah, because, first off when you make your first hit record, you think “That’s it. I made it.” [Laughs.] And, “Everything’s going to be great now!” Well, wrong! That’s wrong because that is when the pressure starts. You’re suddenly under limitations that you didn’t have before and so many things get out under the microscope that may have never been under the microscope before. So those songs, those very early Priest songs—some of which didn’t even make it to the first record—for lots of different reasons, you listen to them now and play them to perfection just because they mean so much to you in many different ways. I think listening to the first album shows that Priest was going to be a band that was going to take us all on this great journey together in heavy metal. It’s a good album, still, especially for a first.
Absolutely! Like you said, you’ve done a lot since then, too, but you’re still doing it in the ways that you want to, which I think is important.
That’s a difficult thing to work in, too, because when you do get success and when you do start to see things come back at you, there is a tendency to lose the focus of what you’re trying to be about. What I mean by that is that if you have a very, very successful selling record, there is an intonation that we need to make another one of those. That has never been the case with Judas Priest and our label, Sony, and even all going back to Columbia and Epic, CBS… our labels have been wonderful in giving us free range. They’ve always had a lot of faith in Priest and still do. They know that we are going to deliver the goods and every one of our records have kind of stood on their own legs and shown its own character, so it’s a good thing.
Of course, you’ve been known as the Metal God for decades now, but you’ve also been a hero to thousands of people with all different backgrounds and all walks of life. Your impact on the metal community, the LGBTQ+ community, and the music industry itself is immense. Do you feel—or have you felt any sort of pressure— over the years when it comes to being such a high caliber and influential person?
Oh, thank you! I don’t think that about myself, but those were very kind, generous words and I appreciate that greatly. Thank you, Debra. Here’s the deal, though: these things come along from your own making, but I don’t think you’re aware of them right away. When you start to see the accolades in the press and the praise from your fans and this award and that award, it makes you feel good, you know? It makes you more concerning to do better, to be better. That’s the thing with us in Priest, I don’t know if it’s with our British, working-class background or whatever, but, again, you have to be able to know how to deal with that change and those feelings. You know, the world is a different place than when I grew up. The music is still the same, but the world is a different place in terms of communication. I have a fairly decent social media presence and I see what the fans say, whether it be on my Instagram or my Facebook or Priest’s own Instagram and Facebook. I read what the fans say. I am aware of how they feel. How you digest that can be kind of tricky. You have to have a thick skin in some cases and in some cases, you kind of utilize the information that you’re getting back from them and put it to good use; which goes back to how you take it and how you use it to make you a better musician and a better person for yourself and your fans.
Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.