A few weeks passed and I hadn’t seen or heard from Jaz in a while. The time we spent together was so scorching I somehow felt she’d come back in.
But maybe our one encounter was all that it should be. One girl’s initiation to her sexual identity and that was it. I’ve lived a long and colorful life. Things are great for me now and I don’t really care where the dice fall anymore because I control every throw.
What happened between Jaz and me was absolutely amazing and I hope she’s okay with it mentally. Because that shit can kick in later and ruin your life.
What we did is controlled and weird. I’ve sacrificed my whole livelihood at this salon for a sexual encounter on school grounds. I’ve done things in the past but nothing like this. If this goes bad, I’ve blown the relationship with Achilles, the salon, the gym and everything.
What the fuck have I done for the sake of my dalliances?
I’ve always been driven by my dark desires. They’ve ruled my life for decades. It’s like sin just comes to me. I’m the weak, innocent good guy that evil just slithers into.
I’ve met so many people in my life, and whatever it is I give off, the evil just comes in and takes me, and I do it. I love it. I’m so depressed and all of my anxiety is always there, I just fall into some dark relief.
I want to understand it and control it, but there’s a part of me that loves vice. That charge I get from illicit behavior gives me the minutes of relief I desperately crave.
Innocent Jazmin has brought a new dish to the table. I can’t stop thinking about the fable she has brought me through innocence, ignorance, tradition, and moral beliefs. I’m the gentle shaman that wants to help, and my sweetheart guides me with kindness, but I’m driven by my dark desire to take her in the most insidious ways.
Not the pig at the bar… but a gentleman that relieves her of her virginity in a worse way. I build trust and then rob her house.
I can’t do that with this one.
I’ve never done that with anyone. But I think that about myself and it simply isn’t true.
I’m not that guy.
Or am I?
But the control here pushes my mind to dark places.
I think of my daughter and sisters and know that I’m not that guy.
Why did I do this thing with Jazmin?
I’m just driven by darkness and errant behavior.
All the shit I run through my head on a daily basis.
I’m working at the salon. It’s Tuesday night. It’s slow. It’s Winter. Nobody comes into tan. You’d think they would but they don’t and it sucks.
A woman comes into tan. It’s 7:45. She’s trying to figure out what tanning lotion she should buy. I just want to go to the bar around the corner and have a Manhattan and a sandwich.
I just want to close and I hate when people come in late. Then another woman walks in behind her. I’m focusing on number one lady and I’m like, what the fuck, I just want to get out of here.
But as number one lady is digging through the basket of lotion packets, Number 2 silently mouths the following words to me:
“Do you want to eat my pussy?”
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