Kindness Is a Leg Opener

Why romantic gestures will get you nowhere.

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I have to begin with a confession. I’m a hardcore romantic. Always have been. I’ve always been a fan of and practiced romance. I probably always will. But I’ve learned a few things along the way.

Here are a few on the list of typical romantic ideas:

  • Swanky weekend getaway
  • Candlelit dinner
  • Picnic in the park
  • Fireside wine n cheese
  • Love notes on the bathroom mirror
  • Surprise gold pass movie night at home
  • Tickets to her favorite show and a surprise hotel visit

 

I’ve done them all, and then some. But guess what, if your relationship is in any kind of trouble, these little and not so little activities will get you nowhere. In fact, they will probably make things worse.

Romance works best when your relationship is in a good place. In contrast, romance that is designed to ‘fix’ things, is a bad idea. Here’s why.

When a woman knows your relationship is in a not so good place, and you respond with a romantic gesture, like taking her away for a weekend, she starts to question your motivation and your agenda. Now that’s not to say you shouldn’t do it, but more to say, do it for the right reasons.

If you think a romantic gesture is going to cover your poor communication skills, think again. If you think it is going to make her feel all touchy feely toward you, after you haven’t touched each other for 3 months, think again. If you think it is going to make her forget that you had an affair with her best friend, guess what?!

Romance doesn’t fix things. Romance doesn’t fix anything. Romance enhances an already positive relationship.

So many guys think that if they only could get her away for a ‘nice’ weekend, take her out for an expensive dinner, buy her some nice lingerie, or smother her with chocolates and flowers, then everything will be fine. Women aren’t silly. They see right through that bs.

If you want to do something positive for your relationship, start by not being an asshole when you get home from work. Start by not snapping at the kids for being too loud. Start by taking out the garbage on Monday night, like you said you would do.

Consistency of actions is what she needs to see and experience the most. If you’re a romantic like me, don’t stop, but do start being the man she needs on a daily basis. She doesn’t need flowers. She doesn’t need a 3 hatted dinner. She doesn’t need a weekend away.

She does need your reliability. She does need you to be the man. She does need you to show some leadership with your family. She does need you to keep your word. She does need you to pay attention to what needs to be done around the house. She does need you to work on your own shit.  And yes, she does need you to notice her, cherish her, believe in her, and show her that you care. But don’t substitute romance for the daily practice of being her man.

Romance is a beautiful thing when it’s done right. You don’t have to be a Romeo. You don’t have to think up extravagant ideas. You don’t have to be like someone else if that’s not your bag.

Make an effort for sure. Treat her to something special a little more than once a year when you know it’s the “right thing to do” on her birthday. But more than that, practice becoming the man she needs ⁠— the one she can trust and rely on, the one she knows has her back, the one who does what he says he is going to do, and the one who is consistent in his words and actions.

Do that stuff first, then get romantic. You will be surprised at the difference. As my wife says … “kindness is a leg opener”.

And kindness is free. How romantic.

 

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Eileen – Chapter 4 – Friday Night – Part 2

It was a busy night. Even for a Friday. But I was happy to have the help and some new girls.

Amelia takes the initiative and is on top of the laundry. I love that. Amelia has that special initiative that most of our employees lack. Amelia is military and efficient. She’s Air Force. My girl Amelia is going to be a long-term solid employee if he wants to be.

Eileen on the other hand is so perfect and represents the brand for our salon.

She’s pretty and 4 women have already told her that her make up is perfect. That’s never happened. Normally the girls we’ve had working at the salon just come from the gym, or dress casually for the job. We’ve even had girls that are out of it for the job mentally checked out.

When its busy the salon has it’s demands. You have to run the salon and not let it run you. Like in any job, it’s an art that’s learned. Pacing, timing, priorities, service. They all work in conjunction. You either get it or you don’t.

It’s that simple. I learned it early on in the job. You either react or respond. You must respond. I’ll teach Eileen and Amelia how to master both.

Amelia is proactive and is on top of the immediate needs of the salon and the laundry. I ask about towels and clean beds and they’re always already done. Amelia is on point when it comes to efficiently and functionality.

Eileen is a natural with the system and the computer. 18 years old and raised on the technology. There’s a difference in their four-year age spread.

Eileen looks amazing. Almost too pretty to be at a tanning salon, but I love her professional glamorous look.

Friday was a little slow, so I let her run the system. She’s been watching me and picks it up quickly. Within minutes she is taking in new clients and selling packages. extraordinary.

She’s a fast learner. Visual. Watching me. Eileen has a great memory and mirrors my movements in the system.

I’m a little amazed at how fast she has learned the system. This is day two.

I knew day one would be acclimation and cleaning beds but Eileen was being groomed for working on her own and taking Achilles Saturdays because he doesn’t want to work on the weekends.

I’ll get these girls trained up to rock on their own.

We’ve been blessed with two intelligent lovely women. I need to embrace that and train them to their full potential. Cleaning beds is easy. I need to get them to the point where they can master the system so they can become more valuable to the company. They’ll work independent of Achilles and myself. That’s income and more time off for Achilles. That’s the goal.

Friday plays out like I think it will. Not as busy as Thursday. Which is a good thing because I can let Eileen work the computer system. I’m happy to be present and help, but I’d rather clean beds and have her learn.

Eileen seems like a natural. She’s so smart and is from the digital age. I am a middle-aged analog guy in this world, but I know this system back to front. That’s all I have going for me. Just more experience. But Eileen has a head for this. She’s tapping the touch screen and filling in new client applications. I’m very proud of my lovely hire.

She’s not the brilliant Summer from last year, (See: Summer – Night Shift Girl) but damn good.

Here’s a girl who works as a hostess at an Olive Garden all summer in ST Louis MI, all summer. She is on the front line there. They love her there. She looks good, and a hostess can make or break a restaurant. She’s accustomed to rocking the crowds.

Eileen makes a great appearance as well. She may dress casually but she makes it up in service. She asked me about the dress code and she looks fine. But she is picking up the system at a rapid pace.

Friday unfolds and Eileen’s on point. She seems like a natural for the system which can be confusing and daunting.

She may not have the initiative of Amelia when it comes to timing and the towels, laundry, and vacuuming, but I’ll take it for now. This is only day 2. I’ll train her. She’ll be great and I want to keep her for the next four years.

I love that we’ve found not one but two solid girls that totally rock.

We interviewed a few women we met through here and they were crap. The gods have blessed us with Amelia and Eileen. It’s like a miracle. (It’s super hard to find good help in the hospitality industry)

I take her through the closing process. I need her to be able work Saturdays.

I trained Eileen the over night on what it is, and she does great.

“What are you doing after this?”

“Probably hit Honeygrow and then go home.”

https://www.honeygrow.com/

(Oh, it’s glorious)

“I usually hit Joe’s Pizza for a slice and then home.”

“Let’s go to Honeygrow.”

“Okay.”

So we wrap up the salon. Vacuum, mop, make the deposit turn off the lights.

Eileen and I lock up and I show her the key lockbox and how sometimes it acts up.

We walk down the steps from the salon. The folks from the fitness center are still rocking upstairs so we just head out with out locking the main door.

It’s March and winter is going out like a lion this season and we tuck our scarves. I love meeting new people. I love training new people. I love meeting attractive women. As virtuous as I am I love the idea of going to dinner with a beautiful 18-year-old girl.

Think what you want, but at my core I am a middle-aged Dad and brother to three sisters. I’m so happy I finally got some help after months of working ever day non-stop. I love meeting new people and that’s where I get my energy.

Eileen is with the safest man she could be with tonight. I’m just happy I have staff!

We get to Honeygrow and she knows the system of ordering like it’s just an app on her phone. I struggle hard but order some stir fried delish.

“Do you want to eat here?”

“Yea. Is that okay?”

I just want to spend time with her.

(I know)

Our food comes out in bowls and it is plentiful and delicious. I can see why this generation loves this food. It’s healthy and filling and not MacDonald’s. (But I still love MacDonald’s)

I get a fountain soda that’s lovely, but baby sticks to water. She’s a healthy eater. I see that the beans in my choice are hard and avoid them. Eileen destroys her bowl.

She’s so pretty.

Her milky complexion. Perfect makeup. Raven hair, and her sunny disposition.

I can’t believe this is happening.

I’m so happy to be having dinner with this pretty doll.

Again… Eileen isn’t prey. I just love being around her.

She picks a table and we sit. It’s so nice to just sit and chat with my hire. This has never happened before. Its a brand new day.

“Tell me about your family if you’d like.”

“My parents divorced when I was three. My dad is a professor at Drexel so I have a free ride. He re-married. I hate my step mom. My dad was always sweet to me but mean to my mom. Turkish men think its okay to hit their wives. My dad hit my mom and one day she said, ” If you hit me again, I’m going to leave you.” and he hit her again and she did.”

“That’s why it’s over. It’s been over for so long. I love my mom. We’re close. But not so much with my dad because of my step-mom. When my parents where married my dad controlled all of the money, but now with his new wife, she controls everything.”

“It’s a nightmare. I live with my mom, and I adore her. We are perfect. But somehow my dad is now controlled by his new wife.”

“So your dad controlled everything before with your mom and now that he has a new wife, she controls everything.”

“Yea. It’s nuts.”

“I’m in college and I need things and I need stuff from my dad and she controls him money wise now. I hate her.”

“She sounds horrible. I’ve known people like that. I get it.”

“I can sometimes eventually get what I need from my father but step mom is so bad.”

My relationship with my mom is good, and we understand what is happening but it doesn’t make it any easier”

“But your father is a professor at Drexel and your tuition is free. How great is that?”

“It’s great… but two things.”

“What?”

“He’s stopped paying child support.”

My own nightmare kicks in and I know that you are done paying child support when your child turns 18. But if she goes to college you’re on the line until she’s 21. That’s the law. I am well aware of this. Lorelei came to me at 18 and didn’t go to college so I was off the hook.

Thank you, dear.

“If you go to college he still has to pay.”

“I know right, so my mom is taking him back to court.'”

Those of you that’ve followed this blog since the beginning, is it wrong for me to be be there for a young lady during her daddy issues?

Oh, stop it.

It was so sweet to sit in a restaurant I’d never go to with a sweet girl, I adore. I’m so looking forward to working with us over the next four yeas, I think she’s great.

I just love being around her and if I could get her out for calamari and gelato that would get me another post.

I need to get her trained but that’s my goal.

All Achilles wants is a Saturday girl so he doesn’t have to work, but there’s so much more to it than that.

I want to to take Eileen for gelato…

I know the best place in town.

 

Thank you for reading my blog. Please read, like, comment, and most of all follow Phicklephilly. I publish every day.

Listen to Phicklephilly LIVE on Spotify!

Facebook: phicklephilly       Instagram: @phicklephilly       Twitter: @phicklephilly